“Sehun-ah! Sehun! Hunnie!” Sehun heard someone call into his ears and rubbed his sleep-embraced eyes.

“U-umma,” Sehun groaned. “I don’t wanna wake up.”

“Sehun-ah, it’s me, Joonmyun!” Suho shook Sehun harder and finally the younger guy opened his eyes drowsily.

“O-oh, Leader-nim,” he mumbled, still half-awake. “Where am I?”

“At the dorm, remember? The fancy penthouse? And you’re going to have your lessons with me in an hour. Get ready, alright?” Suho said in a gently yet fatherly tone and Sehun nodded, half-comprehending.

“What about the rest of the members?” he asked.

“They’ll be with us, but they’ll be like…audiences.” Suho shrugged.

“So the gods will all witness me fail,” Sehun murmured under his breathe but Suho heard, raising an eyebrow.

Suho, nevertheless, understood what Sehun secretly implied and shook his head in amusement.

“Alright, alright. Up you go. We’ll wait in the living room while you get dressed and cleaned up.”

As the door behind Suho swung closed, Sehun collapsed onto the floor. It’s like I’m a fanboy, he thought bitterly to himself. How will I befriend them if I’m always on the sidelines, being their cheerleader and someone a lower rank than them?

“Maknae-yah, are you getting dressed?” he heard someone- perhaps Baekhyun?- knock on the door, yelling with a teasing voice.

“Alright, sir.” Sehun called back seriously, pulling a new unwrinkled T-shirt over him and a pair of nice jeans, dashing into the bathroom to wash up.

He walked into the living room, welcomed by his 11 hyungs and a plate of breakfast that he didn’t find edible.

 “Eat, eat!” Baekhyun insisted, shoving the plate of bacon and eggs in front of Sehun’s eyes.

Sehun, having the slightest rebellious streak, raised a brow. Although it was nice, and these people in front of him seemed pretty perfect at everything, he doubted their cooking abilities.

“Is this, you know, edible?” he asked.

“Of course! I made it with Chanyeol,” Baekhyun boasted proudly. “That doesn’t make it safe,” Sehun muttered.

“Yah! Maknae needs a spanking!” Chanyeol boomed, and Sehun’s face turned a pale white.’

Before Sehun could protest and apologize, Chanyeol’s mouth turned into a creepy e smile.

“I was joking,” Chanyeol patted Sehun’s head.

“Don’t worry, Sehun. I made the eggs and bacon with them; it’s pretty much safe under my supervision.” Kris shrugged.

Sehun gave the breakfast another suspicious glance and shrugged, sitting down and scarfing down the food.

“Leader-nim,” Sehun asked and Suho put up a palm. “Call me hyung, we’re roommates and in the same group,” he smiled.

“Oh…alright. Hyung…” Sehun tested the word out. “What are you teaching me?”

Suho smiled mischievously.

“Your first lesson is fan service.” He said.

“Fan service?” Sehun asked, shocked. He had been scared of this. He was timid and extremely shy and speechless when it came to strangers. He had been warned that upon debut he’d have to speak and interact lots of with fans, but he didn’t know it’d be this soon.

“Yes, fan service. Such as smiling widely, pretending to be happy no matter what, and being the cheesiest person you know during fan meets. And that involves sweet talking and skin ship.”

Sehun shivered.

“First, Sehun, say I am a fan. Let’s do a role play.” Suho began.

Sehun nodded.

“Sit down at this table. We are at a fan signing.” Baekhyun instructed.

Suho ran towards Sehun, sitting coolly at the dining table.

“SEHUN OPPA!” he screamed shrilly and Sehun scrambled to cover his ears.

Suho stopped screaming senselessly. He looked at Sehun strictly. “Okay, that is your first mistake. When a girl comes towards you excitedly, appreciate her interest in you and the group. Smile.”

Suho started screaming again. “Omo! Sehun oppa!!”

Sehun did all he could in his will to not flinch. “Annyeong~!” he waved with a little bit of aegyo.

“That’s great! Very good reaction.” Suho complimented and the members at the side clapped. Sehun buried his face in his hands.

“Urggh.” He groaned.

“Okay, now I am pulling out my photo book. And you have to sign. What do you say?”

“Name?” Sehun asked.

Suho shook his head patiently. “Be nice! Strike up a little chat! Be friendly and show that you care.”

Sehun forced an adorable smile on his face. “Noona~ have you eaten well?”

“Good job!” Chanyeol called out encouragingly. Sehun smiled sincerely, happy to get encouragement from his hyungs.

“Aigoo, Sehun-ah!” Suho pinched Sehun’s cheeks forcefully and he squeaked.

“Hyung!” he protested, rubbing his cheeks.

Suho laughed, and then sighed. “It’s the harsh reality, but some people are going to do that. Your cheeks look really soft.” He confessed.

“Can’t we just call security?” Sehun pouted.

“Well, technically they’re not harming you in any way they’re aware of. Also, you wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings, right? It’s a part of skin ship.”

Sehun quivered at the word skin ship.

“Now, do some skinship.”

Sehun hesitated.

“I-” he looked at his hands.

“Okay, maybe I’m a bit awkward to do skin ship with. Why don’t you choose another member to?” Suho suggested.

“Alright,” Sehun said obediently, although he knew that the other members wouldn’t be any better.

“Er, Lu Han hyung?” he asked.

Lu Han came forward with a grin. “Why did you choose Lu Han?” Xiumin pouted.

“I-er, because Lu Han hyung looks the most like a fan girl?” Sehun mumbled shyly.

“Okay, so Lu Han is a big fan of yours,” Suho indicated Lu Han to start acting.

“SE HUNNIE OPPA! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! WAHH!” Lu Han waved his hands in the air and jumped up and down lamely.

“Maybe Lu Han should get lessons too,” Kris smirked and Lu Han turned around. “Hey! I heard that,” he glared.

“Okay, okay.” Suho stopped their micro-sized argument and Se Hun looked up nervously at Lu Han.

“Aiishhh, how do I do this,” he mumbled to himself.

Se Hun put a cold hand atop of Lu Han’s.

“Noona~” he whined.

“Yes?” Lu Han winked.

Se Hun pulled back.

“Er..?” he looked at Suho.

“Say you’re hungry,” Suho mouthed.

“I’m angry,” Se Hun repeated.

Suho face palmed.

“Hungry, Se Hun, hungry!” Suho said.

“Oh. I’m hungry.”

“Alright, alright, let’s move onto the last part. OTP.” Suho explained.

“What’s an OTP?” Se Hun asked.

“It’s something fans like to imagine of. Have you not heard of girls spazzing over EunHae or JongKey when you were in school? They like to think that between band mates, they have romances going on.”

Se Hun’s pretty face scrunched up.

“So what do we do? Make out with Lu Han hyung on stage?” Se Hun shoved a finger at Lu Han and he blushed.

“N-no, but just be friendly. Don’t be awkward. Like now.” Suho explained.

“I’m actually really good at this, it’s just so awkward when they all look like models and I’m so average,” Se Hun whispered under his breathe.

“Come on now, Se Hun oppa-er, Se Hun sshi. Don’t be scared.” Tao smiled and said with his accent and messy Korean.

Se Hun looked at Tao and felt a rush of envy. How could Tao be so carefree and fun when he is also the maknae? Can he not feel the pressure? He wondered.

“Fine,” Se Hun groaned.

“Pretend we’re at an airport, where there are lots of fans with cameras that are dying to see some interaction. What would you do to make them scream louder?” Suho asked.

“I’d just strip,” Kai shrugged.

“Suho~ come on let’s go get some ramen arasso? Pweeze?” Se Hun blinked cutely.

“Not strong enough, come on. If you do it right this time, we can finish the lesson.”

“SUHO HYUNGIE LET’S ALL GO PUT ON SOME MAKE UP PERHAPS MAYBELLINE AND THEN WE CAN TAKE OFF OUR SHIRTS AS WE ENTER THE PLANE AND THEN WE CAN MAYBE DANCE GEE IN THE WAITING AREAS AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE PLANE LET’S LIVE BROADCAST KAI AND ME DANCING TROUBLE MAKER~ OKAY? I LOVE YOUUU MWAH.” Se Hun grimaced at his own cheesiness.

Eleven jaws dropped.

“Well…class dismissed.” Suho said.

---

ew bad humor

-chucks tomatoes at myself-