HANA’S P.O.V

“ You know that you must have told me everything, but no. I have to found about it with some sources of mine. “ Mix emotions is all I can feel while I hear him talk.

I felt guilty. Totally guilty. He has a point, everybody around me made a point when I decided not to tell Kiseop about my sickness, but I still chose to ignore it and just stayed stubborn.

“ I am your fiancé! Soon to be husband! I am your future, Hana! “ Anger is now filling him. Should I say sorry for what I did or just let him continue his rant? “ What are you doing this to me? “

I want to tell him that I don’t have any more choices, but to stick to that decision to let him be happy.

“ Kiseop .. “ I look up into him and I just can’t ignore to notice the blur on the sides of my eyes.

“ I love you so much, Hana. I know you know that but, thinking that I will not be hurt knowing that you are sick  at the end is not true. It will just kill me more knowing that you hid it from me. Don’t you know how depress I am when I heard that you chose to hide all of this to me?? Don’t you know how much I want to fly to America and find cure to your sickness, but I just stayed standing on my spot and looking at your test results and just fight the urge to cry. “ He said with tears falling into his eyes and there it started, the tears that I’ve been fighting off the whole week just started to fall down.

 “ This past days when I heard nothing from you, I just had to be patient because I know that you are hurting so much  and fighting with yourself because of your decision. I tried to be positive despite all of this commotion , but besides all the urge to not to be negative I still can’t think about you, you leaving me with nothing left, but only your love and the broken promises that you left behind. I tried and tried to understand that it is not your fault, but I can’t understand why did you have to make a choice like that, to just accept that you will ……… “ There was a long pause and he just look above trying to stop his tears and I understand how exactly what he is feeling, but despite all the trying, tears started to fall down from his eyes, pouring endlessly as he keep trying to keep his breathing steady. “ To accept that you will die and surrender me .. us.

“ Kiseop, I am sorry. I just want you to have a happy life when I left this --- “

“ Don’t say it because I won’t let it happen. I love you so much that hearing just the word is like throwing dangers deeply into my heart. “ He said as he placed a finger into my lips, stopping me from slipping the death word.

“ Kiseop, you need to open your mind to the fact that years or maybe months from now, I will be gone and you have to move on ---- “ He cupped my cheek signalling me to stop. “ No, Kiseop listen to me. You have to move when I finally leave this world, you have to find a new girl. A girl whom can give her full self to you and give you so much love, more than what I have given to you and to keep her promise that she will never leave you, not the one that I will do. “ The words the I just said is hurting me like hell. Even the thought of Kiseop being with an another girl is killing me much earlier, I know this is the right thing to do, but I can’t just accept it so early.

“ No, No don’t say that. We’ll find a solution. “ He said. I know that his just trying to keep my hopes up, but he is just making it worse.

“ And what if we don’t find a solution and I left you with nothing, nothing but loneliness? Can’t you understand? I’m doing this and I’m telling this to you right now because I want you to be happy when I leave. Understand me, Kiseop. I’m doing this because I love you so much. So much that I don’t want you to be all alone. “ I stop as I look deeply in his eyes trying to make him feel how much I love him. “ To tell you the truth, I am afraid, afraid to leave you and to see you be happy with an another girl, but I can’t be selfish and just make you suffer because that will hurt me more. I pray and pray every night asking the lord to heal me and let me be with you, asking him what did I done for him to give me this and asking him to let me find a solution so, I won’t leave any of my love ones behind, but as times pass by, I’ve learn to accept it. Jagiya, I’m asking you right now to accept this also because, I myself has now accepted it. Don’t make it hard for me, please? I love you. “ I said all the truth behind all I am feeling right now and to tell him all of this is like pulling a big knife into your heart and it feels great.

We didn’t budge to talk and just continued to cuddle in my bed and kiss. We are just treasuring this moment because we can’t predict when and where will I leave him.

All I wanted him to feel is I love him, so much.

END OF HANA’S P.O.V

AJ’S P.O.V

I was about to open her door until I heard someone familiar voice, shouting and there it hit me, Kiseop is here.

I listened to their conversation.

They really love each other so much.

As I listen to their conversation, I feel this little lump in my throat and a wet thingy into my cheek, paying so much attention to their conversation, I didn’t contain myself from getting hurt. I guess lying to your own self that you don’t love the only girl that you love truly and seeing her into someone’s else arms is really hurting.

Aiiisshh.. Hana!! I love you so much that I can’t stop myself from crying! Aiishhh.

End of AJ’S P.O.V