Mom told me that I passed out for almost three days. Now here I am at a funeral. At Kiseop's funeral. My boyfiend's funeral. But here I am, still alive, still breathing, still standing. I made it out of the accident with barely any scars. But I see him laying in the coffin, motionless. I know that after seeing him like that I should have broke down and cried. But, I didn't, for some reason that I, myself didn't understand. I still think that this is a dream. Crossing my fingers, making promises to God, praying and hoping that please, just let this be a dream. I realize I was quiet all day. I felt stomach growled. Probably because I didn't eat. I had no appetite what so ever. After the ceremony ends, we went home sadly. I went straight to my room saying nothing. I heard Yuri said something to my mom. She then followed me up to my room. 

Yuri : Hey. You sure you don't want anything to eat? you should have something in your stomach by now. 

I kept my head down looking outside my window. I ignored her. She said something. But I could not even cared less. It was unlike me. But I couldn't keep my head straight. I lost someone who I really cared about. What was I supposed to do? 

Yuri : Yah! Ara.. Are you even listening? Ara! (taking my arms)

Me : What? (slowly, kinda whispering)

Yuri : You shouldn't be like this. You..

Me : Like what?

Siwon : Yuri ah.. (he came running in my room then giving me head bow, a sign of 'I'm sorry for your lost' I guess) We should go.

Yuri :  Call me, later. Please.

I turned to face the window again. The sound of her foot steps are no longer heard. I know she's out of the room already. I pulled a chair and sat by the window. For some reason, I hoped that Kiseop would be popping out any minute, saying, 'Gotcha! Fooled you didn't I?' with a big smile on his face showing of all his perfect white teeth.

I didn't know how long I was by the window. I got up, took a shower, put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt Kiseop bought me. I ended up wearing that t-shirt because I thought maybe it could over come my sadness. And maybe I could feel his scent here. I went down just to grab a bite. My mom was there. 

Mom : I thought you were a sleep.

Me : How could I?

Mom : I know you're probably aching like hell right now. But I got a call for the police department, saying that they want you down there to testify. I understand if you don't want to. And I could say no. 

Me : No. Let's go.

Mom : Are you sure?

Me : Yes. It's probably what Kiseop ssi want me to do. Ye. Let's go.

We got in the car. My mom started to drive. She drove real slow. She said something, more like a question actually. I wasn't sure. Something about moving or following her on job trip. Saying that she doesn't want to leave me alone at home. We arrived at the police station faster than I thought. My thoughts were garbled. It was every where. School, Yuri, the accident. But mostly Kiseop. I knew I saw him that night. He was there. I could feel it. 

We went in to testify. The police told us that they have already arrested the drunk drive that was involved in the accident and that he pleaded guilty. After almost 2 hours of interrogation, we were allowed to go home. The detective, Mr. Kang accompanied us out. I then saw a guy, in his late 30s being handcuffed walking in to the interrogation room. 

Me : Is that him? (asking Mr. Kang)

Mr. Kang : Yes. I'm sorry. 

Mom : Let's go. Thank you so much for all the help.

Mr. Kang : There's nothing to be thanked about. It's our job. 

Me : Wait!! (walking toward the guy in cuffed) Hold on!!

Mom : Ara!

Me : Why'd you do it?! Why?! (holding him by the neck. the police tried to stop me but I wouldn't let go)

Mom : Ara! Let go, dear. It's not gonna change anything.

Me : Why?!! You were drunk, you careless !! People like you should never exist in this world!! You can go to hell!! I will never ever forgive you!! Do you hear me? Never!! I would never.... (I stopped when something caught my attention)

Mr. Kang took my hands of off him. He said something, 'I'm sorry'. My eyes still didn't blink. Not believing what I saw. The words 'I'm sorry' was still heard. But I ignored. There he was, staring at me. He shook his head. A sigh of, 'Don't do this'. Kiseop? I felt someone holding my arms as the police took the criminal away. My mom turned me around to face her asking if I was okay. I turned to look for him again. 'Kiseop?' I murmured.

Mom : What? Honey. Honey, look at me. (holding my chin to face her) What's wrong?

Me : Kiseop. (still looking around without facing her) Mom, I saw Kiseop. He's..he's here.

Mom : Owh, honey. Don't do this. Kiseop's dead. He's dead. Okay.

Me : No, mom! No! He's here. I just saw him. He's here.

My mom just stood there at looked at me as if I was crazy. But I wasn't. I know Kiseop, when I see him. And I know that it was him. We got home, it was silent for the first time in years. It made me reminisce the feeling when my dad died. Now I know how my mom feels. The pain, the love, the hatred when losing someone. I went straight to my room not saying a word to my mom. 

I took a shower, changes into my pajamas, got ready for bed. I took my iPod touch, and played MBLAQ's Scribbled. I left my side lamp on. Not wanting to fall asleep just yet. But, even before the song was over, I fell asleep. 

My sleep was intterupted when I heard something coming from my closet. I sat up, looked at the clock hung up in front of my bed, it was 3 in the morning. I saw the door of my closet open widely. I got out of my bed to close it. Finally wanting to get some real sleep. As I turned around to walk back to my bed, there he was again. 

Kiseop : Hi. (sort of whispering)

I startled, shock. Part of me was happy. But mostly scared. I took a few steps back, violating the book shelf.

Kiseop : Ara..please don't be scared.

I didn't say a word, still frightened. Then my mom walked in. I turned to look back where Kiseop was standing. But he was no longer there.

Mom : Are you alright? I heard the noise.

Me : I'm fine. Just a little dizzy. I'm gonna get some sleep.