Taemin

Since I've been back home, everything has been going so fast, and yet my life has been going in slow motion ever since. I am woken up. But not roughly and gruffly.

I also sleep in a soft bed, far too big a bed for me alone. My mattress offers only comfort and no uneven ground.

I only see the green of the world when I look out of the window, which my servants open.

My breakfast is brought to me at a long, richly laid table where father also sits. There is far too much food, which we could never finish.

And no training with the sword follows afterwards, because they think I'm not ready yet. They think I still need some time to get used to everything again, to process everything.

And they are right, just not in the way they think.

Everything happens quietly and formally. A perfectly running clockwork. Our seemingly endless palace, all the food, a warm place to sleep. I have everything I need.

Like every morning, Kibum helps me get dressed. I apply layer after layer of silk, cotton and linen. My clothes feel heavy. They drag me down. Even the beautiful bright colours cannot bring a cheerful smile to my lips.

Kibum wanted to throw away the old dark shirt, who can blame him? But I asked him to leave it in my chambers. I told him that it will always remind me of that time. I saw compassion in his eyes. He thinks the time was cruel to me.

Kibum has known me for ages. It hurts me not to be able to tell him that I have many good memories of that time, and that I even miss it. That I learned a lot, especially about myself. Besides, it's the only thing I'll ever have of Minho.

I wonder what he's doing right now. Have they freed Mark yet? Are they in the process? And then? What do they do afterwards?

Everything seems like a dream, and I don't know how to wake up from it. Because it doesn't correspond to reality.

What is real is that mothers sleep in ruins, not knowing if they will survive the next cold night.

What is real is that Jonghyun's men have turned against him, preferring to take money rather than do their duty.

What is real is that people with power, exploit it. And honest people have to live under this tyranny.

My whole life has been a single dream. Far from the reality that so cruelly and mercilessly beats down on others.

I was overjoyed to see father again, but he looked as if he had aged another ten years. It was never my intention to hurt him like that. I do not regret my journey with the Choi gang. But I regret how it happened. I wish I could tell Father the truth, he deserves it.

Kibum was also happy, but he treats me differently. His words are softer and my schedule is no longer so tight. He doesn't dare nag at me like he used to. But what should I say to him? He doesn't need to worry, after all I wasn't really in danger? I am friends with wanted bandits?

Even though I would like to see his puzzled face. No one must ever know the deep connection I have developed with these men.

I can only hope that I will succeed in getting the search for them stopped.

My clothes today are particularly beautiful and majestic. I wear a coat in the royal colours that goes to my ankles. My shirt is richly frilled.

"Very stately, your Majesty." He says to me with a proud smile.

Yesterday he was still inquiring if I was really ready to start my work. I assured him that everything was fine. I will keep my promise to Kibum. I will study and take my duties seriously.

How could I be so foolish as to think that everything is perfect as it is in our kingdom? If I can prove to father that he can trust me with the kingdom, then I can change the lives of my friends. Maybe I can even convince Jonghyun to join the army again? I need a man like him. Good men follow other good men.

Together with father, I will receive the supplicants today. Farmers asking for more land and livestock. Tailors who need protectors for their journey to a foreign land to look at new fabrics. Artists who present their new songs and need permission to sing them in taverns.

And I will learn what I have to consider in order to give a fair judgement. Because that's what I want to achieve, fairness.

"The king does not care how the poor people are doing." Minho's words still burn like fresh wounds in my heart. I will prove him wrong.