STORY LINK

Reviewer: sticky

Title: [2/5]

The title was not very original, in my opinion, since I’m guessing it came from EXO’s What Is Love. I’ve seen quite a few with the same title here and then as well, but I’ll give you the benefit of doubt, since it might actually correspond to the plot a lot (Bear in mind that I am only at the foreword page and haven’t clicked the next chapter yet.). It’s always best to give your stories a more unique and original title that will capture the readers’ attention; titles like yours are easily forgotten.

I would have given you a 3 if you had capitalized your title better. It should have been What Is Love, and not What is love. It gives your story a very unprofessional feel, and readers who are particularly concerned about the English in the story would be turned off by it.

Appearance: [3.5/5]

Your poster and background were nicely done. Also, I sifted through the story and I think that the spacing and paragraphs were fine. However, try to make your fonts the same in the foreword and description. I think if the font for your author’s note is different, that’s fine, but your description is part of the story, and therefore, the font should be the same.

Foreword & Description: [2/5]

You should put your foreword (the part about Baekhyun asking Chanyeol what is love) in the description box and your description (the author’s note) in the foreword box. The first thing a reader will be able to read and thus judge your story is through the summary, AKA description. They want to gain an insight into your story so that they will be able to know whether they want to continue reading or not. By putting the author’s note there instead, no one will know what your story is about, and thus, rather not read it. So yeah, it’s important to in readers like that.

Well, other than that, I think your foreword (I’m calling it the foreword, if you don’t mind) is okay, but a bit lacking since it doesn’t really make readers want to read more. When I read it, it’s more of, oh, that’s it. Okay, I’ll just read another story. Try to make it more appealing and maybe reveal a bit of the plot to the readers? It’s okay to not reveal, but your foreword should definitely be appealing and layered with a bit of mystery so readers will want to click next.

I’m fine with the author’s note, so yeah. :)

Characterization: [9/10]

Um, character-wise, I think you expanded on it quite well. There were many parts where it was focused on the characters, so I got to see the characters’ thinking process and how they derived at whatever decision they made. Of course, it’s not perfect, and I find it a bit lacking, but overall, it was nicely done. I really liked how you made each of the main characters (Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Sehun) reflect on their actions and stuff. Well done in this aspect!

Originality: [2.5/5]

 Well, if you only stopped at the first chapter, I would say that it was pretty generic. It’s the ‘typical boy likes crush but don’t dare to admit’ kind of plot, so not very original. Even the second chapter was a bit predictable, but since you merged it together I guess it actually is considered original to some extent.

But the part about Hunhan’s wedding, and Chanyeol finding out that Baekhyun’s the pianist and getting angry about it… It really feels like a deja vu to me. I was 95% sure I’ve read it somewhere else before. Like on LiveJournal. I’m not accusing you of copying or anything, but in this sense, this idea isn’t that original already. Sorry.

Also, you said you were inspired by Absolute Chanyeol and Anterograde Tomorrow, so some parts of your story were taken from there (like the ideas, not plagiarism!) You twisted some of these parts around, so that’s originality right there. ;)

Plot: [12/15]

 The plot was not bad. I found myself wanting to read on (even though it was a little bit too predictable) and you surprised me at the end by killing off both of them. I genuinely had expected just Baekhyun to die since you said you were inspired by Absolute Chanyeol and Anterograde Tomorrow. Could have added in something more interesting to spice it up and make it an even more better storyline. And I also thought that Baekhyun getting cancer from being knocked down by a car was a bit… unrealistic? I’m no medical student, but it sounds really weird to me. But other than that, all in all, good job and keep on improving! :)

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: [19/25]

Well, this is the part where everything sort of goes wrong. To start off, your grammar keeps jumping from present tense to past tense, and vice versa. I’m assuming your story is supposed to be told in present tenses, so just go back and change what needs to be changed. Some of your sentences were in both past and present tenses, so be careful. It makes the story awkward to read.

Also, some of your words weren’t spelt properly. I’m not going to point it out one by one, since using spell check should be sufficient enough. Not only that, sometimes, you leave out the apostrophes in your words. For example, can’twould be spelt as cant. You shouldn’t write your time skips out, like literally. Like if you skipped three and a half years, don’t just plain out write ‘After 3 years and 6 months..’. If you wanted to, write it out in a proper sentence, or maybe even better, just hint it. Don’t tell your readers that this much time has passed right in their faces. You could make one of the characters say it instead, or use the surroundings to drop hints. It makes the story more fun and interesting, and makes your writing seem better as well.

Anyway, most of your mistakes stem from your grammar and wrong spelling. Just look it over again and you definitely have to use spell check! :)

Flow: [8/10]

 You know how in the first chapter, how Baekhyun and Chanyeol both have ? Then in the second chapter, suddenly, Chanyeol thinks that Baekhyun doesn’t love him anymore because he didn’t hear his refusal to Sehun? I think in this sense, the flow was quite choppy. I also think that each transition to another scene was not very well done; the scenes were not connected and joined together properly, so when I read it, it feels like you just cut it off and left the scenes hanging. To improve, I suggest you try to improve on this point. The scenes just don’t seem to go together that well. But generally, the flow for the whole story was okay.

Enjoyment: [9/15]

 I wouldn’t say I hated reading this, but I didn’t really enjoy it as much as I could. So… a borderline mark? (I’m sorry :/)

Bonus: [3/5]

 A bonus of three because that’s what my feelings told me LOL

Total: [70/100]

Comments:

Just a head’s up, the first 3 tags were fine while the last 4 weren’t. Tags are meant to allow readers to easily find the type of story they want, so tagging them with your feels aren’t exactly… Appropriate. If you want, just unleash your feels onto the author’s notes, and not there. It also makes your story, at first glance, seem unprofessional yet again, since people do judge by the tags as well! So make sure to tag only the relevant stuff. :>

And I’m sorry if I seemed harsh. :( I’m just doing it to help you, so I hope you don’t mind. Just keep in mind what I’ve written, and with a bit more practice, I’m sure you’ll improve! No one’s perfect after all ;) And if you have any questions about what I just told you, please feel free to look for me and ask! :D

*** Please remember to thank the reviewer and credit the shop!