I was accompanying my Mom, who was sleeping soundly on hospital's bedroom, when my sister threw me a question that made my heart almost fell to the floor:

"Did you not tell Adrian if you're home?" she asked.

It's been one week since I arrived here, but I hadn't told my own boyfriend if I was coming back to here. It wasn't like I didn't want to tell him, but I still hadn't have a guts to face Adrian. Not after what I did in Jeju Island behind his back, to cheat him like that.

So, my cowardice- decided to hiding and keeping my homecoming as a secret.

"And why do you suddenly asked that?" I murmured to her.

"Because your boyfriend suddenly messaged me, asking if I've been keeping in touch with you, and he claimed that you haven't replied his chat." she answered. "I'm a little bit confused here with the word 'keep in touch', because you were practically with me all the time. Of course I would be keeping in touch with you, right? I concluded if he hadn't known about you being in Indonesia."

I sighed. "I just realised your over-analyse-thinking side is annoying."

"Well, so, did he know?" she asked again.

"He did not." I said. "And please keep it still as a secret to him."

"What? He's your boyfriend! Are you fighting with him?" she asked in disbelief.

"No... but, it's way more complicated." I mumbled.

"What complicated? Do you want to talk about it?" she asked in a lukewarm tone, giving me an ease feeling and making me comfortable to tell her my story.

I bit my lips, wondering whether I should tell her or not. I need person to tell my story to, indeed. That's what to have your boyfriend only as someone whom can to talk with, because when the problem is him, you'll have no one left.

I looked at my Mom, making sure if she was still sleeping. Then, I turned to my sister who stared at me patiently.

"Okay, listen up: I'll tell you everything."

***

My sister was raising her eyebrows highly and opening her eyes widely.

She kept looking at the polaroid photo, in which taken when I was with Hanbin in Camellia Hill. She flipped the photo over and over, and then rubbed her eyes while staring at the photo.

"Is it really you? And the Kim Hanbin of your favourite boyband?" she asked.

"FYI, it's a boygroup, not a boyband, because all of them are singing and no one using an instrument to being called as a band." I corrected her, which made her rolling eyes. "And yeah, it's me and Kim Hanbin."

She whistled. "Wow, I can't believe this. I used to see this guy's face in the poster that you used to buy oftenly. And now, he took a photo with you like a lover."

"I know, right." I murmured and sighed. "I still couldn't believe it too. It feels like an irrational hallucination of me, like a sloppy romance which only can be found in a fan fiction story."

"What is fan fiction?" my sister asked me confusedly.

I rolled my eyes. "Never mind. But the point is, I don't want to face Adrian yet. At least, until I collected my courageous and confessed to him about what I did."

"Then, what?"

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Then, after you confessed and told him everything, what would you do? Would you break up with him? Or would you begging for Adrian's mercy and coming back to him?"

I appalled by her sudden question. "I... I don't know. I doubt if he would forgive me though, so yeah, maybe I would break up with him."

"Well, we're talking about Adrian here. He's a total slave for your love anyway. He would forgive you, I bet. But is that what you really want? To being with him again? And how about this guy?" she pointed the Hanbin at the photo.

"I already told you, he's out of my league." I said hesitantly.

"Out of your league my ," she mocked, making me gasped because I still couldn't get used to with this side of my sister, "He already told you that he's in love with you, but you're the one who decided to go away just because these little problems in here."

"Little problem?" I asked her exasperatedly. "Our Mom is sick! And you can't handle it alone!"

"Yeah, which makes you still could go back to there! It's not like I asked you to come here forever. I know you really love your job and I can't ask you to stay here, Irina."

I was staring at her in disbelief. "So, I still could go back to there?" I asked.

"Of course you can, my stupid little sister!" she exclaimed. "But the problem is, who would you choose after this, after knowing you have a choice?"

"I..." I trailed my words. "I... I think I still will stick with Adrian, even though I could go back to South Korea. Maybe I could try again with him, maybe my feelings for him is still in there."

My sister sighed. "See? The problem is you, Irina. You're being a coward."

"What? Why?" I yelled.

"Your self-defense mechanism is activating again. You denied something that looks might bring you lot of happiness, but with a big risk. You don't want to get risk. You just want a safe happiness, even though you're not feeling satisfied and content enough with it." she uttered precisely.

"What-- ho-how do you know?" I asked stammeringly.

She rolled her eyes. "Please, it's in our family's DNA. Yet, I thought you're at least different because you were brave enough to rebel Mom and decided