it's Xmas holiday right now and midnight here. I want him

on the school Christmas celebration day 21 Dec 2021, I clenched my wrists and went to the st Magdalene building to find him for photo with a friend that I trust. 

we were just arriving the building, at the position ourside the 3c classroom when I saw him coming to our direction. he looked like a prince, with his healthy skin color, he just glows in my eyes. my heart, my soul, and my voice went '救命啊’ in the noisy environment of the form three classes corridor. I was nervous but I know I could not wait, and I was ready to leave no regret for myself. as hes walking, he became closer. I walked up front to him, looked up to his eyes, and said 'Mr Lau, can I take I photo with you' 

he nodded and we find space to my right.  was holding the camera and our bodies faced her. we were very close to each other just standing there with him on my right side. I remember that I feel me touching him slightly. and I did as I practiced, I tilted my head to the right and we were so close to each other. slowly after I tilted my head, he put up a victory hand sign ✌ and photos were captured I guess for a great 5 seconds. Then I think I said thank you then I walked away. 

so brave I was, still applauding for myself that I did that. and looking at that photo again and again, I can't help but think a lot.

back to the day,  I actually met him 4times. 

the second time: I made the best decision ever on my own to wait for  after school (because I want to take photo of the photo in her camera after school and look at it before she had to pass the photo to her computer and send it to me).  had to put an envelope in a teacher's mail box .

we walked up the main building to the floor where the staff room sits. and just when we were outside the main office, he was there facing our face. He should be just walking out of the outdoor passway of the staff room balcony. 

I think I saw him after he saw me because when my eyes glared to his, he was aleady looking into mine. My natural reaction to seeing a teacher goes and I nodded politely, because of him nervously and just slightly. he's never nodded back to me but he did it, with some sense of uncertainty. we had a good 2second eye contact. though was there too, he only looked at me.

third time I was taking photos with my friend at the upper playground with two of my friends down at the lower playground holding the camera for us. he was there at the lower playground but far away on the right to me. he glanced at me solely for about 2 seconds while I feel it and didn't look back.

fourth time I was walking down the staircase from the upper playground with , leaving. he stared at me intensely and as a girl I didnt look back and just pretended that to not see him. he looked at me all through that I was in the middle of the staircase, to when I arrived the ground and is next to him.

+

I didn't write down a lot I'm so sorry.. because I'm always lazy and tired. he once told me to tie my shoelaces at the st Michael's building after my biology class, saying 右邊個位女子 妳甩咗鞋帶.

and on friday the last mathematics class before Xmas holiday, I handed the missing quiz correcitons back to him when the class finishes. I walked to the teachers desk where he was sitting and put my work on his desk in a courteous attitude. then I dropped my calculator right next to his left feet, frightened, I picked it up and he said to me 小心啲.

can anyone give me explanations why is he so gentle and all sadistic when it comes to me. and also explanations for why he looked at me for so many times on the day of Xmas celebration.  it's judt, crazy.