Gowon looked down at the bond. It was dark, but threaded with silver and grey now. She wondered what happened to it to make a part of it go back to the way it was. Was Hyejoo farther away? Or was it because of what she was doing? Or something Gowon had done? 

Dahyun had seen no connection. What she’d seen had ended at one point. That point would’ve been the part of the bond that had shattered. She still saw its pieces extending away from her and reaching towards Hyejoo. 

Gowon wondered what it would be like to follow it. Would the pain ease or get stronger? Would her head be filled with thoughts of Hyejoo when they were happy or memories of the banishment? 

And would Hyejoo feel anything from it? Or nothing at all. 

If anything, Gowon wished Hyejoo wasn’t feeling the same pain she was. What happened if Gowon went closer and Hyejoo started feeling that pain? If she saw her, Hyejoo wouldn’t just feel hatred and anger, but also the pain from what they’d lost. 

Gowon didn’t want to risk that. This pain was her burden. It wasn’t even that large of one. Hyejoo was out there, taking on jobs that would help her along in whatever life she had now. She wasn’t home. And if things were as bad as Gowon feared, she was also being hunted. 

And Gowon would be the last person Hyejoo would want to protect her. 

She could only hope that the rest, the ones Hyejoo still loved, would be enough to defend her if it came to that. 

“Please tell me there’s more we can do,” Jiwoo said. She sounded more troubled than Gowon felt. Was it really so terrible? There were worse things that Gowon could be suffering from. 

Dahyun shook her head. “I can only say that time would heal these wounds.” She looked at Gowon with bright silver eyes. The fairy was also more worried than Gowon was. “Because it’s not one specific emotion that was taken away through this.”

“You mean it was everything I shared with Hyejoo,” Gowon said. 

She nodded. “Some has been left over, but many of the positive things. The care you had for her, the happiness you felt when around her, excitement—”

“I don’t think you need to keep going.” Gowon really didn’t want her to continue. Positive emotions meant love as well. It meant that she was missing a part of that. Did that mean she didn’t love Hyejoo as much as before?

“What I can do,” Dahyun began, “is try and coat those holes with your other emotions.” She shifted so that she was directly in front of Gowon. “And whenever you’re wielding light, you need to push it towards that bond. You have to directly try and soothe the pain you’re feeling.”

“It’s not that bad.” Why couldn’t they get that? Was she really giving the impression that it was worse?

“Don’t start that,” Sooyoung said sharply. 

“I’m not.” Gowon glared at her. “It hurts, yeah, but it’s never been agony. It was when the bond broke, but it isn’t anymore, so why can’t I just live with that?”

Dahyun’s eyes were dark blue instead of silver. “I can feel that there’s an emptiness within you. The rest will be able to as well.” 

“And is that a problem?” She tried to keep her voice level. Dahyun was here to help them. “Let them see another consequence for what I—we did. I’ve lived with this for years and I can keep living with it.”

The fairy shook her head. “You shouldn’t need to be living like this, Chaewon. Pieces of you are missing and the only way they’ll be replaced is with new memories, all of them positive.”

Replace. As if she could replace those things. 

“I haven’t asked your seers about this. That will be up to you if you do or not,” Dahyun said. “But I would imagine that your path isn’t as bright as it should be. I don’t see this hurting you more than it already is, but it won’t let you live as fully as you once did.”

“What does that mean?” Jiwoo’s brow furrowed. She looked as if she knew what Dahyun had meant and that knowledge scared her. 

“It’s difficult to describe if you’ve never felt it before,” Dahyun frowned, “neither have I, not really. Though I know from people who’ve given up stronger emotions, that they become more detached, less closely tied with themselves.” She fixed Gowon with a look. Dark blue and grey. It looked like the steel of Hyejoo’s swords. “They were from my clan. That you have managed without extensive harm is a miracle in and of itself, but that doesn’t mean you will live well.” 

I don’t need to, Gowon thought. She didn’t say it aloud. Not when Sooyoung and Jiwoo’s hearts would break to hear it. 

But the fairy seemed to understand that. Pale yellow surprise flickered in her eyes. Then dark blue took over her irises. “I urge you to be open to finding solutions for this. Try everything you can, from being close to the people you love, to furthering the friendships you already have.” She looked between Gowon’s eyes. She was actually pleading with her to take her words. “You’re immortal,” she said. “That alone has its own setbacks. Don’t let yourself fall into an incomplete eternity in addition to that.” 

Gowon felt trapped. Three people were looking at her with equal amounts of worry. They wanted her to heal from this. Something she’d brought upon herself. 

But what Dahyun was telling them now. It meant that Sooyoung and Jiwoo could never live with themselves if Gowon still lived with pain, or something worse. Gowon had to try. If not for herself, then for them. 

So she didn’t say anything, not trusting if she’d sound frustrated or defeated. Dahyun would know the difference. The other two would be too distracted. She just nodded. 

Dahyun’s eyes brightened, before they glazed over. 

Immediately, a warmth settled over her. She saw Jiwoo and Sooyoung sending her encouraging smiles, holding her tightly. 

Then she saw the smiling faces of Hyunjin, Heejin, and Hyejoo. They’d gone on their first successful hunt together. None of them had gotten hurt and they’d turned two spirits. 

Then she saw the faces of her parents. They engulfed her in a tight hug. Briefly, the scent of jasmine reached Gowon’s nose. 

High-pitched laughter filled her ears. Hyejoo’s eyes were crinkled as she bent over, hands clutching her stomach. Gowon had burnt their dinner. 

The next memory was a hug that lasted several moments too long. The most comforting feeling overcame her chest, drowning out the pain. She was in Hyejoo’s arms. She could still hear her steady heart rate. 

And then the memories stopped. 

Purple and green eyes were looking back at her, not eyes the colour of coal. The two colours swirled within them. 

“How do you feel?” 

Gowon’s face was wet with tears. She wiped them away. The ruined bond still stretched out from her, but she didn’t feel cold. The pain was a dull echo of what it had been. 

“You just reminded me of what I’m missing,” Gowon muttered. She sent Dahyun what she hoped was a light-hearted glare. “Is that all you could find?”

“They’re some of your strongest memories,” Dahyun said. She wiped a few of Gowon's tears away. “I'm sorry for bringing back the sadness of not having it anymore, but that is how I can soothe those other wounds.”

She nodded. It really had taken the worst of the pain away. “Thank you.” 

The fairy smiled at her, but her eyes had turned sad again. “I’ll come back in the next months, see how everyone here is. I’ve already told Jinsoul and Nuala, but I’ll also tell you.” She held Gowon’s gaze, before moving to Jiwoo and Sooyoung. “If anything gets worse, then send word. Even if I don’t know any solutions currently, I will do everything I can to find something.” 

And Gowon knew that she would. 

Jiwoo was smiling at Dahyun when they got ready to say goodbye. Sooyoung wasn’t smiling, but her eyes were warm. 

“You’re our favourite,” Jiwoo said. “You know that, right?” She engulfed her in a hug. 

Dahyun stiffened, surprise glinting in her eyes. She never expected physical contact. Gowon wasn’t sure if she liked it. She wondered if she’d ever fall in love. They’d be lucky, whoever it was. 

“You’re high on my list as well,” she replied. “But I have you all on the same level.”

“Indecisive,” Sooyoung muttered. “Just say I am and we’ll be done with it.” She pulled Dahyun in for a side hug. 

Orange humour appeared, but Dahyun didn’t reply. 

Gowon smirked at Sooyoung. “Clearly, I’m the favourite.”

“I’d say it’s me.” Jiwoo raised a hand. Her peach eyes glittered. 

Finally, Gowon thought. If it took someone like Dahyun to get Jiwoo to lose her concerned or distant expression, then they’d have to get her here more often. 

It hurt that Gowon and Sooyoung couldn’t manage the same as easily, but maybe they’d just have to try harder. 

_____

Vivi found Dahyun at the fire pit. The one she shared with Yeojin and Haseul. 

"I was quite confident I had the right place." The fairy broke into a smile. “I'm glad to see I followed your emotions correctly.”

Vivi raised an eyebrow. “Were they around the fire or in the tent?”

“Both,” she said. “It’s less now, but there was a time when many people visited the wrong fires, sometimes even the tents.” A small frown appeared. 

“I’ll stop you there.” Vivi didn’t hide her smile. As much as she wanted to know more about the dynamics within the Astra, she wasn’t going to have Dahyun unknowingly expose gossip she wasn’t supposed to speak aloud. 

Most fairies didn’t, or couldn’t, keep secrets for that reason. That wasn’t the case in just about every other society. But with the fairies having people who could either read your mind or your emotions, secrecy was a lot more difficult. 

Dahyun nodded. “Thank you.” Her eyes turned a specific shade of yellow. Darker than excitement: embarrassment. “I may have revealed some things I shouldn’t have already.”

Vivi really did want to ask what those were, but she wasn’t in the society of the far anymore. Haseul seemed to be reaching over those boundaries already, offering to actually answer Vivi’s questions. Even if the elf knew a bit more about her past than Vivi did about any of theirs. It was all about acknowledging boundaries. And respecting some of them. 

“How are you?” Dahyun had fallen into the fae language. Most elves just called it fae, its actual name something few could properly pronounce. 

“Now or in general?” It felt so good to speak the language again. Crosesh wasn’t difficult, but she still didn’t feel fully at ease with it. 

She smiled. Her eyes were orange. “I know how you currently are. I’d only know the second if I looked a bit harder.”

“So you’re saying you’re too lazy for that.”

Dahyun laughed. Vivi felt a surge in the light around her. Strange. She’d been spotting those changes a few times. 

“How closely is light connected to emotions?”

The way Dahyun’s yes lit up told her that the answer was: very. 

“You’d be surprised by how close it all is. Even the spirits often coincide with the emotions. Not completely, because they hold a wealth of either bright or dark emotions, which you already know don’t mean they’re good or bad emotions, as happiness is a dark emotion. But that’s why I still think they were actually once people, but that’s beside the point.” She paused. Vivi briefly wondered if it was to catch her breath. “You can feel the changes too now, can’t you?”

Vivi nodded. Bright yellow flooded Dahyun’s eyes. Excitement. Of course Dahyun would love this change. 

“You won’t be able to pinpoint the meaning, but the way you sense changes, you’ll be able to glean certain things. Like if someone was being cheered up or infuriated.” She wrinkled her nose. “But you’ll be going off of normal cues too, and know the exact change there.”

Vivi elbowed her. “So I’m not yet as skilled as you.”

“You’re more than me,” Dahyun said, her expression fully earnest. ”You’ve got stone along with it. Have you already started combining the two?”

It shouldn’t have been surprising that Dahyun knew that, but Vivi still felt it. Had she reached out to Jungeun, Jinsoul, and Yerim as well?

“Started to,” Vivi said. Then, knowing that Dahyun would want to see it in action, she tugged on the stone. It slid through the earth. She called on the light and wove them together. 

Dahyun’s eyes filled with awe. Vivi did wish she could still have that. Her own passion for learning and all that came with it fluctuated. It had all her life, while others had seemed to be more consistent. She’d once thought it was because she was only half a fairy. 

Then she met Dahyun, whose curiosity seemed to outmatch almost everyone else Vivi knew. The emotional fairy had sensed her doubt and immediately asked why that was. It was then that she’d also confirmed that Vivi’s own curiosity was no less potent than that of others. 

“Have you tried it with gemstones?” Dahyun asked. 

“What?”

“We use excitement for light when no one wants to make a fire,” she said. “I can’t tell you how often I scrambled to get a proper bit of light when I,” she faltered, “you know.”

Vivi nodded. The emotional fat had core emotions—essentially their souls. 

Dahyun’s used to only be calm. One day, she’d gotten another: sadness. From what Vivi had seen of the fairy, it’d been painful to adjust to it. 

Dahyun had left her clan, pulling away completely from her emotional magic. She’d chosen to learn about the humans instead, getting Vivi and a few others to help. After that, she’d gone to the Astra.

Sometime during that, she’d learned that emotions could be made physical, similarly to the way light could be summoned. That discovery had given her back the will to use her emotions—to live with that new core emotion. She’d gone back to her clan and taught them the new magic. 

As far as Vivi knew, only the Astra really knew about how that discovery had been made. At first, some of the fae had been insulted that such a thing would be hidden. The emotional fae had countered that they didn’t yet know if the magic could be dangerous or helpful. 

Clearly, something was different when it came to the Astra.

“Are you more open with the Astra, because of how similar your magics are?” Vivi asked.

There was a flicker of blue in her eyes. “It’s your magic now too,” she said softly. “But yes, the Astra are well aware of how dangerous light can be for others. It didn’t take long for the same to be recognised about emotions.” She sighed. “And I can only hope that the rest will properly learn that.” Silver worry brushed across her eyes, before being replaced by pale blue. Calm. Was she doing that to calm herself down?

Then that same sort of calm washed over Vivi. The same type of clarity she felt when holding moonlight. 

Dahyun grinned. “Familiar, isn’t it?”

Vivi chuckled. “I bet you were waiting all these weeks for that moment.”  

“Certainly was,” she replied. “But to finish answering your question. Even though the light is comprised of emotion and so is darkness, it’s still so different. Emotions don’t heal physical wounds. They only soothe them, if anything.”

“They do nothing?” 

Dahyun shrugged. “I haven’t wanted to test any limits yet. 

Of course. If emotions could actually cause physical harm, the emotional fae wouldn’t have found that out. Most of them at least. 

Thankfully, not even their boundless curiosity was tempted to pursue those questions. 

“And now for my own question, which you so skilfully avoided,” Dahyun said, pride flickering in her eyes. It was almost silver. 

“How am I?” Vivi paused to think it through. It actually wasn’t a hard question to answer. “I’m alright,” she said. “Can’t say I’m great yet, but also that the terrible things from before aren’t so much anymore. Not completely at least.” She didn’t know how to describe how she felt about that. 

“You found out about that girl,” Dahyun was speaking Cantonese. Her eyes were still blue. Now, she was hiding her emotions. Who knew Dahuyn could be subtle. 

Vivi was surprised, even if she shouldn’t have been. “How did you know?” Speaking that particular mortal language was also more comfortable than crosesh. 

The corner of her lip tugged up. “There are confusing sets of frustration and sympathy for three of the elves in particular. And then there’s sadness that I know is for her. Many actually feel that way.”

“You mean—” Vivi stopped herself. She had to resist gesturing to the camp. If people saw that and heard that they were speaking in a language few would know, they’d definitely get suspicious. So she just smiled instead. “More people than the ones I know?”

“A large amount feel guilty. Theirs is pushed down more than others, some being more afraid than they are sympathetic.” A pause. “But what they did wasn’t truly celebrated. They were just relieved.”

Vivi met her eyes. Even with one colour, Dahyun was terrible at hiding certain feelings. Especially her sadness. Had she known Hyejoo like she seemed to know the rest?

“I’m going to look for her as well,” Dahyun said. “Perhaps not meet her, though I’m still unsure.”

“She’d want you too,” Vivi said. “She’s lonely.”

She frowned. “Is it it wrong to hope that loneliness would bring her back?”

“Back to this?” Vivi scoffed. “Fat chance of that.”

The look the fairy gave her was a sombre one. As if she was convinced of something, but her resolve was slowly being weakened. As if she was afraid of Vivi being right. Then she straightened. 

“You might be right,” Dahyun said. “But I won’t be going. I’ll see her the next time I visit.”

“And if she’s gone by then”

“I’ll find her.”

Vivi was torn between thinking Dahyun was callous and trying to figure out what the reasoning was here. Reasons that would only make sense to this fairy. She was pretty young by their standards, around half Vivi’s age. And yet she’d gotten a very bizarre maturity in the last years. Was it the sadness? The time spent alone? Or just the way Dahyun’s mind worked?

“I’m planning on taking the long way back,” she said, still in Cantonese. Maybe because falling back into fae would catch more attention. “Want to come with?”

Vivi çould only stare. “Weren’t you across the southern sea?”

A nod. “We’re enjoying it. You might too.”

She was tempted. She really was. Dahyun made for excellent company and never minded extended silences or ramblings. And Vivi trusted her. 

But Vivi had also decided to stay. She’d even told Haseul that directly. 

The thought made her pause. Was that important now? It hadn’t even been a promise, so she’d damage nothing. 

Dahyun laughed softly. Orange took over the blue. She was finished with hiding. “Understood, you’ll be staying.”

“I didn’t even decide yet!” They’d slipped into fae again. 

Her eyes were bright with green and orange. “This is one of those few things I can predict.” Her expression was extremely smug. “You’ll let me have this win, won’t you?”

Vivi fought the urge to roll her eyes. Then she nodded. 

“Well, if that’s that, I’ll be off.” Dahyun was looking in a particular direction. 

Vivi followed her gaze, but saw no one in particular. 

“I don’t much understand their plight, but it’s been on her mind for quite some time.” The fairy got to her feet. “And that sort of pain ought to be eased.” She sighed. “Somehow.” Then she put a hand on Vivi’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. 

“You’re serious?” Vivi smiled as she stood as well. ”A proper goodbye’s in order.”

Dahyun laughed and leaned their foreheads together. “These are good people,” she whispered. “You’ve found some of the best ones among them, but the rest still have a lot of good within them.”

“But I have to be the one to look for it?” Vivi had already done that. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to do it again. 

Dahyun’s eyes turned sad again. “It’s as you told me once. I’m able to hope for the best, because my magic lets me find that without much effort,” she muttered. “But you found it with your people once before, you’ll be able to hear.”

Then she pulled away. 

Vivi sat back down, feeling both light and as if she’d been left with a few more questions. Dahyun was able to do that, with both reassurances and a pointed insights. 

Shortly after, she spotted Dahyun walking to the forest. Beside her was Heejin. 

How much did Dahyun know about the girl’s anger? 

Then the words of before sank in. What pain was Heejin facing? 

Seeing the two together now just brought more questions then answers. 

But there was one thing Vivi knew for certain. If Dahyun didn’t understand the topic at hand, then it was most likely something romantic. 

Had Vivi really wanted to know that Heejin had some sort of romantic trouble? Not quite. 

Then again, with everything else on the elf’s mind, maybe this was more of a mundane problem. 

Vivi had always preferred matters of the heart. At least she had over a lot of the other things she’d faced with her clan. She wondered if that would be the same here. 

_____

“I’ll be leaving soon.” The gentle voice broke Heejin out of her thoughts. 

She looked up. Dahyun was looking down at her with dark gold and blue eyes. Curious, potentially concerned, and sad. 

It didn’t take much to realise that Dahyun was looking through her emotions. 

“Still have someone to help?” Some of the elders had asked her to tell them what else they could do to better the healing processes. A rare example of the Astra letting down their pride. Heejin was beyond thankful they were reaching out. She just hoped Dahyun wouldn’t be overworked because of it. 

“One.” Dahyun raised a brow. “Care to start your guard duty early?” 

Clearly, the fairy didn’t like what she’d seen in Heejin’s emotions. 

They walked in silence. Heejin felt a pleasant surge of calm. Dahyun’s influence. 

Once they were out of earshot, Dahyun turned to her. 

“Why are you in such pain?” she asked. 

Straight to the point. Dahyun rarely spoke around something. 

“It’s tied to Hyunjin,” she said. “Has she done something?” 

Heejin shook her head. “It’s nothing she did.”

“Just the circumstance?” Her eyes brightened with gold. Confusion. And, naturally, even though Dahyun could read emotions, she didn’t understand a key few.

“Like before,” Heejin had to laugh, “but it’s not something I think you can help with.”

Dahyun frowned. “I told that to Hyunjin too.”

When had she told Hyunjin that? And why had she spoken to Dahyun about this? Heejin hadn’t heard a word from Hyunjin about the bond or anything related to the two of them. 

“I can’t take the pain away,” Dahyun said. 

Heejin felt a knot in . “She asked you to do that?” 

Dahyun started. Then she grimaced. She wasn’t supposed to have said that. 

Heejin wasn’t sure if that made it worse or not. 

“What else did she ask you for?” Heejin was surprised at how steady her voice was. 

Dahyun shook her head. “I can’t say.”

“You just told me that. I don’t know anything more,” she said. “I don’t know why.” She knew the reason, but not what Hyunjin had been feeling. She’d never known what had happened after Hyunjin had left. 

Dahyun’s eyes were a deep blue. “I’ve already said too much today. I won’t say more of what I shouldn’t.” She looked at her. “I’ve already hurt you.” 

“It’ll hurt me more not to know.” Heejin could feel her nose start to burn. She forced the tears to stay away. “Because she won’t tell me about any of this.” 

Then Dahyun turned around. Her eyes were half filled with surprise. 

Heejin did the same. 

Hyunjin was standing a few metres away. She was looking between them, her expression blank. 

But Heejin still saw the strain in her eyes. 

“I’ll tell you,” Hyunjin said quietly. “Do you want to be there for that?” She looked too Dahyun. 

The fairy shook her head. “This is something for the two of you.” Then she gave them both a warm smile, even though her eyes were still sad. 

Hyunjin watched her go, arms crossed. 

It was a familiar urge that Heejin had to resist. She wanted to take her hand, tell her that everything was alright. But even then, she wasn’t sure if things were. Hyunjin was still hurt. Heejin hadn’t even sensed her light. She usually could. 

And with what she’d just learned, she needed to hear the reason why. She wasn’t sure if that would make it better or worse. 

“I’ll just say it,” Hyunjin muttered. “After I left, I wanted to stop loving you.” 

The words hurt more than Heejin had expected them to. 

Hyunjin winced. “I didn’t know how I’d do it. Leaving was the first way I saw, being with other people was the next.”

Heejin thought of Arin. Were there others Hyunjin had been with too?

“And when none of it worked,” she sighed, “I went to Dahyun for help.” She rubbed across the skin of her arms, as if cold. She probably was. “I didn’t want any compulsion or spell put on me, making me forget all the reasons why I,” she faltered. “I just needed something that wouldn’t mess with my mind, just how I felt.” 

“So you asked her,” Heejin could barely say the words, “if she could take it away for you.” It hadn’t just been pain. She’d wanted all of it taken away. 

“She couldn’t,” Hyunjin said. Heejin didn’t miss the bitterness in her voice. “Clearly.” 

“Would you have told me?”

She looked taken aback. 

Heejin wasn’t sure if she was overstepping a line. Hyunjin hadn’t lost those feelings, but she’d wanted to. Heejin had wanted many things, but never that. 

“Or let me figure it out myself?” Heejin asked. “When you came back and didn’t feel anything for me?” 

“I just asked her to take one thing out,” Hyunjin replied. She didn’t look irritated. Maybe the emotions Dahyun had given her were helping. “That wouldn’t have meant I felt nothing.” She wasn’t looking at her. 

“Love connects to a lot of other things,” Heejin retorted. “It wouldn’t have just taken away the pain you’re feeling.” 

“I know that.” Her jaw was clenched. “It would’ve taken pieces of me away. We can’t lose emotions like they can.” She met her eyes, the yellow in her own still dim. “Good explanation enough for you? I wanted to lose what I felt, went to her, and she told me I couldn’t.” She turned away fully. “So nothing’s changed since I left.” 

“Is that so bad?” Heejin asked. She looked around, searching for the light of anyone else nearby. There was no one. So she moved so that Hyunjin would look at her again. 

Hyunjin shook her head. “I didn’t tell you what happened so we’d have this conversation again.” 

“We never really had it.” Heejin remembered all too well how Hyunjin had looked after the bond had been revealed. She remembered how she’d felt herself. And how lonely she’d been without her. “And I tried to see what it was that bound me to Priad,” she said. “He can be a friend, but that’s all.” 

She kept shaking her head. “You didn’t try hard enough,” she muttered. “You’re still stuck on trying to find all the ways he’s not the one for you.” 

“Because he’s not.” Heejin knew she sounded harsher in saying that. If someone overheard, they’d be appalled. She almost wished someone had. It would bring out the truth they’d been hiding. She'd rather work to make them accept that the moon could be wrong than hide. 

“Don’t say that,” Hyunjin glared at her, “that’s exactly why you haven’t given him a place in your life. You’re not letting yourself see what the moon’s given to you.” 

She frowned. “It didn’t give me anything.” 

“Yes it did,” she snapped. “His soul is tied to yours. He'll be able to make you feel at home when you're near. He'll know if you’re hurt and his light will heal you better than anyone else’s.” Hyunjin let out a sharp breath. “You can’t deny that just because you couldn’t keep what you had first.”

“That’s not fair,” Heejin said quietly. She already had one of those things, but she didn’t say that. 

Something in Hyunjin deflated then, but she didn’t respond. 

“I’m not losing anything if I don’t agree with what the moon wants.” 

“You lose the person it chose for you.”

“I’m not losing someone I love,” Heejin replied. “But I do if I go along with what it wants.” 

Hyunjin closed her eyes. “Don’t say that to me.” 

“Why not?” Her eyes were burning again, but she drove the tears away. She was already making this hard for Hyunjin, she knew that. She wouldn’t make it worse by crying. “I loved you before I knew about the bond. Learning about it didn’t change that, you leaving for years didn’t change it either.”

No response. Hyunjin’s hands were fisted at her sides. The look in her eyes was painful to see. 

“You said that didn’t change for you either,” Heejin said. “You meant that, didn’t you?” Do you still love me? That was a question she couldn’t ask, even if they were so close to it. Even if she’d gotten something very close to an answer. 

Hyunjin still said nothing. 

Heejin didn’t push her. She waited, though all of her wanted to know the answer. 

She slowly reached out and put her hands over Hyunjin’s fists. 

Hyunjin’s eyes opened. There was such pain there. Seeing it made Heejin’s chest ache. 

“I wish I could tell you I don’t love you,” Hyunjin whispered. “Or that I never did.” She blinked. A tear fell. “But both would be a lie.”

Heejin could’ve smiled. She felt her joy like the warm air of a fire. But Hyunjin didn’t look happy about her words. She looked worse because of it. 

“And I’d break your heart if I told that lie,” she continued. “I never want to do that to you.” Her eyes flicked down to the ground. 

“But you could have,” Heejin said. “If Dahyun had said yes.” It would be worse than any other unrequited love. It would be a love lost completely, but one Heejin would still have to feel.

“I know,” Hyunjin looked defeated, “I knew that hearing it would hurt you too, I—” She faltered. “I tried everything already and it didn’t work. But you—”

“You’re saying I have to do it myself,” Heejin said. “I’m the one who has to turn away.” She brushed her thumbs across Hyunjin’s hands. She felt them start to relax. “That won’t work.”

Hyunjin hadn’t pulled away yet. “Try.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to.” 

Yellow eyes closed again. “Please,” she murmured. 

“Please what?” Heejin asked. “Lie to myself and you? Should I tell you I don’t feel anything?”

Again, Hyunjin didn’t respond. That meant yes. 

“I can’t do that,” she said. 

“You never tried.” Hyunjin’s brow furrowed. “You didn’t accept the bond when they told you about it. And you never tried to see its value either.” 

“I did try,” Heejin said. “When you left, I did try to see what I was supposed to love about Priad.”

She didn’t miss how Hyunjin winced. 

“I didn’t find enough. Everything he had, you did too. What he didn’t have, you did,” she let go of one hand to cup Hyunjin’s face, “how can you tell me this isn’t right?” 

Being so near to her, when nothing had happened, when they were just able to speak to one another—it made her very aware of the girl in front of her. She could almost feel the pain coursing through Hyunjin now. 

Hyunjin’s heart had broken on that day. Heejin had been angry, but she’d not thought she’d lost Hyunjin. She’d never thought she’d lost her. Hyunjin had thought she’d lost Heejin. Heejin wanted nothing more than to tell her she hadn’t. 

“Hyun,” Heejin whispered. “What if the moon was wrong?”

Hyunjin held her gaze. Heejin welcomed every moment she could look into them, even if what she saw pained her. She couldn’t read what she saw now. She thought she saw longing. 

“Don’t start asking that,” she said, a plea in her eyes. “Don’t act as if this would work.” Then she took Heejin’s hands in hers, before pulling them away. “I told you what happened.” She let go. “So unless you need to ask more, I’m going back.” She glanced at the forest around them. ”You’ll have more spirits coming than if I’m not here.”

A terrible excuse. Heejin didn’t know why Hyunjin had to say it. Maybe she was just filling the silence, trying to get back into a false sense of normalcy. 

“Okay,” Heejin held out a piece of moonlight, “take this? For the walk back.” 

Hyunjin eyed it for a long moment. Heejin nearly took it back. She’d pushed Hyunjin a lot, maybe too much. 

Then she took it. It melted into her skin. 

When Heejin looked up, she saw that Hyunjin’s eyes had gotten a slight glow to them. 

“Thank you.” The corner of her lip tugged up. Then it fell again. “I’m sorry.” She turned and walked away. 

The ache hadn’t subsided. Without Hyunjin near, the weight of what she’d heard settled over her. 

Nothing had changed. Hyunjin had tried to stop loving her, but hadn’t been able to. 

And she still wished she could stop feeling what she did. 

______

Author's Note 

I've got to say, I wasn't sure if I'd be updating today. The past few days have been a bit chaotic. Some of the main highlights have been that I've got a short vacation and that Dreamcatcher had a comeback. I also enjoyed Itzy's, but Boca was definitely more my style. 

On another note, this part of the story has been about revealing certain pieces of the characters. Be it to the person themselves, or those close to them. And who better to reveal that, sometimes accidentally, than a person whose magic involves reading your emotions. 

Not much has been happening around here, but the next chapters will pick up. I hope the last two chapters haven't been boring, as I've wanted to shed a bit more light on the different circumstances of the characters. At times, I think I chose to explore too many at once. Other times, I just love weaving in the multiple story-lines. 

Hope you're doing well! See you in the next chapter.