Brigitte Bardot once said, "Solitude scares me. It makes me think about love, death, and war. I need distraction from anxious, black thoughts." I can't seem to find a distraction no matter where I look. Somehow, word got to Hyun Su that I had, and I quote, gotten beaten up by a jealous student. So it's been a pity party in the Oh household. It was seen as a revelation. They thought, that's why she seemed so sad, and distant. They figured it was bullying, because they needed an explanation. I wish someone could get the fact that I am just typically unhappy. I don't find joy in joyous activities because I was not raised to. I was brought up locked in my mind and doomed to be forever alone. You can't break me out of something that took me so long to be broken into. 

"Do you ever wonder..."

"I wonder about a lot of things, In Ri." 

In Ri and myself were recovering from a hardcore forty-five minute study session. The plan was to catch the bus to mine, crack at the books for an hour, two tops, and watch foreign Indie films. What actually happened was quite the opposite. We got a ride from Chansung sumbae, who was irrevocably in love with In Ri, and that took about fifteen minutes less than the bus would have. When we arrived, Haneul bombarded us with snacks, which I refused profusely, and ran into my cage, as Sehun called it. In Ri accepted Haneul's sugary treats and forced me to eat some while reviewing Pre-Calculus. We weren't making any progress due to In Ri's new sugar high and my absolute hatred of functions.

Now we're just spread out across my floor, staring at the ceiling, talking about nothing. Well, nothing and everything.

"No. Like about how, on some days, you'd give anything just to be someone else. Do you ever get that feeling?" she asked seriously.

"I don't wanna be anyone else. I want to be nothing, or at least a spirit."

She turned her head to face me properly. "...as in you wanna die?"

I shrug, "Well yeah, in theory, I just don't want to exist."

"But why?"

I sigh. "There are just some things you'll never understand. My actions, thoughts and wishes are some of them."

"Let's play a game. I want to understand you."

"Game? Isn't that too childish?"

"No. Let's play a game with happy and sad music. When you hear music play your rhythm sticks or clap just as you did before. Like this." 

I look at her for a moment. "The are you talking about?"

"We are going to ask each other a question, but answer it while including a song like catch phrase. Okay? I'll start."

We sit up, both Indian style, and I mimic her clapping. 

"Why didn't you meet me for lunch yesterday?" she asked.

"Opps, ahh lost my way. Didn't wanna eat that day. Do you know that Chansung guy wants your ity?"

"Oh no, didn't you know. I lost my ity with a boy in the snow. Do you know that there was a rumor about you and some college guy?"

"Opps, ahh forgot to tell. That boy Yixing is my personal heaven in this hell. When did you lose it?"

"Oh no, I still remember. With a boy named Baekhyun last December. Are you dating?" 

"Opps, ahh I dunno know. I wish we did and it shows. How was it?"

"Oh no, what to say. I thought it was okay. He told it would only hurt for a minute, not the whole day. So I'm guessing your still a ."

"Opps, ahh hate to say. Haven't given my ity away. Did you meet him after?"

"Oh no, it was a one time thing. But I was still sad, though he never promised me diamonds or a ring. Don't do it until your ready."

"Opps, ahh would you shout. If I decided to put out?"

"Oh no, I'd make you marry him. And tell that story to your kin."

"In that case, Opps ahh, lost my bra. Left it in Yixing's car."

"What did you leave in my car?" 

You could have heard water dripping from the faucet in the kitchen. In Ri's mouth moved to explain but nothing came out. I began viciously clawing at the cream colored carpet. This is not happening. Yixing did not just hear me say that. 

"I can't even..." I breathed out, breaking into soft giggles. 

"I came to check up on you after what happened yesterday, but you seem perfectly fine here." He motioned over to In Ri, who clapped in realization. 

"Your Yixing aren't you?"

He laughed and ruffled his chocolate brown hair. "Yeah, I can't say I'm gonna magically recall your name."

"Oh, I'm In Ri. Tae Ah's right hand lady and co-leader of the BADAA." She stretched out her hand chipperly to him. 

"BADAA?" He looked at me quizzically.

"The Born Alone Die Alone Association." 

"And I'm gonna guess this was Tae's idea." he looked at me, less amused.

"In not so many words, yeah." I babbled quietly. 

"We've talked about this Tae."

"Ara! Ara! I'll talk to you later if I still feel like being the founder and leader of the BADAA." I saluted. 

"Good, actually I wan..."

"Hyung?" Sehun interrupted him. 

"What's up Sehun?"

"I could ask the same, are you here to...?"

"He wanted to go over a dance. He came to my room looking for you." I cut in, suddenly feeling dread creeping over my soul. 

"Ah hyung! You should have just texted..." I closed my door on the Yixing who was being dragged away by a playful Sehun.

Tension swept over In Ri and I as we stood next to my closed door. 

"Tell me what happened." And I caved. 

"...But I just can't tell anyone what he did, or what he said. They will think I'm a and I was asking for this. But I wasn't. I wasn't asking for any of this. I never wanting any of it to happen. Now I'm afraid to walk into my literature class. I practically threw myself into a locker so that he wouldn't notice me in the halls. I'm on the edge and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to jump..." I sobbed into her shoulder, not knowing when I got into In Ri's embrace. 

"Just forget you heard all of this." I pleaded. 

She looked at me sadly before nodding. "I'll try."

................................In Ri's POV..........................

Hours after Tae Ah's confession we reclined into her bed and watched Wild Tigers I Have Known. Tae Ah fell asleep an hour into the film, light snoring and even breathing. The serene look resting on her face should make it's home there. Unlike that dying gloom that is permanently edged into her eyes. Those rare smiles were short lived , breaking into hard frowns before reaching her eyes. The only remotely happy she'd looked was when Yixing shi was in her presence. To put more simply, she glowed. Bright pinks and reds shade her cheeks, her whole being became a firework. The light oozing out of her aura was easily detected. He was her happiness. 

But there was still traced of guilt in her eyes. She showed it after making contact with Yixing shi for more than a minute, turning her head away shamefully in a way. I'm sure Yixing shi noticed this too. Her confession was probably due to the her feelings towards Yixing and the conflict with Hyun Seongseangnim. ual and verbal harassment are big accusations. This much I understood. And even Tae Ah's dark humor couldn't fool me into thinking it was a joke. 

She was in trouble. She is being hurt. And she carries that heavy burden alone, allowing it access to her soul to feed upon. I couldn't allow her to suffer alone. I lost my ity in the back seat of a Dodge Durango to a boy 3 years older than me. I know about fears and guilt and regret.

I know how it feels to be unaware of what a man can do to your body and how to manage after he leaves you stranded in a parking lot. I had to live through that initial 6 weeks alone praying I wasn't pregnant. I endured the loneliness that came with giving yourself to someone you barely knew. I still feel the ice on my ankles. I still hear the sound of my spirit crying as I took that walk home with sore insides. I still see the blood in the white snow that I laid in. 

Tae Ah didn't need those kind of feelings, those kind of regrets. Dealing with it alone. Suffering alone. No, she would have justice for her sorrows, mine could wait for another day.

I creeped out of her bed and ventured into the hallway. I skipped down the flight of stair, heading for the kitchen. 

"Can I do something for you In Ri shi?"

"Mrs. Oh, we gotta talk about Tae Ah..." 

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Ayo Wassup. 

>.<" I'm not even going to talk about my life right now. Too much is going on. Basically this chapter was a summary of things that happened to me and my thoughts. (My teacher makes me feel uncomfortable and I'm debating on telling anyone. It's just he's treating me like I'm a friend his age instead of a at least 10 years younger student.) 

Any who, In Ri knows bout Hyun Bin~ BUT WHAT DID SHE TELL HANEUL ABOUT HIM?!?!? And In Ri not a , say what? Some steamy stuff coming up.  (This is a secret but this was suppose to be a XingTae  chapter but I can't write (or anything) so sorry that I'm a fail.) 

What can I say? It to .

Anyway commento + subscribo!

LilyLycan B.

d(^~^)b