"Please have Mercy on my Heart"

"Don't leave me alone ... not again"

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Hwanwoong was a lonely child, the only real brothers he ever had were ONEUS memebers but when he was sent home alone that night, his loneliness started kicking.

During practice, Hwanwoong had a strange feeling, he was standing at the edge of his own body, a suffocating feeling in his chest. He stood in front of the practice room mirror, they were taking a break, the reflection of his own face didn't look good, he wondered what was going on. Even with him staying still, there wasn't much air going through his lungs, he felt like his respiratory system was about to fail him and he fell to his knees clutching the fabric around his chest trying to breathe.

Leedo kneeled down next to him, seeing the younger's sudden action, he was worried that something must have happened "Hey are you okay?" he asked and Hwanwoong was out of breaths, he was focusing on getting enough air into his lungs and calming his racing heart "What's wrong ?" Leedo was now alarmed wrapping a hand around Hwanwoong's back and bringing him closer "C-can't b-reathe" he managed to say before completely leaning into Leedo for support.

The others got worried rushing to his side, Geonhak has already adjusted Hwanwoong close to him letting him rest his head on his shoulder while the rest of his body just stretched in front of him. His chest rising up and down so quickly, Hwanwoong closed his eyes for a second trying to control his breaths "It's okay keep breathing" Youngjo said "Take deep breaths" ... "You're doing okay" the older continued 

"Just hold on a bit, Seoho went to call the paramedic staff from the 5th floor he'll be here soon" Keonhee reassured, they were glad that they had a nurse office at the company, first aid on the spot. Hwanwoong nodded weakly trying to move his head away from Leedo's shoulder but the older wouldn't let him go "No, stay put don't move until the paramedic says you can". 

Hwanwoong just waited there, leaning close to Leedo, he hoped that whatever this was, it would go away soon, it was nothing dangerous he just needed some rest and tried to convince himself that he'll be okay. When the paramedic fianlly arrived, he didn't hesitate to put Hwanwoong on a ventilator and soon placed the oxygene mask on his face asking him to lay down, resting his head on Leedo's lap and just breathed in for some time "Hyperventilation" the doctor said "He'll be okay, he needs to rest for a couple of days and stay away from any stress, there's nothing dangerous to worry about"  

They were glad that he was okay, only 20minutes under that mask and Hwanwoong was up on his feet again, Ravn guided him to the sofa where he had to lay down for some time before their manager decided the take him home to rest "I'm sorry I got you all worried" Hwanwoong apologized, he knew he didn't have to and the others were happy to see him feeling okay but he did anyways gaining nothing but sweet smiles and playful responses.

He went home, alone.

His manager made sure that the younger was comfortable before he left. It didn't take Hwanwoong long before he fell asleep. He woke up few hours later to the silent dorm, he blinked his eyes and looked around, no one was home yet and something in the back if his head reminded him of some memories he thought he burried a long time ago.

He was all alone.

The house was empty, he realised maybe this was the first time he was left all alone in the house ever since they started living together. He should be happy, he finally got the house to himself, but no. He didn't want any of it, he didn't want to be alone.

Hwanwoong was a lonely child, his parents were almost gone all the time working, whenever he was home, he had to stay alone and take care of himself, cooking when he didn't know how, doing house chores because there was no one else to do them, homework and study and most of all he felt so lonely. At times, he wished he had a brother or a sister, someone to exchange a word with, talk about stupid things that didn't matter or even fight with them, he didn't care who it was, it could have been anyone. The little time he had with his parents, he cherished the most, their small happy family was going through a lot. It wasn't always good but being the only child he understood that he had to be a good boy and not to worry his parents so much. He took good care of himsefl but he was lonely. 

So when he woke up in to the silence around him, he realised that he has to spend at least 2 days here, he started to think of ways to spend his time, he knew that the boys won't be there and he won't see them for the entire day, it was just a couple of days he can pull them through righ?two days are nothing compared to his whole childhood.

The truth was, he never liked the feeling of where this was going, time seemed to be stretching against his will, he knew that it was all in his head but he had hard time making the voices in his head stop. He sat on his bed scrolling the screen of his phone trying to distract himself, he ordered food, he played games, read some fan letters and soon it was 10pm. He was wondering what the others were doing "Shall I call them ? ... "What if they were busy ?" he didn't want to bother them and he ended sleeping at the sofa in the living room waiting for them to finally come back home.

When they finally entered the dorm, it was already past 2am and they found Hwanwoong peacefully sleeping. As they passed by, each one of them would take a peak at his sleeping form, Seoho even brought a blanket and tucked the sleeping boy tight, he must have been feeling cold sleeping like that in the living room but none of them thought about what could have happened when they weren't around. When he woke up the next morning, he realised that they were already gone. He didn't hear a thing, they made sure not to wake him up or disturb him, he appreciated their actions but he really wanted to see them for a while.

The day started so slow, he was just in his bedroom, knees close to his chest while he rested his heavy head on them, he couldn't stop all the flash backs from coming back to him. His past was so lonely, he couldn't help not to remember all the horrible things that happened to him while his parents were gone. The day when he got really sick and came back home early from school spending the entire afternoon shivering in his bed suffering alone, the night when the noises outside their balcony were so loud and their house almost got robbed thinking that no one was home, the day that he almost fainted in the bathroom from overheating, and so many more stories that his parents doesn't know of. And suddenly it started to weight on his chest, he looked up feeling uncomfortable clutching the fabric around his heart breathing deeply. It was happening again, he was out of breaths.

His phone was righ at his side and he knew that he wouldn't be able to handle this alone, not again, he didn't want to be alone again. He grabbed his phone and looked for Ravn. The phone started ringing but there was no answer from the other side of the line and Hwanwoong was getting anxious and breaths were hitching up "Please pick up" he mumbled to himself "Don't leave me alone" he desperately held the phone in his now shaking hands and struggled to get air inside his lungs, his eyes tearing up and suddenly "Hwanwoong-ah ?" Ravn picked up but to his surprise Hwanwoong didn't say anything, he couldn't. Hwanwoong was out of breaths, he was focusing on getting enough air into his lungs and calming his racing heart, he tried to speak "H-hyung" 

Hesaring the other's voice, Ravn immediately knew that something was wrong "Oh God, Hwanwoong just breathe baby we will be righ there, don't hang up stay with me" Revn tried to coax the younger through the phone, he knew exactly what was goign on, it's happening again. Hwanwoong did what he was told, he didn't hang up and continued to focus on his hitching breaths, it was getting harder by the second and no matter what Youngjo said at the other side of the line, he didn't seem to be making him feel any better.

Stay away from stress they said but he never thought that stress would come find him, his chest was closing in, his vision started to blur, he tried to stand up and walk out of the room but only after taking few steps, he collapsed on the floor. Not being able to get back up on his feet again and not being able to respond to Ravn's voice on the phone, Hwanwoong just gave in to whatever was overwhelming him, he closed his eyes and went quiet.

He felt like he was floating, his head stuffed with cotton, he heard noises but coulnd't identify anything, it felt like he was listening to lonely souls whispering. He couldn't move, his body felt so heavy and most importantly, his chest felt surprisingly at ease, he was breathing again. He flattered his eyes open for a second, it was too bright so he closed them back again. Someone called his name "Hwanwoong?" he twitched startled by the voice but he was so sure that it was Keonhee's voice "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" the other continued, Hwanwoong leaned to the voice titling his head to the source "Can you hear me ? are you up ?" Keonghee asked and the younger tried to open his eyes once again. Looking up, he saw Keonhee righ above his face. Keonhee pressed his hand on Hwanwoong's arm "Let me go get the others" he said before turning around to leave but Hwanwoong wouldn't let him go "S-stay" the boy said voice so weak and tears already falling down. 

Keonhee stopped his tracks coming back to check on Hwanwoong again, he kneeled down next to him holding his cold hands into his "Please don't cry" he said as he used the sleeves of his shirt the wipe the tears away from Hwanwoong's cheeks "You'll get worse" Keonhee was feeling bad for the younger, for the past few hours Hwanwoong was under heavy oxygene ventialors and then an oxygen mask until eventually they were all taken away. He did his best to calm the younger and the second Geonhak came through the door, Keonhee motioned him to get some extra help.

By the time the others came in to help, Hwanwoong was already sitting up on his bed with Keonhee's help. They came closer to have a look at the boy who looked so drained, Ravn sat down next to him taking Keonhee's place, he looked at the tired boy and slightly pushed the hair away from his eyes "Hey kiddo, are you okay ? what happened ?"

Hwanwoong was out of words, he didn't know what to say other than "Just don't leave me alone again", they didn't know what was that sypposed to mean at the time but they figured that the younger was all alone sick and stressed and had another fit "The doctor said you needed to rest and stay away from stress for some time, we thought by leaving you home you'll feel better" Seoho tried to explain feeling sorry "But I didn't, I hated it"  Hwanwoon said clutching into Ravn's forearm and the older took no time to bring him closer, wrapping his arms around the much smaller one burring him in his embrace "Hyung is sorry" he said "We will never leave you alone again" ... "Just be okay"

Hwanwoong breathed in deeply, his face agaist Ravn's shoulder, he tightened his grip around the older's waist bringing him closer but he knew that he won't be alone now. He can feel them around him, coming in and about him. Leedo even sat down next to them and passed a soothing hand on his back. He can't remember how long it has been since they were seated this way, but the older's embrace seemed like the most comfortable place in the world, he didn't want to let go. Relaxing in Ravn's arms, Hwanwoong gave up to the exhuastion that overwhelmed him. He dozzed off, his face still burried in the other's chest. 

Ravn put a gentle hand on the younger's back and slowly pushed back to lay down on the bed without disturbing him, Hwanwoong shifted but gladly didn't wake up and Ravn knew that it would be better if he stayed. He laid down next to the younger adjusting his clothes and cover making sure he was breathing fine. Ravn looked up to s, all looking sad and guilty "Let's all sleep here tonight" he said giving them a sad smile "He'll be okay if we stay"