T H I R T Y

Word of the Day – “Butterfly”

The month that followed was the best month of Kyungsoo’s entire life. Having Miyoung by his side, although in total secrecy, was everything he could ever ask for. Perfect was the word he was looking for. He never thought such a word could ever be associated with him. It was all her. She made it all perfect for him.

The best relationship he’d ever had. Best . Best cuddles. Best conversations. Best arguments, even.

The only thing that was left was … for him to be honest.

Maybe it wasn’t so perfect after all.

But he couldn’t seem to find the right timing. Miyoung had been very determined and focused on training. For the past two weeks, she had been helping out in the restaurant, as a server. It wasn’t even his idea. Ra Miyoung herself offered to try and serve. Of course, she wasn’t doing a very good job and there had been some mild accidents and mistakes here and there.

But she was trying. She was doing her best.

Hwang Jun had come to see her a couple of times but she was always firm with rejecting him every single time and at this point, Kyungsoo was starting to see defeat on Wonsuk’s part. Miyoung was doing everything in her power to destroy her father’s plans and surprisingly enough, it seemed to be working. At least, that was what it seemed like at the moment. Wonsuk hadn’t done or said much stupider stuff since the last time with the Fire Chicken sandwich incident—which by the way, the man ended up liking when Miyoung made it the second time, all by herself. Astonishing as always.

She had been more mature than she’d ever been in the past month, all because she wanted to fight for their relationship—more reason for Kyungsoo to be madly in love with her. Or to be more terrified of the future.

He didn’t want to kill her confidence right now by telling her that there was one big red flag about him that she ought to know. He wasn’t ready to lose her yet. He wanted to be selfish for a bit longer and just love her … and be loved by her.

He knew it was wrong, hell, it was the worst thing he could possibly do to the person he loved. Lying. In his case, it was more so concealing of the truth but he knew it would give the same conclusion that he deserved.

He was going to be alone again and maybe for good this time.

She was going to leave him eventually. Either for lying or for what he truly was. There was a part of him that hoped it could change, that he could change while there was time. Frankly, he’d expected it would happen when he finally chose the right person he truly loved but so far … he felt the same.

Conceiving children may either make you or break you. And he didn’t like that there were two likelihoods. He was never a fan of maybes and what-ifs. He didn’t like that you never actually know what kind of parent you’d become until it happened. He didn’t want to risk being a bad one. He didn’t want another child to suffer this cruel world as much as he did.

The pressure of not trying to it up or be as irresponsible and unready as his birth mother terrified him because he had suffered the consequences of that and no other kid should, especially not his own.

A lot of times, he wished that his birth mother just had the same mindset back then. He wished she was as pessimistic as he was in having children that … she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant thirty-three years ago, then maybe none of this would have happened.

He wouldn’t have happened. Problem solved.

Finger snaps inches away from his face awakened Kyungsoo from his trance. When he turned his gaze away from his laptop, a quick peck on the lips was stolen from him. “Are you really working on the upcoming holiday menu? You’re just staring at the wall. Hang out with me. Furry Chef wouldn’t even wake up to play with me, he’s too sleepy on your bed.” Miyoung wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and pressed their cheeks together as she peered at the laptop screen.

Kyungsoo forced a smile as he backed his head away for a moment just so he could kiss her back on the cheek. “What about you? Are you sure you’re okay coming here late at night again? Your dad might start getting suspicious. You’ve been hanging out with your high school girlfriends a little too often lately, you party girl.” He teased, earning a side-glare from her.

“It’s not like we have a lot of chances to hang out and be alone. You rarely have time off work plus, we’re dating secretly. What else could I do to see you aside from serving my of in the restaurant, which by the way, doesn’t really help that much either.” Miyoung argued back.

Guilt bloomed in Kyungsoo’s chest from what she said. Turning his body sideways, he caught her in his arms and propped her on his lap. “Miyoung, I’m sorry that … we haven’t done much since we started dating. I hope you don’t think that I don’t make an effort to please you an—” Miyoung pressed his lips together to shut him up. With a persistent frown, Kyungsoo pushed her hand down and locked their fingers together on her thighs. “No, seriously. I haven’t even taken you out on a proper first date. You’ve done so much more in the past month.” He insisted.

“All I’ve done was to come here late at night to bother you,” Miyoung shrugged, her eyebrows all furrowed in repulsion. “Even at times like tonight when you have to do extra work.” She grabbed the mouse and casually scrolled through to see what he was working on. “Why do you seem to overthink about your efforts in our relationship? Did your ex-wife complain about that a lot in the past? Is that why she divorced you?”

When the word divorce came up, discomfort instantly tugged in Kyungsoo’s chest and he looked away to avoid her questioning gaze.

“Sorry,” Miyoung chuckled. “I guess I’m purposely trying to segue into it. I’ve always wanted to know but I don’t want to seem pushy. Is it okay to know now or is it still too soon?”

The moment Miyoung entered this relationship with him, she gained the right to know and Kyungsoo deprived her of that right for a whole month. She shouldn’t have to ask if it was okay. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right time to take the conversation there.

Kyungsoo was just a selfish insecure prick, that was it.

“Not yet?” Miyoung asked and stood up, sighing in defeat. “That’s fine. I’m leaving in a few minutes anyway. I know you have a lot of work to do.” Knowing very well by now that she was trying to escape it to not embarrass herself, Kyungsoo pulled her back and motioned her to sit on the chair closest to him on the dining table.

“Kyungsoo, can you just tell me now if you cheated because this has been killing me—I need to know.” Miyoung eventually burst and plopped her face on the wooden surface before Kyungsoo could even catch her expression.

Was she … worried about