“I am not looking to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there.” - Rune Lazuli

Chapter Song: Beautiful Goodbye - CHEN 

P - Q - 11

“Who—”

The young man jumped to his feet, pouring a glass of water before helping her to drink it by tipping her head back. “Here, have some water. Getting your voice back will take some time. Don’t force yourself.”

Mari pushed the glass away when the cool liquid fell down . It took several tries before she found her voice again, although it was still croaky. None of that mattered, though. She didn’t know who this young man was and her head felt heavy with all the questions. “You called me Mom. Who are you?”

“I’m Eunwoo. Do you remember me?” his words were full of hope, and he beamed at her while caressing her hand, massaging some life back into her hands. “Dad adopted me.”

“Dad?”

Eunwoo nodded happily, pulling out his phone. “Let me call him. He’s at the café downstairs with a partner on the phone. It won’t take long before he comes here,” he reassured. Eunwoo began talking to someone on the phone, to his dad, before quickly shutting it back and placing it in his pocket. Eunwoo turned to face her again, checking her temperature while listing down her vitals in a clipboard somewhere.

Mari couldn’t believe this was the same little boy she met before.

But if was a grown man now…then how long has it been? Where was everyone?

“How are you feeling? Any lightheadedness? Do you need more water?”

“Baekhyun,” Mari croaked out, a sob making its way already. “Where’s Baekhyun? And my brother?” She struggled to sit up, groaning when pain shot up everywhere. Her muscles were so sore, and the weakness she felt was indescribable. “I-I need to see them, please.”

Eunwoo panicked when she tried to straighten her spine, assisting her in easing back down to her bed despite her whines of protest. “Mom, please, it’s okay. Lean back for a bit or you’ll strain yourself. Dad will come here soon. He’ll explain everything to you.”

“Where’s Baekhyun?”

“It’s okay, Mom. We’ll take care of you.”

“Is he safe? Is he alright? Did he make it out alive?”

“Yes, he did,” he spoke quietly, avoiding her eyes. “I assure you he’s more than fine.”

“Then where—”

“Mari,” a deep voice announced from the doorway, followed by the clicking of the door shut. Chanyeol gasped. “You’re awake.”

Eunwoo stepped aside, allowing Mari to get a good look at him.

The joy that poured to her wasn’t something she couldn’t explain in words. She had no idea how long she was gone for or what even happened, but seeing his face, now unmasked with surprise and a hint of that mischief still shining behind those eyes – Mari couldn’t have been happier to see a familiar face. He’d changed through the years, looking more like a refined middle aged man who rocked his gray hairs and the beginning of his wrinkles. Chanyeol had also dyed his hair black, and if it was even possible, he looked even more professional and intimidating than he did when they first met.

Something had changed about him, though. She couldn’t tell what it was yet, exactly, but she felt something was different from him the moment she laid her eyes on him. Chanyeol felt like… an entirely different person now.

“Chanyeol,” she smiled, “You look old.”

“And you haven’t aged a day,” he praised, squeezing Eunwoo’s shoulders when he passed him by before settling down beside her. He, too, had a large grin that probably wasn’t enough to express the happiness he felt right now. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. I-I don’t remember a thing that happened.”

“It’ll take some time getting used to. Is there anything you need me to get for you? Water, food..?”

“Baekhyun,” she deadpanned, “I need to see Baekhyun. Where is he?”

Just like that, his smile fell. Eunwoo cleared his throat behind his dad, bowing as he picked up his stuff. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

Once he left the room and they were surrounded by nothing but Mari’s heart rate that slowly increased its pace, Chanyeol rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “That’s Eunwoo. Do you remember him? He’s our son now.”

“How? Why?”

Chanyeol sighed. “Mari…there’s no easy way to say this. This will overwhelm you so maybe we should take it slow. For now, we should focus on getting you back to actual recovery. A team of physical therapists are already waiting for you. It’s a team I picked out myself; they’re the best of the best. They’ll get you back walking soon. It’ll feel like nothing ever happened.”

“Walking soon?” she chuckled, “What are you talking about? I can walk perfectly fine.”

“It’s been years, Mari. Your muscles have shrunk due to lack of activity. It would take time for you to get back to your own feet again,” To prove his point, Chanyeol lifted the blanket up to reveal her body, and when she saw it, Mari looked away just as fast. It was only a few seconds, but the sight was enough to have her leaning back in her pillows, eyes shut tight to stop the tears from flowing.

Chanyeol was right. Her legs had shrunk to the point her kneecaps stretched against her skin, and her toes were so bony they were almost far apart from one another. Underneath her hospital gown, she saw a glimpse of a couple ribs poking through, and she didn’t want to look any further.

She didn’t want more proof to confirm her fears that things really had changed.

“How long?” she whispered,  “How long have I been here?” she tugged at Chanyeol’s sleeve when he gazed at her with worry. “Tell me the truth. You’ve aged and Eunwoo is a young man now. I need you to tell me how long I’ve been here.”

Chanyeol pursed his lips, lifting her hand up to kiss her knuckles that had also gone bone-white. “You were in a coma for eighteen years, Mari. The doctors…they didn’t have enough time to fix everything. Your heart failed due to stress along with the trauma, and the bullets grazed an aorta. There was also internal bleeding in your head that wasn’t attended to fast enough so you were deprived of oxygen. You needed multiple surgeries and a heart transplant so you’d live,” he confessed, his hands wiping at the edges of her knuckles. “You hadn’t woken up ever since.”

Mari turned away from him, retracting her hand until it rested on top of her stomach. She couldn’t ignore the way her chest tightened painfully. “Eighteen years?”

“We were afraid you would never wake up. The doctors said the chances of you returning to a normal state were slim. They suggested we pulled out the plug years ago but I couldn’t,” she heard the pain in his voice. She was sure if she looked at him, she’d see nothing but agony in his eyes – something she didn’t understand. “I wouldn’t.”

“Why not? Why didn’t you just end my suffering?”

“Because we waited for you,” he said matter-of-factly, as if he wondered why she didn’t know the answer already. “I adopted Eunwoo in hopes you’d wake up at the sound of his voice, but you never did. I loved the boy eventually. He’s like a real son to me and he couldn’t wait to finally call you Mom when you woke up,” she heard him running his hands through his hair before exhaling, “The boy studied in medical school to take care of you. He hasn’t left your side ever since. He told me he’d only met you once but he knew you were someone worth saving.”

“What if I didn’t want to wake up?” her voice came out bitter.

“Eunwoo theorized that was one of the reasons you never responded to us,” Chanyeol said, tapping her wrist to make her look at him. Mari didn’t want to. It wasn’t because she hated him or didn’t want to see  his face, but because she was afraid she’d see how much he’d aged and it would bring tears to her eyes. She was much and far too tired to cry right now, but she looked at him eventually, and Chanyeol’s eyes held a deep sense of regret. “Mari…when you were in a coma, you could actually hear us. You were fighting at first. You were struggling against the hold death had on you. I saw how determined you were to live but one day…it’s like you’d completely given up. Was it because of what Baekhyun said?”

“Baekhyun? Where is he?” she asked hopefully, brushing her hair back to make herself look presentable. “I want to talk to him.”

“He hasn’t visited in a long time.”

“How long? Is he at work? Is that why?”

“I think it’s best if you talk to him,” he patted her thigh, shaking his head. “But not in this state.”

“No, I want to meet him now!” she insisted, taking his hand when he stood up. “I need to see him, Chanyeol. I-I don’t know what I’d do if I can’t guarantee his safety.”

“He’s safe.”

“Then where is he?”

“He’s back in Seoul working,” he informed. With that revelation, Mari was able to shimmy back in her bed, trying to calm herself down that everything was okay. Baekhyun was safe, and that was all that mattered. All that was left was that she actually needed to see it for herself. “Do you want to go home?” She nodded silently, and Chanyeol pulled out his phone.“Okay. I’ll talk to the doctors. Eunwoo will take care of you in the meantime,” he paused in the doorway, “Oh, and Mari? Get to know him, will you? He loves you as much as he loves his real mother. He waited his whole life to get to know you.”

Mari remained silent. She noticed the way his eyes gleamed with love and care for the boy. As much as she appreciated that Eunwoo was in safe hands, Mari wanted to be selfish. Just for now, just for a little while.

Just until she saw him again.

“I want to talk to Baekhyun.”

***

True to his word, Chanyeol really did everything he could to discharge her. The doctors tried their best to keep their surprise once they saw that she had woken up, though they still fretted over her condition. They were as nice and gentle as they could be in letting her know about her condition, telling her that she’d completely healed from her surgeries and that a battery was placed beside her heart to monitor her health. If she kept taking her meds and did her best in living a healthy lifestyle, they didn’t see any complications that could further worsen her state.

Her body had considerably shrunk though, and she needed at least a year of physical therapy before she could finally walk again. Other than that, Mari felt physically fine. She was quiet in the next check-ups, silently wishing to herself that the process could be done over with quicker because she wanted to see Baekhyun already.

Now that her body was beginning to store real food though, Mari gained some warmth to her cheeks back. She wasn’t entirely there yet, but she was on her way to full recovery. The only thing she had a hard time accepting was that her cranial surgery had been so severe that a patch of her hair stopped growing from the stitches. Her head had been shaved years ago, but her hair was nothing but messy patches of grease and bald spots now.

She almost couldn’t recognize herself.

The whole flight back to Seoul, Mari made herself comfortable at being in a wheelchair. Eunwoo wouldn’t stop talking about the things he wanted to show her once she was feeling better, but her head was so clouded with the thoughts of Baekhyun that his words went from one ear and out into another.

She didn’t mean to disregard her son. Truth was, she was more than happy he had finally been adopted. She wanted to kiss him on the top of his head and have walks with him in the park, but not now. Mari struggled to focus on anything else until she hadn’t seen Baekhyun in the flesh yet because the questions weighed heavy in her mind.

Why hadn’t he visited in a long time?

Was he still friends with Chanyeol?

Did he keep her ring?

Would he still want to marry her after all these years?

Mari was afraid to find out the answers. It wasn’t until they dropped Eunwoo off at his apartment while the driver took a detour to Miracle Empire. Mari didn’t dare question why Chanyeol didn’t leave and live his ideal countryside life, instead continuing with all his demise and raising a child while she was gone. She couldn’t even imagine what he’d been through, and the Other Mari’s words from her dream rang at the back of her head.

Do you even know how much everyone is hurting, waiting for you to come back?

Mari sighed.

Had Baekhyun waited for her too?

“Eunwoo and I moved away shortly afterwards. I didn’t think a penthouse would be the best place for a boy to grow up in, so I bought a house just enough for the both of us. I kept the penthouse in the exact same condition before we left. I thought you wanted to come back to something familiar.”

Mari opened her eyes, raising a brow when she realized Chanyeol had already wheeled her back into their house. Eighteen years didn’t feel real when everything was right where she left it, save for a few framed photos of a young Eunwoo in the living room, smiling at the camera while Chanyeol had him around his shoulders. They seemed to be playing golf, Eunwoo not that much older from when she met him, and it made Mari smile.

Her absence caused trouble for everyone, but at least it brought people together. Eunwoo finally found a good home, while Chanyeol became a happy father.

“It looks exactly the same,” she noticed, twiddling with her fingers in her lap. “But it feels different.”

“We made a lot of memories here,” Chanyeol announced with pure happiness. His chest even puffed out as his eyes softened at the photograph. “Turns out being a father is a lot harder than handling a business.”

“It made you a good man, though. I’m glad how far you’ve come.”

“If you want, we can go back here. Eunwoo is already twenty- six. He doesn’t live with me anymore,” Mari raised a brow at his assumption she would want to stay with him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to since Eunwoo was there, and she really wanted to be the mother she always wanted to be to him. But right now…she was at a loss at where to go. She couldn’t decide right now, not when she hasn’t seen Baekhyun. Chanyeol must have read her mind because he chuckled awkwardly, raising both his palms in defense. “Uhm, that’s not what I meant. What I’m trying to say is, whatever you choose, I’ll respect it. I just want to let you know Eunwoo and I are your family as well, and we’ll be here for you if you need us.”

“Whatever I choose or whoever I choose?”

“I want you to choose for yourself. I want you to live a life you want. There’s no need for you to be tied down to everything you were in before.”

“It’s not that easy and you know it,” she murmured more to herself, wheeling herself to her room. “What made you suddenly change your mind? I thought you’d want to divorce me.”

“That’s what I wanted at first.”

“Then Eunwoo came?”

“No, then you happened,” At his statement, Mari paused from her doorway, peering up at Chanyeol with curiosity. Her husband sighed with a nostalgic smile, leaning on the wall for support. “I grew up with loving parents. My dad was an awesome guy; a little strict with tradition sometimes, but he didn’t hesitate in pushing his work aside to spend time with me. Mom was full of love too. The house would always smell like baked cookies and muffins, and I thought I lived in heaven,” he nibbled on his lips, “Things changed when the company continued to prosper. They got busier until they couldn’t come at my birthdays anymore, merely sending me gift cards and toys through their secretary while they worked overseas. Before I knew it, they expressed their love through things and money until I believed that’s what love meant – that the more expensive gifts you gave someone, the more you showed how much you loved them. I missed them, of course, but I also didn’t want to bother them when I knew they worked hard to provide me a good future so I never complained,”

He looked her straight in the eye. “That’s why I hated you for respecting your parents. Your respect to them reminded me of the way I never demanded them for their love and attention because I wanted to be the good kid who kept silent in everything. You reminded me of a time when I was naïve and weak.”

“So you hated the reflection, and not me as a person.”

“I guess you could say that,” he shrugged, “When I met Evelyn, I loved her in ways I didn’t think I was capable of doing. She was my world and nothing less, but it turns out I wasn’t there for her in the way she needed me to be. I never hated my parents for leaving me alone, so I didn’t think it was wrong of me too to keep working hard for my future with Evelyn. That was my mistake – to focus more on what we could be instead of what we were. When I found out she carried my child, I wasn’t even happy. The first thing I thought of was that my mother would disown me, or my father wouldn’t look at me anymore. That’s when I began hating them. I knew they didn’t want me to marry Evelyn because they had already promised me to a foreign woman I’d never even met, which is why when you came, I made it my mission to make you hate me. I don’t understand how you still managed to like me, but I’m glad you woke up from your senses.”

They both laughed. “I was stupid back then, wasn’t I?”

“No,” he shook his head, eyes down on the floor and then at his knee. Mari suddenly remembered his leg injury from when he almost killed himself, and he seemed to remember it as well when his face relaxed – it was all a long time ago now.

“No, you’d always been an intelligent woman, Mari. You’ve always been too good for me, or for anyone. The only person who deserved you was Baekhyun,” he remarked, standing up straight before crouching down before Mari, a solemn look on his face. “After I found out Evelyn cheated on me, I started to live in a world full of hate. I hated her, I hated you, and I even hated Baekhyun for a while because you were both happy while I was miserable. So I gave up. I wanted to just disappear. I know I had my own shortcomings when it came to Evelyn since I was always at work to ‘provide for our baby’ when in reality, I just wasn’t brave enough to fight for her. Like you, I was also hell bent on pleasing my absent parents. It took me years, a miscarriage, a failing marriage, and an eight year relationship ending because of infidelity to realize my mistake. Of course, it doesn’t justify Evelyn’s actions, but I’m not completely forgiven either.”

Mari winced at the mention of her name. She still didn’t like the woman. “How is she, by the way?”

“Uh, I don’t know actually. I haven’t heard from her ever since, but I did hear some rumors that she’s enjoying her early retirement as a teacher or something. I don’t really care because…it’s all in the past, you know? I’ve made my peace with it. The future is the only place I look forward to now,” he added with a content smile before his fingers brushed over her wrist. “I remember the day you saved me from that bridge. You were wearing a bracelet that matched with Baekhyun, and it slipped off because you nearly jumped after me. That’s when I realized that running away from my mistakes wasn’t the answer. Rather, I had to own up to it and improve myself. So I tried, you know. You’re difficult to be with, but you’re also kind, caring, and fair in judgment. I may have hated you as my wife, but you would’ve been a good one.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I always wanted to have a family. My unborn baby with Evelyn…I couldn’t have made him happy. I was young and afraid of everything. When I met you, you fuelled me with so much anger that I only felt brave enough to fight for Evelyn, but it was too late. She was with me for many years, but I lost her long ago,” he breathed out, scratching his brow to avoid touching her and making her feel uncomfortable. “I thought…if maybe you’d give me the chance to make it up to you, we could both have the family we always wanted to have. You wanted to adopt Eunwoo and I wanted to be a father too, but—”

“I love Baekhyun,” Mari stopped him before he could go down the path she thought he’d go at. “You know that.”

“I know that too. That’s exactly why I pushed down the idea of a happy life with you. It’s because I know you’d rather spend it with someone else.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you changed your mind.”

“I just wanted to make it up to you,” he admitted weakly, “You’ve been nothing but good to me. You’ve always held back your anger. There were times you were harsh but you could’ve been so much worse, and yet you weren’t. You treated me with kindness and I haven’t done anything good to you. That’s why when they kidnapped you again and I saw my best friend fall apart, along with everything and everyone else losing their path in life, I knew I had to be strong and do my best to keep everyone together. I had to make sacrifices to make both worlds meet. And I know there may never be a possibility that you’d forgive me, but I’ve changed, Mari. We can…we can start with a clean slate,” he offered with a hopeful smile, pulling out a photo of a young Eunwoo from his wallet. “Eunwoo’s dream was to get to call you as his Mom, to be with the woman he admired in their first meeting. The boy worked so hard to take care of you, possibly harder than I ever could’ve done. We’re a family now, Mari, but I understand if you want to go,” he placed the photo back into his wallet, keeping his face blank as he handed her an envelope, then a pen. “I’ve already prepared the divorce papers. You can sign it as soon as you want.”

“And if I don’t? What happens to us?”

“We can do whatever we want.”

“How can you guarantee we can? What happened when I was gone, huh? Where’s my Father, or my brother?” she demanded, clutching the envelope in her hands. “Can you assure me we’re safe?”

“Your brother is under a mental institution for criminals. He’d committed a lot of crimes as the heir to James Young’s underground gang, so he was charged for international crimes and affairs for his murders and abductions.”

“Is he alive?”

“Unwell, but yes. He’s far away from us now, Mari. You don’t have to worry about him.”

“What if I want to meet him?”

Chanyeol looked taken aback. “I don’t understand why you’d want to…but I can take you to him someday if you like. I won’t recommend direct contact though. He’s psychotic and now that he’s pushed to his brink, his actions are unpredictable. He’s considered a highly dangerous threat to all of us, but it’s been eighteen years and we haven’t heard from him since.”

“I want to talk to him one last time – to give thanks.”

“What for?”

Mari took a deep breath, struggling to let out the words. “I-I think my brother was the one who brought me back to my parents. It was probably an impulsive decision since he still wanted to make me suffer after that, but the fact the urge to save me – even if it was something he came to regret – was strong enough that he went against everything he believed in is already something I’m extremely grateful for. Had it not been for him saving me that day, I wouldn’t have met you, or Baekhyun. I wouldn’t have come this far had he not given me a second chance.”

Chanyeol nodded sympathetically, “I understand.”

“What about my Father?”

“We presented all the evidences your Mother has gathered right before her death to be used against him in court. He was placed in a death sentence, and your company’s crumbling to the ground too. I’d kept my contact with them minimal since you were still unwell and I didn’t want to take your family business matters into my own hands, so I don’t know much about them. Jongdae…he’s under my employment again, as well. He said he still doesn’t like me for being a ‘lying ’ to you—” they both chuckled at Jongdae’s apparent distaste for his boss, “—But he also said he wished to work with you again. He’s also been waiting for you to wake up.”

“So you’re saying my battles have already been fought for me?” Mari verified with wavering hesitance and guilt.

Do you even know how much everyone is hurting, waiting for you to come back?

“Yes, Mari. We’re all safe now. Tana Kim and James died during the firing, too. They both didn’t make it.”

“What else is waiting for me outside then?”

“Us,” Chanyeol gestured to himself, “My Mom, Mina, Eunwoo, and I. Jongdae too…and Baekhyun.”

“Where’s Yui?”

“Yui was murdered by James Young. Don’t you remember?”

Mari’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. Yui died? Where and how – James Young. Right. Yui tried to rescue her and Mina was there too, but only the two of them made it because Yui risked her life to warn Mari one last time.

Mari bit her lip to ease the aching in her chest.

“I remember now,” she said bitterly, “And Mina?”

“Seoul’s finest jeweler.”

“I see. That’s good to know.” Mari made a mental note to check up on Mina as soon as possible.

“Li