Jakarta, 2020

I never expected if I would come back here. At least, not this fast.

You know when you secretly made a promise to yourself if you never, ever, want to go back to the specific place that bring so much a painful memories because you want to protect your self no matter what it cost?

I was making that self-promise. That's why right now my other self was constantly abusing and cursing my other self who decided to go back here, and they were bickering intensely to the point making my head hurts. 

When I arrived at the airport and I was feeling all of those humidity and pollution in the air, I just couldn't help my self for being nauseated. The unwanted memories was rushing into my mind again, and suddenly I went back into my old depressed self again: everything in here made me anxious, terrified, and wanted to throw up.

I wonder if I still had chance to runaway.

My betrayal feet was about to set down to the departure gate. It was an impulsively stupidity act but I was feeling on edge. My mind occupied by endless words screaming to me about how should I really go back to Korea instead of here.

"Irina!"

The familiar voice was stopping me from running. I turned my body to acknowledge the owner of voice, only being surprisingly shocked because the person who stood in front of me feels familiar and different at the same time.

Instead of the long wavy thick and black hair, the short curly hair hanging from her head. And she gained a weight, like a lot. We used to be very a like with our slender and long wavy hair, but everyone must be can distinguishing us easily now.

"Sis?" I asked hesitantly.

She showed me her crooked smile.

"Hi, little sis."

***

We were silently sitting inside of the car.

No one tried to speak first. And I didn't bother at all. I couldn't say it was a comfortable silence, because I was silently fidgeting here. But it wasn't unpleasant, too. After all, she was my sister and her presence was giving me a warm, familiar feeling.

"Are you hungry?"

I startled because of my sister's sudden question. I looked at her and she still drove her car in too much seriousness, staring at the street sharply.

"Ehm, maybe?" I answered vaguely. I had eaten brunch in the plane, but it was 4 hours ago. So, yeah, maybe I was hungry but I couldn't feel it because of the anxiety whirling inside my body.

Suddenly, she turned the stir sharply to take a turn over. I looked around confusedly and asked her, "Where do we want to go?" 

"Somewhere to eat." she answered.

"Where? Why did you turn over?" I asked her back.

"I know a good place in the reverse street." she replied. "Chill, sist." she said, then this time she bother to look at me and showing her amused smirk.

"Are you really my big sister?" I asked in disbelief. "From what I knew: she was a quiet, never smirking, and a little bit demure."

"Well, let's find out." she replied.

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