I could hear music playing at the background and the choir starts singing. Sarah Brightman’s beautiful voice fills the hall with the ‘All I Ask of You’ rendition and I am inching nearer and nearer to a smiling Siwan in his white tuxedo. He looks exactly like Prince Charming, minus the horse.

At any moment, I will be his Princess and we will share a life.

We will share a big house with many servants to serve us.

We will travel all over the world in our private jets and stay in five star hotels.

We will have children and raise them to be successful lawyers, doctors or business savvy people just like him.

We will look after each other in sick and in poor

We will grow old together and..

…he will be there at my deathbed or I for him…

It is so perfect till I realize that in all those scenes imaginable, my husband, who Siwan is supposed to be…

…is faceless.

I shut my eyes tightly and force Siwan’s face back into every chapter, but nothing seems to work. I stop trying and then, the face starts to develop its own features slowly.

I gasped in shock.

“Miss Jung…Miss Jung…can you hear me? Shall I repeat again?”

The reminder from the solemniser pulls me back into the real world. I looked up at the elderly who is evidently displeased with my lack of concentration. The crowd behind Siwan and I are also breaking into whispers and as I look around, I see many impatient faces awaiting my reply.

The solemniser clears his throat and remarks sarcastically, “Our bride is too nervous, I see.” That invites some laughter from the wedding goers. Embarrassed, I lower my head to hide the crimson red spreading across my face while Siwan gave a small chuckled, as if equally amused by the comment.

“Perhaps I should start with our groom first then.” He announced authoritatively.  He turned to look at Siwan and recites the wedding vows, “Mr Im Siwan, do you take Ms Jung So Min, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?”

Siwan turned to look at me sweetly and squeezed my hand in his gently, “I do.”

“Ms Jung So Min, do you take Mr Im Siwan, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?”

“I…I…” I stammer.

Siwan gives me a tender tug between my fingers. I turn to look at him wide eyed, not understanding my loss for words. He smiles at me encouragingly, urging me to say ‘I do’. But his smile this time fails to reassure that I will say the right words.

For better, for worse…

In rich, in poor…

In sickness, in health…

Till death to us part….

I could not associate any of this to Siwan and my life..

As if sensing my doubt, Siwan’s expression starts to change and panic seems to gradually enshroud his face. I swear I have never seen Siwan like this, even under the most stressful situation at work.

Disentangling my intertwined fingers from his, I turn to face Siwan with tears in my eyes.

I am crying.

I am crying because I feel guilty over my decision.

Over my decision of hurting them.

For hurting Siwan for not being deserving of his love.

For hurting the one that I truly love by selfishly pursuing my own dream.

I could not allow myself to be wrong anymore. From this moment onwards, I will set things right.

“Siwan, I am not worthy of a great man like you. I have been deceiving myself, deceiving your love. I have been blinded by my own greed till I forgot who I really am. I’m sorry for everything. Thank you for your love.”

With that, I left the wonderfully adorned castle and a devastated Siwan behind, to search for where my heart belongs.

*****************************************************

Bowwow

Thanks everyone for leaving comments previously. I have been rather busy lately and trying to catch up with all the jungsomin fanfics updated since 10 July. I have not been able to read any of your updates since 10 July so I'm going to spend some time to go over them one by one from tomorrow onwards.

Next update: hope that it will be meatier. I'm really too tired to write a good , readable chapter lately. Please forgive me! T_T