How Mari ended up in her brother’s front door went past her. She didn’t have the slightest idea how she got there, or even realized she no longer was under the rain and in Baekhyun’s arms instead. One moment he held her there before ushering her into the safety of his car, then everything blurred afterwards.

Maybe she numbly mumbled Kyo’s address which he texted her weeks ago if ever she wanted to pay her a visit, but she couldn’t be sure. It just dawned on her that she was there, shivering from the chilly bite of the night air. It wasn’t that unexpected she arrived here though. The thought of even coming home—if that place could even be called home still—had long been eradicated in her mind.

For all she knew, Chanyeol could home past midnight. Tired, but elated once more. She should’ve known. She should’ve known—so why did she turn a blind eye to it all?

It all made sense to her now.

Tana Kim had been foreshadowing it all along, and her words rang back in the back of Mari’s head. Chanyeol is one of the finest bachelors in Seoul; what makes you think he’d choose someone like you? Didn’t you think that maybe, oh, I don’t know, he’d choose someone more elegant and more beautiful? He could have anyone he wants, so why you?

Tana was right. He could’ve had anyone he wanted, why would he choose her out of all people? She wasn’t anyone extraordinary. She was neither stunning nor charismatic—the only thing she had going for her were her deep pockets and her intelligence. The more Mari thought about it, she didn’t even have any hobbies aside from studying and working. She was dull; painfully so, and so now she understood why she must’ve bored Chanyeol.

He was a man, after all. An alpha male who sought out the biggest prey and the most ferocious mate. Mari wasn’t any of that. She didn’t have anything compared to the beauty that was Evelyn Wang. Mari wasn’t captivating like her. She was pretty sure she didn’t turn everyone’s head to her when she walked in the room. If only she’d been a little prettier, a little funnier, a little better with her words and gestures then maybe—

The door swung open, revealing her older brother. His hair was matted down his forehead from his sleep, several creases on his cheek as he narrowed his eyes at her quivering form. “Mari?” his eyes lit up in recognition, “Oh my gosh, you’re soaking wet! Come inside!” he ushered her inside, shaking his head on the way. He snatched a towel out of nowhere. “What happ—”

Mari wrapped her arms around his waist. Her eyes shut tight, trying to fight back the pang in her heart that nearly suffocated her. “Brother,” she choked out. “Brother. It hurts so bad.”

Kyo stiffened in her touch. “Who hurt you, Mari?”

“I always knew it would be difficult to have his heart,” she kept sobbing, planting herself in his collarbones. Immediately, the scent of her brother’s floral detergent put her at ease, his arms around her warm and safe. Kyo had always been her shoulder to lean on; her savior, her protector. But then he left and her life changed, one thing crashing into another until she was left in a pile of rubble. She was just so tired she wanted nothing else but to fall in his arms and think about nothing else, but nothing, not a single thing took away the pain that wracked her from head to toe. “But I didn’t think it was impossible. I didn’t think it was because someone else already had it.”

“Is this about your fiance? That Chanyeol guy?”

“H-he—” she forced the words out. “He has a girlfriend already.”

“But that’s not possible. You’ve known about this marriage since you were a little girl. You waited for him, you knew you couldn’t have anyone else so...why did he?”

“I wasn’t good enough,” she blamed herself, pushing her fist between them to pound it within her chest. Her body wrecked along with her sobs, and no matter how hard she pounded her fist, her heart was still aching a whole lot more. Mari gasped for air. “I’d never be good enough for him.”

Kyo gripped her hands, a frown on his face before she could hurt herself further. Even though he wasn’t that much taller than her, his scolding, authoritative look made him look bigger than he really was. Mari immediately ceased from her movements, small hiccups falling from her lips. “Hey, don’t say that. It’s not your fault he’s a bastard,” he snarled, before his features softened and he sighed. “Let’s get you some fresh clothes, you can have some of mine. Go shower and dry off first so you don’t get sick.”

Mari nodded obediently. She no longer had the energy to fight back. She’d been far too drained with everything that happened and her skin begged for some warmth. When Kyo led her into the direction of his bathroom, she kept her eyes glued to the floor. Soon enough, she’d managed to shut the door behind her, turning on the faucet and standing there for who knew how long.

Their memories—the ones she cherished the most deep in her heart—played on rewind. She reminisced the way Chanyeol made her feel so small and safe in his hold. For a moment, she felt like she had nothing to worry about.

Mari wrapped her arms around her bare skin, the cold touch of her skin gliding against the water that cascaded down her body. She imagined those were Chanyeol’s arms around her, the heat of his skin pressed to hers, his deep voice rumbling as he whispered sweet nothings to her. He would be there with her to keep her safe and to make sure the demons remained at bay. He was her escape—the only shrivel of reality she wanted to have all for herself. She’d never been held like that, with so much love and strength from a man. He made her feel like she was the only thing in his world, feeding her fantasies until it grew bigger and almost impossible to contain—only to break it twice as hard.

Mari’s arms fell from her side. The steady stream of the water reminded her of Baekhyun. Baekhyun. The man who had always been there for her, always making sure she was safe even when she didn’t want him close. Baekhyun, the man who expected nothing from her and yet treasured her.

Mari always felt like she’d been one whirlwind of a storm from the way her emotions ravaged deep within, brewing a stupendous hurricane. One so angry and so ferocious that not even she could handle it. But while Chanyeol always held her tight to keep herself from her impending doom, Baekhyun kept her at the palm of his hands steady. Strong. Firm. Like no matter how strong she wavered or how far her wings extended, he wouldn’t mind, because he could handle it. Because as long as it was Mari, he wouldn’t mind.

She let her head fall against the cold tiles of the wall. A bitter smile graced her lips. If only it had been Baekhyun her heart chose, then maybe she wouldn’t have suffered this much. He would take care of her without a lie, in a way she always craved to be taken care of. He’d take care of her because he wanted to, not because he felt Mari was too weak to stand on herself.

Deep down she knew Baekhyun would always be the better one, but her heart didn’t lie. She knew who she wanted. Why couldn’t it have just been the other way around?

“Mari? You okay in there?”

Mari raised her head at the sound of the knock. “I’m fine.”

“Okay. I’m leaving some clothes for you out here.”

Mari shut the shower off. Overthinking about it wouldn’t make things better. It wouldn’t bring Chanyeol back to her, nor would it undo everything she witnessed. Perhaps it would be better if she just laid in her bed for a while, waiting to wither like a flower until her lungs grew a garden of themselves. How beautiful it must have been if she had her own world spring forth from within her, until the decorative and mesmerizing flowers suffocated her. That way, she wouldn’t have to be burdened with breathing anymore. She’d be free from it all—and only then she realized how poetic death had been all along.

She slipped on the shirt and sweatpants Kyo had offered, following him to the dark dining room. He was hunched over a mug of steaming milk, his face illuminated by the dimmed lights. Kyo looked tired, his eyes drooping every now and then, and she sat down next to him coyly. “Thank you,” she held his hand, looking him in the eye apologetically. “I’m sorry for barging in unexpectedly like this. I should’ve left a text or something first.”

“It’s okay, that’s why I gave you my address. You can drop by anytime you like,” he sighed tiredly, pushing her own mug towards her. “So do you want to talk about it?”

Mari pursed her lips. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“What are you going to do? Confront him?”

“Would it make a difference? I’d just look more stupid in front of him,” She laughed dryly. Mari tipped her head back, her arm slung over her eyes to prevent Kyo from seeing her bloodshot eyes. It seemed that even after hours of crying, her heart still wasn’t satisfied, and everything still felt as raw as it did before. “I should’ve known. There was absolutely no way he meant it when he liked me. It just couldn’t happen.”

“Why would you even think that? He’s the stupid one for not seeing your worth.”

“You don’t get it, Kyo,” she shook her head at his annoyed tone. “His girlfriend is Evelyn Wang, the supermodel. Compared to her, I’m nothing. I’m a nobody.”

“You think you’re worth any less because you don’t have long legs or something?” he scoffed, throwing his hands up in the air. He suddenly looked more awake than he did minutes ago, his nostrils flaring. “If he’s only after physical attributes, he can go a doll. Honestly, this guy is a prick. I should teach him a lesson.”

Mari waved a hand in front of them, taking a sip of her milk silently. Part of her would be satisfied to see Chanyeol crumble over it, but it sickened her as well. Revenge, no matter how sweet, would never be her cup of tea. “Don’t bother. He’s twice your size anyway. No offense.”

“Hey, what makes you think I don’t have some moves?”

Mari watched as Kyo sprang up from his seat, producing some weird ‘hiya!’ sounds while chopping his hand in the air. He spun quickly with his torso, lifting his leg up in the air to kick, only to have his toe stubbed by the back of his chair. Kyo withdrew in a flash, cradling his foot before bouncing on one foot. “Oof!”

“You’re weird.”

“It makes you smile though,” he gestured to her, where she did indeed smile.

She chuckled under her breath, Kyo taking the seat next to her calmly this time. Mari looked at him with a frown. “Where’ve you been all this time? Why did I grow up without you—or Mother and Father?”

Kyo visibly stiffened at her words, and he put his mug down. The air around them grew tenser as his shoulders squared, pointedly looking away from her. “We can talk about it tomorrow. I think you should get some rest first.”

“I’m tired,” she agreed, “But I don’t think any amount of sleep will help cure it.”

“It’ll still give you more energy to face him head on. Now let’s go to sleep. I’ll take the couch, you can go to my room.”

“I don’t wanna be alone right now.”

“Then I’ll sleep on the floor in the room. Is that better?” It wasn’t. As much as she missed her brother, she wanted to be somewhere else.

She longed to go back to the comfort of Chanyeol’s bed, wound in his arms as his breath tickled her in his sleep. It felt just like yesterday when she found home in his arms, but even that had been taken away from her as well.

Kyo’s bed, although smaller than hers, still felt empty and spacious without Chanyeol next to her. She’d slept several times alone, been doing so her whole life, but she couldn’t get used to it anymore when she’d fallen in love with having another life next to her. Her brother slept on the floor next to his bed, light snores emitting from his lips. The clock read sometime around four in the morning, and she buried herself deeper in the covers.

Once the weekend finished, she’d have to face him all over again. She wasn’t sure if she could look at Chanyeol right now, even as her body kept screaming for his touch once more. Unable to fall asleep, she poked her brother awake.

“Kyo?”

If she still remembered correctly, Kyo was a light sleeper. She didn’t know why she remembered that, but it flashed in her mind moments before his eyes snapped open. His body turned rigid, palms reaching from something under his bed when he relaxed at the sight of her, sleepily falling back on his sheets. “Hmm?”

“Do you think...I could still have a chance? With him?” she twiddled with her fingers. “We’re getting married in a couple of weeks. It would be painful if we both couldn’t stand one another.”

Kyo rolled over to her side, hazy eyes looking back up at her lazily. “As far as I know from how arranged marriages work, being respectful friends with one another is enough to make things work.”

“I don’t want to be his friend,” her lip trembled, her arms tightening around herself. “I’m in love with him.”

Kyo narrowed his eyes at her. “Are you, though? How do you know?”

“I just know.”

“Then can you forgive him?”

Mari blinked. “I don’t know. He hurt me.”

“Sometimes, Mari, it’s often those we care about the most that ends up hurting the worst, as well,” he breathed out, his eyes falling close. “Love just fools us enough into forgiving them.”

“Are you saying I should?” she scoffed. “That’s all I’ve been doing lately. Forgiving people.”

“Do you regret it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Those people who’ve done you wrong,” he waved a hand in the air. “Do you regret forgiving them?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then that’s when you know you love them,” he nodded so surely even Mari was convinced her brother may have been right. It made sense that even after what Baekhyun did, she still managed to forgive him. Because she cared for him—couldn’t handle him being away from her. She turned to Kyo. “No matter what they do, no matter how much they hurt you, you’d still forgive them in a heartbeat.”

Chanyeol isn’t Baekhyun though. “It’s different with Chanyeol.”

“It’s not, actually. Whether it’s platonic, familial, or romantic love, love is equal in whatever context,” he shrugged lazily, opening his eyes afterwards. Her brother’s sudden seriousness along with his prying gaze made Mari feel like he was reading every part of her mind until he understood the context of her soul. Kyo raised his hand to affectionately pat her in the head. “If I’m going to be honest though, little sister, I think you’re a bit too kind for your own good.”

“Kindness is a good thing.”

“It is,” he nodded, pausing for a moment as he searched for the right words to say. “But it can also be your weak point. People are going to take advantage of that, especially those who you trust the most. I think...I think you’re not ready for all of this, Mari. The real world is a lot harsher than the sheltered one you grew up in. Things aren’t going to be easy for you.”

Mari’s shoulders deflated. “Then what do I do?”

“You have to become stronger,” he urged. “The pain that you’re feeling will have its purpose. Learn its source and figure out how to use it to guide you in the future. Even gold can only be molded under intense fire. The same goes for people.”

“But,” she looked away from him, and onto the sliver of moonlight filtering through his windows that shone on her bare feet. “I’m scared.”

“I know you are. I would be too,” he sighed. “But that’s for tomorrow, Mari. You’ve endured enough today. You can handle it tomorrow or some other day. For now, you need to rest.”

Her tired body gave in. Mari fell asleep on the floor next to her brother. The coldness of the tile made her shiver all the way into the morning, but it still didn’t replace the burning pain of her insides.

That night, she had no nightmares, for her worst fears were no longer an imagination. Her nightmare had become her reality.

***

Kyo was gone by the time she woke up.

The bed was already made so neatly she wondered if she even slept there at all. Mari awoke with a gasp when she realized it was already almost noon, and she sat up, throwing the covers Kyo must’ve placed over her. His room was spotless and spacious enough for a single thirty year old man, the cleanliness of it reeling her back for a moment. The place looked absolutely organized with not a single thing out of place, and she shivered in her spot when an eerie feeling settled over her.

Something about his silver walls reminded her of her nightmares, the one where she dreamt she was stuck in a cubicle. She immediately left his room without sparing one last glance back, the hairs on her arm sticking up even as she crossed the living room.

His apartment was nice enough. Kyo lived in a complex not too far from her, meaning he was still in the same village filled with socialites. It was humble enough compared to her penthouse though, but she still stood back amazed. His living room had pristine white leather couches with a wooden coffee table, the ceiling to floor windows bathing the room in the warm glow of the morning.

She didn’t have time to properly survey his apartment when she came crashing last night, but it looked beautiful in the morning, with sunlight pouring in like this. The ceilings were higher than normal, and she frowned when she saw his lights were but a simple boring beam. Mari thought he’d go all the way with such luxurious designs like these, but then he was crunching on cereals rather noisily; she forgot he didn’t live like her at all.

Kyo looked so carefree as he leaned back in his seat, his feet up on the counter across him while he lazily scrolled through his laptop. A pair of thick rimmed glasses were perched on top of his nose, his eyes squinting while he studied something that looked like numbers and badly pixelated photos.

“Good morning,” she announced, breaking him out of his reverie.

Kyo’s legs dropped from the counter, eyes going wide at the sight of her. “Morning,” he sounded rather surprised, closing his laptop as his eyes darted to the side. “I made lunch. I’m not much of a cook, so I hope toast is okay.”

“It’s okay, thank you,” she smiled at him, taking the seat next to her as Kyo mumbled something to himself about products not working. Mari gestured to his laptops.