Fifty Years Ago

Olivia stared up at the grey sky. The clouds weren’t clearing. It would rain soon. 

So much of her hurt. There was a numbness to her body, one that made her doubtful she’d be able to move soon. The base of the bars dug into her back, its effect on her skin only prevented through her clothes. The restraints around her legs and arms were still there, still digging into her skin, still burning her. 

They’d decided to banish her. All but seven had said she had no place with them. She was lucky they hadn’t voted to kill her. 

But perhaps that was still their intent. If not by their own hand, then by that of the spirits in the forest. Their homes were always surrounded by benevolent spirits. They were attracted to those associated with the moonlight, while the malevolent strayed away. And now the benevolent would attack her. What was undeniably good in the world wanted her dead. 

And they would likely succeed. She was still bleeding from her wounds, a terrible black blood that no longer smelled metallic to her, but somehow sweet and dark at the same time. She could hardly pinpoint it, but it twisted her stomach. 

Although it hurt even more, Olivia turned her head. She saw how they had returned to business. People were either in their tents, likely sleeping until the first part of the night came, or they were around a fire, talking. Somehow, it was worse than seeing how they had stood around her, watching as she’d bled. 

She was on the edge of the camp. They didn’t assume she could escape, only that she was safely barred away from them. She wanted nothing more than to prove them wrong. 

She kept watching the people who were her family. Did they still count as such? If she was an exile, then that wasn’t the case. Jinsoul, Jungeun and Choerry were considered family, but they hadn’t been born into the Astra. Olivia had been. And now they’d thrown her away. 

Olivia looked to the ground. It was darker around her, despite the cage. She saw the shadows. How often had she been told what to try with the moonlight? How often had it never worked?

She would still have time until the moon reached its height. Perhaps she would find a way how to escape. 

A part of her doubted whether or not they would truly set her free. A part of her wondered if they would kill her. If she was considered such a danger, then it would be wiser to have her killed. 

Out of all the things that had been thrown out of certainty, she could still cling to one thing: she didn't want to die. 

Olivia called to the shadow as though it were a friend. 

I need help, she thought, reaching for it with her mind as they’d been taught. 

She couldn't believe her eyes when the shadows wandered over to her. It must have been a trick of the light. Perhaps the moon had grown aware of her intentions. Perhaps it was letting its light dance around in ways to toy with her. 

Or she was actually controlling the shadows. 

She let them pool beneath her, joining her existing shadow. It felt as though water were underneath her, soaking into her torn clothes, cooling the skin that had been burned by the light. 

Looking down at her feet, she forced the larger shadow to shift towards her bound ankles. The pain in her back and arms returned, but that in her legs faded. She pulled on the shadow, trying to get it to move up the bindings of light. It felt like she was trying to pick something up that was much heavier than her. 

Bit by bit, the restraints darkened. She realised she only needed to coat the base of the restraints enough. There was a low crackling noise, as though the light were being scraped at by shadow. No, the shadows were destroying it. 

Olivia tested the strength, wincing as the restraints burned untouched skin. The light gave way and with a small crack, she'd freed her legs. 

She turned to be fully on her back, feigning exhaustion for anyone who might have been watching. She realised that was unnecessary. There had to be at least a hint of shame within them. Enough so that they wouldn't look at her. They wouldn’t want to see her bloodied state. It would remind them that they'd hurt her. And however justified they felt her banishment was, even she couldn't deny that the Astra had some good in them. It just hadn't been enough. 

The shadow creeped towards her arms, soothing the skin again. She brought it up again, unable to know its progress this time. She pulled continuously on the restraints, biting back a cry as the skin broke. Was that sound her blood sizzling? 

Then the tension broke. The chains of light fell. Her arms were free, but she held them together still, just as she did her legs. From afar, she’d still be trapped. 

With those two bursts of success, Olivia felt drained. She wanted to close her eyes. But if someone found her as she did, they’d easily bind her again. Whatever she’d done—absorb, destroy, or ward away the light—it would only encourage them to kill her. 

Now she needed to create a weak point in the cage. The base would be what she could manage. Then she’d get it off of her and run. If enough had gone to their tents, perhaps she could take some food with her. 

No. Haseul had deliberately given her food without moonlight. All that she could find in the camp would have moonlight. It would only worsen what she faced now. And to take away the light in the food would be a waste of her energy. 

Olivia closed her eyes, wondering if the darkness behind her lids would have any help. It had always soothed her, but was that only because she’d always had an affinity for the darkness?

Nothing she’d solve now. 

She hoped her strength would remain. She called on the shadow from the tree closest to her. It came. 

She forced it to the bars just by her feet, leaving some room so that the cage wouldn’t cut her when she left it. There would be a greater distance for it to rise, but she’d be able to push against it. She’d also have to crawl out. 

The cracking noise was louder now. The bars were strong. She hoped no one would rouse and come to see it. She wasn’t strong enough for a fight. She was barely prepared to run. She didn’t know where she’d go. But there was little reason for her to stay. 

She shifted down so that her feet were on the place where she intended to break the bars. One small push had a segment crumble. 

Rain began to fall. Some fell on her face. While more would retreat, she knew of one who’d emerge. Would she come as well? Did Olivia want her to? She’d believed Gowon would come, but she hadn’t. And she hadn’t stopped there. What if the same was the case for Jinsoul?

Olivia pushed harder, keeping an eye on the elves still outside. They didn’t look her way once. Their conflicts about today would serve her well. 

More of the cage fell away. Olivia looked down. It still wasn’t large enough. 

The rain fell harder now. 

She pushed the shadows to rise further. They were weakening. The clouds had darkened. Would it storm today as well?

That gave her pause. She was relying on what the light could provide: shadow. What about what was always there when the light did not come? She’d been named a darkness-wielder. Could she?

Olivia looked to the forest that seemed to end a small ways away. The branches and leaves were laid so densely that little light ever came through. That was unwanted by the Astra, but what about her? 

I need you, Olivia thought, calling on the space absent of the most light. It had to work. Shadows responded to her with some resistance. 

Then she felt it. The cold that set itself deep into her heart. It hurt, but not as much as the light cutting into her skin did. She pulled. The shadows surged towards her. 

In the next moment, they had encased the cage. The light vanished. Then the darkness flowed into Olivia’s skin, cooling her further. The burning had vanished, but the pain still remained. Naturally, the darkness did not heal. 

Olivia wanted nothing more than to enjoy her freedom, but she was still in the camp. 

She rushed towards a tree whose shadow she hadn’t taken. This was the reason why she’d found it easy to hide as a child. This was the reason why she’d been exceptional at surprise assaults during hunts. She hoped it would prevail now when it came to hiding from her people. 

Not your people, Olivia thought. 

For a moment, a very dark thought crossed her mind. She was no longer one of them. They had chosen to banish her. They viewed her as a monster already. 

So what if she proved them right? She could send the darkness onto them, charging at them as those spirits had her. She could make them afraid. She could hurt them as they had her. 

Olivia found the darkness within her very easily. It didn’t feel foreign to her, but normal. Cold, but familiar. Could she make it into a blade? She wondered how it would feel. Light burned her. What would the darkness do?

No. Trying that would exhaust her further. She needed to save her strength. 

And not all of them had wanted her gone. Seven people made up a fraction of their family, but there were seven nonetheless. And most hadn’t voted to have her executed. She hadn't looked who else had voted for death, but she had seen the votes of three. Those three had wanted her gone, but not dead. 

Olivia clenched her fists. She wanted revenge. The darkness within her seemed to excite at the thought. It curled beneath her skin. She could feel it. She almost saw how it wrapped around three throats, slowly tightening. 

She flexed her hands and shook her head. That was why she needed to turn away. If she went back, she'd get what she wanted, but she'd also die in the process. 

And she wanted to live.  

But what would happen when she learned more about the darkness? Would she come back then? Or would she remain as far away as she could? She didn’t know. 

Instead of walking further into the camp, Olivia turned. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a pale-haired figure emerge from their tent. She didn’t spare them another thought. 

The darkness in her blood had strengthened her as she’d always wished the light would. Now it would take her further from the light than she’d ever been. 

She ran. 

The forest was silent. If someone had seen her, they hadn’t raised the alarm. She was free. 

______

Gowon couldn’t look away. The white bars held jagged veins of black. The grass had turned ash grey. The bark of the trees had turned black. The air smelled of rot and snow. 

“This is what her magic can do,” Freya said softly. Everyone could still hear it. “It destroys our light and rots what life it touches.” She looked at Gowon then, her golden eyes kind. 

She looked away. What had happened here, it hadn’t been to destroy or cause decay. It’d been to escape. To escape from a prison that Gowon had helped send her to. 

“Send out groups of seven,” said Yuol. “Have them branch off of where the trail ends.” 

People dispersed. Some looked eager. 

Gowon felt sick watching it. Then her stomach twisted further. How was she any better? What did what she felt now matter? 

When Hyejoo had turned, something in Gowon’s chest had snapped. She’d felt it shatter. She hadn’t even been able to scream. She’d just collapsed. Her head had begun to hurt soon after. 

Memories had flooded her mind. Memories of a spirit who’d killed an elf where he’d stood, mauling him with intangible claws, tainting his skin with a dark grey light. Memories of the fairies who’d taken her parents from her, filling their eyes with red, as anger overcame them. They hadn't stopped screaming. Not until others had ended their suffering. 

Their screams filled her ears once again. Gowon had pressed her hands to her ears, but the sounds had only gotten louder. And one of her hands had been freezing cold. 

She didn’t know how long she’d been trapped in the past. She didn’t know why the pain hadn’t subsided, only that it’d come from Hyejoo. 

And then it had all cleared. The memories had faded completely, though the sounds had still rung faintly in her ears. 

She’d been bathed in light, one threaded with lavender. Eline. 

“It’s alright,” the seer had murmured. Warm arms had encircled Gowon. They’d almost been too warm, but Gowon had still leaned into the touch. “You’re safe now.”

The words had been exactly what she’d wanted to hear then. Thinking on them now, Gowon wondered why she’d said she was safe. The memories hadn’t been a danger. They’d only hurt. 

Gowon wanted to drown in those memories now. They’d been things out of control. She hadn’t caused that pain. It’d been forced onto her. 

This was her fault. She’d raised her hand. She’d stayed silent when she should’ve roared out her protest. She should’ve broken those white bars. 

Gowon turned away from the broken cage. She was met with furious pink eyes. “You even think about looking for her,” Heejin whispered, her voice trembling with fury. “I’ll—” She was pulled back. 

Hyunjin stood at her side, a silent plea in her eyes. Her hand gripped Heejin’s, the skin glowing gently. 

Gowon just stepped back. She didn't look away from Heejin. She forced herself to meet the eyes of someone who hated her.

Someone else took her hand then. 

“We’re not going anywhere,” Jiwoo said. There was no brightness in her voice, nor warmth in her eyes. The others would think she was being callous. It was far from the truth. So far. 

Jiwoo had been with Eline, as had Sooyoung. They’d held her while she’d told Eline what’d happened. They’d comforted her as Eline had told her what Hyejoo had become. She'd told them that whatever parts of Hyejoo that were still good would fade with time. That the darkness would fester within her mind, within her soul. 

She’d told them that Hyejoo’s path was only dark. That it would only bring darkness: fear, hatred, and death. 

Even if that was right, Gowon should've never believed it. Even if she had believed it, she should’ve fought for Hyejoo. She should’ve defended her. 

She’d done none of those things. It was her fault that Hyejoo had been put behind bars. It was Gowon’s fault that she’d been burned by those restraints. It was her fault that she’d been hurt by those spirits. And it was her fault that Hyejoo was gone. 

Something tore within her chest. She fought a cry and covered to stifle it. 

Someone’s hand reached for hers. “It’s okay.”

Gowon shoved them away. “No, it’s not.” She didn’t look at Sooyoung and kept walking. The pain was still there, but it wasn’t getting worse. She almost wished it would. She deserved it. 

Sooyoung didn’t leave her side. Gowon was grateful that she was there, but she didn’t want to say a word about what was happening. 

She went to their tent. When she saw the fourth bedroll, her legs gave out. 

Sooyoung caught her. Gowon didn’t push her away. 

A cry left her. 

Another set of arms joined. 

Jiwoo murmured reassurances as she sobbed. 

Sooyoung’s skin was warm. She was summoning light. It seeped into Gowon’s own skin, warming her. 

“No one can hear,” Sooyoung said. Her voice was shaky. “You can even scream if you wanted to.” 

Gowon didn’t reply. She just leaned her head onto someone’s shoulder. The tears didn’t stop. Nor did the trembling. 

And the only thing she saw was Hyejoo, bloodied and pleading. She heard her screams when the spirits had attacked her. 

“It’s my fault.” 

“It’s mine,” Sooyoung muttered. “I didn’t realise what we were doing, I—”

“It was the three of us,” Jiwoo cut her off. She pulled away, making the two of them look at her. Her gaze was teary, but unyielding. “It wasn’t one or the other, but it was the three of us. I could’ve said something, Sooyoung could’ve said something, but we didn’t.” She took Gowon’s hand in hers. “But it wasn’t just you.” She blinked once. “It was me too.”

The three of them sat there for a long time. Long enough for Gowon’s body to grow heavy, but not long enough for the pain to fade. She felt how Sooyoung had also started to sag. After what felt like hours, Jiwoo was the one to pull away again. 

“I’ll bring something to eat,” she said. “Then I think it’s time to go sleep.” She gave the both of them a very weak smile. 

Even then, Gowon knew it was genuine. Jiwoo was trying for them in the best way she knew. 

Once she was gone, that left Sooyoung and Gowon. 

And a fourth bedroll. Beside it lay two swords in leather scabbards. 

Gowon felt a part of her break. It wasn’t even a part of the pain she was already feeling. 

Sooyoung had seen where she was looking. 

“I’ll get rid of it.” She let go of Gowon and went over. She started rolling up the bedroll. Her movements weren’t fluid, not like how they always were. Her shoulders were stiff and she fumbled with the furs. Her hands were shaking. 

Gowon watched as she reached for the swords. 

She snatched them back. The leather was soft beneath her touch. The blades were heavy in her hands. She held them close to her chest. 

Sooyoung looked up, her eyes full of pain, but slowly filling with confusion. “We can try selling those.”

Gowon couldn’t speak. She just shook her head. 

“Don’t tell me you’re keeping them.” Sooyoung’s grip on Hyejoo’s bedroll tightened. 

The cold hilt of one sword pressed into her shoulder. It was uncomfortable, but Gowon didn’t adjust her hold on it. 

Hyejoo had trained with these blades. She’d sparred with Gowon with them. She’d taken on spirits with them. Gowon had been with her almost every time she’d used them. 

“I’ll do it,” she got out. “I’ll take them to town tomorrow.” 

Sooyoung looked at her for a moment too long. Then she relaxed. 

“I’ll be right back.” 

Sooyoung left the tent. Gowon sat there with bedrolls and two swords. Alone. 

She blinked and no tears fell. Her eyes ached. Her chest still felt as if it’d been cleaved in two. Her stomach had twisted itself twice over. 

Gowon went to her bed. She tucked the swords underneath the first fur, before settling beneath them. She could’ve cleaned her teeth. She could’ve changed. She was still wearing what she’d worn when the darkness had come to Hyejoo. When she’d lost her. 

When you gave her up, Gowon corrected. 

Jiwoo came back before Sooyoung did. She set down a steaming bowl of soup in Gowon’s lap and gently forced her to eat. While Sooyoung was technically the authority, Gowon had found herself listening more to Jiwoo than she did the former. If the bright smile fell away, one paid even more attention to the peach-eyed elf. That smile was there even if Jiwoo got hurt. It only ever fell away if she was in agony or when things were well past her own limits. Gowon knew this was a time of all those things. 

And yet Jiwoo still looked at her with warmth in her eyes. She even held a cup of tea to Gowon’s lips, one where the temperature didn’t burn, but still warmed. 

Had Gowon had any energy left, she would’ve pulled Jiwoo into a tight embrace. 

But the moment the bowl was empty, the moment Jiwoo turned to check if Sooyoung was eating, Gowon fell back to the furs. She reached for the hilts of Hyejoo’s swords. They’d grown warmer. 

And when Gowon closed her eyes, she saw Hyejoo right before the darkness came. She saw her wide eyes looking up at her, telling her to go. She hadn’t wanted Gowon to have any part of what was happening to her. She’d known it was coming. And she’d wanted to protect her. 

But what had Gowon done in return?

Her eyes grew heavy. She grew cold again, despite how Jiwoo and Sooyoung were keeping the tent warm with sigils and moonlight. The memories returned. 

Except this time, she heard only one person screaming. There was only one loved one she watched get hurt. 

______

Gowon woke to something being wound around her hands. She gasped. Her legs were already bound. Her eyes were covered. On her tongue was a gently sweet taste. When she swallowed, it became nauseating. Something from Choerry's many mixtures. 

She tried to move away, but someone held her down. 

There was a similar struggle happening beside her. Jiwoo. And if the muffled cursing was anything to go on, Sooyoung was also there. 

“Here,” something was stuffed into , “something so you don’t call too much attention to us.” 

She recognised that voice, but it was filled with an unfamiliar venom. Haseul. 

“Got them,” another said. Jungeun. What was she doing here as well? 

Gowon was hauled to her feet. Both her ankles and wrists were bound. In a very familiar fashion. 

She saw a bloodied figure in her mind, one with dark eyes and hair, smoking, their blood black.

The people carrying them started running, Gowon’s feet dragged across the floor. The restraints had been tied around her tightly. She only heard the quick breathing of the person carrying her, Haseul. And the occasional hisses and curses from Sooyoung. Jiwoo was silent. 

After what seemed like ages of running, the cloth in Gowon’s mouth was ripped out. Then that around her eyes was taken away. Haseul let go of her and Gowon crashed to the ground. She was pulled up to be on her knees. 

Beside Haseul was Jungeun, as well as Heejin, whose pink eyes blazed with a terrible fury. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Sooyoung spat. “You’re going to—”

“What?” Haseul glowed harshly in the darkness. “Be bound by what hurts me most, dangled as bait for a beast, and then banished?” She spread her hands. “Go on, tell them it was me. At least I got what I wanted.” 

“Which is?” Jiwoo asked softly. 

A long white staff appeared in Heejin’s hands. She swung. It cracked against Sooyoung's arm. She hissed. She swung it two more times. Gowon flinched away, her shoulder stinging. The ropes around her wrists rubbed against the skin. 

“So what happened?” Jungeun knelt in front of her. Her red eyes bored into Gowon’s. “She comes to you, terrified of what’s happening to her, and you go straight to Freya?” She tilted her head. The air around Gowon grew hot. “Did you knock her out and tell them where you left her? Did you bind her in moonlight and see how it hurt her?” 

Her skin began to burn. “The darkness overcame her." Gowon closed her eyes. “She ran off, taking all the light around her.” She remembered wanting to hold her, but not daring to. She’d run instead. "But then it got me. I didn't go after her. Eline found me."

A hand gripped her chin. Their grip was painful. “Look at me.” 

Gowon opened her eyes, seeing bright pink eyes instead of red. 

“Did you know what would happen? Did you know they’d treat her like a monster?” Heejin asked. “It would’ve been easy to keep her hidden. She would've had a chance to be on her way, unharmed.” She narrowed her eyes. “Did you know?”

“Leave her alone," Sooyoung snapped. “She was claimed by the darkness. Helping her would've been dangerous.”

“Dangerous to you!” Haseul snapped. “That was the reason, wasn’t it? You didn’t want to be marked as sympathetic to her. You knew she’d be condemned and you wanted to preserve your image, correct?” 

“You saw exactly what we did,” the other replied. “She corrupted a spirit. Her blood is black.”

Gowon didn't know why she was saying this. Sooyoung didn't believe Hyejoo was evil. Was she provoking them?

“And I’m more likely to hurt you than she is.” Haseul’s staff sharpened at the tip. “She could've taken her revenge on the ones who wronged her. When she escaped, she had exactly that opportunity.” 

“She was injured,” Sooyoung shot back. “She wouldn’t have gotten far with that.” 

“Or,” Jungeun started, “if you’re right about her corrupting other spirits, she could've sent them on you. I don’t think that requires a lot of control, only anger.” Her red eyes glittered. 

“So what will you do now?” Jiwoo asked. “Do what you think she should’ve done?” The words were accusatory, but Gowon only saw the tears in the other’s eyes. 

“I just want you to feel a sliver of what she did,” Haseul said. “Where the people you loved turned against you and where no one defended you when you were in danger.” She went around each of them. When she got to Gowon, she tightened the restraints. “I don’t expect you to be sorry. You're going to stand by whatever decision you made,” she said in her ear. “Because if you turn around and plead with me, telling me you didn’t mean what you did, I'm not going to listen.” 

Gowon shuddered. Haseul had always been so warm, so supportive. 

“You can’t leave us here,” Sooyoung said. “If taking us here was going to get you punished, this will get you killed.”

Heejin shoved her. Her anger had caused her to glow. The light curled from her skin. “Then you’re facing the same thing Hyejoo is at this exact moment.”

“You’re lucky we haven’t added bait.” Jungeun’s eyes were cold. 

The three girls left. 

“They can’t do this,” Sooyoung was shifting, “we’re too exposed.” 

Gowon tried to summon what little light she could. It was extremely difficult. Only a few flakes fell away from her. 

This was the cost of what they’d done. Of what she’d done. 

“They have,” Jiwoo said softly. “You saw the look in their eyes.”

“Immediate anger,” Sooyoung shot back. She lost her balance, her hands still struggling to free themselves from the restraints. “They’ll live with this for the rest of their lives.” 

Just as they would have to if they survived. Gowon didn’t believe the three would let them die. The most that would happen is that each of them would be struck by a malevolent spirit. None of them had the cruelty to do such a thing, but they had the anger to leave them in the first place. 

But the spirits would come. They were all angry and the three of them were afraid. The moon was hidden by clouds, so little light would reach them. It was the perfect time to attack. 

______

Jungeun watched how Haseul’s eyes never left the three elves. There was a mixture of anger and guilt in her eyes. She wished she could tell her that this was well deserved. That she didn’t have to feel guilty for it. 

They were going to step in the moment a spirit appeared, leaving just enough time so that the three would know the fear of being defenceless. Then they would defend them. 

She knew that Heejin had been tempted to leave them there overnight, but even she was not filled with that much hatred. And as angry as Jungeun was, she'd never wouldn't leave them here either. 

She'd watched Hyejoo escape her cage. She'd nearly gone after her. She still wished she had. Then Hyejoo wouldn't still be out there, alone and weakened. 

Two people had held her back. Yerim hadn't been responsive since Hyejoo's banishment, while Jinsoul hadn't left her side. Yerim had always felt completely at home in Jinsoul's embrace. She told Jungeun that the same applied to her, but she had a hard time believing that. 

Jungeun pushed the thought of them out of her head. She focused on the three they'd brought out here. 

She'd seen remorse in their eyes, but there’d been different reactions. Yves had been defensive, her anger overshadowing her guilt. Chuu had been sobered by it, while Gowon had sunken into herself. 

She was confident they wouldn't tell, but she had to be prepared to face whatever would come back to them. Blood hadn’t been spilled, but they had still brought elves into danger. 

That was why no other knew what they’d planned to do. Hyunjin would have no knowledge, nor the two youngest of their clan. Jinsoul was also oblivious. Jungeun knew she was furious, but she wondered if that anger would have led her to do something like this. It would Jungeun. 

They heard Yves’ curses and her struggle to get free. Haseul and Heejin had worked on strengthening what little rope they had, while Jungeun had tied the knot. 

Panic was starting to enter Yves' voice. A voice in the back of Jungeun's mind told her it was for Gowon and Chuu. Yves wanted to keep them safe. And she couldn't. 

“They’re coming,” Heejin murmured. 

Haseul nodded and dropped down. In her hands, two daggers of light grew. Jungeun made a longer blade herself and was ready to summon fire with the other hand. 

Heejin didn’t summon anything. Would she fight with them?

Together, they watched as a dark snake emerged from the trees, its eyes were a fiery orange. Beside it was another scaly-being, not one that Jungeun recognised. Two at once?

The movements of the three became more desperate. Yves started to glow brighter. She’d moved in front of Chuu and Gowon. She'd take the first blows. 

From behind, another spirit pair appeared, one in the form of a spider, the other a fox. Four now. It shouldn’t have been. They would've sensed the presence of Jungeun and the other two. This was wrong. 

Gowon screamed, her skin glowing erratically. Her voice was filled with terror. 

Haseul let the first dagger fly. It struck the snake in the head. It contracted wildly, a pale green spreading around its body, but only slowly. 

Jungeun ran for the other two spirits. The fox had reached Gowon. She threw fire at it. The orange mixed with white stream flew through the air, curling around the spirit. It let out a sharp shriek. 

There was a metallic hiss behind her. Jungeun turned to see Heejin’s spear deep into the torso of the spider. It turned white. 

Jungeun turned back to the fox that was twisting, trying to escape the flames she’d set around it. Below it, the grass had been charred. 

She raised her sword and sank it into its heart. She took back the flames. The fox turned from black to pale yellow. The weapon dissolved. 

When she looked at Haseul, she saw her wrestling with the other beast. One blade had hit its flank and as it dissolved, the leg turned a soft red. It was still trying to kill her. 

Jungeun leapt over Chuu and Yves and was only able to summon a shard of moonlight. She had expended the rest. She shoved it into its eye. It snarled and its body around. Jungeun as nearly crushed. Her foot twisted oddly underneath her. She cried out in pain. Being so close to it, she could feel the rage seeping out of it. It was drawing on her own. It ached.

Yves’ voice rose above the rest. “Take it!” 

A large coil of white landed beside Jungeun. She grabbed it, letting it reform into something she could wield. She drove it into the head. She felt the light stream into the spirit. The pale red spread all throughout it. Then it moved away. Below it, Jungeun saw Haseul, blood red smoke streamed from her shoulder. Each breath was a gasp. 

Heejin was beside her in a second, eyes wide. 

“Be still.” Her hand pressed to the wound. The glow of her skin subsided. 

Haseul sighed. The red smoke did not cease. 

Jungeun got to her feet, her ankle hardly able to sustain her. She hopped over to where the three elves still lay. All were unharmed. 

She untied their restraints. None of them attacked her. 

Chuu scrambled to Haseul. “I have more, let me.” 

“No,” Haseul said. “We have to get back. If more come, you need to defend us.” 

Heejin came up beside Jungeun and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Give us some light?” 

She nodded and let flames rise from her hand. Where the spirit had touched her, her skin stung. What had it felt like for Olivia? How much had it burned? The more pain Jungeun felt, the more terrible she felt for not defending Olivia that day.  

The six of them walked on, divided by the actions of late and their thoughts. Haseul clung to Heejin’s other side, shivering. Her eyes lacked their glow. 

No spirit attacked them. The anger of all of them had subsided. And they weren’t afraid enough. Their group was too large as well. 

“Here,” Chuu said. “Take it.” She closed the distance between the two trios. Her hand went to Haseul’s shoulder and the glow of Chuu's skin vanished. 

Haseul breathing eased and more colour appeared in her face. She looked up at Chuu, her eyes wary, but not unkind. 

“You don’t want to thank me,” Chuu said. “So don’t.” Then she went back. 

Gowon was in between them. She had a haunted look in her eyes. She still glowed softly. 

What would be in store for them now? People would notice that they were hurt. They would ask. 

This was where the other three had the chance to get back at them. They would tell the elders of what they’d done. The three of them would be punished. And Jungeun wasn’t naive enough to think her penalty would be the same as the other two. She was glad Jinsoul and Choerry knew nothing. She was glad they hadn’t come. 

“You’ll say it was my idea,” Haseul murmured. It was barely audible. 

Jungeun started to protest. 

“And mine,” Heejin said. “Not yours.” Her pink eyes met Jungeun’s. “You’re not taking any fall.” 

Jungeun shook her head. “A lie will do me no good.” 

They walked on in silence. She knew the other two would try to push her away from this, but she’d wanted to do this as much as they had. Because it hadn’t been right. She felt that what they had done was. Perhaps that made her worse for thinking such a thing, but she had to acknowledge that. Consequences be damned. 

______

Those at the periphery saw them first. They took one look at Haseul and scrambled to action. It was incredible what care they would give to those who were one of them. Once that belonging was taken away, the care fell away just as quickly. 

A healer and an elder came over to them. 

“What happened, girl?” Saevel regarded her sternly. “And how did you all sneak away?” 

Warmth flowed into her shoulder. The healer, Nuala, gave her a mix of moonlight and wine to drink. Haseul did. It warmed her far more than Chuu’s light had. 

The pain still lingered. It wasn’t the first time that Haseul had been struck by a spirit, but it was the first time she’d been conscious of how wrong it felt to be caught by one’s teeth. Her entire body seemed to reject it. She became aware of her blood and how it grew heavy in her veins. She became aware of how negative thoughts and feelings became prevalent, how her anger towards the other three had strengthened, despite having been saved by one of them. 

And now that anger had faded. 

“We wanted to find spirits,” Yves said. “After what happened, we thought there’d be a disruption in the forest after that.” Her eyes were earnest as she spoke. An exceptional act. 

But why was she lying for them? 

“I—” Haseul began, but Heejin’s arm around her waist tightened.  

“Four found us,” Chuu said. 

“Found you?” Saevel repeated. 

“They were bold,” she said. “And more light was needed to bring them down.” 

That was true. Even if they had left the girls to be found, they hadn’t expected so many to come, nor to be so difficult to purify. 

“It is good not more of you were hurt,” Nuala smiled at Haseul, “you were brave to go out as you did, but still foolish.” Then she moved to Jungeun. “And you were clumsy.” 

Jungeun looked down at the floor. To others, it would have looked sheepish. Haseul knew the girl was as confused as she was. “Yes, you could say that.” 

“If you do it again,” Saevel crossed his arms, “do it in a larger group. And when the moon is in the sky.” He smiled slightly. “But I’m glad you’re all taking the initiative for that.” With that, he was walking off. 

“We should this bound.” Nuala took Jungeun’s arm. 

“No need, Era Nuala,” Jungeun replied. “I need practice doing it myself.” She limped away before the healer could respond.

Nuala looked after her. “A stubborn one, isn’t she?” She frowned. “She never comes with an injury.” Then, murmuring something about needing to pass on a message about how people treated their injuries, she walked off. That left Haseul and Heejin with the other three. 

Gowon still looked as though she’d seen something horrific. Haseul wanted to ask what that had been, to reach out to her, but she didn’t. Though her anger had faded, she would not forget what these three had done, and not done. She never would

Neither Yves nor Chuu said a word, they only walked away, Gowon in the centre. The two girls had wrapped their arms tightly around her. 

“Will they just tell them later?” Heejin asked quietly. 

The thought had crossed Haseul’s mind, but she’d seen it for herself. “They won’t.”

But none of them would forget what had happened tonight. Haseul wouldn’t forget that Yves and Chuu had given up their moonlight for her. She wouldn’t forget that they’d lied for them. She wouldn’t forget Gowon’s scream and how shaken she looked after.

But they also wouldn’t forget that Haseul had left them as bait for spirits.

And Haseul would never forget how they'd abandoned Hyejoo. 

______

Hyunjin looked up when the entrance to the tent opened. Jungeun wasn’t there, neither was Yerim. Only Jinsoul was and she’d not been sleeping well either. 

Heejin appeared. Her eyes were swollen and red. 

Hyunjin sat up, a small burst of panic taking hold. “What’re you doing here?” 

Jinsoul didn’t stir, but she could’ve been coming to. And then she’d see Heejin here. Hyunjin knew that she wouldn’t tell anyone, but that wasn’t the point. 

“I,” she trailed off. “I needed to see you.” 

Hyunjin nearly told her that she could see her tomorrow just as easily. She’d recently started to realise how little time really mattered when it came to Heejin. She’d realised that the time she’d spent away hadn’t changed anything for her. She’d hoped that Heejin felt differently. 

Then again, she hadn’t been around her long enough to know if that was the case. Ignoring Heejin had been difficult, but not impossible. 

Except for today. She’d had to stamp out all hesitations she’d had, because Heejin needed someone there for her. Priad was for Hyejoo’s banishment. Hyunjin still didn’t understand why he’d shown his position. He should’ve known that Heejin would never turn away from someone she loved. 

“Please, Hyun,” Heejin said. Her eyes were glassy and three tears were already finding their way down her face. 

Hyunjin’s stomach twisted at the sight. 

Today was the exception. She told herself that as she nodded. Today, she couldn’t turn Heejin away. After today, someone else would take the role she was taking up. Someone else would take care of Heejin. But for today, that someone would be Hyunjin. 

She pushed away the fur of her bedroll and shifted to the side. 

The tiny smile that got her was painful to see. This was all Heejin had wanted. And Hyunjin had almost made her leave. 

Heejin laid down, facing Hyunjin. She blinked once and more tears fell. 

Before she could wipe them away, Hyunjin did it for her. They hadn’t been this close in a long time, but that didn’t make the touch strange. It just felt natural. And Hyunjin’s heart plummeted at the realisation. 

She tried to ignore how Heejin leaned into her hand. She tried to ignore the tenderness in Heejin’s eyes. 

She didn’t take her hand away. 

“Did we let this happen?” Heejin asked. 

Hyunjin shook her head. “There weren’t enough who wanted her to stay,” she said. “We couldn’t have done anything more.” 

And if they had tried something more, all of them would’ve been pushed to the edge of the Astra. Yeojin might’ve ended up like Hyunjin, with a role they needed, but didn’t value. Jinsoul, Jungeun, and Yerim would’ve fallen even further out of favour, despite having proven themselves. Haseul and Heejin might’ve lost their position as elders. And the Astra would’ve been worse off for it. 

Hyunjin might’ve been banished as well, having stepped into the very role her family had been in. She wondered if Hyojung and Seunghee would’ve let her come to them, or if they’d have been banned from seeing her. There were moments where Hyunjin wanted to leave, but she almost always wanted the option to come back. Leaving forever was a prospect she could barely face. 

And it was that reality that had been upon Hyejoo. 

Hyunjin felt her eyes start to burn then. She blinked that warmth away. 

It didn’t go unnoticed. 

Heejin inched closer. “It doesn’t just have to be me crying, you know.”

Hyunjin smiled and shook her head. The burning subsided completely. She didn’t miss the flicker of hurt in the other girl’s eyes. Hyunjin hadn’t let her in, while Heejin was completely open. 

It wasn’t going to be something she amended. She’d already overstepped today when she’d not left Heejin’s side. And now she’d leapt across whatever boundary there’d been when she let Heejin stay. She could only hope that no one else had seen her. 

“What’re you thinking?” Heejin peered over at her. 

“Nothing,” she lied. “I’m tired from the night.” That part was at least true. 

“Oh.” Her doubt was plain, but she didn’t ask any other question. Hyunjin was grateful. “Can I?” Heejin’s eyes fell to the space between them. 

Hyunjin wanted to say no. Being any closer would make everything hurt more tomorrow. 

But being further away now would make Heejin feel worse. Hyunjin too. 

So she just nodded. 

Relief appeared in Heejin’s eyes. She scooted closer. Her hand found one of Hyunjin’s and laced their fingers together. That felt natural as well. 

Hyunjin wanted to move away again. Before, when they’d been so close that she could see the delicate changes of shade in Heejin’s eyes, her own eyes had drifted elsewhere. She’d let them wander then. She couldn’t let herself do that now. 

Hyunjin found herself wishing Heejin would stop looking at her. It made everything more difficult. It made her more conscious that someone could easily walk in, looking for Jinsoul or Jungeun, and they’d see the two of them here. Nothing had happened, or would happen, but no one would know that. They’d just assume the worst. 

And they’d have good reason to. Hyunjin wasn’t looking away from Heejin either. She could’ve turned around and started to sleep. But she hadn’t done that. She hadn’t even pulled her hand away. 

“Are you gonna leave again?” Heejin asked. She finally looked away from Hyunjin. Now she looked at their hands. 

Hyunjin hadn’t thought of leaving in weeks. The thought wouldn’t have crossed her mind for another few weeks, maybe even months. 

And now that Heejin was thinking about it, now of all times, what was she supposed to make of that? 

“When?” Heejin’s voice had become even quieter. 

“Not for a while,” Hyunjin said. 

“Really?” Her eyes rose. Seeing the hope there was also painful. It meant there was a possibility that she’d hurt Heejin by leaving multiple times in the past years. That she’d left her alone for several years. 

She wasn’t alone, Hyunjin reminded herself. She’d had Haseul and the rest. She’d had Priad. 

“I’m happy you’re staying,” Heejin muttered. “So will Yerim. Yeojin too.” Then the tears started to well up again. 

Earlier, Hyunjin had been taken aback by how angry Heejin had been. Now, she hated how much pain there was. It made her light a dark silver. 

Hyunjin knew she’d regret it later. She knew she should’ve just left it where they were now. 

But Heejin was still in pain. And she’d come to Hyunjin, even though she shouldn’t have. 

Hyunjin pulled Heejin closer, letting her lean her head on Hyunjin’s chest. She held her as she’d once done. In spite of everything, Hyunjin felt a burst of warmth at the familiarity. The other times she’d held someone in her arms, the other times she’d been even closer to that person than she was now, they’d never felt her feel at home. 

She felt how Heejin relaxed into her arms. 

Hyunjin was reminded her of how cruel fate could be. It made moments like these feel complete, but that sense of comfort was only ever temporary. 

“Hyun?” Heejin shifted slightly, lifting her head. Her nose brushed Hyunjin’s neck and chin. She both wanted to pull her closer and tell her to leave the tent this very minute. 

She did neither. 

She just hummed. She didn’t trust how her voice would sound. It could’ve been shaky or been too quiet, too intimate. 

“Thank you.” Heejin gazed up at her with too much care, too much warmth. 

Hyunjin couldn’t look away. 

Naturally, fate didn’t let the same thing happen to one’s thoughts and feelings. More often than not, those stayed with you for years after those moments had passed. Sometimes, fate even let them strengthen. 

“For?” Hyunjin’s voice didn’t shake. She was thankful for that at least. 

Heejin shifted again. She was close enough that Hyunjin had to resist looking elsewhere. 

“Not turning me away this time,” she said. Her eyes flicked between Hyunjin’s. 

Hyunjin could only nod. Why had she drawn Heejin into her arms? Why, when it meant a moment like this?

Heejin’s eyes fell first, finding somewhere else on her face. 

She knew exactly where she was looking. 

“Only tonight,” Hyunjin muttered. “You’re lucky no one—”

“I know,” Heejin looked back up, “no one saw me. I made sure.” 

“And what about tomorrow? If someone comes to wake Jinsoul because they need her, and they see you here?” 

“They won’t,” Heejin said. “You’ll wake up early like always, make me leave, and then we’re safe.”

Safe. The word felt wrong. 

They lay there. Heejin wasn’t looking away. Neither was Hyunjin. 

No, they weren’t safe. Hyunjin was well aware that a decision was being offered to her. Was it the moon, sending her another small burst of cruelty? Or simply fate dangling everything Hyunjin wanted, only to take it away once the sun set? 

It felt as though something were twisting in Hyunjin’s chest. It might’ve been nerves, but the way it was starting to hurt felt less likely. Was it the moon telling her there was a very wrong choice to be made? 

“Hyun,” Heejin whispered. 

Hyunjin only looked at her. She was getting lost in the bright pink gaze, in the faint scent of a campfire and a stronger one of flowers. When had Heejin last done anything with flowers? Was it with the children? For some reason, Yuqi and Shuhua loved to make bouquets. 

“Breathe.” 

Hyunjin did. Then her eyes fell as well. 

It would be so easy. And she knew how natural it would feel. She knew how happy they’d both be in this moment. If she just leaned in—

Hyunjin forced her gaze to move away. 

Heejin’s own gaze was fixed on hers. There were the beginnings of hope there, but also doubt. The message was clear. Your choice. 

So Hyunjin closed her eyes. “Sleep well.” 

It was barely there, but Heejin sighed. “Sleep well.” Her head nestled back into Hyunjin’s chest. She’d no doubt feel her pounding heart. And that’d be alright. 

Hyunjin had made her choice. She’d have to live with this one just as she had the rest. 

What she hated most was how easy it would’ve been. No one might’ve known what’d happened and she might’ve been able to make Heejin smile. She would’ve been able to smile as well. 

Soon enough, she felt the leftover tension ease in Heejin, while her breath evened out. Asleep in within minutes. Like always. 

Hyunjin wanted to sleep as well. She was tired. 

But her mind was flooded with thoughts of the person in her arms. The prospect that someone could walk in this very second or before Hyunjin woke up terrified her. How quickly would the news reach Priad? Or the elders? And what would that mean for Heejin? Blatantly ignoring the moon and the person you were bound to, it didn’t happen. 

Except for now. 

Hyunjin’s mind could’ve spiralled for that reason alone. Half a century of the bond hadn’t changed anything. Leaving for several years hadn’t changed it either. 

She’d seen the proof of that in Heejin’s eyes. She’d felt it as well. 

Hyunjin fought a sigh. She’d said she wasn’t leaving any time soon. She wouldn’t. She needed to be there for those most affected by Hyejoo’s banishment. She needed to be there for Yeojin, Yerim, and Heejin. After they’d recovered, maybe she would leave. Not just for five years, but longer. Maybe a century this time. 

That’d have to change something. Anything. She needed it to. 

_______

Jungeun sighed as she sank down to the ground. She set about binding her ankle. She felt so drained. She’d used too much moonlight too quickly. The conjuring of flames hadn’t helped much either. At least she was used to this. 

Still, she let the embers of the fire pit burn a bit brighter. She didn’t put any light there, but she didn’t need to. All she needed now was the warmth. 

“Where’ve you been?” 

Jungeun jumped. The movement tugged badly at her ankle. She hissed. 

Jinsoul’s eyes were wide and very much awake. Had she been waiting? Or could she just not sleep. Jungeun could barely blame her if it was the latter. 

“Out,” Jungeun replied. 

“Gathered as much.” She walked over to where Jungeun sat and knelt beside her. “Were you going to let this heal on its own?” Blue eyes had turned stern. 

“Nuala was gonna do the same,” Jungeun angled her ankle away, “and the natural healing doesn’t take that long.”

She snorted. “If the comparison is humans, then yes.” She placed her hand on Jungeun’s knee. “Don’t be stubborn.” 

That made her smile. She pulled her leg away. It hurt, but that was fine. 

Jinsoul gave her a look. “I’ll just do it while you sleep.” 

Jungeun chuckled. “You make it sound like a threat.”

“It might be.” She winked. Then her eyes grew serious. “How’d it happen?”

“Misjudged something. Couldn’t hold my own weight,” Jungeun grumbled. She reached for a waterskin and began to drink. It had been infused with moonlight. She closed her eyes, sighing. 

“You were fighting.” It wasn’t a question. 

Jungeun didn’t reply. She just closed the cap to the water and set it down. Jinsoul was already making a healing sigil. With her other hand, she took the waterskin from Jungeun. 

“Please tell me you didn’t try to find Hyejoo,” Jinsoul said. “I want her to be safe just as much as you do, but she’ll be too far away now.” The muscles around her eyes tightened. 

She knew that look. 

“I wasn’t looking for her,” Jungeun squeezed her arm, “I just had to get out.”

“Alone,” Jinsoul looked at her, “on a cloudy night.” She finished the sigil. 

Warmth shot up her foot. Then water was flowing out of the skin. It wrapped around Jungeun’s ankle in a graceful arc. Compared to the warmth from the sigil, it was cool. It soothed the pain immediately. 

“And that,” Jungeun began, “is why you’re the best of both worlds.” 

Jinsoul could heal others, as well as fight. Jungeun could only fight and destroy. Why she earned more praise than the blue-eyed elf was beyond her. It was ridiculous. 

She saw her fight a smile. “Well, the best of both worlds has to keep the other one in good condition,” Jinsoul said. “Which means no lying.” A flicker of hurt appeared. 

“I have to wait until I tell you,” Jungeun said. “I don’t know when it’ll be fine to say anything like that yet.” If she told Jinsoul now and Yves, Chuu or Gowon changed their minds about lying for them, then the other girl would certainly try to defend her. And that would just drag Jinsoul into their mess. The less she knew now, the better. 

The hurt on her face remained. 

“I,” Jungeun hated to see that expression, “I’m putting a lot of trust in people who haven’t earned it.” In fact, they’d forfeited it completely. 

“Oh.” The hurt was replaced by confusion, then concern. “Did you do something stupid?”

Jungeun laughed, but was covered by Jinsoul’s hand in the next moment. “Not stupid,” she said, her voice now muffled. “Maybe short-sighted.” 

Blue eyes bored into her own. She was struck by how much they looked like sapphires. She’d seen rulers wear them, so she knew well what those looked like. Yet Jinsoul’s were brighter than that. More beautiful too.

Jungeun looked away. 

“Three days,” Jinsoul muttered. “And then you tell me what you did. Or else.” She dropped her hand, grabbed Jungeun’s, and pulled her up. They went into the tent. 

To her surprise, she saw that Hyunjin wasn’t alone. They were just sleeping. One of them looked an awful lot like Heejin. 

Jungeun looked away. That wasn’t any of her business. 

Yerim was huddled at the far end of the tent, arms wrapped around her torso. She faced away from them. Jungeun could only hope she'd been able to fall asleep. 

She didn't react when they'd come in. 

Jinsoul pulled her to one end. 

“My bed’s over there.” Jungeun pointed. 

“You’re with me tonight,” she replied. “You’re freezing.” She all but collapsed on the furs. Her arms opened. “Come on.” 

Had she not lacked warmth in her body, Jungeun would’ve blushed. Simple things like this now made her stomach flip. They hadn’t been this close in a while because of how uncomfortable it made her. Jinsoul was starting to notice. 

Jungeun gave in, lying a good distance away. 

Jinsoul closed it, an arm going around her. “Whatever you did, you overdid it,” she whispered. “Don’t do something like that again.” 

Jungeun wanted to tell her of the way the spirits had gotten stronger. That it was very likely she’d be doing something like that again. She had to. It required a lot of light and magic. Jungeun had both. 

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes,” Jungeun replied. 

“And?” Jinsoul raised a brow. 

“Can’t promise you anything, except that I’ll tell you about it in three days.” 

The other elf sighed and pulled Jungeun closer to her. “You better.”

She tried to ignore how much she enjoyed being back in Jinsoul’s arms. She tried to ignore how her heart raced. 

She failed. 

______

Author's Note 

Bit of a beast of a chapter, I know. However, I think it's a much needed background for the aftermath of Hyejoo's banishment. On the one hand, I wanted to show what Hyejoo felt the moment she escaped, but I also needed to explain a bit of what happened on yyxy's side, specifically Gowon's. 

Then there is the reaction of the rest. Did you expect Haseul, Jungeun, and Heejin to have done something like that? Do you agree with them? As for the rest, I wanted to show how certain people were there for one another. Hyunjin, despite the bond and whatever other doubts there, would still be there for Heejin. While Jinsoul has been there for Jungeun for most of the time that she's been at the Astra. 

For now, this is the last of backstory I'll be giving in this form. There may be more in future chapters, but I'm not sure which scenes that'd be. 

As for the chapter itself, it was a long one, I know, and that'll probably not be as common in this story. I'd really love to hear your thoughts, be it about the decisions made in this chapter, or some other aspect. 

See you next chapter.