3.     Letting go because every time you see the person you only fall deeper.

Even though I am hiding my feelings, I wouldn’t let go of my love and hope that we can be happy together.

                                                                          ~Kyuhyun     

SUNGMIN’S POV

As I face myself in the mirror I finally realized that I love Cho Kyuhyun, that I no longer head over heels over my ex-lover and that I am sure that Kyuhyun is the one that my heart is beating for. But still I can’t face the risk to tell him. I have already taken the risk to fall in love again and it hurts. I can’t tell him how much I love him. I am afraid to be rejected. I am afraid that Kyuhyun doesn’t have feelings for me. How can I be happy knowing that he doesn’t have feelings for me? How can I have the courage to face it?

I noticed that Kyuhyun changed. He doesn’t talk to me that much unlike before. His attitude towards me changed. I can’t really blame him because it is me who let this happened, I was the first to changed whenever he is there.  Though he changed his attitude towards me, sometimes I can see that he is the same Kyuhyun. I can feel that he still cares for me.

Whenever I see Kyuhyun now, I can’t help to be hurt. He is so happy along with his other friends. I want to make him happy like others do and I want him to smile for me too. And every time I see him, it goes deeper and deeper, the feelings I have for him. It hurts so much. Maybe I should tell him already that I love him but then I always think about the past, the pain I had before, and I am not ready to feel the rejection.

I still keep the distance between us and only see him from a far. I just want to stare in his mesmerizing beauty even I am far from him and to see his smile even if it is not for me.

It is time for us to go home, as a part of my new routine, I wait for him at the school gate and follow him going to his house, well he doesn’t know that I follow him and I am not a stalker, we have the same direction going home so it not that obvious. I sighed.

What talking him so long? I decided to go back inside the school. As I was walking on the corridor I saw him with someone. WTH!

What am I doing? Am I killing myself? I stare wide eye and can’t move from my place. That someone just kissed him!

After a few seconds that my entire system shut down and feels numb I got back to my senses, I turned around and ran, as a cue tears are rolling down on my cheeks.

I bumped to something due to the blurry vision I had because of the tears, I don’t care about it anymore. Maybe they saw me because of the noise I made but what the heck, I don’t care! It really hurts so badly but I can’t even make myself hate him. I cried and cried and let my mind think. I sat on the bench clutching on my shirt, I cried so hard that it hurts, my heart hurts seeing the one I love happy with someone else. I let my mind think, I decided that it is better to let him go, to let my feelings for him go, because he is now happy with someone else, that I have already lose though I didn’t fight yet and it is better before I can’t help myself from falling deeper to him.

~TBC

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