Seducing With Kai
Maknae Lessons
“Jongin-ah, want some soup?” Kyungsoo gently offered, standing at the doorway to their shared bedroom.
“No,” the members watched as Kai tiredly turned around in bed, his face away from the members. Kyungsoo sighed desperately.
“How about some sugared water?”
Kai shook his head.
“Tteokguk (rice cake soup)? Bulgogi (shredded beef)?” they watched as Kyungsoo get more and more defeated with each rejection.
Kyungsoo shook his head furiously. “Seriously, Jongin, you have to eat-” “I’m tired!” Kai whined, “-especially when you’re tired.” Kyungsoo finished sternly. “You have to refill your body’s energy.”
“What with SM wanting my body to be exposed every freaking teaser of every day, shouldn’t I be starving myself? Wouldn’t want a pig to represent EXO,” Kai muttered.
“That’s not the point, Jongin! I know looks are big nowadays, but hey, you have talent, you’re a cute handsome boy, but you’re not gonna stay that way if you starve yourself.”
A cocky smirk shadowed Kai’s face. “Kyungsoo-ah, I know I’m cute and handsome.”
Kyungsoo’s face lit up. “So you’ll eat?”
“Fine, only because you’re sweet-talking me into it,” Kai sighed and gently raised himself off the bed.
“You finally decided to eat something,” Suho said in a fatherly way, as Baekhyun patted Kai’s back proudly.
“Yeah, Kyungsoo is a sweetie.” Kai smiled sleepily and slouched onto the table.
“It’s tiring, is it not? And we haven’t even debuted yet,” Xiumin smiled wearily.
“I know! The thought of that scares me. What’ll gonna happen when we actually debut?” Chanyeol exclaimed.
“Urrrrggg, don’t make me think,” Kai groaned. “I hate thinking. I love clothes. I hate clothes.”
Kyungsoo shook his head knowingly. “It’ll be okay, Jongin. They’re not going to make you take off your shirt every single performance.” Kai shrugged, hopeless. “We’ll never know.”
Sehun and Luhan came through the door, laughing together at some unknown joke. “Here’s the pistachio ice cream you wanted, Yeollie.” Sehun said and Chanyeol nudged him. “Yo punk, be respectful.” They both erupted into laughter until Sehun saw the dance machine sloped on the dining table.
“Jonginnie hyung? Are you alright? Did they make you take off your pants this time?” Sehun sighed, trying as hard as he could to understand the troubles of his groupmate but it were utterly impossible as SM wanted Sehun to keep his shirt on under all circumstances.
Kai shook his head like a puppy, spraying his sweat as Kyungsoo protested in disgust.
“Thank god, I still had pants on this time. But I guess I have to take my shirt off again, the company said that today I have to teach Sehun how to seduce people.”
“I find that offending, Sehunnie could seduce people perfectly fine!” Luhan piped up and Sehun shot him a grateful smile.
“Not everyone is brainwashed idiotic little children like you,” Kris teased.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Sehun rose to Luhan’s defense.
“Don’t even bother; you’ll never knock those two down.” Chen rolled his eyes.
“Guys, just let me teach the kid how to seduce and I could go back to sleep,” Kai said and everyone shut up.
Kai proceeded to take his shirt off and Kyungsoo stood at the side, wavering. “Wow, Jongin-ah, you’ve worked hard.” Luhan smiled encouragingly and Sehun sulked.
“Yeah, clap, clap clap.” Sehun rolled his eyes, b in jealousy.
“Gosh, Sehun, don’t be pissed if this is the bod that brings all the chicks to the yard,” Kai did a few photoshoot poses and Suho threw a pen at the bragging youngster. “You’re not helping with anything.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea if I take off my shirt, there’s nothing to show,” Sehun deadpanned and Kai stopped flexing.
“Fine, so maybe the hot-body trick won’t work as so.”
Xiumin snapped his fingers. “I told you so!”
Kai nudged the oldest teasingly. “Hyung, your aegyo lessons aren’t gonna help him seduce ladies either.”
“Well, first impressions are the key. When you see a girl, like at a fansigns, try the look.”
“The look?” Chanyeol and Sehun were confused.
“Not the look. The LOOK.”
“Like this?” Chanyeol demonstrated his
“no, not your e look,” Kai shuddered upon thinking of Chanyeol’s signature creeper look. “A deep look. It’s a stare that would make whoever receiving it shudder with amazement and shock and blow their minds and perhaps their ovaries.”
“Speak cleanly, Jongin.” Kris rolled his eyes.
“Meh. Just…look into her soul. Some people look, but they don’t see. You have to understand her from her eye contact.” Kai said.
“Take notes, guys, take notes!” Baekhyun teased, but he got out a pen and paper and wrote down Kai’s tips anyways. “But I could always do my eye-smile.” http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7629aftcC1qensjgo2_400.gif
“If you’re trying to seduce a girl that’s near you, make conversation. Make her feel special and feel good. Talk about her, and only switch the conversation to yourself if she insists on it. Girls don’t act like it, but they enjoy all possible attention.”
“But I’m so bad with talking to girls! They’ll just laugh at my lisp.” Sehun grimaced.
“Naw, your lisp has always been cute. Don’t worry about it. And if you were really going to talk about yourself, you have a lot to say! You’re wonderful.”
“What medications are you on? Or did you forget your medications? You’re not a nice person, hyung,” Sehun said in shock.
“Do you want me to be nice or not?”
“Jongin, we want you to be you. Embrace your inner self. Love your true personality. Remember, Dr. Seuss once said-” Suho began his lecture.
“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is you-er than you.” The entire group recited in utter boredom and Suho clapped enthusiastically.
“Remember, don’t talk about other girls,” Kai said.
“What if I talk about Luhan hyung?”
“Sure, if you want Luhan to end up getting the girl.” Kai replied.
“Get a listen at this! Jongin is finally giving useful advice,” Chen crowed.
“I always give good advice,” Kai said, offended.
“Sure, like ‘take off your shirt’, ‘just go sleep’, and ‘eat food’?” Lay said.
“‘eat food’ wasn’t exactly my quote, it was requiting Eunhyuk hyung,” Kai defended. “Moving on. You can also seduce a girl by touching her-”
“LALALLALALALLALA SEHUN YOU HEARD NOTHING!” Kyungsoo immediately shrilled.
“Hyung said to touch her-”
“LALALALALLALALALAA SEHUN JUST FORGET YOU HEARD ANYTHING,” Suho said.
“fine. I won’t touch anyone, okay?” Sehun promised.
“Well you can touch people, but don’t touch them.” Tao deadpanned.
“That made no sense, touch but don’t touch?” Sehun asked, confused.
“You touch my heart, baby, touch touch~” Chanyeol sang loudly, but completely distorted the song in his deep manly voice.
“You mean, yoooooo~~uuuu toooooooouch ma haaaaaarrrrd baaaaaaeeeee~baaayy,” Baekhyun sang, giving it an opera twist.
“You touch my hard?” Chen wiggled his eyebrows.
“I said heart,” Baekhyun protested. “Heart. Not hard.”
“Hyung, what’s a hard?” Sehun asked Kris and the older latter blushed a deep red.
“Nothing you need to know,” he shoved Sehun gently.
“Jongdae hyung, what’s a hard?” Chen stopped abruptly.
“It’s the –”
“GOOD BYE BABY GOODBYE!” Suho exclaimed loudly.
“It’s when you get a b-”
“BLAH BLAH GOOD GIRL BLAH BLAH BAD GIRL” Suho sang again.
“I can’t believe I live with you guys.” Kai rolled his eyes and slumped to his bedroom. “I’m going to sleep.”
It took ten minutes after Kai had left when everyone realized that he didn’t even eat a single bite.
The rest is simply deja vu.
~~~~~~~~
omg i dont know what medication i was on when i wrote this
tbh i was inspired by an article my friend sent me called 'how to look y while playing sports'
as you may realize, there are only about 2 members that haven't given lessons yet, which means...this story will be ending soon ):
thanks for the support so far, y'all are daebak
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