[Trigger Warning: this chapter contains a suicide attempt and mentions of domestic abuse. If you’re uncomfortable with that, please let me know in the comments below and I’ll explain what happened in this chapter without the explicit details.]

His muscles ached from head to toe, the stinging bite of a thousand pin pricking needles accumulating behind his eye. Chanyeol groaned as he cracked his eyes open, only to close them back when a blinding white light greeted him back. He shut his eyes tight before adjusting to the harshness of it, blinking rapidly as his vision stopped wobbling. From where he lay under a thin blanket and an IV peeking out from his hand, he saw a desk with a tray and a cup of water. A dark haired woman dressed in comfortable, loose clothing bobbed along with the lack of sleep lining her eyes. Chanyeol watched as Mari’s head fell, waking her up and making her alert, her eyes roaming around the room frantically.

When her gaze fell on him, Chanyeol swallowed. His throat felt dry and parched, his lips cracked and it took time to find his voice back. Mari tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, approaching him and sitting down on his bed. From this distance, he caught a whiff of alcohol and something that smelled like Baekhyun’s perfume.

Mari pursed her lips as he stared back at her. “You’re awake.”

“What happened?”

“You nearly jumped off a bridge,” her eyes darkened, voice growing a pitch lower. “Are you okay?”

Chanyeol stifled a gasp. Last night’s events suddenly hit him like a truck, the memories playing like a backtracked movie. He vaguely recalled slumping in his office with his phone smashed to pieces a few feet away from him before he stormed out of the building, shouting at his security team to not follow him. Somehow, he ended up at a bar and probably had way too many to drink—the cause of his pounding headache.

He turned away from Mari, an arm coming up to hide his eyes from the harsh light and Mari’s worried face. The last thing he wanted to see was her out of all people, knowing she was the one who ruined everything for him. Now everything he once treasured had been taken away in a flash and he had nothing in the palms of his hand at all. He remembered feeling hollow and empty as he stumbled to a bridge, hooking one leg over the barrier and chuckling at the dark abyss of the sea that awaited his fall.

He found it comforting—that he’d drown one last time from his worries before it consumed him, and he’d never have to breathe again. Chanyeol wouldn’t have to worry about anything after that. There would be no pain, no hurt, no betrayal, no grief, no regret or guilt because he believed maybe he hadn’t been good enough to Evelyn. There would only be nothingness. And he wanted nothing more than that.

But somehow a pair of arms stopped him from doing so and he fought against the hold of a man who despite being smaller than him, had the strength that rivaled him. The face of his former secretary stared back at him desperately as Jongdae grabbed him back to the ground, begging, screaming, pleading at him to not do such a stupid thing.

Chanyeol heard useless words of encouragement that life wouldn’t be bad all the time and there were things worth living for, but of course it was a lie. Everyone lied to him. No one would actually care if he died, and if they did care, they’d only be worried that they lost one more asset. It must’ve been just a minute or an hour passed already—he couldn’t fathom. It all happened so fast.

He pushed Jongdae away and sent the man scrambling to the ground with a scraped knee, then Chanyeol leapt. His leg hit the metal beams as he fell, but he didn’t. All of a sudden, a soft, warm hand enclosed his in a grip that nearly had his fingers broken. When Chanyeol looked back up with a growl ready to leave his lips, a tear fell on his cheek. Only it wasn’t his, and a scream tore from Mari’s mouth before she slapped another hand around his to keep him from falling. Someone shouted—probably Baekhyun—when Mari got dragged down by Chanyeol’s weight.

Chanyeol didn’t know what came over him. The emptiness had now been replaced with fear, a terror that shook him so hard he clung to Mari’s hands and wrist as Jongdae and Baekhyun carried them back up. He felt something slip from her wrist as he held her, her name leaving his lips as some sort of desperate call for help. Chanyeol heaved his whole body back up before falling on top of Mari, and then—he couldn’t remember anything else.

He must’ve passed out somehow and ended up in this hospital. Chanyeol gritted his teeth as his cheeks dusted a shade of red, humiliated at the thought Mari had seen him vulnerable like that. He’d only ever shown that side of him to Evelyn, but where did that lead him? Women were cunning, malicious women who could play around with his feelings like a toy and did it for the whole eight years.

Who’s to say Mari wouldn’t do the same? The way she frowned at him like she actually cared disgusted him, especially since he knew what kind of person she was.

“You’re concerned?” he spat out. “That’s odd coming from someone who ruined my girlfriend’s reputation,” Mari didn’t move a muscle nor blinked, but he noticed the slightest flinch at his words. Guilt ebbed in the dark pools of her eyes, but she said nothing else. Still, she’d saved him and he was being a complete . Chanyeol sighed and turned away from her. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. “I’m sorry. I’m just—I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what to think or feel, I’m just so tired.”

“Then go get some rest,” she said softly, her voice holding that warmth and kindness from when he first met her. Chanyeol clamped his lips shut when her voice draped over him like a secure blanket, but he knew it wasn’t real. Mari wasn’t the same person anymore. She’d gone from this soft woman to someone he wished he never met, and she was a liar just like everyone else. “I never wanted to do this. When I found out you never loved me, I was angry, sure, but I never wanted to hurt you. I was jealous, I admit, and very humiliated, so I made Yui dig up dirt on Evelyn. It seemed nearly impossible that she’d have a squeaky clean reputation, but I never expected she’d do that. When I found out, I just knew I had to keep her away from you. You don’t deserve to have someone you treasure keep fooling you like that.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes even though she couldn’t see it. “I’ve never been kind to you, so why do you still treat me like I’m worthy of your forgiveness?”

“Forgiving you is my way of letting you go,” she mumbled, and he could feel her playing with her fingers on her lap. “I had to do it to keep your reputation safe—to keep us safe.”

Chanyeol frowned. As much as he hated to admit it, Mari had a point. If people were to find out in the wrong time and in the wrong place of his relationship with her, his life would take a complete flip upside down. He snorted at the thought. As if it hadn’t already. He sighed. “I understand. If those had been exposed later, we would’ve been bashed harder.”

“The next issue is safe. I promise you no reporters would get to us, nor would they find out about your relationship with her.”

“Evelyn could talk.”

“I assure you, she won’t,” she said mysteriously. Chanyeol flinched when she placed a warm hand on his shoulder. “You should rest. I’ve got somewhere to be, but I’ll see you later, okay? There are nurses stationed everywhere. They can help you.”

Mari left not long after that, filling the room with nothing but the steady beep of his heartbeat and his shallow breathing. It felt lonely and utterly cold—but in a way, he felt comforted. At least in these four walls that cornered him, no one would judge him, no one would hurt him nor lie to him. The bed was comfortable, at the very least, but Mari and Baekhyun’s perfume lingered like an afterthought.

Chanyeol wasn’t a dumb person. He knew that Mari had been spending an awfully lot of time with him and Baekhyun had changed when she arrived in their life, but why did it feel wrong? Why couldn’t Chanyeol be happy for them? He should’ve known his best friend had fallen in love with an untouchable person from his life, but why didn’t it feel right? Why did Chanyeol feel that it was unfair—that they were somehow leaving him behind because they were happy now?

His lip trembled, his hand the sheets on top of him. At least in these four walls that cornered him, no one would judge him, no one would hurt him nor lie to him. At least in these four walls they wouldn’t see who he really was, so Chanyeol released his shoulders with a choked back sob. At least here, he could be allowed to cry and be weak every once in a while.

***

A week and three days. That’s how long it had been that Chanyeol was cooped up in that room. A nurse would come by three times a day to check on his vitals, and he snapped at her every time. He would’ve felt guilty over the nurse’s flinching especially when he refused to give his arm for another vitamin transfusion, but no one could blame him. His parents didn’t drop by once and whenever Mari was around, she’d only take a look at him to see if he was okay then leave just like that. He figured she must’ve not told his parents as to not cause trouble, but was really no one going to stay?

He recovered physically, sure, but his heart still ached. The nurse would scurry away with a single glare and not even Baekhyun seemed to stay that much. He only chatted with him for a bit to offer some sympathy, although Chanyeol knew better. The glint in his eye, the way he fought back a smile and his hands occasionally rubbing at his wrist.

Then Chanyeol saw it. That stupid bracelet, the same one Mari had worn. He held back a snicker at how lovesick his friend was being. Chanyeol wanted to congratulate them, he really did, but couldn’t they realize he was hurting? That he felt abandoned? He needed his friend, even Mari would soothe him. Yet no one stayed, like he wasn’t important at all, and he balled his hands into fists under the sheets.

Funny how he was allegedly the most sought after bachelor in Seoul yet no one actually cared about him. He should’ve known he was only important as long as he provided, because men were expected to be providers no matter what. The moment he couldn’t do that, though, the moment he weakened, it was like he didn’t exist, at all.

To have someone value you and make you feel special, only to be knocked down away from that and brought to reality that people only wanted you for selfish reasons—it chipped something away in Chanyeol’s heart.

Which is why he was more than glad to finally leave that stupid room and that damned hospital. Even if their shared penthouse felt lonely and empty with Mari’s constant absence and occasional moments of worry that confused him, Chanyeol didn’t want to go anywhere. This was his home for now, and Mari nor his family were gone. At least in this loneliness, no one judged him anymore. He’d no longer be burdened with the responsibilities and expectations the world placed on him.

Still, he couldn’t help it when it had been nearly midnight and Mari still wasn’t home. He knew she was busy handling the media while at the same time uncovering her past and grieving her Mother’s death—if she even mourned at all. He must admit that the way she kept her face passive and stoic had been a completely 360 from the vulnerable young woman he’d been with for the past two months.

Something changed about her. She’d grown distant, stronger, scarier. What Mari had shown him before could only be a glimpse of what she was capable of, and Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he wanted to see how far she’d be willing to use her power. Because as much as he hated to admit it, Mari had always been someone he could never equal with. She came from an entirely different world despite having a broken past. There was something about that...fire in her eyes and the scorching determination that ran in her veins once a problem stood her way. Mari didn’t want to solve problems, she sought to completely obliterate them.

And if Chanyeol was her problem, what would she do to him? Dispose of him once she didn’t need him? Make him suffer and turn into a living hell after everything he’s done? Drag his company into the ground while she stepped on them from above, because that’s where she always belonged? Like an unreachable burning star in the sky, and he should feel honored she allowed him to orbit her way.

Chanyeol shuddered. He didn’t want to find out. For now, the best solution was to avoid Mari, but then the door opened. Chanyeol froze in his tracks, a bottled water in his hands and his other hand gripping his doorknob firmly. From where he stood, Mari spoke quietly to someone on the phone, a frown etched in her lips.

His heartbeat picked up, and he suddenly snapped, “Where have you been?”

Mari raised a brow in surprise. Chanyeol didn’t really like staying up this late and he still had a bad injury on his leg where his medications knocked him out. He should’ve been asleep by now, but his mind screamed a little too loudly that sleeping was impossible.

Mari ended the call and glanced warily at him. “At work. Where else would I be?”

I don’t know, plotting my murder or taking something away from me again. Chanyeol gritted his teeth as he stomped Mari’s way, dumping the bottled water on the ground. “What else are you planning behind my back, huh?” he snarled, “You want to ruin my life. First, you threaten my company, and now you take my girlfriend? There was a ing assassin on our engagement party. Tell me, Mari, you’re going to ruin my life, aren’t you? Because if you are, at least don’t go around acting like you care! Why did you save me, huh? You could’ve let me die that time so why didn’t you?”

“Just because I don’t like you, it means I’m letting you die,” she rolled her eyes at him, as if her patience thinned and his words bored her. “We need each other, remember? I’m not leaving you just yet.”

“Don’t walk away from me—” he ordered when Mari walked past him, making sure to bump his shoulder in the process. She headed for her room in small, quick footsteps and Chanyeol ran after her, more like wobbling really because his slightly healed leg screamed at him to stop. In his haste, he hit the edge of the coffee table in his bad spot. Chanyeol dropped down on the floor, hands clenching his thigh. Through his shorts, the stitches opened again from the impact and bled through the bandages. Pain seared through his body like knives scratching his skin. “Ah, , !”

“What the hell were you thinking?” Mari shouted, heading for the first aid kit in the shared bathroom. She came out not a minute later and fell on her knees, pushing his hands away and pulling his shorts up to reveal the wound. A grimace crossed her face when she unwrapped it, causing Chanyeol to wince, but Mari looked more annoyed than anything. “You just got discharged and now you’re hurting yourself. Seriously, you should be more careful.”

Chanyeol wanted to scoff. She sounded like a nagging mother, or worse, an easily annoyed wife. Still, her hands remained gentle as she rubbed some ointment the doctor must’ve given her. It stung a bit and Chanyeol yelped, his head almost bumping on the sofa behind him if not