"This is not who we are"

"This is not me"

______________________________

"Scary"

"Voice deeper than the Ocean"

"You do all the heavy lifting in ONEUS"

"Please don't speak they'll get scared"

...

Geonhak just sat there looking a bit disappointed, he didn't think much about it at first but it seems to be getting the best of him lately "That's just not who I am"

He may look tough, well built and with a deep voice like the thunder but Geonhak was the sweetest ever.

He breathed in the cold afternoon air sitting alone somewhere away from the busy practice room. He needed some air. He breathed in deeply as the breez hit his face, cold and refreshing. He closed his eyes trying to put his thoughts in place. He had to go back inside the practice room soon and put his anxiety aside. He's fine "I'm fine" he said to himself "It's just in my head, no one really thinks that"

Giant, Scary ... His voice

"No"

"That's not who I am"

He breathed in again, finally moving from where he stood for the last 10 to 15 minutes and walked back to the practice room. The moment he opened the door, music was deafening. He was trying to get away for some time but here he is, stuck with the loud noise and the crazy people inside whom he loved endlessly.

The moment his eyes landed on Hwanwoong, the younger yelled from across the room "Where have you been for so long ? We need to practice the lift"

"Did you ask me before deciding that I'm doing the lift?" Leedo said jocking with a teasing smile "What if I don't want to do the lifting"

Flustered as he is, Hwanwoong came closer "Listen to this Hyung" looking around their practice room pointing fingers "Why do I have to do all the heavy lifting in this group?" 

"Because you're the only one who can" Xion said form where he was standing smiling at the older. We all know how Dongju and Leedo are, Leedo pumpering the younger 24/7 and Dongju being a spoiled brat but at times like these, Leedo has always been good to Xion, the younger making him feel like he had a little brother to take care of and baby even though Dongju would reject him most of the time and well ... bite him but he still loved him and cared for him alot. 

Leedo did was he was told, practing, doing all the heavy lifting and he didn't really object to the decision they made without asking him thinking that he was the only one who could do it just like Xion said. They had no other choice. His feelings were mixed up, he had alot on his mind but most importantly was to do this part right and make sure that they practice the lifting parts safely and without mistakes. The last thing he wanted was to get someone hurt.

It's been almost an hour in practice room and everything was going okay, Geonhak was trying his best to focus on not to make any mistakes but his anxiety was kicking in everytime the lifting part started. He was hesitant and afraid he would make mistakes or hurt someone. At break time, he sat somewhere alone in the far corner, sipping some water and taking deep breaths "Everything is fine, why am I making a big deal out of this ?"

Everything went okay despite Geonhak's mixed up thoughts, he heaved a relieved sigh on their way to the van to go home. All what he wanted to do was to take a shower and sink in his bed. He felt his muscles ache and head throbbing hard as he let his head lean against the cold window. He closed his eyes for a bit. It only felt like two minutes to him but 20 minutes already has passed and they are now home. Hwanwoong gently tapped his shoulder asking him to wake up and get out of the van.

He skipped dinner, took a quick shower and went directly to bed. He felt like his body was about to shutter and dark thoughts started creeping inside his mind "Am I really that scary ?" ... "I don't want to be like this"  

He was the first to get into bed but the last to actually fall asleep. He heard the others coming into their shared bedroom one by one and the lights were officially off after some time but his mind was as awake as a watch dog. He could feel his power draining, he couldn't sleep. It was around 2 am in the the morning and he couldn't understand how time flew by so quickly. He finally sat up, his muscles aching at the sudden movement and head slightly faint. He walked out of his bed to the living room and sat there for sometime before he decided to hit the shower again only this time, he decided to take a cold one.

He looked at himself in the mirror and couldn't recognise the person in front of him. His eyes glassy and his mind off wondering somewhere else. He stepped into the cold shower and hissed at the water making contact with his bare skin "Please go away" he pledged to the voices inside his head "This is not who I am" 

He didn't care how bad he was shivering or how cold the water was on his body he just wanted to numb the thoughts and for some time he managed to shut them down. He finally turned the water off the water and put his clothes on, his hair was still dripping when he sat on the small couch they had in the living room, he was still shivering so bad and feeling so cold but he didn't move he just sat there when suddenly the door to their shared bedroom opened.

Dongju woke up to the sound of the water pouring in the shower for too long, he wondered who was it since it was already too deep in the night for a shower and looking around he noticed Leedo's bed empty. He waited until the water closed and walked out of the room to check on the older only to find him sitting in the living room with his hair still dripping in water, his lips almost blue in color and shivering like a leaf.

"Hey ... whats' going on are you okay ?" The younger asked but was faced by a cold response, Leedo didn't want to face anyone right now and he just tried to hide his face "I'm fine" he coldly said but it was obvious to Xion that he wasn't. Getting closer to the older, Dongju could see him shivering so bad, he reached his hand and landed it on Geonhak's shoulder only to be pushed away again "I said I'm fine you go back to sleep" but Dongju would't have any of these lies.

His expressions are now so worried, he slowly sat next to Leedo and gently placed his hand on the older's back running his palm up and down soothing his already tensed muscles. Noticing how his hair was still dripping in water, Xion looked around "I'll go get you a towel" he said before he rushed into the bathroom and emerged with a fresh towel in his hand. Despite the other's rejection, Dongju found his way to start drying the others hair "Oh gosh you're so cold, what if you get sick?" the younger sighed seeing his hyung in such condition but he didn't ask questions. He dissapeared inside the room for few seconds and came back with a blanket in his hand and wrapped Leedo's body with it "Stop, I didn't ask for your help" Leedo rejected him again "You don't have to ask for it" Dongju sounded like he didn't care about what Leedo just said, he continued to wrap the blanket firmly around the older and ignored his harsh comments. 

After some time of silently sitting there, Xion never leaving his side and neither did he ask any questions. Geonhak felt bad for the way he treated the younger when he was just trying to help. Finally realising that Xion's hands were still resting on his back warming him up "Thank you" he mumbled. Dongju gave him a sad smile and squeezed a hand around the other's shoulder "Do you want to tell me what's going on ?" the younger asked and without saying anything, Leedo just leaned over, resting his head on Dongju's lap "Am I really scary ?" he asked softly, afraid to ask. 

Dongju leaned down "What the heck are you talking about ?" he asked rather surprised at the question being asked "Recently I ... I don't know if I belong here anymore" Hearing these words coming out from Leedo was definetly a first, Dongju was taken back by the older's honesty and how heavy hearted he sounded. 

"Of course you belong here Hyung, with us, where else would you go ?" Now soflty playing with his wet hair, Dongju felt his heart starting to sink, why would Leedo think such things ? 

"It's just ... " 

But words weren't coming out, Leedo couldn't find any, he just burried his head further into the younger 

"You're not scary, you're too sweet and any fool can see that"

Bringing him into a tight hug, Dongju went back to running his hand up and down Leedo's back "I was scared" Leedo suddenly confessed "I didn't want to do the lifts today, I wasn't confident what if something happens and someone got hurt ?"

"The only person who would get hurt is you Hyung; if we fall, we will be falling on top of you, we are fine don't worry about us worry about yourself"

For some reason Dongju's comment sounded funny, Leedo was in no mood for laughter but the younger seemed to get it out of him the hard way and scoffed against Dongju's shirt. They were quiet for some time "Feeling any warmer ?" Xion asked 

"I'm okay" Geonhak answered sounding sleepy 

"Do you feel like you might get sick ?" 

"I think I already am" 

Please stan this Ship ♥