PROLOUGE:

The loud thud of the ipad being slammed on the table made me twitch in fear. I cannot even make eye contact with neither Mom or Dad as they look so dissapointed at me. Mom was fuming mad that her face redden. Dad sighed loudly.

A headline can be seen on the ipad's screen and it was the most piercing words to read. “LightSky’s Aera was revealed to be a high school bully”.

“After all the rebellion, this is where you are right now. What did we tell you, huh?!” Dad's firm voice made me silent even more. “This is because you don't listen.”

I stayed bowing my head, afraid to look at them. Hell, I cannot even look at anyone, what more to my mother and father who are the most agitated and disappointed with what’s happening.

“After being arrogant for two years, this is what happen. What's the use of the awards you've gotten all these years, huh? Can your million seller albums and other things help you now? Everyone is cursing you. Everyone is disgracing your name. I told you, being a kpop idol is stupid.”

I can take all the bad words against the life I chose because I have been hearing that since the day 1 I went against their choice for me but today was different. Their words hit deeply and different because it’s true. Maybe I boasted too much about the life I thought was the best for me and then this scandal happened.

“Leave the group.” Mom’s order made my eyes widen.

It registered on my mind quickly that I didn’t get to control my body on its reaction. I quickly stood up from my seat and shouted a loud, “NO!”

Mom’s eyes sharpen. I immediately got back into my senses and bowed my head again. Mom took steps to face me closer. She poked my shoulder one time and I almost stumbled already.

The truth is, I'm also tired. I’m getting weak everyday but I have never ever thought of leaving my group. My three other members are still encouraging me. How can I leave them hanging after fighting and cheering me everyday?

“Seo Aera, do you hear yourself?” She asked in a satire way. I bit my lip hard. Trying so hard not to break down because hell, I feel so fragile at the moment. “Everyone is ogling at your issue! Everyone is bad mouthing you! And I tell you, your company will kick you out of your group anyway! You are my daughter. Can you atleast keep self-respect? Your father and I cannot take the humiliation that our daughter will be kicked out of an idol group.”

But…

Being a kpop star is what makes me happy. It is the only happiness I have. It is the only thing I know I can do good. My friends are my groupmates. My fans gave me the attention and affection my family never gave me. How can I leave everyone? That will make me guilty when I did nothing!

Not speaking nor giving the chance to explain makes me guilty in the eyes of the public. This is even damaging our group’s name! I went home thinking that I'll get a help from my parents to clear my name but instead I was told to leave the group.

“No, please. I-I can fix this. I will clean my name. Believe me, I didn’t do anything. Believe me, mom, dad, I never bullied anyone! I can never do that. I don’t even know that person! You saw me doing my best when I was studying. You guys saw me doing my best so you can be proud of me while I was studying!”

“Seo Aera!” Dad's loud voice boomed when I ended shouting my remorse.

I’m so frustrated. I felt like no one is listening me. It felt like I'm all alone. It felt like I'm so helpless. Why can’t I defend myself? Why is my company doing nothing? Why can’t I deny the bullying allegation?!

“Even if you tell people that you didn't bullied that girl. Even if you tell people that you have never slapped, pulled her hair until her scalp bled, kicked her in her stomach until she puked, and embarrased her in the crowd. No one will ever believe you. You can't even show any proof to rebuttal her accusation. Where are your friends to defend you? That kid in your group, Jiwon, she's your schoolmate, right? Where is your idol ex-boyfriend that was also your classmate who dragged you last year in rumors? Why can’t they defend you, huh?”

Of course, they cannot say anything. The company handling our group is prohibiting me to talk, what more to my members and even the guy who got linked to me last year? Hell, this is frustrating! I cannot even defend myself because our company is not letting me yet they suggest me to just leave as if it’s that easy.

“Mom! Dad! Help me, please. I want to continue my career. Why is this even my fault?! I didn’t do anything--”

“It's your fault because you chose that life” Mom screamed with so much irritation. “You chose that path all because you want attention. And as an exchange for that attention, look what happened!”

As mom keeps pointing on me, I get weaker. In the end, it’s still my fault. Even though I didn’t do anything. Even though I only worked hard, I still got this as exchange.

World is too cruel.

“There is already a rumor that you will be dismissed from your group. Please, Aera, just leave! We will pay for the breach of contract you have with your company. Please, just don’t give us this much humiliation. Two years of being in that immature industry is enough. Go back into studying like what youve been doing before. Your life is already secured. It's only your poor life choices!”

“Mom, I’m already ruined. Even if I go back into studying, my classmates and even teachers will be reminded of who I was portrayed as so please, help me clear my name! That's all I ask.” I pleaded. Almost kneeling just so I can be heard. Even for once, please hear me.

But instead of being heard, I was yet again as if mute. Dad placed a plane ticket on the table. I cannot help but scoff while feeling that hurt in my chest. This feels so frustrating I cannot help but wail in front of them while I cover my eyes using my arm.

“No one will know you. You will be cleared as you want. People in Gwangsa does not know you. We will enroll you to a high school in there. Silently finish your last year in high school and make sure to excell like before so you can still achieve Seoul National University. That’s the best comeback you can give your haters.”

I bit my lip until I can feel blood from it. I want to stop my loud cries that I just laughed in the end. Maybe I'm really turning crazy with my surpassed emotions. 

“Cry all you want but nothing will go your way starting today, Seo Aera. Stay here and start packing. Your father and I will go to your company to fix this bullsht you got into yourself.”