STORY LINK

Reviewer: Reiiko

Title: [5/5]

(Since I'm reviewing the oneshot, I'll just be reviewing the title of the oneshot I'm reading rather than the title of the collection.) Considering the significant role the stethoscope, the title is perfectly fitting for the oneshot! Personally love it~

Appearance: [3/5]

I'm not a very big fan of the poster... It's a cute poster, but the pink text for the title definitely doesn't go with the blueness of the entire poster. However, the blue stethoscope in the poster is a really cute touch to go with the cute polka dot background! Also, the background looks great and has that serene feel to it, which is fitting for your oneshot collection~ One other thing is that for the second part of your oneshot...Just wanted to point out that the font is different than the first part. Times made it a bit harder to read with how you have your oneshot set up.

Foreword & Description: [5/5]

You did a great job on the foreword overall! The poster is very lovely and fits with the description nicely. The description you have for the collection itself is cute and creative~ Love the use of dictionary definitions. (Can't really comment on the oneshot request part of your foreword, since that applies to the oneshot collection part. Haha.)

Characterization: [8/10]

Since this isn't a full-length multi-chapter story, characterization can't be fully focused on, so I think you did a good job with the characters despite that drawback. Luhan and Yoona's background stories definitely helped with that, as well as Minho's bit too!

Originality: [3/5]

The story of a a girl's relationship with an over-controlling and abusive boyfriend/husband is not very original, at least to me anyway, but the addition of Luhan to the mix gave the oneshot a nice twist in addition to his backstory and how it connects to the other characters.

Plot: [12/15]

As mentioned in the comment about the story's originality, the first half is lacking in originality, but the second half gave it a good twist from the typical plot. You did a great job working with this plot though overall! I thought the plot development was well-done. The parts before the really built up the tension between Minho and Yoona, and the violent scene with them really came off as a climactic moment with all of the tension built beforehand. Also, the ending left the reader with everything resolved and a (mostly) happy ending.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: [15/25]

Overall, your spelling and grammar was okay, but there were many parts where there were technical mistakes. They weren't huge, but there were numerous tiny ones. Here are a few examples.

• “She was like a broken vase, that somebody tried to put into pieces again. But the crack is still visible.”

  • Can take out the comma after vase and change that period into a comma to make it “She was like a broken vase that somebody tried to put into pieces again, but the crack is still visible.”

  • Also, since you used was at first, you have to stick with the same tense for the verb, so is would be was as well.

• “Minho, slowly turning into a predator from a Prince charming.”

  • The way it's worded now makes it more of a sentence fragment than a sentence. It can be changed to “Minho was slowly turning from a Prince charming into a predator” so that it's more of a sentence.

• “In fact, he was just too quiet. Too quiet that even his breathe, can't be heard.”

  • The second too quiet should be changed to so quiet since you're making a comparison to show that Luhan's adoptive father is extremely quiet. It would be “So quiet that even his breath can't be heard.”

    • Also, it should be breath instead of breathe. Breathe is a verb while breath is the noun.

• “She knew where she has been. Minho and she kept on moving from places to places and she knew where are those places.”

  • Has should be had since you want to use has in the past tense. (Has is already past tense, but a further past tense is needed, so you would use had in this case.)

  • Minho and she is technically correct, but also sounds weird that way. It can be changed to She and Minho.

    • Also, both places should be changed to place, and the wording of that second part is off. That whole thing can be changed to “She and Minho kept moving from place to place, and she knew where those places were.”

   

There were other similar mistakes, but pointed out a few so that you have an idea of what types of mistakes there were.

Flow: [4/10]

I think I can tell what you were going for in terms of how you wanted to tell the first part of your oneshot, with the use of flashbacks, but it made it seem a bit all over the place to me and kind of hard to follow. And for generalization, there's not much transitioning from paragraph to paragraph, so it makes it choppy.

Enjoyment: [13/15]

Honestly at first, I thought the fic was as I started reading. However, once getting to the end of the first part and the beginning of the second, it really hooked me in. The cute romance between Luhan and Yoona balanced out the angst that went on with Yoona and Minho.

Bonus: [4/5]

Bonus points! Because I loved psychotic Minho~ I know this oneshot was supposed to be a serious and angsty one (to some extent), but the reasons for what he did to Yoona's possessions were hilarious to me, as well as his apologies for what he did.

Total: [72/100]

Further comments: Aside from the spelling and grammar mistakes and the issues with flow, you did an overall good job with this fic! I would definitely be interested in reading more of your works in the future. :D

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