Before I lose my consciousness, I saw some remains of pills in my glass. I knew then what it was... Could it be those are SLEEPING PILLS? Dammit, boy! Why'd YOU DID this to me? WHY? I thought you were that kind of person but I was wrong. You're NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON, are you? BUT YOU MADE me really happy. You're SMILE and your LAUGH weren't FAKE. You're the first person I've ever like and never felt this happy when I'm with you. Is this DEVELOPING LOVE everyone in the world was talking about? MAYBE it was.I just don't understand. How come you did this to me? What did I do to make you do THIS TO ME? God, this is ALL MY FAULT! I'm a nuissance!

~~~ Don't look back and leave

Don't find me again and live (on)

Because I have no regrets from loving you,

take only the good memories

I can bear it some way

I can stand it some way

You should be happy if you are like this

I become dull day by day

Oh girl I cry, cry

You're my all, say goodbye...~~~

Huh? I-I know this song. I heard it twice in the radio while I'm waiting at the table in our house. I like this song a lot though I never memorize its lyrics. The title of this song is HARU-HARU by BIG BANG, originally it's Korean. He sang the chorus part of the song. WHY? Is this all about GOODBYE? Is that why he's crying now?

[("Sorry, I have to send you away. Goodbye to you, girl. I hope my words are there with you even though I lied that I'll be by your side always.")]

It's TOO LATE to hear what he said because EVERYTHING HAD gone BLACK and BLANK. I HAD FALLEN in a DEEP SLEEP. The next time I opened my eyes to ask him what's going on is the most disappointing and a hopeless ACTION. I wasn't there anymore. I was at an ORPHANAGE ALONE WITHOUT HIM. HE'S A LIAR! He said he'll be at my side ALWAYS. FALSE! He left ME for GOOD. Maybe he doesn't WANT to be with me. He don't want me around. He was just BEING NICE because he knows I'm down in the dumps. Even though he's like that, I learned the love him in just a short period of time and until now. I'm not mad, just kinda frustrated. MY FIRST LOVE turned out so bad as I've been...

(=0.0=)

All was just a DREAM.

What awoke me was the sound of footsteps and then some crunching sounds. I realized that I had fallen asleep without even washing the dishes. The agruement we had was what I remember. What I want to settle this is not a 'sorry' from him but an APOLOGY from me. Yeah, it's ALL my fault that I ruined our relationship as roommates. I judged him based on what I believe and my experiences. He must have HATE ME by now...

"You're Saku-chan, right? Nice to meet you."

A boy again? Don't tell me that he---

"What do you think you're doing here? YOU'RE A BOY! Boys were a headache! Are you lost somehow? Do you want me to take you in like a LOST PUPPY?"

AH, THAT ISN'T WHAT I WANT TO SAY! At this rate, he'll hate me too. What is it that I'm angry about?!

"You have a headache? If that becomes worse, it'll be a fever. I'll go get some medicine or something to make you feel better."

"NO! Why are you worrying about me? I'm not sick. I'm not sick at all. I DIDN'T SAY I was sick or having a headache!"

"Oh, really? Good. Take care and take this, Pepero and Saewokkang.  I think I should go and leave. I don't want to intrude someone's life any further if they don't like me. That will affect us both emotionally ans psychologically. It'd be better if I wasn't HERE, right? You don't want us meet each other. But, I guess what had happened couldn't be change anymore. We met and here we are. You'll stay HERE and I'll LEAVE. See ya!"

This person...

"NO, WAIT! Um... I!"

"What now?"

"Don't get mad! Don't get mad at me! DON'T HATE ME!"

"Saku-chan, you're beautiful so I can't dislike you. Bye."

"Are you a LIAR?"

"LIAR, EH? I don't know. Why? Do you think of me as a LIAR? Don't you believe what I'm saying is what I'm seeing? YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. Why don't you just say thank you and let me go? Geez, don't you know that God made us all beautiful and handsome and not UGLY? And who wants to be called UGLY? NO ONE IN THIS WORLD. This time I'm really going. Don't TRY to STOP me."

"WAIT!"

"WHY?! What is YOUR problem?"

"IF... I ask you to STAY, would you still want to go AWAY?"

"That's only an 'IF'. Heh, looks like I've changed your mind."  

"I'm asking YOU NOW! *sigh* You chnaged my mind? Not really. But I really want a girl roommate... WHY BOYS?"

"If you want, I could act as a girl. I have that talent since I was a child. People think I was really a girl. They're SO BAD in distinguishing and spotting the difference between a REAL GUY and a FAKE GUY. People are easy to fool and so as GENDER because GENDER can be changed easily and physically."

"Is that IT? Do you want to fool them to the point that you're already confusing them? STUPID! Is that what you call your talent? Is that what your talent is doing? Your talent is not even a TALENT itself. Do you know the word PRETENDING? That is."

"If you put it that way. MAYBE that should be it."

This person is SAD. I saw that look in his eyes like he's going to cry. His expression gave him away. Even him...  He has THEM.

The story he hasn't shared to anyone. The secret he kept by himself. The memories he hasn't forgotten since then.

LIKE ME.

Alone in the DARK... breaking his own HEART... 

Random pics...:

haha, that's all. I think this is my last update this month and the next months. I'm entering college life so I'll be very busy... But, I'll find time to finish this ok. Don't you worry...

I'm going to start fresh this school year, yeah!!! Fighting, U-kiss~ ! KISS ME~~~!!!