F I N A L E

Word of the Day – “Cointreau”

Miyoung stirred awake by the sound of her bedroom door swinging open. A surprised look plastered on her father’s face as she met his eyes. “Yo—you’re here, you came back. You really came back.” He spoke, almost panting as he stepped into the room.

“I am.” She looked away to hide her face, knowing already just how swollen and red they were. “But I didn’t come back for you. I came back for my mom, let’s be clear about that.” She stated right away before he got the wrong idea.

The old man’s footsteps slowed down as he arrived at the foot of the bed. “I’m surprised he let you go. You must have been through so much discomfort staying there. I was starting to get worr—”

“Don’t worry about anything anymore because he dumped me.” She cut him off immediately.

A solemn yet prideful grimace formed on her father’s face as he adjusted the collar of his pyjama shirt. “Miyoung, he had the chance to come back and apologize to me but he never did. Instead, he went ahead and provoke me with that new restaurant of his. He knew how much I stressed about competitions and that’s exactly what he did. All I wanted was for all of us to go back to before and have no issues.” He sighed as he finally settled on the edge of the bed.

Miyoung could feel his gaze at her but she refused to look back. Reality had yet to sink in and it was difficult to accept just how things went.

There was a brief silence in the room until the man chuckled slightly. “I have to admit though, I miss him too, he was like my son. But then he changed, he got too cocky and rebellious. Of all the times that these things could happen, I wish I was—I wish I was healthier … then maybe I’d be able to compete with him longer. That stupid kid gets on my nerves, seriously. He had balls at such a wrong time.” He laughed while shaking his head.

Miyoung cautiously looked at him, quickly catching the weakness in his eyes. “Why … are you sick?” She asked.

Another laugh escaped his dry lips but this time, it was frailer. With his eyes wandering around the room, he flexed his shoulders together and tapped the bed a couple of times.

“Prostate cancer, stage four. Just found out recently so it’s still difficult to discuss it but I know I have to. You had to know before anyone else does.” He answered and looked down to his lap. Miyoung covered as she gasped, her whole body quickly burning with fear. Did she just hear it right? Cancer? And at a late stage? Her dad was sick? What did that mean for her? For all of them? A big lump settled on as she stared at her father in panic, her temples pounding with each beat of her heart.

No matter what went down between her and her father, it was still devastating to find out that there may not be a lot of time. She didn’t have a lot of time left to be with him. And she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she selfishly let him face everything all alone.

The old man shrugged. “I guess this is my karma for hiding the truth from you for so long. But you know what? I don’t regret it, I’m sorry to say that—” Miyoung’s heart crushed into pieces as she looked at the still very prideful smile that covered up the obvious fear in him. “For a while, when you were younger, I actually forgot that I wasn’t even your father and I was excited to take care of you as my own. And then … the first death anniversary came; your first birthday came at the same day and—” He shook his head as if he was recalling the most painful day of his life. “Reality hit me.”

Miyoung looked away as tears started to form. Despite that she had always presumed that information for the longest time, hearing it was unnecessarily more painful.

Then, he continued with his story. “And then I started resenting you and that’s all I’ve felt since then. I want to change things between us, the way it should always have been, while I can because I don’t have much time.”

“Do—don’t say that, please. Just stop talking. I don’t want this right now.” Miyoung begged as she pressed the heel of her hands over her eyes to stop the tears from falling.

“No, Miyoung, you need to hear this.” His eyebrows wrinkled in determination. “You didn’t kill your mom. But I know I’ve always treated you like you did. I’ve tried shifting the blame to myself … and then it still made me resent you. I thought to myself, if I was just appreciative of whatever we can have or cannot have together, then maybe she’d still be here and you—” He paused and looked away, not finishing his sentence anymore.

His eyes were blurred out but not a single tear was released as if he was purposely fighting it as much as he could until he had his fingers locked tightly on the sheets.

“You didn’t even really want children, didn’t you?” Miyoung guessed and she could instantly tell that she saw right through him with he looked down.

He smiled bitterly. “Aside from my physical problem which so perfectly worked out with my personality … yes. I only did it for your mother because she loved kids and she wanted to have one. I was afraid she’d leave me if … you know,” He looked at her and shrugged.

Miyoung was reminded by Kyungsoo right away. About how he didn’t want to have children for the longest, which also caused his divorce. Then recently, he had seemed to have a change of heart and if she wasn’t just reading too much into it, he actually seemed open to having children now.

As if her father read her mind, he mentioned the name she dreaded to hear. “And that’s also why I do not approve of you and Kyungsoo. He reminded me of how I was until I met the love of my life, your mother. I was willing to do anything for her, I was blinded of what I really wanted and I tried to ignore it and make a way to give what she wanted because I thought that would make me just as happy and it would ensure the relationship while keeping my image and masculinity intact because I was afraid of what my family would say. But things happen and—you never know. I’m just saying, if you want children, he might not be the right man for you after all.”

“Would you say the same thing about you and mom? That maybe you weren’t right for each other then? Because you wanted different things.” Miyoung sobbed with anger.

With a weak smile, her father nodded. “I probably would. I—” He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his chest. “I’ve thought of that before. That maybe if she never met me, she’d still be alive with someone better, someone who wasn’t selfish or … insecure.” His voice burned with self-loath.

When he stood up, he said. “Anyway, I really thank you for coming back. I know I don’t deserve that at all and I’m thankful that you’re doing this for the sake of your mom. I’m sorry for making things harder for you. I will try my best to make it up to you while I can.”

“Don’t you think you should apologize to Kyungsoo too? With what you did the other day? With his birth mom?” Miyoung asked before the man could walk out of the room.

He stopped for a moment before turning around, his shoulders going rigged. “Believe it or not, it really had been my project for a long time. I didn’t know they’ve met before and I was hoping I could help him resolve his issues—and then things happened between us. Yes, maybe I used that to provoke him back. But I didn’t initially expect that his birth mother would—” He looked away, the pride on his face threatening to waver.

“Would not give a single about him? Yeah sure, you didn’t expect that at all from someone who left their newborn baby to die outside a hospital on a cold winter night.” Miyoung said with a gruff tone. “And you just had to rub it in his face, in his new restaurant, huh?”

The look on her father’s face changed and she knew he wasn’t aware of that information at all. He inhaled sharply before looking to his left.

“You’re the last person I should be taking advice from but—” Miyoung looked down and gripped the blanket tightly on her lap to control herself from exploding in tears. “I hate that it made sense what you said about what Kyungsoo might really want. He’d been hinting of his change of heart about kids but I’m afraid that … maybe that was just the same thing as being blindly in love like you were to Mom. And I don’t want him to end up like you.” She muttered with a shaky voice.

Her father leaned by the closed door and put his hands in his pyjama pockets. “If he had a genuine change of heart, then good for him. I’m very glad. But if he’s never willing to settle things with me, then a relationship with my daughter will never work out. Trust me, he might even agree with me on this. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to live with that kind of burden, and you wouldn’t want it either.” He said softly.

Miyoung’s jaw tightened as she swallowed hard.  

He barely even cared about her real worries. It was still about him and his concerns.

“What does he have to do to settle things with you? Get rid of the restaurant he just opened?” She asked with a sarcastic smile but fear threatened to show on her face.

Her father grabbed the doorknob and sighed. “The moment I found out about you two, both of you have never given me a real chance to even process it well enough to accept it in a better light. Instead, what did he do? He barged into my home, disrespected me and quit. The next thing I know, you just never went back home because he took you away. And now, a restaurant? Everything that he has done so far was just to attack me.” He argued.

“First of all, I chose to run away from home. He didn’t even agree with it in the beginning. And second, he cares for that restaurant. He worked hard to build The Alley Cat. It matters to him now more than anything and I see it in his eyes. So, don’t think that he’s just doing this over some petty grudge for you.” Miyoung explained firmly, her shoulders shaking with frustration.

A defeated look morphed across her father’s face as he looked back. “Well then, if you’re right, the more you shouldn’t expect to get back with him anymore. He’s obviously choosing his restaurant over you, that’s why he dumped you, Miyoung.” His voice sounded as if he was just as disappointed. But his ego remained firm despite everything.

He’s choosing his restaurant over you, that’s why he dumped you, Miyoung.

He had to choose The Alley Cat because Miyoung chose SCORCH. She did it first. She had no right to get hurt. They were on the same boat. And she had put him on that boat, giving him no choice.

She watched her father stride back to the bed, closer to her side this time and reached for her hands. “Dear, look at me.” He stared down at their hands clasped together. Miyoung could feel his grip trembling and she didn’t know whether it was emotional or it was one of the things that came with his old age.

Nevertheless, she realized that she had never held his hands before.

“I just want to start anew with you. I will be a better father to you. I want to go through this battle with you. There may not b