P - Q - 9 

P - Q - 14

White. Everything was white.

Mari sat up from where she lay, frowning when her fingers bunched over a soft, cotton blanket. Around her, white walls stared back at her, along with framed photographs that had three smiles, and six eyes crinkled from laughter. They were blurred from where she sat, and she stood, staring at her feet for a moment as they brushed over the tendrils of the carpet that lay before her. The material was colored red with mauve carnations painted in the middle.

She extended her toes, allowing herself to get used to the warmth of the room. A smile crossed her face when sunlight peeked in through the window, the curtains flowing back like graceful dancers along with the wind. She watched as small specks of dust flittered in the air, highlighted by the bright morning sun.

Mari had no idea where she was.

She walked forward the photographs, a small gasp falling from her lips when the pictures became clearer. In the frame, she barely recognized herself from the short, choppy haircut that looked as if she’d impulsively cut it then decided to leave it at that; the choppy ends barely tickling her jaw. Her eyes almost couldn’t be seen from how wide she smiled, her cheeks pressed onto the tweed jacket of the man next to her.

Baekhyun.

The fiery shade of red she’d grown to fall in love had now been dyed black, making him look ten years younger despite the smile lines and wrinkles present in his face. Much like hers, his smile mimicked the joy pouring from their lips. And in his arms, he held a little girl who couldn’t have been older than five. She was missing her front teeth and had her arms wrapped around her father’s neck, while Mari’s hand rested atop her shoulders.

This was her family.

This was her home.

Mari took a step back, looking around with wide eyes as she took everything in. The bed she came from was obviously meant for two people; the side next to hers already neat with the pillows fluffed. A small note was on the corner, reading ‘take your time – I’ll take care of everything :)’

She shook her head, making several strands block her view. Mari gently placed the note back to the pillow and tucked her hair back to her ear, pausing when something solid brushed the shell of her ear. She pulled her hand back, the room falling silent – almost muted – when she saw the silver band crusted with a single diamond.

Mari blinked.

She looked around the room one more time, and that’s when she realized… she’d been here before. She’d dreamt of this place before when she was young…but how long ago has it been? Why couldn’t she remember everything?

Her attention was caught by the sound an egg cracking against the pan, followed by the sizzling and a static radio playing in the distance. The radio creaked out an old English song she vaguely recognized somewhere far in the back of her mind, but she couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly.

The sweet, gentle voice of the woman travelled all the way into her room; its upbeat tune forcing her heart to match its rhythm. Mari found herself consciously staring at herself through the mirror near the door, her heart skipping a beat when she saw an older version of herself staring back.

She no longer had the choppy waves or the bright smile from the photo – but she was still the same. Her hair had gotten longer until it reached her collarbones; still not as long as she had when she was in her twenties. She also didn’t wear any of the bold jewelry she always wore around Chanyeol. Instead, she was muted, almost blank, her cheeks fresh and flushed with warmth.

Her eyes shone differently.

It gleamed with content.

Mari tore her gaze away from her reflection, her bare feet padding in the hallway as she followed the sound. She couldn’t remember any details of the place, nor any idea where this end of the hallway would lead, but something about the place felt terribly familiar. To her, it felt like home, like the place she was always meant to belong.

Another voice accompanied the singing woman from the radio. The man had the voice of a siren as it hypnotized Mari to step closer, to find him and drown herself in the serenity and beauty of his words. His voice sounded breathy, almost unreal. It was almost muted, as if he didn’t mean to sing too loud in fear of waking anyone up.

When she reached the end of the hallway, Mari immediately halted. With his back turned to her, a man stood in front of a stove, a red and white patterned apron tied around his waist. His soft, raven hair appeared to be unearthly too with how luscious it seemed under the sunlight, and Mari squinted when the brightness of the room overwhelmed her.

Everything was yellow. The wooden table in the middle of the room had a vase of sunflowers in the centre, while the four plates set around it were a lighter shade of yellow that still blended to the room.

The man’s voice got clearer as he sang. It was obvious English wasn’t his first language when his pronunciations tripped over the L’s and R’s, unable to differentiate the two and making the other sound soft when it should’ve been hard, then vice versa. He then swayed his hips side to side in tune to the beat, flipping his spatula as he placed a perfectly fried egg on the plate beside him.

Put your head on my shoulder, he sang along, hold me in your arms, baby…

“Squeeze me oh-so-tight,” she mumbled, and the man froze. “Show me that you love me too.”

He turned around with a smile.

Mari smiled back.

It really was Baekhyun. His eyes still disappeared when he smiled, his cheeks rounding his face that made him look even more youthful every time he did so. From the other side of the room, the song kept playing until it hit the chorus, but Mari couldn’t move. She could only stare at his face – in awe, in wonder, in disbelief, in love.

He was still as handsome as she remembered him to be. He’d gotten older through the years, a few gray hairs here and there and his eyes seemingly tired yet happy. It brought a smile to her face as she unconsciously rubbed at her ring, gazing up at him under her lashes as she felt tension release from her shoulders.

She didn’t know what was going on, but did it matter? She’d only dreamt of this before, and now it was real.

“People say that love’s a game,” he continued, grinning as he turned the stove off and opened his arms to her. “A game you just can’t win. If there’s a way, I’ll find it someday, and then this fool will rush in~”

Mari didn’t hesitate as she rushed to him. Baekhyun made a noise of pain as she jumped into his arms, but didn’t complain when she hugged him so tight she heard him hold his breath. He wrapped her arms around her as best as he could, his hands coming at the back of her head before she felt a pair of lips kiss her crown. “Put your head on my shoulder,” he whispered, “Whisper in my ear, baby.”

Mari shut her eyes tight. He still smelled like fresh fruits and aftershave, mixed with the aroma of fried eggs and slightly burn toast. She couldn’t stop herself from burying her face in the crook of his neck, his shirt in fear he’d let go.

“Baekhyun? Is this really happening?”

“Of course,” he pulled away from her, kissing her on the lips this time. It made her cheeks warm up instantly, and Baekhyun smiled at the sight. Mari looked away from him in embarrassment, and if it was even possible, she could almost hear the way his smile came out forced when he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Good morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well last night? You were mumbling in your sleep a lot.”

Mari furrowed her brows. She couldn’t remember anything from last night, or the days before that. The realization hit her harder than she expected, bringing about a wave of nausea that made her feel sick. Swallowing down the bile that threatened to come, Mari gestured to the stove instead. “You’re making breakfast.”

“Yeah, Yui’s got to go to school. Then after that Dad is coming around to pick her up while we go to Jeju Island.”

“I don’t…” she chuckled to herself, “I don’t understand…”

“Is it one of those days again, Mari?”

Before Mari could speak, a small figure burst out from the hallway, her hair flying backwards as she ran straight to Mari with a figurine in her hands. “Mommy, look! Dad helped me last night to create my first airplane!” she gushed, holding the miniature plane in her hands.

Mari couldn’t speak. It was like time had frozen and everything stopped around her as her focus only remained at the little girl who resembled both of them so much. Like Baekhyun, she had her own constellation of moles around her face and above her thin lips, but she got Mari’s cat-like eyes. They gazed up at her with curiosity, excitement, and then genuine concern.

The little girl placed her plane on the table, her hand reaching up to Mari’s forehead. “Are you feeling better now, Mommy?”

“You’re beautiful,” she breathed out, flinching a little when she felt the little girl touch her. She was real.

“You’re more beautiful, Mommy,” she giggled, turning around to show her the plane again. “And look what me and Dad made!”

“It’s gorgeous. Is this for your project?”

Behind them, Mari could feel Baekhyun’s wary eyes as he began setting up the table and preparing the food. The little girl, who was obviously her daughter whose name she didn’t even know, sat right across from her, while Baekhyun sat beside her. Under the table, Mari felt Baekhyun squeeze her thigh.

She paid him no mind. She saw no one and absolutely no one but her daughter.

“Yep! Oh and when will you and Daddy come back? He said you and him were going on a trip.”

“That’s right, and Grandpa will take you to the amusement park afterwards. Make sure you behave.”

“Right, and my friends are coming too!” She waved her chopsticks in the air, talking through a mouth full of food. Mari giggled to herself when her cheek rounded up like a squirrel’s, reminding her of Baekhyun’s round cheeks when he smiled. “Have lots of fun on your trip, Mommy! I promise I’ll be a good girl!”

“Don’t be too hard on Grandpa too. He’s going to have a hard time watching over you and your friends.”

Her daughter nodded obediently, shoving mouth into her food. “My friends are nice, Daddy. We’ll behave.”

Mari was about to tell her that wasn’t the right way of eating when Baekhyun spoke up. “That’s my girl,” he smiled brightly at her, earning another grin from the girl. Once she considered her food more interesting than her parents, Baekhyun leaned closer to whisper in her ear.  “Can we talk about this later? You should eat first,” Mari turned to him in confusion, then her nerves started to fire up with agitation. There was so much she wanted to know about her daughter or to why she couldn’t remember anything, because last time she checked, everything felt real to her. Baekhyun’s face contorted apologetically, however, and Mari bit her lip to stop herself from saying anything else. “I’m sorry, Mari. You made me promise we’d never talk about this in front of her. We should wait until she leaves first then I’ll tell you everything.”

“Don’t forget your meds, Mommy.”

Just as her daughter, Yui (Baekhyun whispered her name again to Mari), pushed a bottle of pills in Mari’s way, the front door opened. All their heads turned to see Mr. Byun waltzing in with a bouquet of mauve carnations in his hand, tipping his hat dramatically. “Good morning, Byun family! Where’s my favorite granddaughter?”

“Granddad, I’m your only granddaughter.”

“For now, at least,” Mr. Byun laughed to himself as he joined them in the table, gesturing to Mari’s dumbfounded expression. He hadn’t aged at all. “Your little sister is on the way.”

Mari’s eyes darted down to her stomach. Little sister? Was she pregnant?

“It could be a brother. I want a little brother.”

“And why is that so, my dear?” queried Baekhyun as he poured water for his Dad. Meanwhile, Mari’s hands trembled in her seat when she felt the baby bump. That explained the nausea and urge to throw up, but what was going on? Why couldn’t she remember anything? How long had she been pregnant and why didn’t she have any memory of her pregnancy, or even her first child?

As if sensing the growing ache in her head, Baekhyun kissed Mari on the cheek, taking her worries away for a bit. The contact of his lips to her halted her train of thought. Unable to eat due to lack of appetite, Mari pushed her plate away, shutting her eyes tight and resting her head on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“Because if there’s another girl, then I won’t be the only princess anymore. I want to be the only princess here, and Mommy is the queen.”

“Who am I in the kingdom, then?” asked Mr. Byun with a hopeful smile.

“The King?”

“King?” Baekhyun faked a gasp as he pointed to himself. “What about me?”

“You’re Mommy’s manservant. You do everything she asks you to and you never complain, even when you’re tired.”

Mari opened her eyes, turning to him so fast that she almost had a whiplash. “You do?”

Baekhyun pursed his lips, his gaze darting from her face to Yui. Mr. Byun read the moment and took Yui’s plate with him, already making his way to the backyard. “Okay, buttercup, let’s go get you some breakfast outside, okay? The sun is beautiful today, don’t you think?”

“Oh, I just learned that the sun is actually a star! Isn’t that cool?”

“That’s very cool indeed,” their voices faded at the same time a door slowly slammed shut.

Baekhyun took a deep breath. “Mari.”

“Baekhyun,” her voice wavered, her hand coming up to squeeze his palm. Tears stung at the back of her eyes, something she tried desperately to blink back. “I don’t understand what’s going on. This all feels like a dream.”

“I’m right here with you, sweetie. I always am. I’ll be here whenever you need me. This is just another one of your bad days – you’ll get through this.”

“Bad days? I don’t remember anything. And a little sister-”

“You’re pregnant, sweetie,” he cupped her face, his voice gentle and soft as if he thought that if he didn’t speak gently enough, he would break her. And at this point, Mari believed she would’ve been. “You’re five months in, and the doctor said we’re having another baby girl. You already named her Yoriko in honor of your Mother.”

“My mother? Where is she?”

Baekhyun’s face fell. “She’s dead, Mari. She was shot on your engagement party with Chanyeol years ago.”

“Chanyeol,” she repeated the name on her lips, surprised that it still tasted bitter. Mari pulled away from him and stood up, breathing heavily when she saw her house again for the second time. She was no longer in their penthouse. No, this was a normal house for a normal family and that was impossible because Mari had never known what that was like. If she was with Baekhyun now, then did that mean she was divorced? “Wh-where is he?”

“Sit down first and eat. I promise I’ll tell you everything, but we can’t take long because we need to take Yui to school so I’ll keep it short, okay?” Mari frowned. It took some time before she could get her breathing back to normal, and Baekhyun remained extremely patient with her. He didn’t say a thing as he rubbed his hands up and down her bare shoulders, allowing her to breathe proper air before he spoke again. “Do you remember when we were in Japan to check out the mall your family owned?”

“Y-yeah, I think so.”

Baekhyun nodded in relief, although something in his eyes said he felt regret more than anything. “Things didn’t end so well for us. Your Father – Mr. Haru – turned out to have murdered your older brother’s mother. Out of revenge, his uncle, an American man named James, plotted everything to take your family down and to get his sister back. Your brother was also on his side because he knew your Father would never accept him as part of his family. He kidnapped you when you were six…” When Mari opened to defend Kyo, Baekhyun’s hold on her tightened by a fraction. “…But he was also the one who brought you back to Japan when you were ten. He was too young then; he couldn’t handle the thought of his own sister being tortured so he saved you. Kyo regretted it not too long after because as he watched you be cared for and thrived. The darkness in his heart grew bigger until it consumed him.”

“Kyo…” a tear fell from her cheek, “…He really did that? He turned against me?”

“He was in a bad place, Mari. Your brother was lost. He didn’t know where else to go or what to do. He only knew what he was taught – and that was to seek revenge, even if it meant going as far as hurting you.”

“What happened afterwards?”

“Your Father survived while we got you back. Then-” Baekhyun kept his hands to himself, his breath coming out in ragged shuddering as he recalled the memory. Mari didn’t understand why Baekhyun went pale. “Then Kyo tried to shoot me but you blocked me. There were three bullets in your chest, Mari. I was so scared I’d lose you.”

“I’m sorry,” she settled in his lap, pressing kisses to his face and even the salty tear that left his eye. Mari couldn’t imagine what he must’ve felt that day. If only she remembered, then Baekhyun wouldn’t have to relive the memory and remind himself of the pain of it all over again. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? I wasn’t the one who couldn’t protect you. I was the one supposed to protect you but you saved my life instead and I-I honestly don’t know what to do without you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t wake up.”

“If I didn’t wake up?”

Baekhyun nodded, bringing her head closer to him until her ear laid on top of his steady heartbeat. Mari sighed, her palm coming up to feel the beating of it underneath her skin. He was alive, safe, and well, but most importantly, he was real.

“You were in a coma for a while. Heart failure due to stress and the hell they’ve put you through, then they had to get the bullets out fast. The doctors also detected brain hemorrhage, possibly from when you hit your head too bad,” Baekhyun pulled her head back so he could look her in the eye, and Mari was greeted by the sight of his fresh tears. “I thought you wouldn’t wake up. You were in the operating room for so long and when you came out, you were unresponsive.”

“Well, I’m here now. I’m not leaving you,” she promised, “I’m not going anywhere, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun didn’t look reassured.

“I can tell you’re still confused,” was all he said, using his thumb to wipe away the dried tear on her face. “I’ll tell you everything when we get to the vacation house later. It’s our anniversary today.”

Mari’s eyes widened, “I’m so sorry. I forgot.”

“It’s okay. I’ll never get tired of reminding you I married you at the end anyway,” he kissed her straight on the lips. Mari immediately closed her eyes, pressing herself closer to him and deepening the kiss for a moment be