“Mid-term break!” Danielle threw her arms in the air as they stepped outside the classroom after the last class of that Friday. “And my birthday is coming up!”

“You’re so excited.” Hanni smiled. “What are you thinking of doing?”

“I don’t know.” She pouted instead. “I’ll probably ask for ideas first. Everyone’s gonna be on break so, we can go and do a picnic! Oh, or take a walk at the beach! A picnic at the beach! Well, if it doesn’t rain… I’ll have two plans, one if it’s a nice day, one if it rains. That sounds good, right?”

“Absolutely. Count me in!”

“And you’re going to the party tomorrow, right? Celebrate the end of classes!”

“Chan’s? Yeah, it was super fun the other time.”

“Talk with Minji, I’ll ask Haerin. Oh, man, I am indeed so excited!”

Almost three weeks flew by. They had practiced their song regularly, Hanni and Danielle divided the lyrics and Hanni was way more confident at singing than before. The arrangement was basically done as well, but they still couldn’t come up with a name for the band.

Hanni had spent every afternoon with Minji for the past week, studying for the mid-term quizzes. And they went on more night walks. And had almost every meal together (“Eat your vegetables, Kim Minji!”, “I don’t like them!”), with Danielle and Haerin too. And even went to the gym together, and Hanni would die every time watching Minji punching the bags (with gloves, Hanni made sure). And they spent time in Hanni’s room, listening to music, or watching movies, or talking about whatever, and Hanni gave more private concerts, using the excuse of ‘practicing’ every single time.

And yes, they cuddled. And held hands. And also yes, Hanni let herself do those things, but it felt like she grew increasingly nervous. So much so that she sometimes had to find an excuse to remove herself from Minji’s arms.

She still didn’t quite know what it was. But she was sure there hadn’t been a single day in those past weeks where she hadn’t seen or spent time with Minji. And the same for Danielle and Haerin.

“Let’s have dinner before heading to the party?” Danielle asked, grabbing her bag from the floor.

Hanni eyed her from her book, irking an eyebrow. “Sure. Where are you going? Break just started. Rest for a bit, Mo Dani.”

“I will, but in Haerin’s room. We’re gonna watch a movie.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Hanni chuckled. “Have fun!”

“See you later!”

Danielle skipped outside, grinning from ear to ear. Until when was she going to hang out with Haerin on a daily basis and… not do anything else? She was head over heels for the girl.

She focused on her book again, playing some lo-fi background music on her phone. It was raining outside, perfect to stay inside and get some deserved rest after studying so hard-

There was a knock on the door.

Dani went to Haerin’s room. Of course she would come here…

Hanni stood up and opened the door without bothering to check who it was. Minji was already smiling like an idiot, hands stuck inside her blue hoodie’s pocket, and her black, thick glasses on. They had reached a point in which Minji didn’t ask anymore. Didn’t say anything, just burst inside and made herself comfortable in Hanni’s bed as if she was in her own room.

“They kicked you out again?” Hanni closed the door.

“No, I am always free to stay. I just don’t want to.”

Hanni knew Danielle asked her not to tell or ask Minji anything. But it was starting to get tiring, seeing them not moving forward.

“Because you don’t want to third wheel, right?” Hanni sat at the foot of the bed.

“No, I just… if Dani’s there, it means you’re in here, alone. And I can spend some time with you. And get some private concerts and all. At this point, we might as well switch roommates. I mean, I would like to be your roommate.” Minji smiled, then her face turned serious. “Don’t tell Haerin I said this.”

The buzz was back. The thunderstorm in Hanni’s chest had begun, and Minji had only arrived. What the did she even mean?! “Don’t worry, I won’t.”

She valued her friendship with Danielle too much to break her trust like that and spill the beans and straight up ask if Haerin felt the same for Danielle.

“But yes, they… they seem to like each other a lot,” Minji said. “I’m kinda jealous, not gonna lie.”

Or maybe Minji didn’t know anything, after all?

“Why?”

“Just… I think they like each other. Like, for real. And sometimes I wish I had someone that looked at me like they look at each other.”

I do.

Hanni gulped. Damn, those intrusive thoughts... “I-I’m sure you’ll find that someone, Minji. You’re… you’re amazing. There’s no way you won’t.”

Minji gave her a small smile, hugging Jerry close to her chest. “And you, still no sight on anyone?”

Again, that damn question.

“No.” And again, that damn lie.

“I see.”

Was it a lie though? There wasn’t any boy that crossed her mind whenever Minji asked her that.

Only Minji. She did cross Hanni’s mind. She was always on her mind. She was the one that made her heart race like no other. She was the one that Hanni wanted to be with after classes, and spend time like that with, and to play the guitar and sing to.

But… it was Kim Minji she was talking about. Someone like her would never look at Hanni that way.

Just like Hanni didn’t look at Minji that way. It was only admiration.

But then Hanni found herself being the one scooting closer, silently asking Minji to open her arms so she could lay there. Wasn’t that hypocrite of her?

“You okay?” Minji whispered, caressing her hair.

No. Hanni was lost, she was scared, she wanted to hide and cry and ask for help, but was unable to. Because that meant facing it and naming it. And she didn’t want to.

“Yeah. Just tired. I planned on spending the day in bed just existing. Especially if we’re going to the party later, I want to have the energy for it.”

“Oh, right, the party. Do you wanna go?”

“You don’t?”

“Not that I don’t. But… I would rather stay here.”

And then Minji would say those things. And much else. And hug her and hold her hands and touch her hair and praise her, and it left Hanni in pure chaos.

Maybe in someone else’s eyes, Minji was being obvious. But for Hanni, it was still platonic. Just like Minji always cared for others, especially for Haerin. She also hugged Haerin, and patted her head like she was a cat, and bought her food to make sure she would eat between classes and practice, and protected her.

Hanni wasn’t special.

“We have the whole break to be in here. Let’s go to the party,” Hanni said.

“Fair. So, what do you wanna do now?”

“Do you wanna watch a movie?”

“Like Dani and Haerin are right now?” Minji chuckled. “Well, next time maybe we should hang out the four of us and watch one. Let’s do that during the break.”

Exactly Hanni’s point. Minji only hung out with her because Haerin was always with Danielle. So, Hanni was the other option. “Yes, that’s a great idea. Let me go get my laptop, then.”

Hanni stood up and returned with it, back to Minji’s embrace.

“Have you watched Everything, Everywhere, All at Once?” Hanni asked.

“No. I’ve heard it’s good.”

“Same, I really wanna watch it. I have it here.”

“Well, let’s do it.”

Getting themselves comfortable, Hanni played the movie and set the laptop on her lap, where both could see it.

The door clicked open after a while, both girls facing it. A wave of panic washed over Hanni as a crying Danielle stormed inside.

“Dani?” Hanni threw her computer away, jumping on her feet and rushing to her.

Danielle pulled Hanni for a hug, crying against her shoulder. Hanni couldn’t breathe. Danielle, crying?

“W-What happened?” Minji’s voice sounded behind them. “Are you… okay?”

“I-I’m so sorry for interrupting, and for asking this Minji, but… can you go back to your room? Haerin… I think Haerin needs you now.“

“You’re scaring the out of me, Dani. What the happened?”

Danielle pulled away and half chuckled, half scoffed, tears never seemed to end.

“I…” Danielle sobbed again, and Hanni rushed to cup her cheeks, cleaning the tears away. “I kissed her.”

Hanni gasped.

“I misread the situation!” Danielle’s lower lip trembled. “I didn’t even ask, I have no idea why I did that, and now I ruined everything and she will never want to look at me ever again!”

There was a moment of silence, save for Danielle’s whimpers.

“I’ll…” Minji laid a hand on Danielle’s shoulder. “I’ll be there for Haerin.”

“I’m so sorry,” Danielle almost choked on her own. “I’m sorry for getting you involved.”

“Hey, hey.” Minji brought Danielle into her embrace, a hand to her hair. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong, okay? I’ll talk with Haerin, and Hanni’s here for you. Everything will be fine.”

Hanni only watched as Danielle gripped Minji’s hoodie, nodding against her shoulder. Minji pulled away and kissed her forehead, glancing at Hanni and giving her a short nod before storming away.

Danielle took a deeper breath in an attempt to calm down and sighed. “Why did I do that, Hanni?”

“Do you want to explain exactly what happened? Or… I don’t know what would make you feel better.”

“Is there still carrot cake in the fridge?”

Hanni chuckled. That girl… “Yes, I made some the day before yesterday. Go sit in my bed, hug Jerry, and I’ll be right there.”

Making some tea as well, Hanni was back a couple of minutes later. Tears had dried in Danielle’s cheeks, and she seemed frozen in Hanni’s bed, the bunny in her lap.

“Jerry smells like Minji’s perfume,” Danielle mumbled.

Hanni went rigid. “Y-Yeah, she likes him a lot.”

Handling the cake and setting the teacup on her nightstand, Hanni sat in front of her.

“We were watching a show,” Danielle said, taking a big bite of Hanni’s carrot cake and humming in satisfaction. “And like… you know we cuddle a lot, right? We ended up watching Heartstopper, and like, they’re super cute. And there’s a lesbian couple as well.”

Hanni listened and nodded along.

“What am I even saying?” Danielle chuckled.

“You’re doing great, go on. I’m following.” Hanni gave her an encouraging smile.

“What I mean to say is, the show was like, setting the atmosphere. But then… it was not just that. Haerin suddenly said, ‘There’s a song I wanna show you’. And I love it when she shows me songs! So I got super excited, obviously, and she played the music video. But, Hanni…”

Hanni gulped, raising an eyebrow. “What did she show you?”

Instead of answering, Danielle reached for Hanni’s laptop still in her bed, the movie paused. She opened Youtube and Hanni read what she wrote - wish that I could.

The song was beautiful. But the lyrics? The video?

Hanni found herself trembling. She knew the situation was about Danielle and Haerin, but she couldn’t stop thinking about herself and her own feelings. By the end of the music video, when the girls kiss, Hanni almost teared up.

But that was no time to think about Minji.

“So…” Danielle sniffed. “This is what she showed me.”

“Uh.” Hanni cleared . “That was… very… gay?”

That ripped a chuckle from Danielle. “We were sitting side by side, super close, and Haerin suddenly put her hand over mine, somewhere around the end of the video. We’ve held hands countless times, for god’s sake! I don’t know what happened this time, but I looked to the side, at her, and she… she was right there. And she held my gaze, and in my defense, she was the one getting close! I didn’t move! I was petrified, in fact!”

“So, she kissed you?”

“No, she backed away all of a sudden! No words whatsoever! She just looked away, but I kept staring at her, and I don’t know what happened… I called her name and… oh gosh, Hanni, what have I done?!”

“You… kissed her?”

“Well, thanks, captain obvious!”

“Sorry.” Hanni scooted closer and grabbed her hand. “Dani, I don’t think you misread the situation at all, especially after this song. The lyrics are obvious. She was trying to tell you, there’s no other interpretation. You just kinda finished what she started. How did she react?”

“She… it took a few seconds for her to react, but she kissed me back. But then I guess reality hit me, of what I was doing, and I stopped and just… left.”

Hanni sighed. “I know you panicked, but she’s probably super confused. She didn’t have time to say anything and now you’re suffering in here.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed her in the first place! I don’t know if she wanted it or not, maybe she was… just staring at me, like she always does. She stares a lot at Minji too! It’s just a thing she does. And I just go and kiss her? Without even asking?! What was I thinking?! I don’t even know if she likes girls! What a creep I was!”

“Danielle Marsh! You’re overthinking!”

Danielle burst out crying again, and Hanni panicked. Again.

“I’m sorry, I’m not helping.” Hanni pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back. “Your feelings are valid. You’re scared because you love her that much. But I am sure you didn’t ruin anything. Why would she want to show you that song specifically? Right when you two were together, alone? She’s shy, maybe this was her way to confess to you? This is fixable with an honest conversation. But you’ll have to tell her how you feel.”

“I don’t wanna see her. I’m too embarrassed.”

“You, not wanting to see Haerin? Now that’s something I wouldn’t expect you to say,” Hanni attempted to crack a joke, and it made Danielle giggle. “I’m not saying now. Minji is there for Haerin. Let this settle, let her process. You need to process it, too. Then you can talk.”

“What if she doesn’t want to see me? Or talk to me, ever again?”

“Mo Dani, come on. Do you really think that? Or is that your fear talking?”

“Of course it’s fear, I’m scared less! I don’t wanna lose her, Hanni.”

“You won’t.” Hanni squeezed her harder. “She likes you too much. We all can see it.”

“What if she doesn’t? What if… I don’t know, she thinks I’m annoying? Or too much? Or that I don’t consider her feelings and only think about mine? I did kiss her because I wanted to.”

Hanni pulled away, a slight frown. “What are you even saying, Dani? No one thinks you’re annoying, that’s impossible? You’re the sweetest thing in this world.”

Danielle shrugged with a scoff. “You would be surprised, then.”

“Did anything happen? For you to think that?”

“Not here. But… before, yes.”

“Oh, Dani.” Hanni held her hands. “That is absolutely not true. You are the embodiment of the sunshine. You care so much for everyone around you, you always see the best in people, you’re like a happy pill. Now, if some sad soul ever thought you were too much, shame on them. Or, as Minji says, whoever made you feel like that.”

Danielle chuckled with a few more tears falling. “That’s very Minji. Thank you, Hanni.”

Hanni smiled. “I mean it, from the heart. Do you wanna tell me what happened, though?”

“It was during high school, some people just found me too much. And a fake. Like, how can someone be always so happy and positive and friendly to everyone? Wow, what a fake , probably just wants to befriend people to get what she wants.”

“What the ?!” Hanni squeezed her hands. “You’re joking.”

“Like you said, sad souls, I guess. But the worst is that this happened with a girl I liked. I was stupid enough to think it could also be something there. But I guess she only liked the attention. She found me annoying as hell. So… yeah.”

“Bro…” Hanni sighed. “How is that even possible? I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You, of all people, do not deserve that, Dani.”

“But you understand now why this hurts so much? What if I was wrong all along? What if Haerin does find me annoying, and now I did this and…”

“She wouldn’t want to spend so much time and talk with you for hours if she did so!”

Danielle kept on crying, and Hanni was almost as well at that point. “I told myself I would come here and be myself, that I wouldn’t be afraid to be me, and that if people didn’t like me, that was their problem. And I’ve been doing my best to put that behind me and still be me in here, and I do think people like me, but that fear is constantly lingering. And I don’t know what to do to get rid of it.”

“You could have told me sooner, so I would always reassure you that I do love you for exactly who you are. And Minji, and Haerin, and everyone else. We just formed a band! Do you think they would agree to even help you with the song if they didn’t like you?”

With another sob, Danielle hid her face in her hands. “I don’t know, Hanni! I also wouldn’t think the people I thought were my friends back then thought that of me!”

Hanni closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to maintain her posture. She had to be there for her, not break along with her.

“Wanna go outside and get some air? We’re still on time to watch the sunset.”

Danielle shook her head.

“Then… oh, I know! Let’s watch a Disney movie. Tangled? Or The Little Mermaid? Or any other, you choose.”

Slowly, Danielle lowered her hands, sniffing. “You need to go to the party soon.”

“Whatever with the party. I’m staying with you. Unless you tell me you want to be completely alone. You’re the priority, just tell me what you need right now.”

Danielle’s lower lip started trembling again. “Really?”

“Of course.” Hanni did her best with a genuine smile. “I don’t know about that bunch of losers, but to me, you’re one of the best friends one can have.”

Danielle sobbed again, but with a chuckle in the mix. “Thank you, Hanni. For real. Let’s watch Tangled, then. It always cheers me up.”

“Do you want more carrot cake?”

“Is there still some?”

Hanni nodded, and the sparkling look Danielle gave her was enough of an answer.

(Danielle cried again the second ‘I See the Light’ started. Hanni tried not to, but that scene with the countless lamps and all was just too pretty and wholesome and… emotional not to shed at least a tear. Talking from experience.)

---

A/N - So.... yeeeyyyy Daerin...!!! 

I'm not even joking when I tell y'all I went to watch the 'I See the Light' clip and I FREAKING TEARED UP DFJKSNDGIUJANDGHIA it's impossible not to lmao

And do y'all remember when Haerin said she had been listening to 'wish that i could', ohhhhhhhhh mannnn I didn't know that song before but gosh DO I LOVE IT

Twitter - @itzloonatic
CuriousCat - curiouscat.me/itzloonatic