1. Shielding your heart to love somebody

Love?

SUNGMIN’S POV

I don’t want to love someone else anymore because I don’t to be hurt again. The last time I have loved, it turned out to be a disaster. We were a happy couple, we were about to get married even if we just graduated from high school but fate really gets in the way. Fate is really on her side. She took my life away; she took him away from me. I promised myself that I, Lee Sungmin would not love again.

It’s been 5 years since we broke up and still I can’t get over him, my family and friends are always there to support me and fill the emptiness I feel but it is not enough.

It is our first day of school and I am a second year college student. We were chatting about our vacation when I heard my other classmates having a commotion and were looking outside the front door. I heard my adviser talk as he entered the room.

“Class, this is your new classmate, Cho Kyuhyun.”

I looked at him and our eyes met, I felt like I saw him before but I quickly averted my eyes after a few seconds. Our adviser instructed him to sit next to me, temporarily because he will arrange our seat plan according to our surnames.

“Hi, I am Kyuhyun, you are?”

He looked at me and took out his hands indicating for a hand shake. I smiled a half smile at him and grab his hands.

“I am Sungmin, nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you too. I hope we can be friends.”

He said to me, in his eyes, I can see sincerity in it. I hope it’s true. It’s not bad to make new friends, right? I just smile and look at our hands.

“May I take my hands, now?”

“Oh, sorry.”

He smiled at me wildly and I couldn’t help myself to smile back at him, there is something in him that quite different from the others.

As time goes by, me and Kyuhyun are getting along with each other, we became really good friends. Gradually, I became myself again, the happy-go-lucky Lee Sungmin. I didn’t even realized how attached I am with Kyuhyun, until my bestfriends told me so.

“Hey, Min, I am glad you became yourself again before you know…he left you.”

Hyukjae said to me while we were having dinner at my house with my other bestfriend, Shindong.

“What are you talking about? I’m still me…why do you say so?”

“Well, you became friendlier again, you didn’t wear black anymore, you seem to be so happy, it reflects on your eyes, it’s shining and shimmering. Also I can see how different you are with Kyuhyun.”

“He’s right Min, you came back from being bubbly again.” Shindong said while munching on his food.

“How?”

“Whenever there is Kyuhyun, you can’t stop from laughing, smiling, giggling or whatever and you can’t take your eyes off on him unless he will look at you. You also get worried easily whenever his is not around and when he is there, you act like you don’t see him. Your eyes are full of life whenever he is around you.”

“No, I am not!” Do I really do that? I didn’t even realize that, I should stop this.

“Yes you are. Don’t worry, Kyuhyun’s like that too.”

“Huh?”

“Kyuhyun is different whenever he is near you. He treats you differently from us, he is snarky, brat, rude and evil but to you, and he acts like a timid little boy.

Yeah, sometimes he does that but still he acts bratty and rude in front of me.

“Also…the way he looks at you, like you are a goddess. He really treats you special and we can see that.”

I am special to him…I should really stop this connection between us.

After that talk I had with my bestfriends, I started avoiding Kyuhyun or act coldly whenever he is near me. I need to do this, for myself.

“Sungmin, why are you so cold to Kyuhyun?”

Shindong asked me after Kyuhyun left, I declined his offer to watch movie together.

“I need too.”

“Hey, what do you mean you need too? Did you see how hurt he is?” Hyukjae said with a frown.

I sighed.

“I need to because I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t want to love again, I need to protect myself and it’s for Kyuhyun too, for not to assume that I liked him.”

“Not to assume that you don’t like him! Min, you do like him.”

“Maybe I do like him but I should not go beyond that! You know how badly I was hurt when he left me and I don’t want to experience it again!”

“Min…how can you be happy again if you keep on forcing yourself not to love? You think that shielding your heart from loving someone will not hurt you? It’s not, it’s like you are struggling to breath. it is more of killing your heart than protecting it.”

“I’m not yet ready. I am not sure if I am over my past, I don’t want to make him a rebound.”

“Only you can answer that Min, but remember, love is not only happiness, it is also about sadness and pain but through that you can learn, learn from your past and let your heart to be free, to take a risk again and to love again. I am saying this because I want you to be happy and Kyuhyun too.”

“I don’t know what to say…but thank you guys.”

“No big deal. We really want you to be happy.”

What a really tiring day, I lie down on my bed and think about what they said to me earlier and about Kyuhyun. Shielding my heart to love again is like struggling to breath. Maybe…sometimes I do felt like that my heart is being crumpled until it hurts like hell every time I see Kyuhyun sad. I am not still sure, I don’t want to be hurt again, and it is my precaution for me not to be hurt again. I just need to avoid him and should not let him know.

~TBC

A/N: aww.i would be really happy if you subscribe and comment.:D <3 thank you so much.