I uninstalled my LINE account and inactivated my South Korea's phone number as soon as I arrived in Indonesia.

I was pretty sure Hanbin tried to contact me after he knew about my departure and read my letter. And reading Hanbin's chat was be the last thing I want to read. It would affecting my decision to leave him for good. Or making me feel more pathetic emotionally. 

But after hearing my sister's words, I was ready to open my LINE. Thanks to her, I got my courageous back to try again with him. At least, I was willing to go back to South Korea even though I wasn't sure when will I be back.

My hands got shaky when trying to log in to LINE. Am I ready? I thought anxiously. What if Hanbin said plenty of words that makes me even more feeling guilty? What if Hanbin cursed at me? Or... what if he didn't send me anything, because he's too angry?

I shook my head hardly. I have to face whatever his response would be like.

I was ready to tap the 'LOG IN' button when my Mum moved her hands slowly, trying to get up from her bed. I put my phone and approached her hurriedly and asking her, "What's wrong, Mum?"

She pointed her drink on the side table. "I want drink." she said.

I took it and gave it to her. "Here." I said. Then, she was drinking peacefully and not saying anything again. 

When I hadn't have arrived on the hospital, I was thinking dozens of possibility and scenarios in which my Mum responded to my sudden existence in front of him. It included her shrill yelling sound, slapping scene, and other dramatic scenarios that might be happened. 

But turns out, Mum was sleeping when I arrived at the hospital. Even after she woke up and she saw me, she was just making inaudible sound like scoffing or whining-- but then, she shut her eyes again and didn't say anything to me. That was all.

I found it really weird, because she was always been the high tempered one. Especially after knowing her rebellious daughter finally came home after no news heard. I expected she would slap me again, at the least.

Then my sister told me, "She decided to forget everything what you did."

I opened my eyes widely. "Like, she forgives... me?" I asked her hesitantly.

"Not really. But she didn't want to talk about it. She said it would affecting her health if she got angry, so she's acting that way." my sister explained. "But be prepared with her silence act toward you though."

I didn't mind at all.

Frankly, this silence treatment had been the best option happened for me. I didn't need to give her any excuse and defend my self. And I didn't need to hear her accuse and grudge against me. I had enough for the drama added to my life, so I decided to keep being silent as well.

And that was the reason when I got really startled when Mum suddenly spoke:

"I heard that you broke up with Adrian."

Mum never support any decision that I made in and for my life. But dating with Adrian seems the only one exception. Not surprisingly, Adrian is a good guy that every mother's favourite. And I was kind of expecting she would be upset if she knew about my downfall relationship with him.

"Yes, Mum." I replied.

"Are you seeing another guy in Korea?" she asked.

I got startled again, and this time I didn't really know what should I say to her. I didn't want to her to get angry though. But I didn't want to lie too. 

"Yes, I am." I muttered.

Mum stared at me. Her stare weirdly seems calm and neutral, there was no judgement that usually shown on her eyes every time she questioning about what I did. "Who is it?" she asked.

"You'd better not know." I replied. "You wouldn't let me with this guy anyway."

"But, are you happy with him?" she asked again.

Happy. Mum has never been asked me about my feelings, especially the 'are you happy' question. She decided everything for me, and never bother to ask what I felt toward that. And the question gave me an overwhelming feeling, making my buried grudges against her was out.

"What do you care?" I growled. "Mum never cares about my feeling."

Mum still stared at me calmly, even I've lost it. "Your grandma, my mother-in-law, didn't give me a blessing with your father. She insisted your father to break up with me, just because she didn't like me personally." she uttered. I remained silent and continued hearing her because I was too shock to hear this new information. 

"But we, me and your father, were stubbornly keeping our marriage because we know if we're happy with each other.  We wanted to fight our relationship and since then I was trying hardly to get your grandma's heart. She still didn't like me much until today even though she's really senile now, but it was getting better at least. And you know what makes her heart melt? You and your sister."

"Oh." I responded shortly, because I was still unsure what to say and what she has been trying to say to me.

"Both of you was the only thing that your grandma approved from my marriage with father. I was keeping you all to be 'the perfect daughter', because I knew that way your grandma would leave our family in piece."

"Oh..." I responded again, incapable to respond anything else.

"I forced you to be perfect because I worried about grandma will say anything bad about you, and I don't want that. Especially after father passed away, she was easier to feel resentful toward our family. And I fully aware if I have been a bad mother for you, indeed. No one likes for being dictated, but I thought I have no choice back then."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked her furiously. "If you give me excuses and try to apologize, it's too late, mother."

"What I want to really say if this guy is make you happier than Adrian, then I have nothing against with. And..." she trailed off. She was moving her hands hesitantly, like she was trying to reach mine but she ended up didn't do it. "you said it's too late for me apol