"I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away Thank you for all you've done Forgive all your mistakes"

"What am I to you ?"

________________________________________

Dongju (Xion) turned and shifted in his bed all night, he breathed in deeply, sweat was now covering his face, it was a sleepless restless night and he couldn't find a way out. Careful not to wake anyone, Dongju sat on his bed breathing in deeply trying to clear his already mixed up head and he felt too hot for this room. He pushed the covers away from himself and steadily he managed to get out of the room. He walked through the dark hallway and into the washroom, he stood in front of the mirror for some time, his face seemed about to drop. He opened the tap and splashed his face with cold water hoping that he would feel refreshed, he then walked to his room, quickly grabbed his phone and went to the living room.

It was deep in the night, everyone was sleeping and he didn't want to wake anyone because of a stupid "Dream" 

A dream that kept repeating itself for so many years

A dream he had so many times that at some point he believed it to be true 

A dream that no matter how many times he told the people around him about it they never seemed to understand or to believe it

A dream that was hidden for so long

He was sure he buried this dream years and years ago in the back of his memories when he was still a child, no one believed him, the older people told him it wasn't real, it wasn't true, and that it was all in his head ... if it was, then why it keeps coming back? hunting him like it was his mission to find out the truth ... but he did, years ago, he tried and nothing was found. He looked for the truth by himself but nothing was found. Sitting in the dark living room thinking about something like this and he felt horrible. No one knew about this, no one knew ... except for Dongmyeong ... his twin.

Dongju laid back on the couch feeling so tired that he didn't get much sleep, he scrolled down on his phone looking for his brother's name. It was late, he figured the other would be asleep, he must be, ONEWE are promoting now, he must be tired, so he just sent few text messages

"Hey ... hope you're doing good"

"I saw the show, you guys did great"

sent 

For a second he wanted to stop, he didn't have to tell him if it wasn't for that stupid promise he made years ago "You'll tell me right?" Dongmyeong asked, his voice was still ringing in the back of Dongju's head and Dongju promised 

"I had that dream again tonight"

"I couldn't sleep"

sent 

He didn't think that Dongmyeon would catch up on what he wrote and sent him, it's been years anyways Dongmyeong wouldn't be able to remember... right?

Holding into his phone, Dongju laid there for some time, he watched as the sunshine penetrated through the curtains of their living room and lit up the room and before the alarm went off, he took a shower and changed into a plus sized hoodie and a pair of black jeans, he simply waited for the others to wake up and joined them for a quick breakfast before they hit the road to their company's meeting.

That morning, Dongju didn't say much and didn't argue much with anyone, he let his head fall to the window side as they drove to their headquarters, it was obvious that the boy was tired, his face a bit pale and head in the clouds. When Leedo asked him if he was okay he just answered with "Tired" and "Sleepy" and he wasn't lying,  he was tired and sleepy. Their meeting went as expected and ONEUS were now just doing whatever, casually talking in the practice room as they waited to be informed about some schedules. Dongju was sitting on the couch, with his plus sized hoodie he seemed about to sink inside of it, the boy couldn't deny how tired he was, he simply let his head rest on the sofa as his Hyungs run in and about him.

Suddenly, the door was pushed open

They were expecting their manager or someone from their staff 

but it was Dongmyeong 

The moment he appeared everyone was surprised but happy to see him and a few "Oh it's Dongmyeon" and "What are you doing here ?" were heard and they welcomed him in. Bubbly as he was Dongmyeon greeted everyone but soon he passed by them directly going to find Dongju who didn't move an inch laying on the sofa. Dongmyeon stood in front of his twin "You look awful" he exclaimed and it made Dongju laugh "Yeah good to see you too brother" he said before his laugh disappeared looking at Dongmyeong staring at him with those *talk to me* eyes

Everyone in the room could feel that something was going on, Dongmyeong sighed as he finally took a seat next to his twin and they exchanged looks for few seconds before giving him a sad side smile "You really don't look good, are you okay ?" he asked sweetly almost whispering, Dongju closed his eyes "I'm just really tired today, it's not my day"

Dongmyeon was clearly worried "And what about the dream ?" he asked, Dongju opened his eyes but immediately broke eye contact and looked away "It's nothing forget about it"

At this point, ONEUS members could tell that something was wrong, Leedo was the first to ask "Hey is everything okay ?"  and when Dongju didn't answer, Dongmyeong did instead "It's nothing, Dongju and I need to talk" he said and stood up stretching his hand for Dongju who merely just looked at him "Come on" Dongmyeong insisted. The other held his brother's hand and Dongmyeong practically dragged him outside to have a word. The room went silent as they saw the two leave, Dongju trailing behind his twin walking slowly.

They walked quietly through the hallways until they reached the empty meeting room, there were a big white table and the chairs where they last did their Vlive. Dongmyeong got the chairs and he particularly put them so close. Dongmeyong sat first watching his twin sliding into the chair after him, they stared at each other for a while, Dongju seemed like he was about to sink inside the plus size hoodie, his face rather pale and tired 

"You really don't look good, and if you're sick then I'm sick, so please get yourself together," Dongmyeong said playfully with a chuckle revealing his awfully pretty dimples. Dongju smiled "I'm fine and you're fine I won't do this to you while you're promoting" Dongmyeong smiled, a sad smile because they both knew what was coming next 

"Tell me about it ... the dream, why now ? after all these years ?"

Dongju's face changed, he was trying to fix his gaze somewhere else hiding the tears that threatened to go down his face "I don't know"

"Was it the same thing ?"

"Yes"

Dongmyeon got closer to his brother holding his hand into his own "You know? it hurts me more than you think that you had to go through that ... God knows I wished it was me instead" Dongju's hands were cold and Dongmyeong just grabbed them into his own trying to warm them up without looking up at Dongju's face because he knew that the other was probably already shedding tears and he was right

"It wasn't your fault that the accident happened, it wasn't your fault that we lost our father at such young age, it was an accident, you were sitting right next to him, I'm sorry you had to see such a thing ... I sometimes wonder where I was?"  

"You were home, with mom," Dongju said between his sobs, "You said you were a man and didn't want to leave her alone in the house" and they both smiled "What a great man I was" 

"But Dongmeyong ... dad, he didn't just die in that accident, that man ... he" Dongju was starting to get agitated trying to explain so hard "He just stood there, looking at us, smiling at us, as if he just got what he wanted" 

Dongmyeong sighed "Dongju-ah I know, you said that someone else was there, we were too young back then no one believed you"

"You believed me"

"And I always will ... but we checked remember? The police CCTV? there was nothing, no one, just an accident"

"Then why does this memory keeps on hunting me?" 

At this point Dongju was sobbing hard, tears falling on his cheeks to his jaw like rivers, he was tired, why is his mind playing tricks on him? ever since the accident, he remembers a man, a person, a figure, no clear features, someone standing above his and his late father's heads across the streets of the accident smiling at them and Dongju always thought that the man had something to do with his father's death, maybe it wasn't an accident after all. However, no matter how hard they looked nothing indicated that someone else was there. Some doctors said that Dongju's unclear vision could have been a post-trauma to the accident, he was too young for his words to be taken seriously by the police anyways and when the CCTV clip was out, there was clearly nothing unusual.

Dongmyeong tightly pulled Dongju into a hug, the other found his brother's shoulder so comforting, he let his head fall into Dongmyeong's chest while the other soothed him "Dongju please don't do this to yourself you're already sick" Dongmyeong pledged, his heart twisted as his twin let his tears fall against him. They sat there for some time until Dongju calmed down still leaning into Dongmyeong who was now softly playing his fingers across the back of Dongju's hair, no words were uttered until Dingju stirred under Dongmyeong's touch, he looked up at his brother

"I should get going I was away for too long" but Dongmyeong wasn't having any of it "No!" he said, Dongju was too tired, face paler than it already was, eyes puffy and head probably pounding from all the crying "You need to sleep, I'll let them know you need some rest" 

"But ... I need to go" Dongju said before pushing his head away from Dongmyeong's shoulder, he fixed his hoodie and was about to head out, Dongmyeong wasn't feeling any good so he trailed behind his brother. Once they reached the practice where the rest of ONEUS were gathering, they immediately could tell that something went wrong.

Dongmyeong standing near the door frame while Dongju just passed by going through his things. Dongmeyong sighed deeply for everyone to hear then he walked straight to his brother holding his hand "I'll pack your things go sit down" he muttered but Dongju was just standing there "Please ... look at you" Dongmyeong said starting to feel frustrated "What am I to you Dongju? Why aren't you listening to me ?" Dongmyeong half screamed and Dongju just sat down on the sofa behind him ignoring all the confused looks from ONEUS. Dongmyeong started packing Dongju's stuff when Seoho and Leedo came around 

"What's going on ?" Seoho asked Dongmyeong who was now holding Dongju's back bag and looking around to gather his brother's things

Dongmyeong stood straight looking back at his twin "He's sick" he said "Can you please take care of him for me? I know I can't be there but please call me if he's not getting better"

He walked to the sofa with Dongju's bag in his hand and flopped next to his brother "I still have some time if you want to sleep" Dongmyeong said and without any other words Dongju just leaned back on his brother again. Feeling Dongmyeong hands around his exhausted body, Dongju felt safe "Thank you" he muttered and just a moment later he fell asleep. Dongmyeong spent the rest of his limited time trying to explain to ONEUS members that Dongju wasn't feeling well 

"He's having nightmares and just overall stressed out, he's slowly getting sick and I'm afraid that it has already started," Dongmyeong said gently Dongju's hair who was soundly sleeping in his arms

"We are so sorry Dongmyeong-ah we didn't know" Keonhee apologized, taking a second look at the younger, he really did seem sick 

"I know it's okay, Dongju wasn't always good in telling people how he is feeling ... but for us I guess it's just Twins telepathy, I guess I just knew that's why I stopped by today"

Dongmyeong couldn't stay for a long time, he and ONEWE were promoting End of Spring he had to go but before he stepped out of the room, he gently put his brother down to sleep stared at him for so long before he prayed that all these dark memories would leave him alone. His heart was heavy, he didn't want to leave his twin but he knew he was in safe hands with ONEUS members, they promised to take things in their hands from here.