Sehun stares at the floor. He had been like this for hours, lost in thought as he fiddles with his mother’s locket. “You gonna be alright?” Kai speaks up. He barely registers the man’s presence or notices him walk up. Regardless, Sehun doesn’t bother to look up.

“I don’t know,” he admits quietly. “He was my dad but…” He sighs and leans back against the leather couch. After tucking the pendant back into his shirt, he begins to mess with his pocket knife. “At first, I did cry but right now…”

“You don’t feel a thing,” Kai finishes, sitting beside him.

“No, I do!” Sehun fumes as he suddenly stabs the coffee table. “I’m ing angry!” He keeps his eyes trained on the blade. He tries not to remember his father’s bloody, limp body. “Did you feel this way too?”

Kai shakes his head. “I didn’t feel a damn thing. I’m the one who shot him though,” He notes. “So it’s different.”

“I killed my father,” Sehun mumbles.

The boss turns to him and grabs his arms tightly. “Sehun, it’s NOT your fault he died!”

“If I hadn’t gone out with you and was still in my hospital bed…”

“Then you’d be dead too!” He snaps. He lets out a long sigh of exasperation. “So, that’s it? You regret going out with me?”

“No!” Sehun says instantly. “N-no, I don’t…”

“Look,” Kai shakes his head, a grim expression on his face. “I don’t think they were specifically after you.” 

“What?”

“I think they wanted to kill you, yes. But when they found your father, they probably saw an opportunity,” He explains. “I guess they didn’t count on you hating him.”

“I-I didn’t hate him, I just…”

“You hated him.”

Sehun swallows hard. “I guess so. I hated his ing guts but…”

“But?”

“I...I really wanted to make up with him, Kai,” Sehun chokes out as his chest tightens and his eyes tear up. He wipes his eyes with his sleeves, taking deep breaths. “I thought maybe we could...just, be like how we were; before my mom and brother died.”

“But, Sehun, he was still a piece of crap! He beat you and sent you to that damn camp!”

“It was better than before!” Sehun raises his voice. “At least before he died, he actually looked at me, talked to me! None of that bull where he’d avoid me like a ing plague! Unless I pissed him off or he wanted something, I’d be like a ghost! Just the stupid, small, little piece of who ruined his ing life; killed his wife and perfect son.” He clenches his hand tightly over the handle of the knife. “I wanted to become his son again and King took that away from me!” He practically shouts and stabs the arm of the couch. He stands up and stomps over to the window; staring out at the night sky. He presses his forehead against the glass and closes his eyes. Sehun doesn’t want to feel a damn thing; he hates the fact that he’s angry about his father’s death. He hates the guy but it was all he had left. His last remaining family. He hates himself for caring about that alcoholic bastard.

Sehun’s thoughts are cut off when arms wrap around his shoulders, tightly pulling him back against a warm chest. He opens his eyes, staring at Kai through the reflection. The boss says nothing as he rests his chin on Sehun’s shoulder, staring out with him. Sehun watches him in confusion for a moment before grabbing onto Kai’s arm and accepting the gesture. “It’s cold…” Sehun whispers but Kai just shrugs. “Easy for you, with your warm bed.”

“Join me then.”

“Stop joking around.”

“I’m not.”

“Look, the only reason you’re being nice to me is because of the torture. You...you just feel guilty.”

Kai raises his brow. “Is that what you think?” When Sehun nods, he pulls back and forces the boy to face him. “I took you out because I wanted to, Sehun. I do feel guilty but that’s why I’m having you heavily trained. It’s not rocket science,” he responds simply. He begins to make his way up the stairs and looks back. “Come on. It’s almost winter and there’s no heating down here. Sehun looks around at the dimly lit warehouse. He crosses his arms, thinking about it for a moment. He isn’t sure what Kai’s aim is but he doesn’t really want to freeze his off. By the smirk on the boss’s face, he already knew the answer. With a roll of his eyes, Sehun catches up to him and walks past him, up and around to where Kai had made his bedroom.

Sehun can’t sleep that night. In the darkness, he stares at the wall, the ceiling, at his own hands. He tries to keep his eyes shut, count sheep or something. But nothing works. He counts all the guns Kai has in his room. Five, plus the hidden one under the pillow. He grows restless as he lay in Kai’s warm bed. Why does he need so many damn blankets anyway? When he pushes them all off except for a sheet, he understands why. This place is freezing. He pulls them back up and grumbles. Kai sighs, turning over to face him.

“What now?”

“Nothing…”

“You’re still crying?”

“No,” Sehun scoffs but when he puts a finger to his eye, it’s wet. When did he start crying again? When Kai scoots closer, Sehun flinches. But he allows himself to be pulled close tight. “W-what’re you-”

“Just shut up and sleep,” He says groggily.

“I can’t.”

“Then say what’s on your damn mind.”

‘I...can’t.”

“You’re thinking too much.”

Sehun just shrugs. Kai props himself up on his elbow and stares down at him. “I can help.”

He looks at him nervously. “What? How?”

“Give me permission so it’s consensual”

“Okay, and what exactly am I consenting to?” When Kai just glares, he shrinks back into the sheets. “Fine, fine! I-I agree.”

“You sure?” Kai gives him a pointed look. Sehun just shrugs his shoulders. Maybe it’s some weird gang-related thing they do to relax. But when a hand is set on his cheek, he begins to get nervous all of a sudden. He stares into the boss’ eyes for a long moment before he slowly dips down. He’s unsure how to feel with the warmth of Kai’s lips on his; surprise and passion both course through his body, causing him to tremble a bit. He can’t pull away. He doesn’t want to. Sehun begins to kiss him back, grabbing onto the sheets tightly. It goes from a shy, soft, light kiss to a suddenly passionate one; he cups Sehun’s cheek tightly, now hovering over him. The boy’s mind goes completely blank. Kai finally pulls back and stares down at Sehun. He swallows hard, suddenly seeming uncomfortable. “I’ll...go sleep on the couch.” When Kai begins to leave, Sehun pulls him back. He doesn’t know why but he wants this. He almost needs it. Maybe even desperate. 

“No!” He buries his face against Kai’s chest. “P-please, stay like this.”

“In...this position?”

Sehun blushes. “Is it uncomfortable?”

“No,” Kai whispers, turning his head towards Sehun’s ear. Sehun hands timidly begin to explore Kai’s tan back, which glowed slightly under the moonlight coming in. He his lips as he runs his fingers over the long and short scars of Kai’s back.

“O-oh. Your back…”

“Scars. I have a lot of them.”

“Did...did your father torture you too?”

Kai’s sudden silence confirms it. He seems nervous as he sets a hand on Sehun’s arm. "Sehun, I don’t...usually get this close to people.”

“I imagine you don’t usually get on top of them often either.”

“No, I mean...well, that too.”

Sehun grins up at him. “You’re awfully shy for a gang leader.”

“I’ve never been like this before.”

“I know. D.O told me you never had a boyfriend before.”

Kai goes silent for a moment before responding. “I haven’t, no.”

“Me neither,” Sehun admits. “My...my first kiss was another boy at the camp but that’s it.” He lifts his head towards Kai, a feeling of doubt washing over him. He wonders if he should keep his desires to himself. Before yesterday and today, he never really looked at Kai this way. He always thought the man was handsome, of course. But in a cliche way, he’s like forbidden fruit. Or at least he feels like it. He swallows hard and his lips. “Kai?”

“Yeah?”

“Can…” Sehun tries to fight his nervousness and the heavy feeling inside. “Can you...kiss me again?”

Kai slowly smiles and brushes Sehun’s messy hair from his eyes. “Sure.”

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