WOW. Uh... Hi you guys IT HAS BEEN FOREVER I’M SORRY. I just have been going through lots of personal stuff and I just was completely lost on how to continue this story. I know where I want to go it’s just getting there is kind of hard. Anyway, Please enjoy! In addition, I had to type this with nine fingers because I burnt my pointer finger on my left hand, so it was really weird to type this.  Sorry for any mistakes I missed~ 

Also special thanks to VisionOfPerfection for helping me figure out what’s going on in my own story xD

“Joy and sorrow

I hold everything close while I’m walking

They’re things that firmly join

My hand

And your hand together”

The glow of the fake stars on my ceiling glared back at me in the dark as I counted them repeatedly in the thick darkness of  my room. It was late Friday night and I couldn’t sleep because I was trying to make a very important decision. My grandfather was going to be gone this weekend. He was going over to his brother’s house for some reason. My grandfather’s brother always had something for my grandfather to fix. So that meant I could invite Jonghyun over without him having to come across my Grandfather. I knew Jonghyun really wanted to come over. He’d never push me about it but whenever it would come up he’d say something. I haven’t had a friend over in since what...7th grade?  That was years ago. I’m not a very entertaining person... Jonghyun would probably be disappointed. There really wasn’t anything to do at my house either. 

I turned over on my side and pulled my covers up over my head. I really wanted to invite Jonghyun over but I just... I was afraid. Too many things could go wrong. What would we do when he came over? Normally when I went to his house Jonghyun could always keep up conversation and always have something for us to do. But if he came to my house; I’d be the host. I would have to do that. I wasn’t that interesting. I couldn’t provide any form of entertainment... But I could at least try right? Maybe this will finally prove to Jonghyun he’s just wasting his time with me. This will make him see that I’m really a boring good-for-nothing waste of space.  All right then, I will invite him over. But only so he can see he’s wasting his time.  I moved around some more then yawned. I forced my eyes shut in an attempt to get myself to sleep. If I was going to invite Jonghyun over I couldn’t be exhausted. 

I was pacing around the living room nervously. Since when was waiting for someone to come over this hard? I used to be so good at social interactions... Not so much anymore. Needless to say Jonghyun had said yes when I had asked him to come over.  I was beyond nervous. I should have cleaned up my room and stuff. But I thought I’d be super productive and curl up in a ball and lay down. So I just gave up on the whole looking presentable thing because I honestly don’t care.  Part of me was secretly hoping this would go well but I knew better than this. This was probably going to be the end of our friendship... Or whatever it was we had. We were more than friends but we weren’t dating. I don’t know what was wrong with Jonghyun to make him interested in me, and I am slightly convinced he’s just faking it to mess with me. Jonghyun says I have trust issues, I say I’m being realistic. I was snapped out of my thoughts when the doorbell rang. Quickly, I rushed over to get it. I took a deep breathe and opened the door. 

“Kibum!” Jonghyun burst in wrapping his arms around me, catching me off guard a bit.

“...Hi, Jonghyun.” I replied quietly as I softly returned his embrace. I heard a shuffling behind me followed by a fragile familiar voice.

“Oh Key! Who is this?” My Grandmother asked as she came to the front door to see what was going on. 

“Grandmother, This is Jonghyun. Don’t you remember, I told you I was having a friend over!” I reminded her as I pulled away from Jonghyun.

“Yes, but I figured you were lying! It has been ages since you’ve had a friend over!” She look thrilled. 

“It hasn’t been that long...” I protested, but she was right.

“Well, Come in! You have a very handsome friend, Key! May I ask your name?” She said turning towards Jonghyun. 

“It’s very nice to meet you, Ma’am. I’m Kim Jonghyun.”  At this my Grandmother beamed. For a few minutes she continued to gush over Jonghyun. She said he’s be a wonderful influence on me. When she finished I guided Jonghyun up the stairs and into my room. His eyes widened as scanned my room. It was pretty cluttered. Every surface was covered in books and papers. On the table that held my TV there were also several game consoles and games that were hardly touched. All things bought by my grandfather in lame attempts to make up for how he treats me. His eyes stopped when they landed on a picture I had kept on my desk... It had been there for years.  It was the one of me and Minho on the last day of first grade.

“Minho keeps copy of that too...” He said out loud. I was a little skeptical though, Minho had probably gotten rid of his copy. I just nodded in response. Jonghyun sat his over night bag down then went to go sit in a large leather chair I had. There was enough room for both of us in the chair but Jonghyun probably didn’t want to it the close to me... 

“Come on, Kibum.” He grinned motioning for me to sit next to him. Hesitantly I did what he said. I became increasingly aware of his closeness to me. We were  side by side, I could feel the warmth of his body. It made me want to get even closer but I did nothing. I just sat there staring at my hands in my lap. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and began to speak.

“Thank you for inviting me over, Kibum. I know this isn’t easy for you.” I just nodded and stared with disinterest at my knees. Jonghyun always had trouble getting me to talk... I wasn’t one for words. But when he did get me going we could talk for hours. I just... I wasn’t very good at talking. It made me feel like I was bothering people. I mean most people have better things to do than listen to me. In addition, converting my thoughts to words was very hard for me. It was as if my brain and mouth functioned in different languages, and it was my job to translate it. So much meaning got lost and so many words got mixed up in the translation from my brain to my mouth it just never went very well. So on  the rare occasion I actually spoke normally I never said much.  But with Jonghyun it seemed a lot easier to speak when I really got to talking. Even if I said weird things that normally only made sense to me, he never complained. It seemed as if he could always understand what I was trying to say. That is when I don’t go on one of my silent phases where I won’t speak for long periods of time. But even then Jonghyun never gets upset and will keep talking even if I just nod in response. I honestly don’t know why he even puts up with me... I’m not worth the effort. 

“You’re always looking at the ground...” I moved my face in his direction and raised my eyebrow in confusion. 

“Is the ground interesting?” He mused.

“No... Not really.” 

“Then... Why can’t you look at me when we’re having a conversation?”  He said quietly.  Wait... Did it bother him? It had never really occurred to me that it might other him. I wasn’t good at looking people in the eyes. I got nervous easily and I just... I never thought anyone would notice or care. Also, I always try to appear disinterested, I try not to let myself get pulled in easily.

“I never meant for it to bother you... I just I’m not good at looking people in the eye.” I explained my eyes flipping between him and the ground in a lame attempt to look him in the eye for more than a few seconds. 

“It’s okay, Kibum. I understand... It’s just since we’re so close, don’t you think you can at least try to look at me? For me?” He pulled his face into a pout. Oh my god when he pulls faces like that I really can’t look at him.  I could feel my cheeks burning red... It’s really not my fault I kind of find him cute. I only nodded trying to get my cheeks to return to a normal color.

“You’re adorable when you blush.” He whispered and planted a small kiss on my cheek. I probably looked like a tomato now. I shouldn’t be like this, I am a seventeen year old boy! But I am horribly shy when it comes to things like this. Gently he grabbed my chin and turned my head towards his. He leaned in and slowly placed his lips on mine. Without hesitation, which honestly surprised me a little, I returned the kiss. He pulled back and smiled his beautiful smile at me. For a while we just sat there next to each other enjoying the beautiful silence. Moments like these were my favorites because they meant a lot. It wasn’t that the silence was awkward or that we had nothing to say. It was just that we were close enough to let it all go and just be. It was simple but beautiful. When you could trust someone enough to just be in a comfortable silence, when you didn’t feel the need to be constantly thinking of something to say it showed that around each other you could just be together and that was enough. Moments like these were things I never thought I could have before I met Jonghyun.  We stayed like this for a while until for once I decided that I should break the silence.

“Jonghyun, stay here. I’m going to get something I want to show you...” I smiled nervously and walked into my closet. In the very back of my large closet was a photo album that I hadn’t touched in years. It contained the final remnants of the happy boy I once was... It was all that was left of the happiness I had been robbed of at a young age. I could never bring myself to open it for fear that those years were just a dream. That they never happened and I just made them up for my own sake. And another part of me was afraid to remember. Afraid to see how happy I used to be. I didn’t want to revisit those times because I could never go back... I was showing Jonghyun this, so he could see how much of a lot cause I was. So he could see that all I am now is a pathetic shell of what I used to be. I grasped the photo album in my hands and a small smile grew on my face. It was a soft pink color and in metallic silver cursive was the English word “Memories”. I used to love the color pink... I took the album back out into my room and sat back down next to Jonghyun.  I sat the album in the middle of us where out legs met. Jonghyun looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

“This is... Who I use to be. This is a photo album I put together a few years ago. It has pictures from when I was in the 1st grade to about 7th grade... No one has seen this before. I wanted to show it to you.” I explained. 

“Thank you.” He smiled. First he took in the cover for a few seconds.

“I would have never thought you owned something that was pink...” He mumbled. He paused for a second then opened the book. My heart clenched with a haunting sense of nostalgia. I honesty don’t know how long we were looking at those photos. Many them were me with Minho. Jonghyun was honestly surprised at what he found. There I was, dyed hair, brightly colored clothes, and a wide smile. I hadn’t looked like that in ages. There were pictures taken whilst I was dancing... I used to love dancing. Jonghyun said it seemed like the me in the pictures, and me now were completely different people and that wasn’t far from the truth.  When we finished Jonghyun was quiet for a really long time then he turned to me with a determined look on his face.

“You’re still him.” He said bluntly.

“What?”

“The boy in the photographs, I know he’s still there. He’s just been damaged.” I didn’t know how to respond to that... I had never considered that and I was having a had time believing him.

“I’ll bring him back, Kibum. I want to see you smile like you did in those pictures. I want you to be happy again.” I frowned... There was no way he could do it. But this could work he’d try to fix me then realize I’m a lost cause and stop wasting his time. 

“I promise.” He said seriously and held out his pinky. The last time I made a pinky promise I got my heart shattered to pieces by the boy I trusted the most. I was afraid to do it again... But this was Jonghyun, he was different from Minho. I held out my pinky and timidly wrapped around his. I knew he couldn’t fix me... I was broken beyond repair. This was just to prove to him he was wasting his time. But the day Jonghyun promised to fix me... Was a turning point. Because that day something I thought I had lost awoke from a long slumber. Something so small I didn’t even realize it. But on that day Jonghyun brought something to life that I thought I had killed. And it was something  that would take us on a long and painful journey...  That day Jonghyun restored the hope in me I thought was gone forever. It was scary because hoping meant I was putting a piece of my heart out there. Hoping meant I could get hurt but it was okay because  in the end it would be that hope that changed my life forever. 

I actually had to type this with 8 fingers. I burnt my other finger in the process of typing this.

The lyrics are from “Aa kuru hi” From Kobato I do not own them~ 

I hope you enjoyed! :D