Heejin's POV

Act relaxed and natural. I just need to be my normal self and not panic. Be playful and composed.

After those short introductions, the time for more extensive introductions had come. I was the first to introduce myself, as well as the only guest who was not a part of a kpop group. Instead of promoting a new song or drama, I was asked multiple questions about boxing and my personal life. Did I expect to be asked questions about my personal life? Yes. I tried preparing a much as possible. However, seeing Ryujin here was unexpected.

[Haha]: "So Heejin. You are a boxer, right? If I was as pretty as you are, I would think twice about doing an activity that can potentially mar my beauty."

"Ah. Yeah, I get asked that question a lot. I think boxing and martial arts just came to my mind first."

[Jihyo]: "I've also heard that you have been trying to branch a bit into MMA. Please excuse my ignorance, but what is the difference?"

"I'm glad you asked Jihyo-ssi. MMA utilizes multiple types of martial arts. That's why it's called mixed martial arts. In the ring, you can attack your opponent using all parts of your body. In boxing, you are only allowed to use your arms and fists and can only hit above the belt. MMA would allow me to use my legs as well and hit anywhere on my opponent's body."

[Jaeseok]: "So Heejin. Dispatch decided to come out with some dating rumors for you. You state that you and Yves aren't dating?"

"Yea. Yves and I are just close friends. Although Yves is the lady killer of Loona, we don't have any dating between the three of us. "

[Ryujin]: "Anyone you have your eyes set on right now?"

"No Ryujin-ssi... Nobody at the moment."

[Seokjin]: "The internet has lovingly given you the nickname Stitch for the little Stitch charm you always carry with you. Have you brought Stitch or your pink handkerchief with you today for good luck?"

"No, I left both at home. I realized that today would likely be pretty intense, and I wanted to make sure I didn't lose it."

[Sechan]: "I'm sure you've heard by now that people on the internet are also crediting you for the representation of boxing and uality in more mainstream media. Do you feel more burdened now?"

"I feel burdened, but in the best way possible, if that makes any sense at all. In this case, I admit that I'm scared to take on this much responsibility. The world is changing at a rapid rate, and I feel like society must accommodate for that. I just hope that I can contribute my part to the progress of society."

[Jungkook]: "Well said. It's 2020 people. We need to unite collectively as a community to support each other, not degrade each other. Speaking of powerful women and role models, Ryujin, your group has come back with a more mature and dark sound in Wannabe. Now, you had a hand in writing this song. Specifically, some lines that you wrote are ' The nagging. Stop it, I got this. Whatever I am it's up to me so please. I do what I wanna. Can you just leave me alone? Whether I live a normal life for not, it's me who lives this 'cause it's my life. People love to talk about others. Why do you care so much about others' lives? Hey, I’m sorry but could you leave me alone. It’s none of your business I do my own business'. What was your intention behind writing those lyrics?"

[Ryujin]: "Well, I feel like these days, we care so much about what others in society will day about us that we often reject certain parts of our identity. I wanted to say that authenticity to ones' self is extremely important. This is easier said than done - and I recognize that - but I feel like we should still take small steps towards becoming more cohesive as a population of people and more confident in ourselves. This song is meant to be empowering. I just hope that all of the Midzy and general public listening to this song can have their spirits lifted."

[Somin]: "Well said Ryujin-ssi! Itzy really is a different and intriguing group of girls. When you wrote those lyrics, did you base it off of any personal experience? I understand how the music industry can be complicated and highly tense at times. Have you ever felt like someone wanted to change you?"

[Ryujin]: "Oh...um...yeah. Truth be told, I've been lucky enough to have PYJ as a boss because I believe he is one of the kinder and more understanding ones out there. Obviously in this profession, where we are constantly under the spotlight, we sometimes have personas that we need to fill. Luckily, when it comes to concepts and creativity, PYJ gives us some leeway and grounds for innovation. I want to thank Midzy so far for accepting and trusting us no matter what. Having such a strong support system revitalizes the energy of me and my members. Don't be afraid to be different and show a new side of yourself!"

I wish she would take her own advice...however I understand the position she's in. When I came out, many people thought it was a joke. Many still think it is. I lost some of my fanbase, but also gained some new fans after coming out. Of course, I don't have anywhere near the recognition and fanbase Ryujin has, so that changes things.

[Kwangsoo]: "Can we see you perform a bit of your rap and dance break please?"

[Ryujin]: "Of course."

Have I been following Itzy's career since their debut? Yes. I'm happy that she has found 4 other strong women to support her. She has always been a great performer. It was obvious ever since middle school. It's like she's in her element on stage. She's at home on stage.

Even now, she hasn't changed. As Ryujin steps into the center of everyone's view, she has that toothy smile and air of confidence. She has definitely gained more spunk and poise since debuting. If I were anyone else but myself, it would be hard to fathom that Ryujin would ever have any vulnerable moments. 

I remember seeing the comments of the music view and fans. Many of them felt that this was Ryujin's era. Seeing Ryujin dance to this song, and being totally unbiased of course, I agree. Her short blue hair does wonders for her allure. Her lines as she dances are skillful and her teasing smile as she delivers her lines is the cherry on top. Her hair flips look like they could be from a Pantene commercial. During her performance, I find myself enjoying the music and occasionally swaying mirroring her movements. Of course, since it's a good song, I knew most of the dance moves already. Ryujin finishes by resting her hands in the shape of a crown on her head. Applause and cheers erupt from everyone, myself included. She's enjoying herself and having fun. I'm glad. 

After Ryujin, the hosts moved on to brief interviews with BM and I.M. I was surprised at how low and rugged their voices were! BM clarified what the 'big tiddie committee' was. I must say, that's certainly a new take on things, but rather funny and memorable. I.M expressed relief at Wonho's return to Monsta X and talked about the bond between the members of the team. Both men showed off some powerful dancing and rapping deserving of praise and admiration. Trying my best to be discreet, I shifted my gaze over to Ryujin, attempting to assess how she would react to the boys. By coincidence, Ryujin just so happened to be glancing right back at me. Flustered, we quickly shifted our gazes in an attempt to not draw unwanted attention.

[PD]: "Alright! Now that everyone is acquainted, we will move onto our first activity! As you can see, we are situated in front of this karaoke venue. We have already reserved the largest room they have. Inside, please head to that designated room. In our first activity, seeing as we have musically talented guests, karaoke is a must. However, you can't do too well. Each colored team will get to choose one song to perform. However, the score that you earn cannot be greater than 85 or less than 75. Once both yellow and pink team finishes, they will add their scores together. The same goes for the white and black teams. The goal is to have a higher total team score. The song choice is up to you and your team. Any questions?"

I was not told beforehand that there would be singing involved! I haven't sung for others in quite some time. There was a point in my life where I was sure that I was going to become the first-ever boxer-singer to ride the Hallyu wave. However, as I grew older, I realized how unachievable that dream was. Maybe that was one of the reasons I stuck so close to Ryujin in the beginning. She had her heart set on entering the industry as a singer. Meanwhile, I was becoming more and more engrossed with boxing. Together, it was as if my dream had been achieved, in an oddly contrived sort of manner. Looking into the teleprompter, I see an optional cue for me. Not knowing what would happen, I decided to follow through and take the cue.

"Does everyone on the team have to sing?"

[PD]: "Yes. Everyone on the team has to sing. Each person has to sing for a minimum of 15 seconds."

[Haha]: "Are you not able to sing well Heejin-ssi? Don't worry, most of us on the Running Man team don't sound all that great either."

It was here, once I looked again at the teleprompter, that I regretted my decision to take the cue.

[Jihyo]: "Nah. We got a good singer. In fact, there's footage of Heejin playing guitar and singing at a university event around a year ago. She sang... I believe it was Day6's You Were Beautiful and an American song as well. I think the American song was called...Honey by Kehlani? Is that right Heejin?"

"Oh um, yeah that's right. I was doing an event with some of my friends who are in a band. They asked me to sing for them and said that the song choice was up to me."

Everyone crowds around a central laptop that the crew has. The video - what seems to be a fancam - starts playing, and there I am on stage with my guitar ready. Just by looking at it, I relive the moment. I can feel the gaze of the crowd fixating on me. I can hear whispers about the rumors people have heard about me. This moment is right before I started to sing You Were Beautiful. Before I know it, I unconsciously mouth the words I say in the video.

"I want to dedicate this song to someone special. There's next to no chance that she will ever hear this, but I just wanted to speak my mind. Ahem. Hey you. You know who you are. Thanks for our memories together. Choerry? Cue the music."

The video cuts to the last chorus portion of the song. I already know what's going to happen. In the final lines of the song, originally sang by Sungjin, I start to tear up and my voice begins to tremble. I remember my vision becoming blurry from the tears streaking down my face. Luckily, wiping my tears away, I was able to finish the song and thank the audience before I stepped backstage and fully broke down. 

It took all of my focus and self-control to not look in Ryujin's direction. She knows that this is for her. There's no way she doesn't know. For now, I have to get my together and plan what I'm going to say if they ask who it is. I'll have to make some absolute bull up...

Meanwhile, I pretend to take a wide-sweeping gaze at everyone's reactions, in reality placing my focus almost solely on Ryujin's. Surprisingly, many of the Running Man members and crew were crying too. Once my gaze lands on Ryujin, my heart sinks. She stands there slack-jawed with her entire body trembling erratically. What I want more than anything right now is to go over and hug her, but I know how inappropriate that would be.

[BM]: "Damn...someone hurt you so badly that you sang that song. I won't ask who out of respect, but it sounds like you guys ended on bad conditions?"

"Yeah. We were fine with each other. I feel like we still liked each other. But due to some special conditions, and her moving away, we had to break things off. I've tried to contact her before, but all of her contact information changed."

[I.M]: "Alright, that makes it official. For the karaoke song let's refrain from singing love songs if that's ok."

[Haha]: "Agreed. Let's minimize the damage. Let's try to cheer up everyone! We still have a long day of filming before us. Let's make this episode one filled with joy and laughs!"

With that, I walk next to Ryujin, I follow the Running Man members into the venue.

A/N: I totally recommend listening to the songs I included in this chapter.