“Are you tired, dear?”

My train of thoughts is suddenly startled by Siwan’s concerned voice.

“Uh uh” I shook my head. “I’m good.”

He rolls up his sleeves and touches my forehead, probably to assure for himself that I am really well, “Are you sure? You look pale.”

Breathing a sigh, I remove his hand from my forehead gently and lower it to the leather seat with both hands, “Perhaps I’m still tired from the flight yesterday.”

He looks at me with genuine concern, “Then we must ensure that you rest early tonight after dinner.”

I force a smile and nod my head in agreement. He returns his attention to his document while I pay mine to the moving scenery outside the limousine.

It has been a day since my arrival in Fussen for Siwan’s wedding and mine tomorrow. We just visited Neuchwanstein Castle for our final rehearsal and to guarantee that all final logistics; the decorations, the food preparations and the staff are all ready for the event. Everything is so breathtaking, down to the minute decision of the exact coordinates of where to stand during the solemnization is well planned out. A lot of hard work and effort has gone into preparing for this wedding to ensure all are in tip-top condition. This is the wedding of the year, or maybe even the century. Many South Korean and international press will attend our big day to cover the event.

Nothing can go wrong.

This is it, I thought. This is the wedding that I have always dreamed of, the wedding that any woman in this world would have wished for.

This is the aristocracy that I have always wanted to live in, the bed of luxury that I yearn to last a lifetime.

All this is meant to be exciting.

THIS IS IT!

My dream has come true!

Yet weirdly, I don’t feel as fulfilled as I thought I would be.

Instead of feeling all energized to face my new life, my mind keeps replaying the scene when I parted ways with Hyun Joong. I do not know what came over me that early morning. I am supposed to be less perplexed after I talked to him, but my distress deepened unfortunately.

That hug…

It’s not the first time we hug. We have always gave each other hugs…

Hugs to console…

Hugs for encouragement…

Hugs in celebration…

Hugs to tell each other that ‘I care’…

Why does that hug feel so different?

I could not get it out of my mind. Something is wrong, but I could not pin point to what. It seemed like there are other messages embedded in that embrace.

What was Hyun Joong trying to say?

And the bigger question is, where is he now? Is he coming to my wedding tomorrow?

I have not heard from him since that morning. I texted him to ask if things are alright, but I did not receive any replies. I called him many times, so many times that I thought I sounded like a super stalker. But he did not answer any of my calls.

I start to get worried. This is the first time I feel so far from him. He has never failed to respond to my texts or calls. Or even if he missed my calls, he would call back within ten minutes. He has always come to me when I asked him to.

This time, all is silent from his end.

I am afraid.

What could have happened to him?

I started conjuring all the worst possibilities that might befall him.

Is he in a traffic accident?

I reminded him not to be a dare devil on the road and I hope he has listened to me.

Is he robbed and murdered on his way back that morning?

I would not forgive myself for asking him out at those unearthly hours and exposed him to unnecessary danger. 

Min Ah, my closest colleague and bridesmaid, helped me to scan for any news of Hyun Joong in the papers and found nothing.

Min Ah tried to pacify by reassuring me that Hyun Joong will definitely turn up for my wedding as he would not miss out his best friend’s wedding. She reasoned that my worries are unfounded and attributed all my anguish to pre marital stress.

Maybe she is right.

I should be relieved yet, I still could not sleep throughout my flight. I took sleeping pills and they successfully worn me out physically but not my mind. I still feel unsettled because the bottom line is Hyun Joong seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth.

Disappeared from my life…

I could not cope with that. I could not imagine life without Hyun Joong. He has always been there with me, for me.

Where is he? Why couldn’t I find him?

How I wish I could return to Seoul now to look for him, to be sure that he is sound and safe. But I know I will not be able to come back to this wedding in time if I did that. How would I explain to Siwan if the wedding has to be postponed? How could I explain to myself for giving up my dream for some unfounded worries?

Are my worries unfounded?

So I won’t hesitate, no more, no more

It cannot wait, I’m sure

The ringing tone blasted from my phone…

Hyun Joong’s and my favourite song by Jason Mraz.

I have customized this number in my phone whenever the caller is no other than Hyun Joong.

It must be Hyun Joong calling.

FINALLY!

Exhilarated, I picked up the call and squealed into the phone, “HYUN JOONG!”

Silence on the other end.

“Hyun Joong! Please speak up! I’m worried, and you know it!”

Silence again…

“Please Hyun Joong! Say something!”

“I’m not Hyun Joong,” a female voice spoke.

Oh no! Has something untoward happened to Hyun Joong?

The shaky, almost weeping voice continued, “So Min, I’m Min Jung.”