Vivi didn’t know where to look. The mud was drying in the afternoon sun, but there were still slippery parts. Vivi could still see the water ripping through the trees, trying to sweep all of them away. 

She watched for the retreating figures of Sooyoung and Jiwoo. Hyejoo was in Sooyoung’s arms, while Chaewon’s still limp form was in Jiwoo’s. Hyunjin was being supported by Heejin as they walked. Both stumbled. All of them were hurt in one way or another. Worried too.

Except there was hope. They had all heard how Chaewon’s breathing had eased and her heart had gotten stronger. 

They’d also seen how Hyejoo’s eyes had rolled into the back of her head. They’d glowed. 

There’d been cries of alarm, but Yerim had told everyone not to panic. Hyejoo’s path was still intact. Stronger. 

It was strange to be relying on something as unclear to her as the sight, but the hope that she’d seen in the rest had made her believe it. Having hope in the first place, after what had happened today, it was something they all needed. 

Vivi saw Yerim and Jungeun by Jinsoul. Jungeun had stayed by her side, carving runes into the ground or taking in the darkness that was still there. Yerim had been there too, either stopping her or taking the darkness she took. Vivi didn’t know how long that would continue. Wouldn’t it get too much for Jungeun too? Could there be a limit to how much Yerim could take? 

“You can’t stay here,” Yerim was saying, “I can feel the anger. It’s still all here.”

“That’s why you need to get her out of here,” Jungeun replied. “Go with them.” She nodded at where the others had gone. “I need to,” she trailed off, looking to the side. 

Vivi followed her gaze only to see Yeojin still watching those who’d stopped fighting sink into the earth. They were going to the Warsa. A few metres away, Haseul was talking to Etera and Kijung. Her eyes had lost the weakness from before. She was hiding it. 

When she looked back to the two, she saw Yerim just nod, but nothing had happened. Jungeun took Yerim's hand, her other still holding Jinsoul, and the look in her eyes was both pained and warm. Vivi looked away. 

Zelena was even further away, looking at the bodies. 

Vivi had asked her before where the survivors were supposed to go. They’d agreed the Warsa were the best option. Yeojin had been talking to said fae and elves. About what, Vivi hadn’t heard, but Yeojin had been able to get them to trust her. It was also why those people were currently falling into the earth, ready to face the Warsa on the other side. Jungeun had sent word already, only saying she knew them well enough that they’d hardly question it. Hopefully they'd accept them too. 

She could hardly count the amount of times she’d been through this. She was so used to the exhaustion that came after such a battle, but only a few times had she felt such a heaviness. Naturally, she’d felt such a thing when she’d lost people, but here, she hadn’t really lost anyone. There was hope for Chaewon, Hyejoo, and Jinsoul. It wasn't a hope she could fully latch on to, but it was something. 

There were also the fallen all around them. Vivi hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask Zelena who had fought for hate, who had fought because they were loyal, and who’d just been afraid. She didn’t want to know which of those she’d killed had wanted her dead or had only wanted to survive. It was supposed to be easier to ignore such a thing. 

“Kijung told me that the earth girl had wanted Lydel dead,” Zelena was beside her, “but in the moment where she could have, she didn’t.” 

Vivi almost said Yerim wouldn’t have killed for that, but she knew Yerim had killed the others for less. They all had. 

“Jinsoul told me another of his people had told them to spare him,” Vivi said. “He wanted us dead, because he thought what we’d done was like what they’d done to his own son.”

“And so he got to survive?” Zelena asked. She didn’t sound angry, but the grief in her eyes was clear. “Wish we’d sent a few more out to give you your warnings.” 

“Maybe,” Vivi said. “Were the ones in the camp itself only a part of those who hadn’t wanted to fight?” Hyunjin had told her only fleetingly what had happened. She hadn’t told her the state Haseul had been in. No one had, but she had seen the worry paired with rage and could only guess. 

Vivi tried to push the thought from her mind. Haseul was safe now. They all were. 

“Still people who survived,” Zelena said. “And I'm grateful for that part.” 

Vivi didn’t want to think about that. She didn’t want to think that maybe Zelena had found a semblance of home among these people as Vivi had with the Astra. She didn’t want to think that she might have killed someone Zelena had come to see as a friend. 

“I made some of them stay back,” Zelena continued. “She'd told me to show you there were people to spare, but I didn’t know how else to do that.” She looked at Haseul who was with Etera still, now looking at Lydel. Were they talking about what to do with him now? “When it all started, I just—he’d done that to her, and I knew it was too late. So did Kijung. I don't know what we would've done, not when Jade had held the rest of you in place as she had."

The names were mostly foreign to her, but Vivi nodded. They’d tried. It was all Zelena needed to say. 

It was all Vivi needed to hear. 

“We were all lost,” Zelena said. “But that shouldn’t have meant we did what he asked.” She pulled something from a sheath at her waist. It was a blade of darkness. Just seeing it made Vivi want to be sick. 

Zelena only tossed it to the side. It slid across the mud for several metres, before coming to a halt. Nothing happened. 

“I’m glad you were brought to them,” Zelena said, nodding to the other elves. “That you were willing to fight for them.” A small smile appeared. “Do you think it’ll be your home?” 

Vivi remembered them talking of something so similar when they’d both been in the caves, left there to get a better grasp of their magic. Would they ever feel at home where they’d been born? Vivi had said yes, while Zelena had said no. In the years that followed, they’d both been forced out of their homes. 

Vivi looked to where Yerim had now pulled up a portion of the earth below Jinsoul and lifted her up. She was still giving Jungeun a pleading look, trying to convince her to leave, but Jungeun had very clearly decided to stay. 

Haseul was moving to Yeojin’s side, her hands ghosting over her own injuries, but she was upright. 

Vivi could still see the others in the distance, trying to get their own injured away from here. None of them spoke. 

“I think they already are,” Vivi said. 

Zelena nodded. Her hand slipped around Vivi’s arm and squeezed it tightly. 

“Will you go with them?” Vivi asked, nodding to the disrupted ground where the rest had gone. “Or follow the ones who’d left the camp?” 

“Most will be going to the same place,” Zelena nodded, “and I need to be there.” Guilt crossed her features. 

Vivi shook her head. “This was his doing,” she said. “He’s the reason you were all here.” 

She shrugged. “The violence, the hate,” she closed her eyes, “I could have sent a warning to the mortals they targeted, or even one to the fae.” She opened them again and met Vivi’s gaze. “I let it happen.”

“You weren’t the only one.” It was Etera with another fairy at her side. Vivi guessed that this was Kijung. 

The one Etera loved hadn’t been among them, but the ones who had been spared in the camp. Vivi was grateful to whatever fate had led to that. Even if it was the moon, she silently said her thanks. 

“We all let it happen. We all let the hate grow.” The emotional fairy smiled weakly at Vivi, her eyes still filled with grief, but other colours too. Dark blue was the most prominent. Sadness. “Haseul and I agreed that Lydel will be tried by my—the fae.” 

Vivi tried not to show her unease. A trial from the fae meant your mind would be searched by the mental fae and your emotions examined too. All elders would see the memories. It was all to see why you had done what you had. Vivi had experienced it twice. She never wanted to ever again. 

“My hope is that his grief will be enough for them to spare them,” Etera continued. “His rage and hate was never for you.” 

“But at them,” Vivi finished. “What stops them from executing him to remove the threat entirely?” She didn’t say that she would be in favour of it. With what he was capable of, with how long he’d clung to his grief—while she couldn’t fault him, she would never find it in herself to trust him not to try and achieve some form of justice. Even if the people he went after had had nothing to do with his pain.

Etera flinched. “Dahyun wanted him spared,” she said. “And she won’t be the only one.” Then she sighed. “But there will be those who want him gone for that reason.” 

“And you?” Zelena asked this time. 

“He trusted me,” she shook her head, “and I owe him for my betrayal.”

Vivi bit down on her cheek. She wanted to tell her that was ridiculous and that she’d saved more than she had hurt by trying to stop him. 

But the emotional fae were closer than any, far more understanding of one another through how they saw emotions. Even if they lacked understanding for so much, there was a kinship between them that was so rarely broken. Then even if it was broken, so many wanted to forgive. 

Vivi didn’t fully understand it, but she knew enough not to interfere. 

“You’re going too?” Zelena was looking at Kijung, bewildered. 

He nodded. “I will come to the mountains after my own trial.”

“But you’ll go back,” Zelena said slowly. Sadness laced those words. 

“Both,” he replied. A small smile appeared on his face. “I promise.”

Vivi looked between the three. How Alluin had managed to bring them all to his side should have been a mystery, but she could understand. It had never been a desire for vengeance, only to find a place for themselves. 

“We’ll do the funeral rites for the bodies,” Etera said then. “None of you need to stay here longer.” Her eyes drifted to Yeojin then, before going to Jungeun. “I can only see the emotions still here, but I know how the darkness affects people as well.” She shook her head. “You can go home now.”

The words struck her more than they probably should have. 

Vivi felt tears pricking at the edges of her eyes. 

She took both of Zelena’s hands, squeezing them once. “If you’ll let me, I’ll visit you in the mountains,” she said. “I can help you, too.” 

Zelena smiled. “I don’t know what I could do for you, but if you need me, the same goes.” 

Vivi turned to the other two. “Do you want me at the trial?” 

Kijung’s eyes widened. “But you don’t ever want to go to one again.”

She gave him a look. “And I thought you weren’t reading my mind.”

He looked down, blushing. “You don’t have to come. They’ll see from me what I saw.”

“And what else you heard,” Etera added. She met Vivi’s eyes and her smile grew a fraction. “We’ll be alright, Viian.” She held out a hand. “But thank you.”

Vivi took it, feeling a small rush of calm then. It slowed her still racing heart a bit. It gave her a small bit of peace. 

"I've asked the rest if they wanted any emotions," Etera began, "but all have said no." The calm was still there. 

Vivi nodded. "So am I." 

Etera pursed her lips. "But Dahyun will come. 

And then the three were turning around, splitting up, and going to the rest of the dead. 

Vivi turned away when she saw the first tear fall from Etera’s eyes. 

The first person she saw was Jungeun, who was also watching the others. Despite the angry red of her eyes, she looked sad. The same guilt she’d seen in Zelena was in Jungeun’s eyes as well. 

Vivi went over to her. 

_____

Her mind burned. Her body did as well. She felt both drained and completely restless. She didn’t know if she’d be able to sleep for a long time. She hadn’t been able to before. She didn't think she'd want to. 

Jungeun tried to push the memories aside, forcing herself to watch the actual world around her. She could still hear the remnants of the battle in her ears. The screams. 

Jungeun watched as the first body sank into the ground. She was a witch, a mortal. She would’ve been in her thirties by mortal years. Why had she agreed to fight? Blind loyalty, terror of the consequence, or something else? 

“It won’t help to watch,” Vivi said beside her. 

“I’m not watching for it to help,” Jungeun said. “I know who I killed.” 

“And you’re watching for what,” Vivi had turned to face her, “which one they grieve for?” 

Jungeun looked at her. 

Her eyes were on Jungeun’s skin. Jungeun tried not to look as well. She knew already. The anger had coursed through her muscles and split her skin. Or it’d become a part of it, she didn’t know. She only knew it burned and there were red lines all along her skin. If the small pains when she moved were anything to go by, the anger covered her entire body. 

“All of them,” Vivi said. “Even if they’d have stopped them from killing one of us, if they’d hated what they’d done before, they’ll grieve.” She grimaced. “And I know that we both would feel that way for our people, both now and before, if something like this happened.” A pause. “And we had played a role in the violence.”

Jungeun could only nod. That feeling wasn’t one she didn’t know. She had built funeral pyres for those of her people who’d been some of the most cruel. She had cried as they’d burned. From the look on Vivi’s face, so had she.

“You weren’t the only one who fought today,” Vivi put a hand on her arm, “the grief they feel, we all caused that.” 

Jungeun nodded again. She spotted a burn across the back of Vivi’s hand. It hadn’t been caused by lightning. 

“And now you’re just finding things to be guilty about,” Vivi put that hand behind her back, “don’t act as if you could’ve controlled yourself with that anger.”

“I wish I’d been able to,” Jungeun admitted. She could hear the screams, of the ones they were fighting, but also Heejin, Yerim, Jinsoul—all of them. “I’m supposed to be able to handle anger.”

“Who told you that?”

“Everyone,” she said. “And the moon.” 

“The moon can be wrong,” Vivi replied. 

Jungeun might’ve smiled. “Darie said the same.” She could still feel the anger in the air. It was a part of the darkness and it was an emotion. She shouldn’t have been able to sense it like she did. She could almost feel it on her skin, as though it wanted to come back to her. “I’ve been tied to anger since I was born.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re supposed to handle it better,” Vivi said. “From what I saw, you can have more of it than should be possible, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel it just as much as I do.” 

Jungeun frowned. “Why’re you telling me this?”

“I can say it now or you can get reminded of it later when you’re trying to apologise to the rest for someone else forcing you to lose control of your magic.” She shrugged once. “Your choice.” The corner of her lip tilted upwards, despite the exhaustion showing through then too. “I know this’s far from the first time you’ve had a discussion like this.” 

In spite of everything, Jungeun felt a small rush of heat up her neck. It wasn’t one that hurt. 

Vivi just shook her head. “Just because the moon paired you with anger doesn’t mean you can handle it better. It doesn’t mean you can stop it if you lose control—that's impossible,” she said. “All it means is you can ignore it until it’s too much.” She patted her arm. “Just like you’re doing now.”

Jungeun didn’t know what she was supposed to say then. 

“Do you want that healed?” Vivi’s eyes flickered down, a frown now appearing on her face. 

She looked down to see a gash all across her stomach. It was caked with mud. 

“Maybe?” she said. “It doesn’t hurt.”

Vivi rolled her eyes and made her sit down. 

“Did you heal before too?” Jungeun asked.  

Vivi started to carve a rune into the still damp ground. Jinsoul had drawn on the water of all waterskins. They were all either drained or torn apart. They hadn’t gone to find a river, because it was a further walk than they all wanted to do now. 

And Jinsoul had torn the water from its banks to bring it here. Jungeun could still see the expression on her face. It stood out among the other memories. Some of the anger had been her own, but so much had come from Jungeun, from the fairy. 

There was a sharp stinging sensation. 

Jungeun looked down only to see that Vivi was making a sliver of stone carefully pry away some of the mud on her skin. 

“Can’t get rid of it all. Unless you wash this off tonight, you’ll have one of the worst infections.” She lifted an arm, showing the ugly cut there, as well as a bite mark from a vampire. “So will I.” 

“Good it can’t kill us,” Jungeun replied. 

“Now that you’ve said it, maybe it will,” Vivi smiled slightly, “but I’ll make a trip to the witch Yeojin and I found. She’ll know that Alluin is gone and her and the other witches he controlled are free now.”

That was the witch they’d gone to see after Haseul had gone straight to Alluin’s people. 

Jungeun wanted to ask her if she was alright, but Haseul was nearby. She already blamed herself for too much and finding anymore, let alone how Vivi and Yeojin had been after she’d gone—Jungeun couldn’t do that now. 

So she just nodded. “It’ll be nice to have something good to say this time.”

Vivi did the same. “He gave her a piece darkness,” she said. “It could sense when she was actively turning against him. She could say things, even though it maybe did something, but she could scry too, so I don't know what it was really doing.”

“Attacking them?” Jungeun suggested. “Lying to him or one of the rest?”

“And running away.” Vivi finished carving a second rune. Jungeun couldn’t feel its effects, but she knew they would be working on the rest of her wounds. “I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll ask.” 

She could understand that. It didn’t matter. Not anymore.

“Will you have enough light for it?” Jungeun asked. 

“I’m only helping her,” Vivi said. “The Astra will need to send others to the rest.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if it’s selfish to say, but,” she sighed, “I’m tired.” 

Jungeun reached out and took her hand. She squeezed it lightly. “It’s not selfish.” 

Vivi just nodded. She didn’t let go of her hand as she drew a third healing rune. 

_____

Yeojin watched as Haseul went from Zelena who was sending a dead elf through the earth to the edges of what had been a battlefield. She watched as Haseul looked down at the weapon still in her hands and as she tried to wipe the blood off with her hand. 

She went over. 

Haseul lowered the axe when she came closer. 

“I can take it,” Yeojin held out a hand, “I have an extra loop.” She patted her waist with several loops. It almost looked like something that would be used to hold hammers or other mortal tools. Maybe even from a blacksmith. Did they use this many tools?

“Since when do you have that?” Haseul lifted a brow. The levity in her voice was forced. 

Yeojin tried to ignore it. “Stole it from a witch.”

“What?”

“Not reaally,” Yeojin said, “but I asked her when I think she was still afraid of us, so she said I could have it.” She pried the axe from Haseul’s fingers then. For a moment she thought Haseul would stop her, but then she let go. 

There were the indentations of the leather handle on her hand. On the handle itself were patches of mud and dirt, but a part that was almost completely clean. Had Haseul let go of it at all? 

Haseul was looking at her hand. She wasn’t stretching the fingers or making them into a fist. 

Yeojin slid the axe into one of the loops and then took her hand. It was cold. 

She started massaging Haseul's fingers. 

“You don’t have to—”

“Let me,” Yeojin cut her off. “I can barely heal the rest of this.” She tried not to focus on the way one of Haseul’s eyes was still grey or how her skin had a slightly silver sheen to it. 

“You did well over there,” Haseul said softly. “They listened to you. They trusted you.” A small smile appeared. It wasn’t forced, but it was shaky. 

“They wanted this to be over,” Yeojin replied. “They wanted to leave.”

“Then they could’ve just run,” she replied. “But they stayed and let you put them in the ground for the Warsa.”

Yeojin just shook her head. “It’s not like I did anything special.” She’d fought today. She hadn’t wanted to kill anyone else. Having people who wouldn’t fight, who’d listen to her, she couldn’t even describe how relieved she’d been. 

“It was something,” Haseul said. “That’s more than enough.” There was a steelier edge to her gaze. 

Yeojin was almost happy to see it. It was something other than the mask and it also wasn’t what she was hiding behind it. 

And then some of it melted away. 

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” The hand Yeojin held stiffened. “If something worse had happened to you, I don’t know—”

“Nothing else happened,” Yeojin said. “Maybe a few cuts here and some massive bruises later, but I’m fine.” She took her other hand. “We’re safe.” 

A part of her nearly asked Haseul if it had even been worth going to Alluin and suffering whatever it was she’d put her through. She wanted to ask her what he’d done to her, but every glimpse she got of the fragility in Haseul’s eyes made her shove the questions down. She wasn’t sure if she’d ask them for several years. 

“We nearly weren’t,” Haseul whispered, turning away. “And it was because of me.” 

Yeojin frowned. “It was—”

“How are you after,” Haseul started. She didn’t want to hear Yeojin denying it. “This was your first.”

Far from the first fight, but the first actual battle, one where the fighting just hadn’t stopped. Where she’d had to look around wildly for who else to go after, while making sure she didn’t miss someone else marking her as their target. 

”Exhausted,” Yeojin admitted. “But I don’t really feel anything yet.” She knew it was normal not too, but she’d expected her emotions to match her thoughts. The fighting had been terrible. She knew she’d want to avoid it until she had to do anything close to it again. She’d been so scared, but she still couldn’t feel the effects of that fear. 

Haseul only nodded. “If I said I was proud of you, would you hit me?”

Yeojin didn’t want to show how much the words affected her. Instead she wrapped her arms around Haseul’s waist then. 

“I’d say you’re being ridiculous,” she mumbled. 

One of Haseul’s hands was brushing through her hair. 

“I don’t think so,” Haseul said quietly. “Because I mean it.” She pulled her closer. “I’m so proud of you.” 

Yeojin felt the tears start to come. She didn’t blink them away. It was quiet enough that anyone would be able to hear her quiet sobs, but she let them come. Haseul was here. She was alive. They all were. 

She just had to hope Hyejoo, Chaewon, and Jinsoul would be alright too. She had to hope that Haseul would be able to heal from this. That they all would heal. 

Haseul held her for a long time. Her heart was strangely fast. It had been when she’d seen her before the fight. Was it fear that was keeping it so strong? Had that been one of the things Alluin had made her feel? Had they not been able to take it away? 

Yeojin pulled away a bit, but didn’t let go. Her head felt sore. 

Haseul’s eyes were dry, but she could see that fear there, as well as the way she was trying to keep it at bay. 

It broke her heart. Haseul shouldn’t have still been needing to hide it. She shouldn’t have still been needing to fight this. 

“None of you need to stay any longer,” Etera said. “We’ll take care of everything. The sun will dry everything and depending on the trial, someone else may come to bring it back to normal.” 

The trees were either bent off to the side, torn apart, or burned partially to ash. Everything was muddy, with blood and ash mixed into it. There were large chunks of stone too here and there, and fallen weapons of metal. 

In the back of her mind, she wondered if Yerim would come back to right it all again.

But if Yerim felt anything close to the way Yeojin did now, she’d not want to come back here for a long time. 

“I need to go see the witch,” Vivi was there. “We need supplies for the rest,” she looked pointedly at Jungeun, “and for us.” 

“I’ll go with you,” Yeojin said, drying her eyes. “She knows me too and you don’t have to carry it all.” 

Vivi nodded, but her eyebrow rose. 

Yeojin realised then that if Vivi wanted to, she’d be able to summon stone to be able to hold all of it by herself. 

“We’ll get water,” Haseul said. “I haven’t had anything—” she broke off, biting her lip. “We’re all thirsty.”

Yeojin wanted to tell her then that she could tell them about it. A part of her needed to know what had happened. What they’d let her run to. 

And then Vivi was already walking away. 

Yeojin went to follow. Once she was at her side, Vivi’s arm went around her shoulder, pulling her closer as they walked. 

The walk to the witch was spent in silence. Vivi’s expression almost dripped with exhaustion. Yeojin almost told her to lean on her, but something told her that the last thing Vivi wanted to do was give into that fatigue. It also told her that Vivi didn’t want to talk. 

As they walked, Yeojin realised she didn’t want to either. The silence of the forest, broken only by the birds and other animals, it was peaceful. 

She wondered if the birds had been singing as they’d fought too or if they’d fallen silent for that as well. 

They kept walking. 

_____

Sooyoung didn’t know what to do. They’d cast the healing runes, but there was nothing to clean the wounds with. Yerim had taken the dirt away from all of them, but the blood was still there. All of their waterskins had broken. 

Yerim had now started to fix them. She was using slivers of a leaf as threads for it. Whether or not they’d be strong enough, she didn’t know. It was a distraction and Sooyoung was glad if Yerim could find something else to think about. 

She looked at the four people on slightly raised beds of earth. Hyunjin’s chest still seeped out blood. If they didn’t get water soon, they’d be out of clean cloths to use. Jinsoul had had a bag of bandages and elixirs. Several of the vials had broken, but not all of them. They’d given those to Hyunjin and Chaewon. 

It was getting further into afternoon too. In a few hours, they’d see if both were alright again. If they’d all be alright. 

Yerim had put shadows around Hyejoo’s legs. When she woke up, she wouldn’t be allowed to walk. Sooyoung hadn’t been able to see much, but what she’d seen had convinced her that it might even be weeks until she’d let Hyejoo walk properly. Jinsoul would agree with her. 

If she woke up. Jinsoul still hadn’t moved beyond the short quick breaths. Her hair was still darker than it had ever been, even with the illusions she’d cast to hide the pale gold before. 

Had it been the darkness that had pulled her under or the sheer amount of water she’d controlled at once? Sooyoung had always known Jinsoul was powerful, but never had she seen her use so much of her magic. She’d never needed to.

Jiwoo was sitting by Hyejoo’s side, still drawing runes for both her and Chaewon. Her brow was already pinched with pain. 

Heejin was watching for spirits. Sooyoung knew that was because she didn’t want to sit still. Some felt exhausted after a fight. Others still needed to push the rest of the energy from their system. 

“Jungeun and Haseul went to get water,” Yerim said quietly. “They'll be here soon."

She could see again. Sooyoung wondered what she’d seen that had stopped her before. She wouldn’t ask her, not when she was able to see the paths without that barrier. 

“And Yeojin and Vivi should be as well.” 

“The others?” Heejin asked. 

“Still there,” Yerim replied. “I don’t think they know when they want to leave.”

Sooyoung swallowed the growing guilt she felt. She couldn’t regret coming here. She couldn’t feel ashamed for killing people who hadn’t wanted to be there. Never would she have been able to distinguish between them. 

Chaewon could have. 

Sooyoung reached out then, ignoring the sharp stab of pain in her abdomen, and took Chaewon’s hand. Her skin was still cold. Even if her breathing had eased, they still didn’t know if she’d wake up tonight. At all even. She would live, but would she still be there? 

The thought of losing Chaewon had been there since she’d first seen the vision. She’d been terrified it would become a reality, but never had she truly thought that until she’d seen Chaewon lying on the ground. She’d thought she was dead. 

And even though her heart had been beating still, Chaewon had still been gone. There was still a chance that she’d never wake up again. 

Sooyoung was almost relieved Chaewon had closed her eyes. Looking at them, hearing her breathing, all while Chaewon stared into nothing—Sooyoung could still see it when she closed her own eyes. She just needed them to open again. 

Someone took her other hand. It was Jiwoo. She didn’t smile but her eyes were warm. Just that was enough for now. 

Sooyoung squeezed her hand, pulling her to her side. “Don’t overdo the healing magic,” she said. She could feel the comfort the bond gave her by being close to her, but she could also feel the calm that came without the bond. It was nice to be able to distinguish between the two. There was so much she still needed to say to her, but she couldn’t say it now. 

“I’m stopping now,” Jiwoo said. “Have to wait until we can really clean their wounds. Then more potions.” 

Sooyoung put an arm around her. She ignored again how the movement hurt. Her stomach had been close to agony at the start, but the pain had eased some more with the light. She felt so drained and the pain helped to keep her eyes open. That or the light, but she’d used the rest for healing. It would hurt to use more and the light would be so much weaker. 

Jiwoo leaned into her side. Some of the pain subsided ever so slightly. 

“She has a path,” Jiwoo said. “It’s just in both.” 

“Both?” she repeated. 

“Light and dark,” Yerim said. “So is Hyejoo’s.” She shook her head, sighing. “I don’t know what it means.” 

“Me neither.” Jiwoo was looking at both of them. “But their paths are there. That’s all we can hope for.” 

Sooyoung nodded. She would’ve thought today she’d lost both of them. Even if there was still a risk, there was also hope. 

She knew she probably should have waited, but she’d latched onto it. She needed them to all be alright. 

Then Yerim was standing up. 

Sooyoung looked to see Yeojin and Vivi holding several sacks. 

All of them went over. 

“She gave us money for food too,” Yeojin said. “Started getting it all prepared when she realised the blood elf was dead.”

Sooyoung opened one bag to see vegetables and fruit. Her stomach growled. When had she last eaten? When had they all last eaten?

Yerim had pulled Yeojin into a tight hug, then Vivi. Both looked at her surprised. 

“This is everything we needed,” Yerim said, wiping at her eyes. She plucked one sack from Vivi and another from Yeojin. Then she was going back to the others, a part of the earth rising up to form a table. “I’ll prepare all this. If you’re hungry, maybe start with food?” She grimaced then. “If you want.”

Heejin nodded then. “I’ll start.” 

Sooyoung lifted the sack she held and handed it to her. “Want help?”

She looked at her for a moment and Sooyoung wondered what was going through her mind. Would they go back to how things were before?

Then Heejin lifted a small knife of moonlight. “Cut the cabbage?” 

Sooyoung smiled and took it. 

Yerim had told Jiwoo to start mixing specific pastes. 

Yeojin and Vivi were going through the rest. It had potions. 

“Give Chaewon and Hyunjin the darkest blue ones,” Yerim said. “And the lighter ones to Jinsoul, Hyejoo, and Sooyoung.” 

Jiwoo looked up then, frowning. 

“It’s nothing,” Sooyoung said. “I didn’t get stabbed or anything.”

“Internal bleeding is something,” Yerim replied. “You’ll drink that potion or else I’ll make you.” As if to make her point, a branch waved at her menacingly. 

Sooyoung accepted the vial Vivi gave her and downed it, frowning at the sour taste. A lot of witches added sweeteners, but this one left it all normal. Maybe because she’d been rushed. 

“There we go.” Yerim nodded once. “Wasn’t so hard was it?”

“You threatened me,” Sooyoung replied. 

Yerim smiled, her eyes sparkling. It was the brightest expression Sooyoung had seen today. She welcomed it. 

So she went to where the cooking was supposed to happen and started to cut the cabbage. Heejin had already formed several things out of light for the cooking. One of them would be for soup and the rest seemed like they’d be to fry some of the food. 

It was almost normal, save for the four people on the ground. The more delirious part of her mind wanted to believe the smell of the food would wake them. 

And they would wake up. At some point. 

They just needed the moon to rise. 

_____

The closer they got to the river, the more clear the effects of Jinsoul’s magic got. Not all the trees had collapsed under the weight of the river water, but enough to show just how fast the water had come. In front of where they stood now, the earth had been torn away. The slope down to the river itself had been carved away for several metres on either side. 

The river itself was far from reaching the banks, but the stream of water was still coming.  

Haseul wondered if this was the most that Jinsoul had ever wielded at one moment. She had no idea how that felt. How would Jinsoul feel when she woke up? 

It helped to focus on everything that wasn’t her own mind. The screams were louder since the fight had ended. The memories were more vivid too. She didn’t know how long it would last, or if it would get more the further away they got or less. She just needed to think about something else. Anything else. 

Jungeun hadn’t said a word as they’d walked. The air was cool around them, but Haseul knew that the anger was still there. It wasn’t just in her eyes, but also now in her expression. There was san edge to her glare, as though she was going to lash out at anyone. 

Haseul had seen that look before. She’d found then that it was better to let Jungeun speak when she wanted to instead of forcing her too. That just led to her irritation growing stronger. 

And when Jungeun actually did get angry, she usually didn’t want to be there long enough to show it. She’d gotten better, both in handling it and letting others see when she was. Usually. 

Haseul knelt down by the river. She lifted her hands, trying to summon the moonlight. It hurt her head. 

“I'll do it.” Jungeun was next to her. 

Haseul grit her teeth. She had the light. It hadn’t left her. She’d been able to summon a dagger earlier too. She hadn’t lost it. 

But why was it so difficult now? 

She hissed when she tried again and the pain split through her head. She saw a flash of driving a blade up through someone’s jaw, the light immediately leaving their eyes. 

Jungeun was filling a large basin now. The light not as bright, threaded with red, as though cracked by it. 

“The light doesn’t hurt for me,” Jungeun said. “Fire does.” She was close enough that she could see a thread of red on the patches where her skin wasn’t as covered by blood or mud. It glowed softly, almost invisible in the sunlight. 

Haseul didn’t know how to respond to that. She’d felt the anger at the time of the fight. It was impossible not to feel it, but then it’d dissipated into the realms she couldn’t feel as much. She still felt the fury in the darkness, just enough to have made her heart twist, but she hadn’t felt the anger like Etera would have. She’d seen the fairy looking into the air, then back at Jungeun, several questions forming in her mind. It was a testament to the fae’s curiosity that there’d even been those questions in the first place, but also one to Etera’s tact that she’d restrained herself from asking. 

Jungeun lifted the first from the river and then added another. She was watching the river, a distant look growing on her face. 

“She’ll be okay,” Haseul said. 

Jungeun nodded once. “I know.” She brought up the basin again and set it down. “Should I do a third one?” Her hair was still matted with blood and mud. 

“Maybe enough for people to wipe their faces off too?” Haseul had no doubt she looked the same. “I’d say jump in, but I think it’s freezing in there.”

A small laugh. “I might.” She lifted the third and set it down on the banks. Was the river more full than before or was she imagining it? Then there were two small bowls sunk into the water and brought up. “Here.” 

Haseul watched as Jungeun just poured the contents of the bowl over her head. She wiped at her face. All it showed was that the red lines were still there, all across her face and down her neck. Haseul was sure they covered her entire body. She’d only seen the darkness mark people in that way, following the paths of their blood with dark lines. 

She poured it along her own arm. The water was warm. Jungeun’s doing. 

Jungeun took both to refill them. 

“Jinsoul was able to take the anger,” Jungeun said. “That should’ve been impossible.” 

Had that been what had happened? Jinsoul’s expression made sense. Haseul had never seen her look like that, even when she had been angry, or terrified for another. The anger had just made it all the more stronger. 

“But it happened,” Haseul said. She wasn’t sure what else to say. She had a very strong idea for why, but would Jungeun even want to hear it? Now of all times?

“It happened,” she nodded, “and I know why.”

Haseul tried not to look too surprised. 

“I know,” Jungeun sighed, “should’ve been obvious from the day she saw my dreams.” 

“She could?” Haseul lifted a brow. “How?”

“When she woke me up,” she replied, “from dreams.” 

“You’re right,” Haseul nodded, “you should’ve known that from the start, because I did that and I saw nothing each time.” 

Jungeun grimaced. “I know.” 

A part of her wanted to ask what would come next. She was almost certain Jinsoul knew as well, maybe even before Jungeun had, but she’d not said it. 

Except now, what would Jungeun do? She didn’t look scared, more guilty and worried than anything. It didn’t take a lot of thinking to guess why that was. 

“You can say whatever it is you’re thinking,” Jungeun said quietly. 

“How do you feel about it?” Haseul asked. “The bond?”

The word itself made Jungeun look away. Back to the river. 

“I thought it would make,” Jungeun paused, “I thought I’d see everything different.” 

Haseul felt a small sense of unease. What if knowing about the bond pushed her to doubt her even more? It wouldn’t 

“I don’t,” she said.

Haseul nodded once, trying not to look too relieved. Of all moments, this was not the time for her to doubt. 

Jungeun gave her a look then. “Do we keep talking about this or will you tell me what happened?” A pause. “Because I can change the subject to something else first.”

She nearly said yes, but this was the time to say anything. To start to say something at least. She didn’t even know how to begin saying something to the others, let alone Yeojin and Vivi. It was why she’d not told them what she was doing until it was too late for them to stop her. How would they feel if they knew what they’d let her walk into? She wouldn’t lie, but she couldn’t say everything either. Not to them. 

Jungeun was waiting, the understanding almost too clear in her face. She’d know.

“He,” Haseul started. “He made—” closed up. 

Jungeun held out her arms then. 

Haseul went into them. She was almost too warm, but that didn’t matter. Jungeun wasn’t so much taller than her, but where Haseul sank, she still remained upright.

“He made me relive it,” Haseul said. “Everything.”

She felt Jungeun stiffen. “Do you still see it?”

Haseul could only nod. “It’s not like before, where it was all I could see.” 

“But when it’s quiet?” Jungeun’s arms tightened around her. 

She welcomed the pressure. “Then it’s there,” she tried to focus on Jungeun’s heart, “I, I don’t know how it’ll be when I go to sleep.” 

“Worse.”

Haseul snorted. “How comforting.” 

“We could get them to give you sadness,” Jungeun said. “Take your dreams.”

“No,” Haseul shuddered, “no more emotions.”

She nodded. “Should I go to Doyeon on the way back? Get some elixirs?” 

It was the offer of an escape. Haseul wasn’t even sure if she was supposed to take it, just to run from the memories that would haunt her rather than face them. 

Except she had faced them several times over now. They hadn’t lessened.

“For us both,” Jungeun finished. 

Haseul looked up. Jungeun’s eyes were still a red too bright, threaded with darker shades of it too. The red lines were more pronounced now that she’d wiped away most of the mud from her face. She was supposed to have held the anger better than anyone else. Now it looked as if it had leaked out of her, trying its best to escape anywhere across her skin. 

“Didn’t Etera take the rest?” 

“It’s too much,” Jungeun said. “And she needs to take what’s in the forest back, right the order or something.” She shrugged. “Knowing how too much feels, I understand it.” She shook her head. “When Darie comes, maybe she can take the rest or just, make it bearable again.” 

Again. That was the word she almost needed to hear. Jungeun had overcome this. Somehow. 

The answer was time. As much as she hated it, the darkness would fade again. The memories would stay like they always had, before they started to fade again like they always did. 

She just had all of them at once. 

“Will you let Dahyun see if she can help you?” Jungeun asked. “Maybe not sadness, but calm—something.” 

Haseul sighed. “Maybe she can see something, but all this is from the darkness. Hyunjin and Yerim took what they could, but it’s not that anymore, it’s just my memories.” She held up a hand. “And no one is touching my mind.” Kijung had even offered, but she hadn’t let him. The last thing she needed was a solution that could so easily be taken away when she came across another mental fairy. 

Jungeun smiled slightly. “I know.” She pulled away, but didn’t let go. “You’re not weak for not wanting to fight. You know that, don't you?”

She looked down. She still felt ashamed. She’d tried to fight it before the fight, but as soon as it had started, she’d fought as much as the rest. She’d killed as many too. The memories she’d lived through had barely stopped her. 

How can you say anything about being better?

She’d driven the axe into his chest. She’d wanted to reach his heart. 

“I fought anyway,” Haseul said. “All that he gave me, all he made me live through, and I still fought.” 

“We needed you with us,” Jungeun replied. 

She nodded. “But I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do that again.” The screams were still loud. The memories all still there. They’d been there as she’d fought too, only leaving when she’d finally come close enough to end a life. She wondered if it was the death that pushed the memories away or the bloodlust spiking again. 

It wasn’t hard to see the path that could take her on if she had the targets, if she had the opportunity to get rid of those memories that way. 

Except that thought alone made her want to sink away somewhere for as long as she could. The light wasn’t always dangerous, but it could still be used to kill.

Haseul didn’t want to kill more than she had. She knew she would one day return to it. She’d need to. She hadn’t trained, she hadn’t fought, to give it up only when it became difficult.

“We can’t know anything now,” Jungeun said, letting go of her. “Neither of us can.”

Haseul frowned. 

“Even if it wasn’t my fault,” she looked down at her hands, “I still burned all of you.” Her eyes tightened. “I never lost control like that. Not even the first time.”

“Do you think the fire’s gone?” 

Jungeun shook her head. “I know it isn’t,” she said. “I just don’t know if I’ll be able to summon it. For a campfire maybe,” a crooked smile, “but not a fight.”

“And when we do?” Haseul asked. There would always be a fight where they’d be needed. It was an empty promise to say that they wouldn’t summon the light or fire. It was a lie to say they couldn’t fight or kill.

“Then we do,” Jungeun said, meeting her eyes. “It won’t mean we’ve overcome it and it won’t mean we’ve failed.”

Even after so many years, no Astran has looked past their pride. Not even you. 

Haseul closed her eyes, feeling the tears starting to form. 

“I can go back already,” Jungeun said. “There’s no spirits here. Not yet.”

She felt the first tear seep out and opened her eyes. 

“And carry that all by yourself?” Haseul lifted a brow. 

“Magic.” Jungeun waggled her eyebrows, lifting two of the three basins. 

Haseul went over to the third and picked it up. It was heavy, but her strength hadn’t left her fully. She had that. Holding the bowl too was a comfort. It wasn’t a weapon. It was warm to touch. It dulled some of the memories, silenced some of the screams. She couldn’t feel any anger from it, even if there were red lines through it. 

They started to walk back. It felt good to just hold something heavy, to balance it in her arms to make sure it didn’t spill. She did ask Jungeun to seal the top of it so she wouldn’t trip and they’d lose it all. 

The walk was spent in silence. Jungeun kept her eyes in front of her. 

It was then that Haseul realised what that meant. What it had meant for Jungeun to tell her she could stay by the river alone. 

She let the rest of her tears fall. They slid down the side of the bowl of light. 

Haseul cried, almost welcoming the warmth along her face. She was even glad for the sun to shine on them through the trees. She was grateful for the silence and that she didn’t need to face it alone. 

When there were no more tears, Haseul used one hand to wipe her face. Some of the water was murky from the dirt still there.  

“We’ll be alright.” She almost laughed.  

Jungeun looked over and nodded. “Like always.” 

She let out a long breath, closing her eyes again. 

“We’re going the wrong way,” Haseul said. 

“I know,” Jungeun replied. 

She opened her eyes and started walking in the right direction. 

_____

Jungeun sat down beside Jinsoul. She looked calm. 

She tried to ignore how the darkness had seeped into her hair, how her skin was colder than it had ever been. She tried not to think about the burns she could see on her skin. Her clothes were either singed or burned away. She pushed away the memory of when Jinsoul had fallen unconscious. She’d been trying to make Jungeun stop taking the anger, her face contorted in pain from the heat of the emotion. Then her eyes had rolled into the back of her head. Jungeun had felt her heart twisted. The only thing that had stopped her from absolute panic was that she could still feel that Jinsoul was there. Nothing had faded. It had just all been too much. 

Jungeun just took her hand and lifted it to her lips. I’m sorry, she thought. I’ll take what I can. 

She took a bit more of the anger. Her skin felt like it was being freshly burned again.  

Let me take it. 

Jungeun remembered how Jinsoul had already been crying, eyes filled with pain. She remembered how she’d closed them, before starting to tremble as she took more of the anger. Jungeun had felt it leave her. 

She remembered how the edges of Jinsoul’s eyes had been red when she’d opened them again. 

“You’re glowing,” Sooyoung said. “Not in the normal way.” The words were light, but they still held a small warning. She was still chopping vegetables. It was both a strange sight and a comfort. The fire beside her burned. Jungeun was almost relieved she’d been able to light one. She hadn’t been able to conjure any flames on her skin. She hadn’t wanted to either. 

Jungeun looked down only to see that the red in her skin was brighter. Those lines had never happened before. 

Because it isn’t like before, she thought, before pushing it down. She needed it to be like before. She’d gotten better before. 

“She’ll be okay.” Sooyoung’s voice was gentle, almost cautious. 

Jungeun nodded. “I know.”

“You're still worried.” 

She shook her head, running a thumb over the back of Jinsoul’s hand. She tried to put warmth into her skin. They had no blankets, but Jungeun had tried to warm the ground underneath all four of them. She didn’t know if that would be enough for any of them. 

“What if she’s in pain?” Jungeun said quietly. “What if she wakes up and it just hurts?” 

“Does,” Sooyoung was walking over, “does it hurt for you now?” 

“It’s cold,” Jungeun admitted. “It burns, but it’s still cold.” 

Jinsoul had already felt the emptiness Jungeun knew from before. She’d felt it because she’d healed her. That thought had torn at Jungeun before. It nearly did now. 

It only didn’t, because Jungeun knew she’d do the same for Jinsoul. She wanted to do it for her now. 

If there was a chance I could get you back that way, I’d take it. 

Jungeun nearly broke down then. 

I needed you to be okay.

Jungeun had shouted at her. She’d been so scared of what that meant. How could she have been scared, when it was the same for her? 

I’m sorry, she said, holding her hand tighter. For all of it. When Jinsoul woke up, she’d say it again and more. 

She just needed to wake up first. 

Sooyoung sat down beside her. “You know,” she started. 

“It’s not my fault?” Jungeun finished. “I know.”

Sooyoung hummed once. It was a familiar sound. 

“What?”

“I don’t think you believe it,” Sooyoung said. “But it isn’t your fault.” 

Jungeun could’ve smiled. “I know.”

“You said that already.” 

She nodded. 

“Hungry?” Sooyoung patted her shoulder before getting up. “There’s a little you can eat already.” 

Jungeun didn’t say anything. She looked back to Jinsoul. She hadn’t moved at all, but she was breathing. 

“Please,” she said. She spoke in Arcesh, knowing it made no difference, but that didn’t matter. “If you can hear me,” she held a hand to her cheek, “when you’re awake, I’ll tell you everything.” She kissed her forehead. “Just wake up,” she whispered. “Please.” She let more warmth flow into Jinsoul’s skin. She just wanted it to be enough. She needed it to be enough. 

Jinsoul didn’t respond. She could feel her through the bond. She was there. She just couldn’t hear her. 

She thought of how it this would have felt for Jinsoul. The leftover terror in her eyes, but also the sheer relief. Had she been able to feel her then or had she not been able to? Jinsoul had thought she was gone once already. Twice.

And Jungeun could see she was awake. She knew she was awake. 

“You’re stronger than I am,” she whispered. “I couldn’t do that—any of it.” She knew the rest would hear her. That didn’t matter. 

Jungeun carefully put one hand over the wound and let light flow into it again. 

There was a small sigh. Jinsoul’s.

Jungeun let more light in. She was in pain. The light was helping. 

“Want some?” It was Yerim. She was holding a bowl of fruit. 

Jungeun looked at it, before she realised how dry still was. She nodded. 

Yerim went to her side, took one of her wrists and pulled it up, before handing her the bowl. Then she hugged her, resting her head on Jungeun’s shoulder. 

Jungeun ate a piece of fruit. Apples. 

She ate more.

Yerim just stayed there. Jungeun lifted one and the piece of apple was pulled from her fingers and into Yerim’s mouth. 

She poked her cheek and Yerim smiled slightly. Jungeun’s heart warmed just seeing it. Yerim was there. She was safe. She was awake. 

“Do you want me to help?” Jungeun asked then. “With the healing?” 

“You’ve given her too much light already,” Yerim said. “And you’re exhausted from the rest.” She looked up at her. “And you'd still give her light after you cast the runes before ending up with a headache, so not today.” She moved closer. “You’re already doing more than enough.”

Jungeun might’ve argued against that, but Yerim’s tone told her she’d disagree. She squeezed Yerim’s arm, before taking her hand. She wasn’t the only one worried. She wasn’t the only one who needed Jinsoul to wake up. They all did. 

Yerim didn’t say anything, but her grip didn’t loosen around her. 

Jungeun felt the fatigue settle in further, but she didn’t want to close her eyes. If Jinsoul woke up, she’d be there. 

Jinsoul’s breathing was slow, as was Yerim’s. Yerim had closed her eyes. Jungeun warmed her side a bit more. She’d wait until she woke her. Yerim had already been doing so much. Jungeun could at least let her sleep if she couldn’t help her with the rest. 

_____

The sun was setting.

Hyunjin woke up first. 

Heejin had still been stirring the large pot of broth when she heard her cough. She looked over, only for Sooyoung to be there beside her. 

“I can do this,” she said quietly. 

Heejin rushed over to her side. Yerim was there, slowly lifting Hyunjin’s head. She was lifting her hands. 

“Don’t move,” Heejin told her, “you have a stab wound in your chest.” 

Hyunjin looked up, eyes still their grey and yellow. They met Heejin’s gaze. Heejin felt a warmth in her chest then. She wasn’t so exhausted anymore. 

“Hi,” she croaked. “I feel terrible.” 

“You look it too,” Yerim replied. 

Heejin traced the skin above Hyunjin’s brow. Her being awake had lessened the pressure in her chest. It was still there. She was still scared the rest wouldn’t wake up. 

Yerim gave her another elixir before moving away again to the rest. 

Hyunjin was looking at her. “You’re not hurt?”

“Not bad,” Heejin replied. “My lungs are fine.”

She grimaced. “Just one lung.” 

Heejin gave her a look. “Close to your heart.” 

“But not my heart,” Hyunjin said. “Do you really want to argue how close my survival was?” She lifted a brow. “Because we can go with technicalities if you want. I sat in on an mortal anatomy exploration thing once.” 

Heejin blinked. “What?”

“I was interested and I had time,” Hyunjin shrugged, “it was when I, you know, left.” 

It took a few moments to process that. 

“Don’t mortals not like knowing about the insides of the body?” Most of them didn’t like it either. Unfortunately Heejin knew a lot of it too.

“No but these ones are—well, were because politics and whatever else, the revolutionaries for it!” Hyunjin said, almost too animated for someone who might’ve died a few hours ago. “But what I meant was I know a little more about lungs, also why I, an immortal, could survive the blow to one of them just fine.”

“They wouldn’t have taught you about our healing, let alone potions or magic.” 

Hyunjin smiled. “No, but Jinsoul did.” Then it faded. “How is she? How are—”

“Still asleep,” Heejin said. She didn’t want to say ‘unconscious’. She just had to hope they’d wake up when the moon was high. “They all are.”

Hyunjin moved to get up. Heejin pushed her down. 

“Don’t,” she said. “You shouldn’t have moved earlier either.” 

“But I was fine.” 

“And now we’re safe,” Heejin shot back. “So you don’t have to move and you won’t.” 

Hyunjin huffed, before wincing. Then she laid back down. “It smells good.” She lifted a brow. “You’ll let me sit up to eat, right?” 

“I can feed you.” Heejin welcomed the sense of normalcy. With the cooking too, it was a relief to have now. 

She heard Yeojin snort off to the side. 

There was a small dusting of pink across Hyunjin’s cheeks. 

Heejin smiled just seeing it. 

“Can I sit up?” She lifted one hand, taking Heejin’s. “Feel like it’ll hurt either way and I don’t really want to be looking up at the sky.”

“I’ll help you get her up.” It was Vivi next to her. She grabbed Hyunjin’s other hand. The earth behind Hyunjin rose. Yerim was helping too. 

They carefully pulled her up. Hyunjin made a strangled sound, but told them to keep going between her coughs. Heejin tried not to think about how there was some blood on her lips when she was sitting up. She’d heal. They’d given her potions, they’d made the runes. 

Heejin summoned a piece of light, ignoring the pain in her head, and set it over Hyunjin’s chest. 

“Hold it there,” she told her. “Does it help the pain?”

Hyunjin nodded and did what she said. “How much light do you still have?”

“Enough.” 

Hyunjin gave her a look. Her other hand went to Heejin’s cheek. Her skin was cold, but Heejin still felt warm. She actually felt warmed by it. She wondered if that was supposed to happen or if Hyunjin was trying to give her light. 

“Don’t give me any light,” Heejin said. “You need it.” 

“I’m not giving you any,” Hyunjin replied. “But that is a good idea.” Hyunjin’s eyes began to glow a bit more and Heejin felt a calm she’d missed all day. 

“Don’t,” she put a hand over hers, “you need it more than I do.” She felt the absence of the light more than she should have. 

Hyunjin didn’t look like she agreed, but she still nodded. “Sit with me?” 

Heejin shifted so she was sitting beside her. Yerim had made the dirt compact, but not hard. She’d also made it wide enough for two people to sit by it. Heejin smiled slightly. 

She looked over to Yerim then who was finishing binding Jinsoul’s wound. Jungeun was still sitting there, her eyes on Jinsoul’s face. The furrow in her brow hadn’t left. Now that it was getting darker, the red lines on her skin were more pronounced, even from where Hyunjin and Heejin sat. 

They watched as Yerim quietly argued with Jungeun, before she lifted one of her arms and started applying a paste to a large gash on Jungeun’s side. Jungeun was softly grumbling, but she didn’t look irritated. Instead, she just looked at Yerim with a fond expression. It was one Heejin had seen several times before, but now there was relief there too. Heejin knew that well too. They were all alive. 

“You look comfortable,” Haseul was holding two cups, “water.” She held them out. “None of us have drunk enough today.” Behind her, Jiwoo was also going to Jungeun and Yerim, while Sooyoung was with Yeojin and Vivi. They were in the process of setting up the tents. They’d stay here until the others woke up. 

“I think I swallowed some earlier,” Hyunjin said. 

Haseul just flicked her shoulder. “Drink.” The corner of tugged up. Heejin was happy to see anything close to a smile from her. 

They both drank. 

Heejin wanted to ask Haseul how she was, but she hadn’t missed her puffy eyes when she and Jungeun had come back. She wished Haseul would just say it, but where was she supposed to start? 

And she didn’t want to see that look in Haseul’s eyes again like she had when they’d seen her after the camp. She didn’t want to remind her of it more. Not now. 

“We match,” Haseul said then. 

Heejin looked between Haseul and Hyunjin then, both with one grey eye. 

Hyunjin laughed softly. “We do.” She held out a hand. 

Haseul took it. Her gaze fell to the ground then. 

Heejin’s chest twisted. 

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” Haseul said. “That we all are.” She kissed Heejin’s forehead, then Hyunjin’s. 

“How do you feel?” Hyunjin asked. The look in her eyes was fragile. Heejin could almost feel her worry. 

The expression in Haseul’s eyes faltered once. She nodded once. “Better.”

Hyunjin relaxed then. Heejin knew she’d seen Haseul in the camp. Would she ask her one day how that had been or just leave it? Would Hyunjin tell her one day?

But would that be fair to Haseul? Maybe she’d want to leave that moment only to those who’d seen her then. Heejin just wanted to be there for her now. If she wanted them there. 

And then Haseul was walking away. Her back was straight and her steps didn’t falter. She sank down by Chaewon’s side and they all saw the guilt on her face then, before it faded too. 

Heejin looked away. She saw Hyunjin do the same out of the corner of her eye. 

Being all in the same place, nothing was private, everything would be heard, but they could still look away. They could still give each other that. 

Hyunjin’s head came to rest on her shoulder. 

“How long do you think we’ll stay here?” Hyunjin asked. 

“I don’t know,” Heejin admitted. 

“I hope a few days,” Hyunjin said. “It’s nice.” A pause. “All of us here.” 

She could only nod. It had been years since they’d all been gathered around together, eating with each other. 

She looked at the three who still needed to wake up. When they did, they’d have that again. 

“I hope we stay longer too,” Heejin said. 

"Me too." Hyunjin squeezed her hand. "I love you."

There was the warmth again. Heejin rested her cheek on the top of Hyunjin’s head. She closed her eyes. 

"I love you too."

_____

Chaewon didn’t remember when she’d finally been freed of the nightmares, but she’d fallen asleep at one point, the overwhelming emotions and pain leaving her. It had been a blessing to fall asleep, even if her dreams were pulled from her memories. 

Now she was awake again. 

Chaewon remembered the surge of ice and rage that had surrounded her, trying to convince her the emotions were her own. Terror had filled her too and it had all been too much. She’d sunken into a world of nothing but those emotions. The fear was still there, so was the rage, but so much further away. Her mind ached from having felt so much at one time. 

She was so cold. Her entire body hurt. She had to be awake. She hoped she was awake. Then she could open her eyes. She could see the sky. Something that wasn’t a memory or a terrible dream. 

There was a deep pain in the centre of her chest. It was the only part of her that felt warm, but even that was faint. The space around it felt even colder than the rest of her. Empty. More than before. 

The ground beneath her was soft, warm too. It didn’t reach her fully, but it was a small comfort at least. 

Chaewon knew she was awake then, but she couldn’t open her eyes. She couldn’t move either. She should have panicked, but this didn’t scare her. She knew she was safe. She could hear voices, familiar voices. She just couldn’t distinguish the words. 

She could feel something else. All around her. She recognised that too. The shadows. These weren’t sharp, nor were they filled with rage. They were just there. Almost calm. 

Chaewon reached for them and they came easily, as if they’d been waiting for her to call on them. 

The cold went away then as the shadows wrapped around her. She felt some sink into her skin. Others went to her chest. None of it hurt her. It was almost soothing. 

She heard someone call out something. Was that Yerim? 

Someone was beside her. She hadn’t noticed that. They were saying something. Was that her name? 

Chaewon pulled the shadows closer to her. She needed to see if something could fill that emptiness. Soothe it at least. 

And then it did. Chaewon gasped as the darkness slowly collected in the hole in the centre of her heart. There were parts it didn’t fill, larger portions it almost seemed to avoid, but not everything. 

Chaewon felt someone holding her hand. She tried to squeeze back, but it felt as if the movement was so slow. 

“Wait,” she heard Sooyoung said, “she’s trying.” 

She tried to answer her, but only felt how opened without a sound coming out. 

She opened her eyes then. 

Jiwoo and Sooyoung were on either side of her. Both had tears in their eyes, which were almost too bright to look into. 

“Chaewon?” Jiwoo’s voice was shaking. 

Chaewon could only nod. She still couldn’t speak. She forced one of her arms to lift. She needed to sit up. Maybe that would help. 

Sooyoung thankfully realised what she was trying to do. She pulled her up, moving so that Chaewon’s side rested against her front. Her arms almost immediately went around her. 

Chaewon leaned into her. The others were there too. She saw everyone except Hyunjin, Jinsoul, and Hyejoo. 

“Whe—” she started. “What hap—” The words felt like cotton in . 

“Hyejoo and Jinsoul are still asleep,” Jiwoo said then. “Hyunjin just can’t get up.” 

“Here!” Hyunjin was calling from a small way’s away. 

Chaewon laughed then. It hurt, but it felt so nice to find something funny. She coughed and that hurt even more. 

“Careful.” Sooyoung rubbed her back, but she was avoiding where the knife had gone in. 

Then someone else was on her other side, arms carefully wrapping around her waist. “Does this hurt?” Jiwoo asked.

“It’s fine,” Chaewon said. hurt. She tried to put one hand over Jiwoo’s, but it was the one that'd been twisted by magic. Her shoulder was fine, but the rest very clearly wasn’t. She hissed.

Then Jiwoo was letting go. “Where?”

“Just my arm,” Chaewon said. “Get back here, I’m cold.” 

And Jiwoo did, carefully avoiding her upper arm. 

“How do you feel?” Haseul was there. Haseul.

Chaewon felt tears prick at the edge of her eyes. “I should be asking you that.”

Haseul smiled slightly, but there was something wrong. “I didn’t get stabbed through the chest. That was Hyunjin.” 

“And I feel terrible,” Hyunjin called. 

“So do I,” Chaewon replied. It felt surreal to be here. It almost felt strange to feel relieved, to feel all of the other emotions being around them made her feel. 

Sooyoung had loosened her grip but she hadn’t let go. Neither had Jiwoo, but now only one arm was around her. Chaewon wasn’t sure if she’d want either of them to leave her side. Not now. 

“Then I think I feel a bit better than either of you.” Haseul winked. 

Chaewon nearly told her then she didn’t have to make things lighter. Not here.  

But by the way her eyes got a little bit warmer as she looked between them, she realised Haseul might’ve needed this the most. 

“You better,” Chaewon said. She looked up then. It was night now. She could see the moon starting to appear through the trees. It stung to look at it. 

She looked at the darkness in herself. She realised then there was little to no light anymore. The only bit of light was where that little bit of warmth was around her chest. No, it was just outside it.

Chaewon looked down. The bond was there. It looked more complete than she’d seen it before. 

“What happened?” Chaewon asked. She looked around. Heejin moved to the side and she saw her then. 

The bond stretched out to Hyejoo’s sleeping form. It was brighter where she was. Silver and white. 

A part of her didn’t want to, but she carefully pulled away from Sooyoung and Jiwoo. They let her. It hurt to move, but it was nothing compared to the pain from before. Anything less than what she had felt before was a blessing. 

Chaewon reached for Hyejoo’s arm, but stopped. Nothing would happen, would it? She didn’t want to hurt her. Not when Hyejoo was like this now. Because of her. 

She then put a hand on her wrist, ready to pull away if something happened. Nothing did. 

Hyejoo’s skin was warm. A bit colder than before the darkness had come, but still warm. 

“She took the light you still had,” Yerim said then. “All of it.” 

Chaewon could see that. Some of the light in the bond, but also around Hyejoo’s heart and eyes, was hers. She could see it, sense it, but a part of her knew she wouldn’t be able to pull on it. Maybe never again. 

The thought didn’t hurt. She felt relieved instead. 

“She saved my life,” Chaewon whispered. Again. 

“Hungry?” Heejin asked. She was pointing to the fire a few metres away. Hyunjin was beside it, leaning against a mound of dirt. 

She looked at the assortment of food still hovering above the fire. 

She breathed in once and then finally smelled the food. 

“I feel like I haven’t eaten in ages,” Chaewon admitted. She realised then she could bring it up. It was probably better to start it herself than wait for them to ask. “Didn’t really eat much on my way here.”

There was a small rush of something, close to both worry and a sliver of irritation. 

“And what was your plan?” Sooyoung asked then. Her eyes were still teary and relief was the most obvious emotion there. “What were you thinking?” 

Chaewon leaned back and nearly lost her balance. Jiwoo caught her. 

Then the ground rumbled and another mound appeared. 

Chaewon met Yerim’s eyes and smiled. She returned it, but she held the same confusion the others did. 

“I thought it’d work,” Chaewon said slowly. “Was he there when you found Haseul?” 

The silence told her he hadn't been, but none of them looked like they’d tell her she was right. 

“You were supposed to leave when you got Haseul." Chaewon knew the words wouldn’t really convince anyone. “That was why I tried leading him away.”

“And you didn’t tell us?”

“What if a mental fae had found you and read your minds to see?” Chaewon asked. “I left before I could really say anything, I knew the rest of you would be fast enough to catch up, and I knew I was one of Alluin’s targets.” She swallowed once. was as dry as it was sore. “I just didn’t know if it’d be enough for him to come after me, but it was.”

“You made yourself bait,” Vivi said. “I saw the witch. She told me what the message was that you told her to send.”

Chaewon grimaced. It worked, she almost wanted to say. 

“You didn’t think we’d come find you after?” Sooyoung asked. 

Chaewon could only shrug. “I didn’t think I'd,” she paused, feeling her stomach twist. She didn’t want to finish that sentence. I didn't think I'd be alive by the time you got there. 

Sooyoung’s expression crumpled. It hurt her to see. 

Then Chaewon was engulfed again by her arms. 

“But you’re okay,” Sooyoung murmured. “You’re alive.” 

Chaewon felt the tears come again. She didn’t fight them. “I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I didn’t want you facing them. Facing her.” 

“The blood elf?” 

She shuddered just thinking of her again, of how her magic had nearly torn her apart. “But she’s dead,” she whispered. She remembered how she’d taken her head off, how she’d been so close to death even in that moment. “You didn’t have to fight her.” She had barely even hurt Alluin. She’d left Hyejoo to face him alone. The rest had had to face him and the others. 

“We know,” Sooyoung lifted her head, tears rolling down her face, “things would’ve been different had she been there too.” Then her brow furrowed. “She did that to your arm?” 

Chaewon cried more then. She huddled into Sooyoung’s chest, ignoring how the movement pulled at her own. Someone to be there, so close and to just hold her without trapping her, without hurting her. 

Someone was her head, almost massaging it. She knew it was Jiwoo. 

“So you found me?” Chaewon asked between coughs and sobs. She didn’t know how that would have looked. She didn’t want to know.

“Both of you,” Jiwoo said. “Hyejoo was also unconscious. We still don’t know why.” 

Had the change started then? She had no idea. 

“We,” Sooyoung started, breaking off again. 

“You thought I was dead,” Chaewon finished for her. She could feel the grief that clung to all of them. Grief for her. It hurt to know she’d caused them that much pain. 

Alluin had, she told herself. There were a lot of things to still be guilty about, but not that. Not completely. 

Sooyoung pulled her closer then. She didn’t say anything else. Neither did Jiwoo. That said enough. 

At one point Sooyoung let go and Jiwoo took her place. Jiwoo was a lot more shaky, but it didn’t matter. Chaewon just hugged her tighter with her good arm. 

“I can’t tell you,” Jiwoo started, “how it felt to see you open your eyes again.” She kissed the top of her head. “I,” she started and then stopped. “I love you,” she said. 

Sooyoung had repeated it. Her voice was so quiet. Chaewon’s heart twisted thinking about how they had both felt. Their pain was still there. Her being alive didn’t take that away. Not when they’d thought she was gone. 

“I love you too,” Chaewon replied. “All of you.” Her mind still felt heavy, as if it wanted to go back to where she’d been before. She never wanted to be there again. She remembered only how it felt, not how long it had been, or even what she’d seen. She only knew it had left her drained, exhausted, and close to freezing. 

She heard Jiwoo start to cry again. That didn’t matter. They were all here. They others were safe.

_____

It was hard to try and mould something around Chaewon’s arm, but she was insisting that they straighten it. 

“But it’ll hurt,” Yerim tried to tell her. 

“It’ll hurt a lot less than when it happened,” Chaewon replied. The way she spoke already was different from before. There was a lightness to it. The guilt hadn’t left her and it came when she thought they weren’t looking, but Chaewon seemed better now than she had for decades. 

Yerim didn’t know what else had happened between Chaewon and the blood elf, but she just lifted the earth from the ground, let threads of darkness weave through it, before putting it around Chaewon’s arm. 

“I could still knock you out,” Yerim said. “For a minute and then get you back.”

Chaewon just shook her head. “Just do it.” 

Yerim pulled on her arm and made the earth compress around the rest. 

Chaewon closed her eyes, letting out a sharp cry. There were tears, but when she opened her eyes again, she smiled. 

“Knew it would be better than the first time.” She squeezed Yerim’s arm. “Thank you.” 

“I’m not saying ‘you’re welcome’ to that,” Yerim said. 

Her smile grew and it was almost surprising to see. 

“Can I help you with this?” Chaewon eyed the table of herbs and different bowls. “I don’t know what any of it really does.” She pointed at a plant. “That’s the one for colds, right?”

“Eucalyptus,” Yerim said. “That’s one way to use it.” Then she just turned her around to the fire. “Go eat something, or have a hot cup of tea or wine.” She squeezed the shoulder on her good side. 

Chaewon laughed softly as she walked. 

Yerim started mixing again. She’d give Chaewon another potion to drink, but one with a stronger part that would help the pain. Jinsoul would get the last of the stronger potions, before Yerim had to make more, and then Hyunjin would get both of the more milder potions. 

Wait, she shook her head, Sooyoung needs one. She’d have to get another one too. Internal bleeding was difficult because, especially with Sooyoung, the movements would just end up making it worse, like when she'd carried Hyejoo. Keeping her still wouldn’t work. Giving her more healing draughts would. Yerim just had to make sure she made the ones that didn’t make her tired if she had multiple. 

Yerim looked to where Jungeun was then, only to see her pull Chaewon in for a hug. 

“Does it burn?” Jungeun asked quietly. 

Chaewon just shook her head. “It wasn’t that kind of anger,” she said. “It’s there, but less.” 

Jungeun nodded once. 

“But that’s why your skin is,” Chaewon trailed off. 

Another nod. 

“And Jinsoul?” Chaewon’s voice was tight. She was looking at Jinsoul. Yerim could sense her dread. 

She was worried Jinsoul would start to be like her, with the darkness and light warring in her. Yerim almost went over to tell her that wasn’t true. 

“Yerim took away the shadows he sent on her,” Jungeun said. “I took most of the anger.” 

“I can see if I can take the rest,” Chaewon said. 

“No.” Jungeun’s eyes lifted from Jinsoul to Chaewon. “She’ll tell us if there’s too much. Light helps her now, so do the potions, and you’re not taking anything else for now.”

“You’re acting like she’d let us take more,” she replied. “She won’t say if it’s too much.”

“I know,” Jungeun said and Yerim saw the hint of a smile, “but she’ll let us take it.” A pause. “Might just take a bit of convincing.” 

Yerim went back to the mixtures. She had to make more of the paste too. So many had surface wounds, but they were bound to get infected. They’d already dirtied the water of the two basins and they didn’t want to use the rest because they needed it for drinking water. 

When Jinsoul woke up—and if she could still use her magic—they’d be able to clean up better. 

Either that or someone would have to go to the river again. 

And no one wanted to leave their makeshift camp. Not even those who would usually try to be alone at a time like this. 

Even Haseul, who’d used the excuse of guard duty to be a bit away from them was still only ten metres away, if even that. 

There was a strange closeness that they hadn’t even had before Hyejoo’s banishment. They’d never all fought together like this. Yerim hoped they’d never have to. 

“Need any help?” Vivi was on the other side of the dirt table. “I know how to make the pastes, and one of the healing potions.”

“Which one?”

“Bright blue.” 

Yerim nodded. “Then I need help.” 

Vivi worked fast opposite her. Small stone bowls had formed out of the ground now and were currently mashing multiple sets of leaves. 

“Where were you this whole time?” Yerim asked, watching the display. 

“Making your bed.” Vivi threw the stem of a leaf at her. “And mine.” 

“Pretty sure my bed is just two furs rolled out on the ground.”

“And a rolled up sack for a pillow,” she replied. “A lot of us’ll have to share.” 

Yerim nodded. She looked to see if there was any falter as Vivi moved. 

She caught her looking and raised an eyebrow. “I’m fine,” she said. “And Yeojin already made me drink something.” 

“But do you need another one?” 

Vivi smiled and shook her head. “I faired alright today, all things considered.” Her eyes fell to the table and there was a small flicker of guilt, followed by irritation. 

Yerim knew those feelings well. “And everything else?” She looked at her. “I think there’s a shadow that isn’t yours there.” She reached for it and pulled it away. 

Vivi laughed slightly. “I didn’t know you were such a good healer,” she said. “You’ve done the work of five healers from my people before in half the time.” 

She shook her head. “I had a good teacher.” 

“Nuala or Jinsoul?”

“Both,” Yerim said. Then she lowered her voice. "Jinsoul’s better at it.” 

“I can imagine,” Vivi replied, gaze turning thoughtful. “But Nuala isn’t all that bad, is she?”

Yerim shook her head. “It just takes years for her to warm up to you. Sometimes more if you keep coming with injuries from being stupid.” She saw how Vivi looked to Jungeun. “She’s okay with recklessness if there was a good reason for it.” 

Vivi nodded. 

“Did you do the healing to before?” Yerim asked. She wasn’t sure if now was the time to ask about her life before, but Vivi had come over to help. 

Vivi didn’t look as if the question had bothered her. “Not really,” she said. “But we almost never had healers with us when we went away so I learned from them each time I was back.” 

“We didn’t really have that much either,” Yerim said. “Even when I got there, it wasn’t really normal having a healer there with you. Unless Jinsoul was there.” 

She was shaking her head. “One of the people I went with had a theory that immortals don’t want a healer there. Reminds them that they can get hurt.” 

Yerim frowned. “That’s stupid.” 

“We both said the same,” Vivi chuckled, “which is why we both were the healers on each trip. She cast the healing runes and I made everything else.” She shook her head. “I tried the spells, but they always ended up hurting too much when I did anymore than three.”

The expression she wore was so familiar that Yerim had to blink. 

“Jungeun had that too,” Yerim said. “Didn’t think she’d be able to ever really heal without it hurting.”

Vivi looked between her and where Jungeun had gone back to Jinsoul. She was changing the bandage around one of her wounds. “And was she right?”

“No,” she replied. “She just had to practice.”

Vivi’s brow rose. “You’re not going to offer to train me, are you?” 

“I could,” Yerim shrugged, “but what I mean is just that you could end up using the healing magic without a problem one day. If you wanted to.” 

Vivi just nodded, looking back to the work. 

So did Yerim. It was nice to work in silence, but she kept wanting to look up, to see if the others were alright, if they needed anything else, if the other two were waking up—something. 

She looked to where Chaewon was only to see her leaning against a tree, looking out at the trees. She looked up at the sky too, a furrow in her brow. Her hair was still dark, but her eyes were back to a combination of grey and light green. Brighter than before, but still not what they’d been before everything had happened. 

Yerim tried to find the resentment she’d had for her or the anger, but it only came with other emotions. She felt guilty for not having been there, for not looking out for Chaewon’s path as much as she could have. Maybe she would’ve been able to see better what she was planning. She might’ve even seen her leaving sooner if she’d looked. 

“Thinking about ‘what ifs’ now when we’re all alive,” Vivi started, “makes the peace we could have now harder.” She looked at her. Then at Chaewon. “Guilt really is such an easy emotion for all of you,” 

“Easy?” Yerim repeated. 

“It comes to you easily,” Vivi replied. “Even through your relief, so many of you started to be overcome by guilt.” 

“Didn’t you?”

Vivi nodded. “There was guilt for hurting others without meaning to, killing those you had meant to, not getting there in time, now regrets from before coming back.” She frowned then. “I don’t know what they’re for, but I knew the moment I arrived here, little was simple among you. It goes further than what was happening with Alluin too.” Something else appeared in her eyes then. 

Yerim got the feeling that Vivi was included among those where guilt came easily. 

Yerim didn’t know if she could ask her why she was bringing it up like this. Vivi was open, but she didn’t say everything. It was different to how Hyunjin was, because you noticed that she kept things to herself. It didn’t seem to be a lack of trust necessarily, only that those were memories and thoughts Vivi preferred to keep to herself. Yerim knew well enough by now to respect that. 

“I only mean that sometimes,” Vivi met her gaze, “we take on more responsibility for things than we should. Most of the time, we had so little control over it, be it our actions, another’s, or just our own emotions.” She lifted the stone bowls then, all with pastes that looked near perfect. “I know we can’t stop that, but sometimes you can leave it for a few hours. Maybe even a day or two.” 

Yerim took the bowls and put a bit of water in each. She started to mix them. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw some of the others look away or start talking again. They’d been listening. 

“Anything else?” Vivi asked. 

Yerim nearly shook her head, but she liked having Vivi there. She had a calming presence and she had the feeling the work distracted Vivi from her own thoughts and emotions. “Want to make the elixirs? The ones you know?” She pushed over the bowl of light still half full of water. “I’ll make the ones for the pain, but I’ll need more containers.”

She felt something move in the ground then. Small stone vials appeared then. Their walls were thin, but not brittle. 

Yerim smiled and Vivi returned it. They both kept working. 

_____

Chaewon felt the moment Hyejoo started to wake up. 

She immediately stood, ignoring the spike of pain that sent through her. 

Jiwoo was coming over, a frown on her face, but she waved her off. 

Chaewon reached Hyejoo at the same time Yerim did. 

Hyejoo was softly murmuring, her eyes moving under her eyelids. 

Chaewon didn’t move. “Hye-Hyejoo?” 

Her head turned. 

And then her eyes opened. They were bright. Still dark, but there were several pinpricks of light. Just like there had been before, but even more. 

She looked around. Then her eyes landed on Chaewon. 

She was suddenly pulled down into a hug. The warmth from Hyejoo surrounded her. It didn’t hurt, but she had never felt the light like this from Hyejoo. Not even before. 

“You’re here?” Hyejoo asked. “This isn’t a dream?” 

“I’m here,” Chaewon whispered. Was Hyejoo delirious? Had she forgotten something? 

“I took your light,” she said. “It was the only way I thought it would work.”

Not delirious. 

“It worked,” Chaewon said. “I think for us both.” Slowly, she pulled away, but Hyejoo wasn’t fully letting go. Chaewon didn’t know what to do. It was almost foreign to her now. 

Hyejoo was looking at her, eyes glassy. They were so bright. So much brighter. “You’re alive.” The first tear fell. “You’re here.” 

Chaewon felt her own eyes start to burn again. She didn’t want to cry now. 

Hyejoo had taken her hand now and Chaewon didn’t know if she wanted to pull away or stay exactly where she was. 

Then she saw Hyunjin looking over, Heejin trying to keep her from getting up, and Jiwoo somewhere in between there and Chaewon. She was looking as uncertain as Chaewon felt. So did Sooyoung. Meanwhile, everyone else’s expressions were full of relief. 

Carefully, Chaewon pulled away. She met Yeojin’s eye for a second, hoping she’d know what she wanted. 

Yeojin immediately came forward and practically tackled Hyejoo in a hug. 

Chaewon moved away. She could still feel the light from Hyejoo. It didn’t burn her skin. It just felt strange. Foreign. 

She looked to the sky then, seeing the moon. It didn’t hurt save for the sting that it was too bright, but she couldn’t feel anything else from it. 

I took your light. 

Chaewon brought some of the darkness she’d absorbed onto her hand. It came easily. There was no pain. She stared at it. There was no sliver of light anywhere. Nothing was grey. She closed her fingers over it. It wasn’t cold. There was no fury or any fear. Instead it felt like calm. That was at least familiar. 

“Chaewon?” It was Heejin. She was looking between her hand and her. “Are you okay?” The concern in her eyes was unexpected too. 

She could only nod. She wasn’t overwhelmed by it, but she hadn’t expected any of this. Nothing changed what had happened. She’d still betrayed Hyejoo. 

“I know that look,” Heejin said then. “You don’t have to—”

Chaewon shook her head. “What happened today doesn’t change what I did.” 

“No.” Heejin nodded once. She put a hand on her arm. “But your guilt tore you apart for half a century.” Her brow furrowed and Chaewon recognised the face she always pulled when she was struggling for words. Now? “I just,” her fingers tightened around Chaewon, “I wish I’d been there for you.”

She needed to look away then. A lump grew in . 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

“There’s nothing to apologise for,” Chaewon said. “I deserved that.” She kept her voice quiet. The others were asking Hyejoo how she was doing. Yerim was fretting over her legs. 

“Maybe at first,” Heejin shrugged, “but not this year, not last year, or the one before that.” She let go of her. “I just didn’t know when to stop.” Guilt was in her eyes. Chaewon could feel it in the shadows too. 

And then Heejin was going to Hyejoo. 

Sooyoung, Jiwoo, and her were all still standing there. Hyunjin had managed to get closer without Heejin there. She was now holding Hyejoo in what looked like the tightest hug she could manage with her injuries. She was crying. 

Jungeun had already gone to Hyejoo. Chaewon remembered seeing her while Heejin was talking to her. 

And now she was standing in between the others and Jinsoul, as if she wasn’t sure where she was supposed to go. 

Jinsoul was going to be the last to wake up. Chaewon could see the worry collecting around Jungeun, as well as shame. Probably for her worry. 

And then Jungeun was sitting down again beside Jinsoul. Anger flowed from Jinsoul to Jungeun. Again. 

It was even darker now and her skin glowed even more red now. 

Chaewon nearly told her to stop, but she knew full well that Jungeun needed to feel like she was actually doing something. 

“Did you eat?” Jiwoo asked.

Chaewon smiled. “You asked me that twice already.”

“Because you didn’t.” She took her hand and pulled her to the fire. Sooyoung was already there with three bowls. 

This was normal. The three of them here and the rest somewhere else. Chaewon didn’t know if she was supposed to be comforted by it, but she was. 

She accepted the bowl from Sooyoung. It was soup with beef, lots of vegetables, and noodles. She didn’t know who had all cooked it, only that several had been involved. 

She started eating, feeling a wave of emotion. She shoved it down. Would everything make her emotional? She wasn’t sure if that was the effect of not having the light again, of not having that pain always there. 

Her chest still hurt and her mind still ached, but there wasn’t that pain she’d grown used to over the years. That had disappeared. 

“I can still see your path,” Jiwoo said then. She was looking at the space on the ground. 

“Is it because of,” Chaewon trailed off. Instead she just gestured to where the bond was. She saw it immediately when she looked to the shadows. It also wasn’t what she was used to. She’d never seen it before it had broken. Now it was mended. 

But what did that mean? Was it supposed to mean anything? Could Hyejoo see it? 

Jiwoo nodded. “Might be,” she said. “I can see everyone’s now too.” Her eyes drifted to Yerim. “A lot clearer than before.”

“So his magic stopped you before,” Chaewon said. She remembered how Alluin had been able to find her so quickly, but also some of the things he’d said. “I think he was a seer.”

Both of them looked confused. 

“He told me I wasn’t meant to have the light.” She thought of the darkness, of how Hyejoo had taken the light and now held it within her again, of how she herself had lost almost all her ties to the moon now. “He’d known.”

“He knew about me too,” Hyunjin said. She was being guided over carefully by Heejin. “That’s why he’d come to me that one time.”

“He couldn’t see everything,” Chaewon said. “But enough.” Then she felt her stomach twist as she looked back to the bond that had reformed itself. Whole. 

It broke because your magic changed. What’s to say it couldn’t be mended?

He hadn’t been lying. It had happened. She didn’t know if he’d meant to, but he’d changed both their magic again, whether directly or not. 

What if Chaewon had just agreed then? What if they’d been able to escape after that? 

“We don’t know how much he would’ve known,” Yerim said. Her voice was unusually cold. “I don’t think he’d ever seen something like that and would’ve known it for sure.” 

Chaewon nodded. “He’d sent the others after me to try and take more of the light,” she said. “Make the darkness even stronger.”

“And it nearly killed you,” Hyejoo said then. She was also standing, her face twisted with pain. Vivi was at her side, but not steadying her yet. “You were right not to let him try it then.” She held Chaewon’s gaze. “It was better than letting him think he’d won then.” 

Chaewon watched as Hyejoo struggled to sit down by the fire. Vivi helped her this time. 

She watched as Hyejoo lifted a hand and light appeared, threaded with grey and black. It wrapped around her legs and she sighed in relief. Her skin glowed softly.

Chaewon stared at the light. It didn’t hurt her eyes. 

“It doesn’t hurt, does it?” 

Hyejoo looked up. Her brow furrowed, before she shook her head. 

Chaewon felt relief wash over her then. The light had truly been meant for Hyejoo. It wasn’t warring with the darkness either. Hyejoo was always supposed to have both. 

“And for you?” Hyejoo asked. 

“It’s sore,” Chaewon admitted. She didn’t want to describe it. She didn’t want to say what it felt like to have been trapped between those emotions. It was a pain she couldn’t even describe beyond the cold and the edges of the emptiness that had crept in on those emotions. 

Hyejoo just nodded. She didn’t ask anything else, but Chaewon could feel she wanted to. 

She looked back to the bond, but only for a moment. It was there as well. 

She didn’t know if she was supposed to be happy that it was back. A part of her almost wished it had gone completely when her magic had gone. Then Hyejoo would be free of it. They both would be. 

Chaewon pushed the thoughts from her mind. The bond was back. It wouldn’t hurt them now. The pieces wouldn’t hurt her either. 

And Hyejoo had the light. It wasn’t hurting her. 

Chaewon just turned her attention back to the food. She was hungry. It had only taken a bit of time to realise how much. 

The others were talking, but something about it felt subdued. Chaewon didn’t mind. She just listened. She looked past the trees then to see Haseul still walking along through the trees. She wasn’t glowing, nor was she holding any weapon of light. Her light was there, but it had streaks of grey still. 

The shadows were collecting around her too, guilt mixing with the leftover fear. 

Chaewon’s stomach twisted thinking of the cause of that fear. 

She’s safe now.

The darkness was still in Haseul’s mind. It wasn’t anything like the darkness Chaewon or the others could control, but that which came from your own actions. There was so much of it, concentrated in her head instead of in the air around her or her shadow. 

Her life is filled with things she’d tried to forget.

He’d made her remember. He hadn’t just given her the darkness, he’d made hers move to the places it could hurt her. Normally, it lingered in your shadow. That could be felt more for some, less for others. Not all of it went there, the rest still lingered in your heart and mind, but there wasn’t supposed to be so much in one place. 

Chaewon watched as Haseul stopped to look back at them. She was too far away to see her expression, but Chaewon saw a bit of light get stronger then. 

Haseul turned away then. She kept walking, close enough to be in the camp, but far enough away to be alone. 

_____

Jinsoul’s mind went between memories that were hers and those that weren’t. She remembered moments filled with fire, burning all those around her, but also darkness that filled the eyes of others. She remembered pulling people deeper into the sea, holding them down in the river or a collection of water she’d created herself. 

That wasn’t all she saw. She tried to cling to the memories that weren’t full of violence. They were memories of the Astra, of her people at the sea. They weren’t just her own memories, but someone else’s. Jungeun’s. They were of her people before the Astra, of her family. Meals shared, games, duels to test their abilities. She saw Jungeun’s mother, almost felt her arms around her, telling her things Jinsoul couldn’t understand, but still made her feel an odd relief. 

Jinsoul tried to stay in those memories, no matter if they were hers or Jungeun’s. She didn’t want to see the memories tied to rage and pain, but her mind wouldn’t let her stay away from them. 

Jinsoul saw a memory she already knew. One filled with grief and rage. The day that Jungeun had gotten revenge on the people who had killed her mother. 

She watched again as Jungeun tore through them, dragging those who ran back to turn the fire on them. 

The memory had never lasted, but she had never forgotten it. How could she ever, when the rage had been so poignant in her mind and tearing from Jungeun and into those she’d gone after. Jinsoul had also never forgotten how Jungeun had looked when she’d found her afterwards. 

This time the memory went on. Jinsoul watched as the last one fell motionless, the flames still burning high. 

It disappeared in the next moment, extinguished. There was only ash. It was completely quiet.

Then a scream broke from her—no, Jungeun. Jinsoul wanted to leave the memory. 

Jungeun didn’t stop screaming. Jinsoul felt how she collapsed to the ground, her hands in fists. It hurt. Jinsoul remembered how Jungeun’s fire had burned her own hands. 

She sank into the charred ground, sobbing. Jinsoul felt the hot ash as if it were truly on her face.

It was still so quiet, even as Jungeun’s cries filled the air. That almost unsettled her more than the silence did. This was why Jungeun had wanted to have the sounds of the river fill her ears. One of the reasons at least. 

The memory faded again to one of Jinsoul’s own. What had happened after. After she'd found her. They'd gone to the river to tend to her wounds. The fire had burned Jungeun too. 

“Does it help?”

“Does what help?” 

“You drift in the water a lot,” Jungeun muttered. “I don’t do it, because I can’t swim out again. Don’t really have much to do with a river unless I’m drinking from it.” 

“I hope you bathed in it too,” Jinsoul replied. 

It got her a tiny smile. It wasn’t much, but it was something. 

“I’ve never trusted a river enough not to drown me.” She pursed her lips. “Then again, I didn’t trust the ocean either.” 

Jinsoul moved to the river bank and put her legs in. It was too cold. She made sure the water warmed properly. “Are you sure?” 

Jungeun shifted to sit beside her. She didn’t hide her winces. Jinsoul wished she’d have let her heal her. The water would soothe some of those wounds. Would Jungeun let that happen at least? 

“I’m sure.” Jungeun frowned slightly at the river. “And it’s not as deep as the ocean.” 

Jinsoul went into the river. She stopped the current in the space where she was, bringing the water to a halt, while the rest of the river flowed past her. 

Jungeun let out a short breath. 

“I could also make a very elaborate rain shower.” 

The small smile appeared again and she shook her head. “I think I need the sounds.” She nodded at the river. “This time without the whales in the distance.” 

Jinsoul held out a hand, letting the water rise a bit more. It almost reached Jungeun’s knees. 

She took her hand. Jungeun’s skin still felt like a furnace, but it was more bearable now that Jinsoul was in the water. 

“I’ll make sure you can breathe,” Jinsoul said. She squeezed her hand, letting the river rise a bit higher, watching just in case hesitance or fear would appear in Jungeun’s eyes. 

It never did. 

“I’ll let the current go as soon as you’re in.” 

Jungeun only nodded and pushed herself into the water. Jinsoul felt the power of the current, let it go, and relaxed into it. 

They sank below the depths. 

The first thing Jinsoul did was make a bubble around Jungeun’s mouth, and nose. She didn’t cover her ears. 

Jungeun’s grip on her hand tightened, but she wasn’t thrashing or shaking. Her eyes were open, looking at the surface of the water above them. 

They drifted down the river. Jinsoul made sure they wouldn’t smash against anything, but other than that, she let them move freely, but slowed the current a bit more. 

Slowly, Jungeun relaxed, squeezing her hand lightly. She’d closed her eyes. 

Jinsoul could feel that more tears came. She focused instead on keeping their course through the river and maintaining the temperature of the water. The wounds would be cleaned along the way. Her clothes were another thing, but she couldn’t do that while they were still moving. She could, but she doubted Jungeun would appreciate it. 

“Can you hear me?” Jungeun asked. Her eyes were still glowing brightly, but they weren’t as harsh as before. 

“I can.” 

There was a moment where the current was all she could hear. Jinsoul wondered if that was what Jungeun had wanted. 

“I think this’s enough.” 

Jinsoul brought them to a stop then, pushing both of them so that they were upright. 

Jungeun wiped her face, taking a deep breath. She let go of Jinsoul, before pushing herself out of the river then, sitting on the banks again. She didn’t seem to care about the mud. She was looking at the forest, water still dripping from her hair. Except for her clothes, there wasn’t any blood. Jinsoul was sure some of the wounds would still be bleeding, but at least they were clean. 

“It worked.” Jungeun’s elbows rested on her legs. She looked exhausted. 

Jinsoul went to the edge and sat beside her again. Again, she wasn’t sure what to do. Should she take the water away again or let it stay, but keep the temperature warm? 

“What did?” 

“The sound of the water,” Jungeun waved a hand at her ears, “it helped.” She closed her eyes. 

Jinsoul carefully took her hand. It was cold now. “Do you need a fire?” 

“No fire.” She shuddered. “I,” she broke off, sighing. 

“Light?” Jinsoul first warmed the water-soaked ground beneath them. Then she handed her a piece, pressing it into her hand. 

Jungeun’s fingers caught on one of hers before she pulled away. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “You didn’t have to do this, or come here, any of it.” A pause. “You didn’t have to stay.” She let go of her, shame seeping back into her expression. “You can go.”

“Do you want me to?” 

Jungeun’s eyes were on her lap. “No,”

The memory changed again. She was in a place Jinsoul had longed to go to for years. She had gone, but almost always alone. 

In this, she wasn’t alone either. 

The ocean stretched out around them, endless. The ship felt small in comparison. 

Jungeun sat on the railing, looking from the moonlit sky to her. The grief still clung to her, but there was a small smile on her face. Jinsoul remembered how thankful she’d been to see it, even if small. She remembered trying to make her smile again and again, how they all had tried. 

“Thank you for this.” 

Jinsoul looked over. “For the boat?” 

“All of it.” Jungeun moved closer, shifting to face her. She didn’t seem to mind how close she was to tipping overboard. “For coming to get me after, for,” she faltered, before a new sort of certainty came over her expression. “For not leav—for not leaving after you’d seen what I did.” 

Jinsoul started to shake her head. “You—”

“Wait.” She lifted a hand. “Don’t start excusing what happened. Please.” Her eyes were still bright, but a familiar guilt was there. “People’ll say it all the time. I was only getting my revenge, I was lost in my grief, anything.” She grit her teeth. “But I just lost control. I wanted them dead and I wanted them to feel as much pain as I could give them before they did.” 

Again it was quiet. Jinsoul could feel how Jungeun wanted to say more. She waited, even if the words threatened to spew from her own mouth. They’d probably make things worse. 

“I can’t change how people view any of it,” Jungeun said. Her eyes were dim. “Just like how they can’t change how I do.” She looked to the ocean once, before looking back to Jinsoul. “But all my life, I’ve wondered if people can only look at me, because they excuse what I’ve done.” A pause. “Is that what you have to do?” Her expression cracked then, giving way to doubt. “Do you have to think up reasons for why I’ve done what I have, to even look me in the eye?” 

Jinsoul’s eyes were burning again. She forced herself not to look away. “No,” she said. “What I’ve learned about you didn’t change what you did before. What I saw in the forest, or when I saw your nightmares, didn’t change it either.” She let her fingers curl around the wood beneath them. “I just started to understand it. There’s a difference.” 

The memory faded, but Jinsoul didn’t forget the look on Jungeun’s face. The mixture of hope, doubt, and disbelief in her eyes. She’d seen it often. Even now, after so long, Jungeun would still doubt what Jinsoul had said to her then and what she said to her after that. 

It hurt, but it also stung that Jinsoul understood why. She knew Jungeun well enough to know what almost each expression meant. She knew when she held back with her, but also when she stopped. Each day, she learned a bit more too. Mostly about her life before. 

As much as most of the memories pained her, she’d seen moments of Jungeun’s life that she’d never told her about. She didn’t need to know about all of them, but there was still so much she didn’t know yet. There was also so much she wanted to tell her about too. 

Jinsoul realised only then that the memories had stopped. Her mind burned and she could see what she’d seen if she tried, but she wasn’t feeling them as viscerally as she had. She couldn’t see much of anything.

Jinsoul could hear words being said that she couldn’t distinguish, but it was definitely Chaewon’s voice. It was followed by laughter. Heejin’s. 

Was she in a dream now? It had been years since Chaewon and Heejin had spoken like that. How had Chaewon even woken up? Was she even awake? Would Jinsoul wake soon and see that she was still overwhelmed by darkness? 

Was anyone else hurt? 

With that thought, Jinsoul realised that she was awake. Past the burning anger, she could feel the parts of light that she’d lost in the holes they’d left, but also the ice of the shadows from the fight. She felt the dull ache in her chest just at the base of her ribs. It had been numbed by pastes and healing potions. She could taste those potions too, both bitter and sweet. There was a hint of apple too. Yerim had made potions. 

She tried to force herself to move, but it didn’t work. She tried to open her eyes. 

“Do I give her light?” Jungeun’s voice. She was quiet, but close beside her. 

Just hearing her voice was a relief. Jungeun was there. Safe. 

“Can you give her anymore?” Haseul asked. She was further away. “Do you have enough—”

“The moon’s out,” Jungeun said, almost sharply, but that was just the anger. “But it should work, shouldn’t it?” A pause. “Why isn’t it enough?” The edge of her words faltered. 

Jinsoul’s hand twisted hearing it. She wanted to tell her the pain of her wounds was nothing compared to before. She wanted to say that the ache had faded more now that she was awake. 

She still couldn’t move. 

“I’ve already eaten,” Jungeun said then. 

“We all know you need more than that.” It was Sooyoung. 

Jinsoul could smell the food then. She was hungry. 

“Should I bring her to the river?” Jungeun sounded uncertain. “Maybe that would help?” 

Jinsoul felt a hand slip into hers. Her skin was warmer than normal, but she was there. Was the anger still strong in her mind? Was it making her relive her memories too? Was it still burning her? 

“Light first,” Haseul said. “She still doesn’t have much.” Footsteps. 

“Eat first,” Sooyoung added. She was a bit farther away now. “Pretty sure I heard your stomach twice already.” 

Jungeun didn’t respond.

Jinsoul tried to see the light, but she could only see a part of it. The rest was red. That was from both of them. 

The hand around hers tightened for a moment. Then it started to warm again. Jinsoul could feel the light flow through her arm. It reached her heart, soothing the emptiness there. Then it went to her mind and the burn lessened too. Not completely, but still. 

Jinsoul saw another memory for a split second. It was a memory of Jungeun's. She saw herself walking across the water. She was glowing. She could feel awe. Jungeun’s. Then something else, a feeling that filled her with even more warmth. 

And then Jinsoul could open her eyes. She heard a gasp. Jungeun’s eyes widened. One was the burning red from before and the other was white, but with red threaded through it. There was no fury in her eyes, only worry, confusion, and hope. 

“J-Jinsoul?” Jungeun was staring at her. She looked frozen where she was. 

She saw then the lines all across her face. They followed her blood vessels. 

And then Jinsoul was pulled into her arms. She didn’t have to move up far. The movement only slightly hurt her chest. Jungeun’s arms were tight around her, but not crushing. 

She felt Jungeun’s tears form. There weren’t many, but they still fell. 

“How do you feel?” Jungeun asked. “Are you hurt? Does something hurt?” She pulled away, both eyes red again. Still teary. 

Jinsoul carefully lifted her hand to Jungeun’s face. They were both here. Safe.

“I’m alright,” Jinsoul said. She turned her head and coughed. was dry. “It hurts, but,” another cough, “it’s less now.”

Jungeun nodded. “I’ll get water.” She started to pull away. 

Jinsoul didn’t let go. She doubted she was strong enough to be able to pull her back, but Jungeun stayed there. 

She pulled her closer. She nearly stopped when Jungeun didn’t move away, but she was there. Here. Closer than she’d been in years. 

Jinsoul kissed her. Jungeun’s lips were warm, almost too warm, but not on fire. She smelled of smoke, but also of rain. 

She kissed her back instead, slowly, but there wasn’t any hesitation. Jungeun wasn’t pulling away. Not this time. 

So Jinsoul did. She watched as Jungeun’s eyes opened. Surprise was there, but no confusion or doubt. It wasn’t like last time. 

And then Jungeun kissed her again. It wasn’t long, but she still lingered. 

Jinsoul smiled. 

When Jungeun pulled away, her eyes were warm, even with the fire still raging within them. 

Jinsoul realised then that her own lips were dry. “Water?” She wished she could’ve said more then, but she’d just opened her eyes. There was something else too. She didn’t know what had happened, how the others were, or even if Jungeun had really recovered from what had happened. 

Jungeun nodded. 

“I’ve got it.” It was Heejin. She and some of the others weren’t far, either sitting or standing. All of them, even Chaewon and Hyejoo. Both of them were awake. 

Jinsoul didn’t even feel embarrassed that they’d probably been watching. They were all there. 

Jungeun slowly pulled her up into a sitting position. One of her hands was still holding hers. 

The ground came up from behind her, making something to rest her back on. 

Jinsoul saw Yerim in the next moment, before she was throwing her arms around her, hugging her tightly. 

“You took too long,” Yerim muttered. “You weren’t even stabbed in the lung.” 

Jinsoul laughed. “Sorry.” She kissed the side of her head. “Awake now.” 

She pulled away and shoved a waterskin into her hand. “Drink.” 

Jinsoul did as she said. She closed her eyes, savouring how the water felt. She could sense it through her magic too, but she didn’t know if she’d be able to control it now. With time definitely, but not now. She’d rarely controlled so much at one time. That was also a reason for the ache across her body. 

She drained it and Yerim was giving her another. Jinsoul drank it as well. She knew the others were watching. She’d caught glimpses of multiple worried glances. She saw Haseul looking between all of them, before she was slowly walking back. It didn’t look like something new, but she did see some look after her with small frowns. 

“You shouldn’t be standing,” Jinsoul said, looking to Chaewon. 

She just shrugged. “But I can.” The corner of her lip tugged up. "And I am."

Jinsoul got the feeling again that this was a dream. There was a brightness to Chaewon. It might’ve not been much, but it was still so much more than before. 

“She’s right,” Sooyoung said. “Sit down.” 

Chaewon rolled her eyes and slowly sat down across from her. Jiwoo was beside her to keep her from falling. 

Chaewon tapped her foot against Jinsoul’s. “How do you feel?” 

She could almost feel the anticipation of the others, especially those beside her. 

“Better than when I was asleep,” Jinsoul replied. “How do you feel?” She tried not to think of the last time she’d seen Chaewon, limp with an empty gaze. She was awake now fully. She was still alive. 

“Better than when I was asleep,” Chaewon echoed. Her expression softened. “And before that too.” 

Jinsoul nodded. “Good.” She remembered the look in Chaewon’s eyes then. She saw the one in them now. They were similar, both with guilt, but the one in her eyes now had guilt only at the edges. There was hope there too, something teasing too. So much like how she’d been before. 

“Hungry?” Jungeun lifted a bowl.

She gave her a look. “If I heard it right, that was for you.” 

Jungeun blinked once. Surprised. 

“I’ll bring you both extra,” Sooyoung was already walking off, “everyone to the fire. Dessert for whoever ate soup already, tea for who’s full, or seconds.” 

Yerim was still pressed against her side. “I’ll move us.” She looked up. Fatigue hung around her, even if she was trying to hide it. 

“You’ve been working this entire time,” Jinsoul said, brushing the hair from Yerim's face. 

“She has,” Jungeun said from her other side. “Cast over half the healing times here and replenished our entire stock too, plus what we got from a witch.” 

She was about to ask which witch. Then she remembered. “The one you,” she looked at Chaewon, “had send the message?” 

Chaewon grimaced. “I was already told it was stupid and reckless.” 

Jinsoul nodded. “Those things and more.” 

She smiled then. “Weren’t we all going to the fire?” She started to stand. 

“I’ll do it,” Yerim said. The ground started to move and Jinsoul felt herself being pushed forward. The others were beside her still. 

Then they were around the fire, sitting on what seemed like extended chairs of earth. Opposite Jinsoul was now Sooyoung and Jiwoo. Chaewon joined them. Jinsoul saw how Sooyoung immediately put her in between them and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Jiwoo did the same around her waist. They both looked calm, but exhausted. Jinsoul remembered when they’d found Chaewon. She remembered Jiwoo’s scream and Sooyoung’s strangled cry of pain, their faces as they’d seen both Chaewon and Hyejoo. 

Jinsoul looked for her then to see her by Hyunjin and Heejin. She’d been looking over at the other three. Her eyes were brighter. There was light there.  

“You’ve got the light?” Jinsoul asked. She could see it. 

Hyejoo nodded, looking back at her. A smile was starting to form. “I’ve got both now.” She held out a hand and the shadows and the light appeared, winding around each other like ribbons. The darkness held some light, while the light held threads of black and grey. “It’s like Hyunjin’s,” she said. “Both there, not fighting.” 

Jinsoul smiled, nodding. It was a small wonder that they both had something that didn’t hurt anymore. For both of them, that was the best they could have hoped for. For it to come like this, no one had wished that, but they were all still alive. 

Either an eternity’s going to solve it, or it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter.

Jinsoul thought of the small smile Chaewon still had now. Not everything was better. There was still so much—for all of them—that was still left to be faced, but so much less now that they had fought Alluin and his people. 

Jinsoul turned to Jungeun then, only to find her eyes already on her. There was a growing smile on her face, but still tinged with worry. 

“I’m okay,” Jinsoul said quietly. “Promise.” 

Jungeun nodded once. The others were talking. Yerim was on her other side, dozing if the weight on Jinsoul’s shoulder was anything to go by. 

“What happened to Alluin?” Jinsoul kept her voice quiet. The others would hear it, but if they wanted to avoid thinking of him, they wouldn’t have to answer her. 

“Gone,” Jungeun replied. “Etera and two others in the camp—they were handling the rest.” 

“And,” Jinsoul swallowed once, “the fairy?” She felt the flicker of rage again. She remembered feeling how he’d tried to fight the water. She remembered pulling him back down from the edges, forcing him to stay in the water. She hadn’t lost control. She’d wanted to do it. She’d wanted him gone, to feel as scared as she had been. “Is he alive?” A part of her almost wanted him not to be. The other remembered what Dahyun had told them. She’d asked them to spare him.

Jungeun nodded again. “Alive.” She put her other hand over Jinsoul’s, holding it with both of hers. “Yerim knocked him out.” 

“I,” Yerim’s voice was muffled, “threw him at a tree.” 

Jinsoul lifted her other hand to Yerim’s head, running it through her hair. “Thank you.” 

“I would’ve wanted him gone too,” she said, shifting slightly. “But Darie had told us about him for a reason.” Then she moved closer to Jinsoul. “And you would’ve felt horrible if you’d done it.”

Jinsoul didn’t know how to respond to that. He’d used all of Jungeun’s anger against her and more. He would’ve flooded her mind with it. Jungeun’s screams were still in her ears. The horror in her eyes when the fire had spilled out from her. Jinsoul knew she would feel guilty about that, feel ashamed that the anger had taken over her, when it had been him. 

She felt guilty at the thought that she’d wanted him dead. She was unsettled at the flickers of disappointment that she hadn’t killed him. 

Jungeun squeezed her hands then. When Jinsoul met her gaze, she saw both understanding and something else she knew. Jungeun felt the same as she did. She was also telling her it wasn’t her fault. 

Jinsoul knew a part of Jungeun blamed herself. She just hoped another part knew that it wasn’t. 

She wanted to tell her that now, but she couldn’t do it now. Not when they were all actually together. All twelve of them. 

_____

Haseul couldn’t stop staring at what was in front of her. They were all there, just eating together, even smiling. Some were laughing. 

She watched as Sooyoung and Hyunjin debated the best way to set up dessert, as though they didn’t only have fruit as an option. She saw Chaewon roll her eyes with a small smile. Jiwoo was going around and giving them all bowls of food, shoving it into others’ hands in case they tried to say no. 

She saw Yeojin sit down beside Jiwoo after that and start asking her about the sight. Did she always have to see it or could she be left alone by the future when she wanted to be? 

There were no sharp words or gazes that held resentment or anger. Yes, there was an air of strain, more awkwardness than anything, especially between Hyejoo and the other three, but even there it was clear that both were trying in spite of it. 

Haseul found herself smiling. They’d been eleven before, but now there was another with them too. Vivi was talking to Jinsoul who had Yerim fast asleep on one side, while Jungeun was on her other. It was as if a weight had been lifted from Jinsoul, Jungeun, and Yerim since Jinsoul had woken up. They were talking about the mortal world. Fitting for all three of them, all interested in the human world, from their histories, their beliefs, and other parts of their many cultures. 

Still, even if Haseul felt relieved and happy by what she saw, as she walked over, she felt a flicker of unease. She saw the worried edges to their gazes when they looked up, but also the beginning of relief there. Haseul knew they thought she’d end up breaking down. She already had, but only Jungeun knew that. She knew she wouldn’t have told them, but a part of her almost wished they knew about that. She’d rather they knew instead of them looking at her as if she was going to collapse at any moment. She was past that. She could push that away now. She had now too. 

Haseul went to the fire and looked at what was left of the soup. She tried to summon a bowl. A ribbon of moonlight appeared in her hands along with the twinge of pain in her head. She absorbed it again before they’d see how it had been tainted. 

A bowl of stone rose into the air then. Haseul took it and filled it. She didn’t look to the other side of the fire. She also picked up the spare bowl of fruit. Jiwoo had left it there for her. 

Then Haseul found the one empty spot that had been left for her. It was between Vivi and Yeojin. She wondered if that had been on purpose. 

She sat down. The conversation was now on mortals all around the fire. Hyunjin was telling a story of how she’d stood guard for grave robbers and they’d nearly been arrested by the local officials. Or skewered. 

“Thank you,” Haseul said to Vivi. 

She looked back at her, pale pink eyes bright. “Does it hurt?” she asked. In fae. “The light?” 

“Yeah,” Haseul admitted. “But it’s getting better.” The pain was at least less. The memories hadn’t really faded, but they hadn’t overwhelmed her while she was walking. The bit of silence she’d managed to have there had helped. Now Hyunjin’s voice, the questions about why she’d gotten to that point and why she’d even stayed around, all helped to keep her distracted. 

“Really?” Vivi was watching her. There was concern forming in her eyes. 

Haseul looked away. “Yes.” 

“And all that to get a look inside?” Chaewon wrinkled her nose. “Were you there when they did it?” 

Hyunjin nodded. “I threw up, but I wasn’t the only one.” She said it with an expression that almost looked fond. “And I watched the one making the diagrams. That takes a while.” 

“You just waited there?” Heejin looked bewildered. “Didn’t it smell?”

“Horribly,” Hyunjin replied. 

“And what was it going to be used for?” Jungeun asked. “It’s illegal.” 

“Didn’t stop those books from getting sold,” she said. “And then knowing where the organs were. They said it’d help knowing where the organs were. Which ones meant you’d die in minutes and which in hours or days.” She grimaced. “Meant a lot of bodies and trips to the battlefields, but that was what the one in charge was doing.” 

“And you were just there for the grave robbers and sitting in there,” Yeojin said. “How’d you even convince them to let you do both?” 

“Disguises and magic,” Hyunjin said with a smile. “Took a little while, but I got it.” 

“And you did all that while you were away?” Heejin looked both curious and confused. 

Hyunjin just nodded, before taking her hand. Her time away was still clearly a sore spot, but a lot better now that they’d actually spoken more to each other and Heejin had turned away from her bond. 

Haseul listened as it went on. It was surprising how even years of knowing each other, there were so many stories they still didn’t know. Some were ones she’d heard, partially told so that Vivi would know them too. 

Vivi asked a few questions here and there, but not much more than that. Still, when a question came her way about stories none of the rest of them had heard, Vivi did tell them things. 

She talked about her own encounters with mortals, being thrown out of an academy she’d tried to sneak into in the beginning (without illusions to hide, only the ones for her eyes and ears), then successfully figuring it out with the help of witches. Hyejoo asked about Zelena at one point. 

Vivi told them about how her people had sent both of them to the Warsan caves in the mountains so they’d learn how to control their abilities. 

“Because they thought you couldn’t control them?” Hyejoo asked, the growing annoyance clear in her eyes. 

Vivi nodded. “They’d done it with the fairies with the most unpredictable abilities, then people like Zelena and I.” Something flickered in her eyes. Both resentment, as well as some sort of understanding. “They let us come back,” she said. “But Zelena never forgave them for that. I think her people treated her worse than they did me.” She looked up at the sky. “We were both forced to leave,” she said. “She was found and I was sent here.” 

Haseul thought of how Zelena had treated her. She had to find a new home now. Haseul wondered if she’d find it in the mountains or if she’d leave there to find another. Would the others go with her if she did? 

Would it even be the right place? When that had been where her people had sent her before? Haseul had sent word to the Astra that the survivors would be sent to the Warsa, while Jungeun had told the Warsa who was coming. The question that had been stuck in her mind was if any of them was supposed to be a prisoner. Lydel, Kijung, and probably Etera too, would all be on trial. Would the rest be as well? Did they even deserve that? They’d stopped fighting. That would have to count for something. They’d tried to say as much in the messages they sent, but who would see it like that? 

More mental fae would be brought in. After what had happened to the mortals, with Alluin and several others now being dead, they needed to find out why they’d targeted them through the rest. 

Haseul could only hope they’d be treated with enough respect to make them feel like they’d made the right choice. 

It dawned on her then that she had no idea. They’d sent them to the Warsa they knew would treat them fairly, but what if someone else tried to intervene? What if the Astra wanted answers or anyone else did? What if there were people who wanted to get their revenge on them? 

Haseul suddenly felt overwhelmed then. She wouldn’t know what happened to them. Not at least until it was too late. 

What if she went to them? Jungeun had been to the Warsa several times. 

Then again, she could only go if the memories subsided. The thought of being in the mountains, even having to spend time in the tunnels, brought other memories back in full force. Not just of her revenge, but the time she’d spent trapped. The feeling of being cut off from the light completely, the hunger, the thought of never being coming back. 

Haseul closed her eyes. Why were the memories so vivid? Why did she feel what she’d felt so clearly? 

She felt the briefest touch on her knee, fleeting. 

Haseul opened her eyes to see that Vivi’s hand had come to rest on the ground just beside her leg. She looked up and saw that Vivi’s brow was furrowed. She wasn’t looking at her. 

She swallowed the irritation that rose up. She wondered if that was the darkness or just her own aversion to this. To be treated as though she was fragile. In the back of her mind, she knew she was, but she’d been fed through bars, been reduced to tears and screaming in front of those who had held her captive, and been frozen when they’d attacked. She’d fought after that. She just wanted the memories to go back to where she’d had them before. 

Haseul took one breath. Then two. She put her hand over Vivi’s. She was warm. 

Vivi let out a breath as well. She met Haseul’s gaze then and she saw the smallest smile appear. 

She felt a bit of warmth then and fought the urge to cling to it. She was still so cold and the warmth there felt like when she’d watched the others talking and laughing together. 

It was the warmth of an emotion. Etera had told her to try and focus on the better emotions. She’d even given a few shards of emotion, but Haseul hadn’t touched them. She didn’t want to feel too much of anything. Not now. 

Vivi moved her hand so it held Haseul’s properly. Her grip wasn’t tight, but it wasn’t loose either. 

The rest of Haseul’s irritation was gone. Both Vivi and Yeojin had come with her, the others had followed, and they’d all fought. Some of them had seen Haseul when the memories had been at their worst. Others had no idea what happened, only that something had. Vivi was one of them. 

Haseul looked up to where the moon was. It had been a clear day and it was just as clear as a night too. Yerim had moved the trees so that the moon shone fully down on them. Its light helped ease her mind. Haseul pulled on some of it, feeling the pain in her head, but also how pieces of her memories, from the pain to the sounds, faded a bit more. 

It was getting better. Slowly. 

_____

Author's Note 

If you've seen on Twitter, I was torn on whether or not to split this chapter. I also underestimated how long the aftermath would take. There's a lot to still delve into after this and, if you like the way these scenes play out, I don't want to rush this ending. So much has gone into these characters and I'm happy with their arcs, but I want to bring them to a logical and satisfying end, even if it's not always going to be the end some of us wanted. I don't mean to make you worried, but there are specific arcs that I'm bringing to their logical conclusions, also in part alluded to by the sequel to this story (there's the ending chapters to TNatF, including An Incomplete Eternity, but you don't need to read that!). 

Also, the memories Jinsoul sees are actually all in the prequel to this story, The Shadow of the Light. You don't need to read it to understand this story, also because I started it when I was already several chapters into TLotL, but if you wanted to see anything else from their past, specifically Lipsoul's, it's there. Again, not needed to understand, but it's the background to Lipsoul's relationship (too much to be explained in conversations and flashbacks here). 

Either way, I hope this chapter wasn't underwhelming. There's several arcs to handle in this story and I just hope I can make sure each is treated right in this story. 

Do let me know what you thought!! Hopefully the wait for the next part won't be too long. 

Hope you're all doing well and I'll see you next chapter.

Twitter: @hblake44

CC if you have any questions as we're getting closer to the end!