four.

What It Means to be Me

It was lunchtime at school when Jaemin noticed something was different. 

"Hyuck," he said as they walked to the grassy area where their group usually ate lunch, "You smell like another omega." 

"H-huh?" Donghyuck whipped his head towards his friend. He'd been in sort of a daze all day.

"There's only two omegas you hang out with: me and Chenle. You smell like an omega that's not either of us," Jaemin firmly spoke. 

Donghyuck snorted. Jaemin could read Donghyuck like a book, and his lying was especially terrible today. 

"You're ridiculous. Who else would I be talking to? Maybe you're smelling my papa..." 

Jaemin scoffed but didn't say anything back. He was too distracted by his own thoughts to really pay too much attention to his friend's ty lies: today was the day he was putting his plan into action.

It was time to brush it all off. "Jeno!" Jaemin suddenly yelled. Their whole group jumped as the alpha teen in question turned towards them, looking confused, then shy. 

"H-Hi Jaemin," he stuttered quietly, Jeno's usual friends walking away to their lunch spot. 

"Come sit with us today," Jaemin called. Jeno's eyes widened in surprise before giving a little nod, slowly treading over to Jaemin's group. 

"Dude, what?" Jisung whispered, looking uncomfortably between Jaemin and his brother. 

"Finally giving in to his little crush?" Chenle teased with a smirk. 

Jaemin winked at Jisung and Chenle and shrugged. "Maybe." 

When Jeno was near them they all took their seats underneath their usual tree: Jisung sitting with Chenle's head in his lap, Donghyuck leaning against the tree, Renjun hunched over, off to the side. Jaemin took his usual spot beside Donghyuck and Jeno hesitantly sat next to him. 

Jaemin gave Jeno a little sly smile, surreptitiously scooting closer to him. Judging by Donghyuck's suspicious expression, he could tell that his long time best friend knew Jaemin was up to no good. But he could also tell Donghyuck was distracted about something, probably this new omega he wouldn't tell Jaemin about. Something was off, but Jaemin knew he had to keep focusing on his plan for it to work. 

Renjun, too, was obviously distracted. This whole scent (or lack thereof) thing was clearly taking a toll. Jaemin's heart ached for his longtime friend's struggle. But this was all playing perfectly into his hands. 

Donghyuck and Renjun were the two people who would be suspicious of Jaemin, read his expression, notice the changes, easily tell if something was off. But they were so distracted that Jaemin could practically get away with anything he wanted right now. Jisung and Chenle were a little more oblivious, into their own thing and relationship. Plus, the two of them had the closest ties to Jeno, and now it was more obvious then ever that Jeno at least harbored a little crush on him; they would want Jeno to get what he wanted. So, they'd support him, not realizing Jaemin's secret plan. 

This whole thing couldn't have gone better. 

"Th-Thank you for inviting me to hang out," Jeno said shyly, giving Jaemin a little smile. 

"I've always wanted to," Jaemin cutely answered, turning to his side so he could lean on Jeno. "But you're just so...popular; I was always so nervous." 

Jaemin couldn't see Jeno's face but he could feel his skin heating up. This was going perfectly

"A-I dunno..." 

"Well I do know," Jaemin answered, emphasizing his words with a little giggle. 

Jaemin paused his flirtations for a moment to take a look around at his friends. Donghyuck and Renjun were dazedly staring at their laps; neither of them were even at that lunch circle, at least mentally. Jisung and Chenle were whispering and giggling conspiratorially. Perfect. 

"Don't you miss when we'd actually eat lunch during lunchtime?" Chenle piped up. Jaemin, Jeno, and Jisung groaned in agreement. 

"Maybe during the test hunt we'll see if anyone can hunt well and fix the problem..." Jaemin said. 

"Sorry to say, but that won't be me," Jisung answered with a laugh. 

"He never practices," Jeno added. 

Jaemin turned back toward Jeno, resting his head on his shoulder and looking up at him. "Do you?" 

Jeno looked away shyly. "I try..." 

"He's pretty good, actually," Jisung admitted. 

"I knew it," Jaemin mumbled, giving Jeno one of those smiles he knew was dazzling. Jeno couldn't stop looking back and forth between Jaemin's face and the floor. Even coming on so strong, it was working. It was all working. 

Jeno was definitely weird, though. Jaemin had always thought he was weird but talking to him closer like this he was still weird. He'd always looked like an alpha, ever since they were kids. But his personality was so soft, so...almost omega that Jaemin had secretly thought Jeno would present omega. Nobody but him had been surprised when he presented as an alpha. This close he definitely smelled like alpha; he reeked of it. But that didn't stop Jeno from being gentle and shy and stuttering like a nervous little omega. It was weird. He was weird. 

Jaemin pushed his thoughts aside and continued on with his plan, casually resting his head on Jeno's shoulder, almost scenting him but not quite. 

"We're getting so old guys...like, the test hunt is coming up... and omegas our age are starting to get heats...which will inevitably lead to mating. It's crazy," Jaemin said, directing the conversation to what he wanted to discuss. 

"Don't remind me!" Chenle whined. "I wanted to be first to get a heat." 

Both he and Jisung pouted. 

"It...It would be nice to have someone promised to you already, I think," Jeno admitted. "I'm a little jealous of you Jisungie." The alpha teen punctuated his words to his brother with a little giggle that made Jaemin clench his teeth tightly. 

Nonetheless, that was exactly what Jaemin had wanted Jeno to say. 

"You're not promised to anyone?" He asked, feigning surprise, looking back up at the alpha. 

Jeno gave him a brief look before shaking his head. His cheeks were almost permanently dusted pink. "N-no, I'm not. Are you?" 

"Nope." Jaemin let out a sad sounding sigh. 

Jeno took in a few deep breaths, clearly embarrassed to even let out the words he was about to speak. "Heat, yet?" 

Jaemin stared back deep into Jeno's eyes. "Not yet. But..." That was all he spoke but he let the implications of it all hang in the air, around Jeno, driving him crazy

When he knew it wasn't suspicious to do so Jaemin spared the briefest of glances at Donghyuck; the only person in the group who knew that Jaemin's implications were an absolute lie. But he was still lost in thought, lost in his mind. Jaemin couldn't have wished for anything better, and he gave Jeno a smile. 

They could've cut the tension, the tension Jaemin fabricated between them, with a knife. 

And the school bell was that knife. 

Renjun and Donghyuck leapt up but the rest lingered, Jeno most of all. Jaemin pressed himself close to the alpha. 

"Walk me home after school?" 

Jeno grinned. "Of course." 

~~~~~~~~~~

Donghyuck had spent all day waiting for school to be over. Now finally he was allowed to leave, rushing out of the large school cabin as quickly as his legs would allow. It was finally time to see Mark. 

Typically he would walk Jaemin home after school but strangely, Jaemin had asked Jeno to instead. Coupled with the whole thing at lunchtime Donghyuck was confused and a little worried. After all, Jaemin had expressed a desire to never have an alpha just a few days prior, and now he was all over Jeno. But as weird as it was, Donghyuck couldn't focus on it too much, all his thoughts directed now towards Mark. Anyways, whatever was going on, it meant Jaemin wouldn't be too overbearing and curious about Donghyuck's new thing. 

Plus, Jeno walking Jaemin home meant Donghyuck could go see Mark a bit earlier. 

Slowing down his pace as he got closer to Mark's, he breathed deeply, in and out. What would Mark think if he knew how eager Donghyuck was? Would it scare him away? 

Looking down at the ground, Donghyuck perked up when he spotted a tuft of white coming up out of the deadening grass. He crouched down to the ground, looking closely with surprise. 

It was flowers. From what Donghyuck could remember of his childhood flowers grew abundantly all over their territory but since the famine, it seemed like everything had just...died. These little white flowers were a rare sight to see indeed. 

Donghyuck took it as a sign and plucked them out of the ground, tying their stems together with a spare string. 

It was time to go see his Mark; he couldn't wait any longer. 

Finally reaching the front door to Mark's cabin he knocked once, twice, three, four, five times, leaving a short pause in between. He pressed his ear up against the door and didn't hear the sound of movement. He was about to pull away when a small voice called, "My parents are gone, Donghyuck, you can come in." 

At the sound of Mark's delicate voice Donghyuck grinned and pushed his way inside, no hesitation. This time he didn't take the time to look around, simply stoking the living room fire for Mark's comfort before heading to his room. 

Quickly Donghyuck opened the door before freezing in his spot. He had almost forgotten, just overnight, Mark. The hurt of seeing him so frail, so gaunt, but the pleasure of seeing him, so stunning despite everything. Donghyuck only stayed still for a moment more before making his way beside Mark's bed, resting his head on the mattress, just like last time. Neither were afraid anymore. 

"H-Hi," Mark said, so gently, before erupting into nervous giggles. 

"Hi," Donghyuck softly answered back. He pulled the flowers out from their hiding spot behind his back and gave them to Mark. 

"Oh my gosh," he answered, looking back and forth between the flowers and Donghyuck's face. With shaking fingers Mark took them into his hands. His face still looked shocked but his eyes sparkled and Donghyuck knew he wanted to make Mark feel like this every day. "Wh-where did you find these? My parents told me almost everything was dead..." 

Donghyuck shrugged and grinned. "I guess not everything is dead yet." 

Mark smiled a little and looked down at his lap. "Well, thank you." 

"It's my pleasure, Mark." 

Mark looked around before putting the bouquet in a glass of water beside his bed, turning back onto his side to face Donghyuck. 

"How are you?" Mark asked, ever gently. 

Donghyuck chuckled. "I don't know. School was....school. I kinda just spent the whole day missing you though." 

Mark sort of squeaked a little bit and it made Donghyuck's heart do this strange little dancing thing in his chest, and he smiled wide. Mark smiled back, almost too shy to look at Donghyuck, curling up into himself. 

"I did too, honestly," Mark answered, very quietly, but Donghyuck heard it well enough. "Yesterday...yesterday was kind of the best day I've had in a really long time." 

"Then let's make today even better, alright?" 

Mark nodded and scooted himself closer to Donghyuck. "Yeah." He sighed suddenly and pouted a bit, making Donghyuck's insides scramble. "I wish I could go to school." 

Donghyuck scoffed and shook his head. "No, you don't." 

"I do! I have to study everything by myself. My parents bring me the textbooks you guys use but that's it. It's so boring here. I can only talk to my parents and Kun and now that they're busy..." 

The alpha's heart cracked into a million little pieces at the thought of Mark being lonely. 

"I guess it would be better than this..." Donghyuck mumbled, looking around at Mark's barren, too hot room. "School would be better, I think, if you were there too." 

"I bet the school-school parts wouldn't be great. But being with all our friends would be fun. Does everyone still hang out?" 

"Of course," Donghyuck answered, and that made Mark smile. "Chenle and Jisung are still together too." 

"Seriously?" Mark gasped. 

"Uh-huh. They aren't officially mated yet but its only a matter of time..." 

"So Chenle hasn't had a heat yet?" 

Donghyuck nodded and froze, a question on his lips that he needed to know, yet didn't want to ruin the moment with. But he couldn't hold himself back; when could he ever? "Mark...have you?" 

Mark flushed a little bit and shook his head. "I...don't know what's going to happen when that comes. Of course I'm not, like, promised to anyone...I haven't even seen anyone in years. A-are you?" 

Donghyuck shook his head and his heart leapt in his chest. Neither of them had someone, and Donghyuck's heart beat wildly at the thought that technically, they could be something. Obviously Mark was thinking about it too; although his gaze was shy he still looked at Donghyuck, searched his face, probably for the same thing Donghyuck was searching Mark's face for: desire. 

Suddenly Mark cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to change the uncomfortable subject. "And how are the rest, Jaemin and Renjun?" 

"Jaemin's a wily omega-" 

"Oh so that's who I'm smelling on you," Mark spoke in understanding. "I'm a little bit surprised, but not that much actually..."

"And Renjun...we still don't know." 

"Wait, what? He still hasn't presented?" Donghyuck shook his head. "Oh my gosh, tell me more, how is he dealing with that?" 

And so they spoke like that for hours and hours, catching up on the big and the little things, delighting in the way each other's voices lilted and lips curled up into bright smiles, just seeing each other.

Suddenly, both Donghyuck and Mark sat up, the voices of Doyoung and Jaehyun beginning to carry from outside the front door. They turned to the window; outside it was completely dark. 

"," Donghyuck mumbled. Now they had double the chance of being caught: by Doyoung and Jaehyun seeing Donghyuck was over, or Johnny and Taeil getting too worried about Donghyuck and going to search for him. It just seemed like a better idea to keep things a secret, even if they clearly were going to be seeing each other every day, from now on. 

"Through the window? I think you could fit..." Mark whispered. The voices were closer now but luckily, Doyoung and Jaehyun weren't inside the cabin just yet. 

"Yeah, yeah. I'll lock it on my way out." 

Donghyuck stood fully but he lingered beside Mark's bed, loathe to depart from the boy beside him. Somehow, this hurt even more than the day before. 

Mark held the flowers to his chest for a moment, that pained, pained look in his eyes at the thought of Donghyuck leaving his side. Donghyuck almost cracked but he knew if he stayed another moment he couldn't do it, and then only bad things would befall them. 

"Goodbye Mark," he mumbled softly, reaching for the window and hoisting himself up. 

"Tomorrow?" Mark asked desperately. 

Donghyuck managed to turn back to Mark, giving him one last look. "Tomorrow." 

~~~~~~~~~~

Mark thanked god that the window was locked and he'd calmed himself down when his parents finally walked into the house, hoping that neither of them could smell that Donghyuck had been here. 

"Hi sweetie!" Doyoung called, both him and Jaehyun walked into his room and rubbing his shoulder. They both reeked of the hunt, animals and pheromones and the outdoors, and Mark knew neither of them could catch Donghyuck's scent amongst all of that. They both had a cold, breathless air about them but they smiled, at each other, Jaehyun's arm casually slipping around Doyoung's waist. Mark hadn't seen both of his parents so happy in quite a while, especially Jaehyun. His heart hurt desperately at the thought that hunting together gave them joy, as a beta and an alpha, and with him like this, they couldn't partake in that. If only he wasn't so damn sick then-

Mark had to stop himself; whenever he went down this path then he'd fall into a depression that would take him weeks to emerge from. 

"Hi dad," he said, forcing on a smile, for both of them. Remember Donghyuck remember Donghyuck remember Donghyuck, he repeated over and over in his head until the smile was real. 

"How was your day?" Doyoung asked. 

"Where did you get these?" Jaehyun interrupted before Mark could answer, holding up the water glass with the bouquet Donghyuck had brought dropped inside. 

"Oh...Kun stopped by and brought them for me!" Mark lied. 

Luckily it was a good lie and both of them smiled. 

"How sweet!" Doyoung said. "I'll go get a real vase for you to put these in." 

"Wonder where he found them..." Jaehyun mumbled as Doyoung left and quickly returned, setting the flowers next to Mark's bed. His heart melted just looking at them. 

"Speaking of visitors...has Donghyuck been stopping by? I know I forgot to ask yesterday..." 

What would be the best lie here?

"Yeah...but I haven't been letting him in," he spoke, looking away. He didn't like having to lie to his parents like this but something in his gut told him this was the way to go. 

"Oh Mark...he just wants to see you, you know?" Jaehyun answered, his voice full of concern. 

"We know how you feel about people seeing you in this state. But it would be so good for you to make friends, especially now that you're older," Doyoung added. 

Jaehyun made a face and Doyoung turned to him, giving him a look. "Well...you are getting older. And while I do think it's important that you make some friends...I don't think anything more than that is a good idea." 

"True, very true," Doyoung added. "If you ever do decide you're ready to hang out with people your own age again, let us know, alright? Dating and promising would not be a good thing, with your condition and all..." 

"Just don't do it, al-" 

"Guys!" Mark whined. "I don't hang out with anyone my age anyways! You don't have to worry." 

Both Jaehyun and Doyoung breathed sighs of relief. "Okay. We do want you to have friends though!" Jaehyun said hopefully. 

Mark sighed and rolled his eyes. "I know, I know." 

He did know, now, he knew the reason his parents couldn't know about Donghyuck's visits.

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fvtimx11 #1
Chapter 20: OMG LOVED IT
kiseonnie11
#2
Chapter 20: Oh my gosh. It is 1am here and i am a sobbing mess. This story is so beautiful. Its just poked my heart so much that chap18 made me cry bucks. I felt their love, not just romantic love but familial and friendship love too. I just cant thank you enough for this. You did so great! <3
ipurpleexo #3
Chapter 20: This is the most beautiful story I have ever read. I can actually see every character saying all the lines and doing all those things and even going through all those feelings like a real scene in front of me. As if it is all true. That it is happening somewhere and I am in that place but not s any if the characters but as a onlooker who is seeing everything and even understanding the emotions that everyone went through!!! I just love this story!! <3<3
rio_67
#4
Chapter 20: I absolutely loved this book. Thank you for taking your time and writing this masterpiece <3
melly-pop #5
Chapter 18: My eyes are watering. Oof. The love expressed for Jaemin in the 18th chapter.
kpop_04jk
#6
Chapter 20: Such a great book. It’s been an emotional roller coaster for me as well. This book has been a great combination of deep and also light hearted at times. I love this book and all your other ones. Thank you for working so hard for us
Jun_ley
#7
Chapter 20: YAAASSSS AHAHAHAHAHAHA
I giggled when I read Hendery’s name. Thank you unnie!
Selu
#8
Chapter 20: What happen between those years that make Jungwoo from finding Hendery name an atrocity into agreeing to name his kid with it?
I love Jaemin and Donghyuck friendship so much
Jun_ley
#9
Chapter 19: *Key’s voice* “I’m crying in club. You’re in the club”
..like I know I spilled about this scene since the beginning so I was aware of it but just like Donghyuck, the mental processing hit like a mother trucker. The water works are no joke and I cried when hyuck was covering his mouth (I’ve been there done that) and when Kun was telling them”one moment, one moment” but finally turned around showing his face (also, been there and done that lol).