Title: [5/5]

I thought your title was very interesting because if I happened to be browsing, I would have definitely have checked it out.  The title does fit into your story because A Broken Doll's main character, Ke Xin is supposed to be a lot like a doll and later on the doll will eventually get her heart broken somehow like mentioned in the description. 

Description/ Foreword: [10/10]

Your description captivated me right from the start till the end.  I loved how you compared the girl to a porcelain doll and how you had written your description to get the reader's attention.  I also liked how you had a little teaser of what's going to come with a line from each one of the main characters because that made me want to read your story even more.

Originality: [10/10]

Your story felt original because it was original.  It was different from other fanfics and what made it unique was how you had the setting in China before Luhan debuts so that was pretty cool.  

Plot/ Writing: [30/30]

I liked how you had a whole predebut phase in the beginning before it jumps to the plot/ main idea.  Its more clearer for the readers to get why the title is 'A Broken Doll' later on in your story because some stories just jump into the story without explaining much about the past or why something is wrong.  Sometimes its good for some stories to jump in like that because the reader finds out bit by bit, but for your story, I think the idea of writing a predebut phase for your story was perfect.

I also liked how you gave a translation of "da ge" for readers who didn't know what that meant at ther end of the chapter and put a star beside it in the chapter because almost NEVER when other writers on asianfanfics write in other language terms, they NEVER give translations and they expect people just to know what that the terms mean so thank you for not being one of them. ( I'm so shameful because I am one of them sometimes).  But you used 'oppa' as the translation and the problem with that is that there is a possibility someone reading your story might not know what that means either because you never know really, anyone could be reading.   This is only a suggestion so you don't have to add this in if you don't want to, but you could add an extra translation like 'da ge' means big brother or what a younger girl calls an older boy.

Characters: [10/10]

I thought your choice of characters was smart because all the characters were connected so everything flowed together.  Like when Ke Xin's dance teacher was actually Lu Han's sister so they're already knew each other in a way.  Then with MiMi who was in Ke Xin's dance class and she actually turned out to have a crush on Lu Han before was an interesting twist.   So what I'm trying to say is that every character had an important role to play because there was a reason they were in it.

Grammar/ Vocabulary: [24.5/25]

I only took off a 0.5 because there was only a few very small minor mistakes. Somewhere in chapter 3, you typed 'of ' as 'to.'  There was also a sentence that didn't really make sense and I'm pretty sure you meant 'time' instead of 'fly.'

"Ke Xin really hated that fly liked to be a cheetah."  

Without those small mistakes, your story would have been completely flawless. 

Your choice of words were perfect.  Your words were not at all complex nor too simple, they were just perfect when you were describing things in your story.

Overall Excitement: [5/5]

I couldn't stop reading until I finished each and every one of your chapters, your story was that amazing.  There were times when I would just be freaking out in excitement and anxiety wondering what was going to happen next.  I loved every second of your story!  

Extra (Poster/Background/Chapter Titles/Chapters Length): [5/5]

Your chapters were good length and your chapter titles went with each of your chapters.

Total Points: [99.5/100]

I'm not the one to easily give out anything near 100 to be honest, but your story really impressed me and I loved it so much that I subscribed myself.  Keep up the amazing work and I can't wait until you update again :)

Reviewed by: ForeverFifi

Thank you so much for requesting at 'Chocolate Cupcake's Review Request Shop' and we hope to see you again!

~Enjoy