I realized no matter how serious he sounds, completely teacher-like when he is talking to me, and how I do know clearly that he has no other thoughts towards me when he opens his voice to speak to me, I will still go home and think dirty about him. After all its just my mind doing all these, imagining all these, and 'turning' all these into 'real'. Yea, whatever, cuz this world (my world) solely depends on my brain, what I interpret at that moment and then how it get stored into memory. Nothing of the reality matters, I may think he and I would never become intimate, but it can happen. 

Anyway, even if he didn't smell good (I cannot smell him) when I was talking to him, after I get home and rethink about the situation, I'll feel like he smell good. But the never changing truth is always- he looks handsome as hell. Realize this is 'is', present tense, and always, it's. Factual. Yea. No matter what. The skin of his face, the little area of his exposed skin out of that single ed shirt space, the size of his body, the width of his shoulder, the way his eyes are, how he talks.. well, how he talks. As a matter of fact. He is such a mysterious man I'd say, but very extremely unbelievably insanely exceptionally appealing and captivating and ual-desires-arousing. Yea. But none of my words are believable ya know. It's all come from my brain, falsely interpreting everything related to him, because I'm so so so emotionally and ually attached to him.

Anyway. Yea. He is afterall a y existence in my life. The y man in my brain in my entire life I guess.. hahaha but who knows the future, maybe they'll be thousands of men that I'll find 'the most handsomest' later, next year, the year after next year, the tenth year after the ninth year.. 

Third anyway. Just saying. He is really handsome ho early that I really lack the communication skills to explain to anyone and that no one would understand tbh no matter still even if I have outstanding communication skills. Because no one can. Only I can. Lmao. Indeed indeed indeed. Babababbshehfjfk. Anyway. I am thinking of turning this private. Don't know whether if I should do so.