I thought Winter was just exaggerating sa mga kwento niya about how mediocre her friends sleep at night.

Yeji and I called it a day na after having a few drinks with the others, I wanted to stay up late din pero my body’s too tired to function anymore and buti may dalang salonpas ang bestfriend ko. Giselle stayed with the others sa baba and mukhang marami rami din silang nainom. Luckily, wala namang nagsuka and they splatted agad sa kanya kanya nilang bed out of drunkenness. As usual, Winter’s the most coherent sakanila at ang nag sorry saamin for the disruptions. I didn’t mind naman since we kind of expected it. Yeji chose the bed for us three near the balcony na nasa pinaka corner ng room. Napapagitnaan namin si Gigi who’s sleeping soundly.

I really enjoyed the outing yesterday. Medyo nag worry lang kami lahat kanina for Yeji nung umahon siya from the water to take a rest then suddenly, may gasgas na ang kanyang ankle. Hunch daw ni Winter na baka my friend didn’t notice some sharp rock pierced onto her skin while playing chicken fight with the others. Fortunately, RJ brought a medkit with them and treated Yeji’s wound right away.

It’s a bummer nga lang na we didn’t get to explore the place further especially the falls mismo since drizzles started to pour ng biglaan while on our way to it. I was already dubious when the rain started falling kahit pa na voracious akong mapuntahan ito. Mas madulas daw kasi ang mga daanan and we might get into an accident if we pushed it through pa.

I heaved a yawn while checking the time sa phone lockscreen ko, my wallpaper never fails to make me smile talaga in any situation. Naalala ko yung reaction ni Giselle when she opened my phone one time without my consent to take a selfie and briskly asked me about my relationship with Winter. Yeji was futile about it and lazily stated na hindi na siya nagulat sa nakita niya, it figures since I tell that woman everything.

It’s almost three o’clock na rin pala. I was careful na binabaan ang brightness ng screen, scared that I might disturb the others’ sleep.

I could clearly hear the combined sound of incessantly snoring nila RJ and Yujin. Sila pa talaga ang magkatabi kaya almost times two ang naacucumulate nilang ingay. Solo ni Chenle na kaisa isang lalake ang isang kama and it’s just right lang since I could see his bulky yet curvy body na nakasakop sa isang buong space ng bed.

I’m having a hard time peering kung nasaan si Winter since nasa pinakadulo sila nakahiga ni Ning near the stairs tapos madilim dilim pa rin. Dahan dahan akong bumangon from the bed and tip toed papunta sa mini balcony to get some fresh air. Success naman ang pagbukas ko ng sliding door without making any noise. Lumingon ako for the last time to make sure na they’re still sleeping pa before half closing it.

I fished my phone out to take a picture of the starry sky and mountains from the distance. I shiver as I feel ang paghampas ng fresh na simoy ng hangin saakin. Buti ay suot suot ko ang buttoned pajamas ko na terno.

I suddenly remembered yung mga tinginan saamin ni Ryujin while preparing food for Winter after nila mag ihaw kahapon. She definitely knows something and I suspect that Yeji’s a big part of it since they’re quite close na despite all those bangayans. Giselle’s just clueless kasi most of the time and nakikisabay lang sa mga asaran along with her new friend, Chen. She’s not the meddlesome type unlike Yeji but she still listens and highly interested sa mga ganap.

Just like Winter shared to me about what’s up with our bestfriends, I would often catch those two na naguusap about something laxly na para bang may tinatagong sikreto. I wasn’t able to hear them well since nakikiramdam din ang dalawa everytime na we’re around then bigla nalang silang titigil sa pag uusap. I’ll confront my bestfriend after this getaway or maybe just wait for her to tell me nalang.

Since I went here sa Nueva Ecija, all I could mull about whenever i’m alone is Winter. I never expected that she’s the sweet type pala. She specifically sliced fine pieces of pork liempo kasi kanina for me and removed the fats na alam niyang ayaw na ayaw ko. Pinagalitan ko pa ito nung ilagay niya lahat ng tinanggal niyang taba sa plato niya. It would be a waste daw kasi and plus, it’s her favorite since malasa ito. She was always prudent and takes care of me and made sure na we’re comfortable the entire day. I feel giddy from all the attention she exclusively gives me.

Then lagi ako nageexpect ng alone time namin together but unable to do so because of our friends. I would often feel disappointed after waiting for a whole day then makikita na si Johnny ang nag park ng truck sa garage after work imbis na si Winter na inaabangan ko.

I was about to enter na ulit the room to get back to sleep when I saw Winter’s figure sa loob na papunta sa balcony. I was so sure na siya yun.

Suddenly, sour taste of panic rose in my throat.

This is so not me.

“Karina?” Mahinang tawag niya as she approaches me. Dahan dahan ang pag singit niya sa maliit na space from the door.

Hindi ako sumagot and just waited for her to come close pa saakin. I could already smell her aromatic-scented cologne na I like so much. It reminds me of our first ‘date’ together sa may viewpoint. Mukhang kumapit sakanya ang faint smell nito even after taking a bath earlier.

“Karina...” Mahinang tawag niya ulit and worried na tumingin saakin.

There she goes again with her doe like eyes. It’s making me feel... things.

“Did I wake you up?” I asked, lowering down my voice.

I don’t want this moment to end agad kahit kakasimula palang nito. I’m afraid that we might also wake the others up and matatapos na ‘tong alone time namin together.

She nodded, “Oo, pero ayos lang naman. Grabe din hilik nila RJ eh.”

I smiled, “Yeah, sobra. I thought you were just kidding tuloy before.”

Mapungay ang mga mata niya, “Tungkol sa pag warning ko sainyo about sa mga ‘yan? Naku, hinding hindi.”

I chuckled, “Don’t worry, next time i’ll listen to you na talaga.”

I really admire their friendship especially yung sakanila ni Ryujin. I was amazed when I found out na they’ve been each other’s g since their elementary days. I had Yeji and Giselle kasi nung college na and madalas winiwish ko na sana i’ve met them earlier instead.

I didn’t have the greatest childhood kaya I envy Winter and her friends sa tuwing nagkukwento sila about their stories from before. My mom was always overworking me the whole day kaya hindi na ako masyado nakakapasok sa school and that resulting of me having no one as a friend kasi i’m not always around and present sa school. Tapos meron pa akong acting workshop every after class instead of weekend kaya wala ako masyado time for myself or even play with someone my age. I stopped attending those extra classes lang nung mag college na ako since it’s no use na kasi I took Theatre Arts.

“Karina...”

I bit my lip, knowing well kung ano ang itatanong niya based on the tone she used na hindi na bago saakin.

It’s funny how cliche our current situation is. Pero first ko yata maramdaman ‘to, this is like the emotion that a main character feels in a movie whenever they’re around their significant other, I was cringing pa nung una kong nabasa ang script ko for this romance telenovela as a recurring cast because of the lines na I should deliver and how the director would tell me to look like na in love talaga with my co-actor for an authentic film screening.

Right now, I didn’t have to try anymore.

I looked at her, “Winter...”

She solemnly looked back at me, “Okay ka lang ba?”

May pakiusap ang kanyang mga mata.

I let out a sharp laugh, “Why are you always aking me that? Do you really feel na hindi ako okay?” Tanong ko sakanya pabalik, challenging her.

Mukhang dissatisfied siya sa tugon ko,

“Oo, pero ang hirap explain kasi nararamdaman ko lang eh.” She confessed silently, scratching her head. Mukhang she’s having a hard time expressing what she feels.

“Nung una kitang nakilala, I was thinking agad kung bakit kaya napadpad ka dito sa saamin since okay naman ang buhay mo sa siyudad based sa kwento ng tyang mo saakin. Kaya from then, sabi ko sa sarili ko I must look out for you muna while you’re here. There must be a reason why and nakikita kong you’re hurting from it.”  Winter added as she fidgets with her hand.

I felt a pinch in my heart, she looked genuine.

“Winter...”

Tumingala siya, ears burning. “Ewan ko ba… pero I feel so restless sa tuwing nakikita kong malungkot ang mga mata mo kahit tumatawa ka naman sa mga biro nila RJ.”

Namula na rin ako, not knowing what to say.

“Win, I-i don’t feel good about myself for quite some time na.”

She held my hand, waiting for me to continue.

I wanted to tell her na hindi ako nandito to take a vacation. My mind couldn’t even take a proper rest. It’s been haunting me like a prey.

Hindi ko kaya. I wanted to tell her everything now and then about what really happened and what I found out back home.

I’m tongue tied right now from all the emotions the I am currently feeling.

Will something change ba if I told Winter what’s been burdening me for the past month?

She’s special para saakin.

She’s easy to be with.

She makes me happy.

I like her.

That’s why I don’t want her to get muddled up in this mess of ours. Not until I fully accepted tha