They make their way around a pile of brown frosted leaves, the flashing of fragments shine in the brilliant wintry light, a dark sea of clouds fill the sky letting down its white, soft heavenly tears leaving a thick white blanket of snow covering the path. Rows of tombstones stood at attention in silence on both sides of the path. Some were crumbled from withstanding the centuries, others were smooth and glistened with the new black writing with flowers surrounding them. They made their way through the rows looking for a certain name until they stopped at the top of the hill. There stood a gray tombstone covered with snow, it was outgrown and unkept for its mourners never came. 

Chaeyoung kneeled in front of the tombstone scraping off the snow and placing a bouquet. Chaeyoung traced her finger on the black lettering ‘Son Chunghee’ she looked up at Dahyun and Tzuyu who gave her a reassuring nod before leaving her to have some time alone with her father. The emptiness in her heart, the numbness pounding at her brain, the salty tears that flowed from her eyes, the shear nothingness that now took hold of her soul. Her legs buckled, knees sinking into the soft snow her hand holding onto his gravestone. 

 “I never got to say I’ll miss you, nobody told me that you were going to die, It hurts that I never said goodbye,” Chaeyoung choked on her tears as her other hand clenched her shirt 

The tears didn’t stop as a flashback of her sitting in a chair next to her father who was laying down on a hospital bed a smile plastered on his face. He held Chaeyoung’s face wiping away the tear on her cheek with his thumb.

“Shhh, don’t cry Chaeyoung I promise you when I get out of here I’ll bring you to the shop and we can finish our collection just before New Year okay?” Chaeyoung nodded as her father pulled her in for a hug slowly caressing her head 

Chaeyoung pulled out the coin she had found at the park. She looked down at the coin flipping it over reading the year ‘2002’ she looked back up at tombstone gently placing the coin by the flowers. ‘I wonder what you think about me… all these years that I wasn’t able to visit you. I spent so long in that first stage of grief, I wasn’t in denial for days or weeks, but for years and I still am. I miss you… I miss seeing you after school, I miss your laughs I miss your hugs, I miss our father-daughter relationship’ 

‘I want to see you again, I want to fly wherever you are and give you a warm hug, I miss you with all my heart and soul. I wasn’t able to go through all five stages like most, but I made it anyway, through the grief of losing you. I don’t want you to feel bad for me I want you to be happy so I’m going to try my best to find myself’ A small smile formed on Chaeyoung’s face as she wiped her tears away 

She sat in front of her dad telling him stories after she moved back to Seoul. Telling everything in detail from the people to the time it happened she wanted to tell him everything that happened.

“You know dad? I was almost caught for detention one day. I skipped class just cause I saw the weather was beautiful, partly cloudy, but it was bright enough for a small ray of sun to shine,” she chuckled “I wanted to paint it,” smiled as she looked down at the tombstone “I know how you loved clouds, whether it be dark or bright. You just loved watching them pass by”

She sighed as she looked up at the sky, watching the snow drop above her. “The clouds are dark right now, with a small bit of sun shining through it. Can you see this dad?” she smiled as she shifted to lay onto the pile of cold snow, on top of her father’s tomb. Snow slowly falls, and the cloud seemed to be gradually passing by “It’s beautiful.” she smiled over, as her eyes moistened “I miss you, how I wish you can see this too” she chuckled. 

A sudden flashback played, as her memories began to clear in vision. Her younger self laying down on the green fields, filled with a variety of flowers. Her father, laying down opposite to her as they gazed upon the bright sky.

“You know Chaeyoung, one day, if I happen to be up the clouds. Remember to wave to me okay?” her father chuckled.

“Why are you going to the clouds dad? Can I come?” The father laughed.

“Well, daddy wanted to fly and one day, he will”

“-But I also wanted to fly. I want to see what’s beyond those clouds. I think they are soft as cotton candy,” she laughed.

“Of course” he chuckled as he pulled himself up and carried the younger Chaeyoung around his arms

“Dad?” Chaeyoung lifted her hand to reach for her father’s face. Her father smiled as he tries to pull back his tears.

“I got you something” he pulled out a coin with the year ‘2002’ carved onto it

“Ah! You found another one!” she excitedly took the coin with joy “How?” 

“One of the nurses had it. So, I asked her,” he chuckled “add it to our collection okay?” he smiled gently, complete with dimples for his daughter.

“You bet! We’ll be able to finish this before the year ends dad!” she laughed.

“Of course, we will.” he hugged the younger with a smile as he holds back his tears

“You’ll be out soon right? It’s been 2 weeks dad,” He nodded.

“Don’t worry. Everything is okay” he laughed as he patted the head of his daughter.

“It’s getting late Chaeyoung, your mother will be looking for you,” The smile of the younger suddenly disappeared

“Are you sure, you and mom are not ever gonna fix it. Is she not going to visit you dad?”

“Ah, don’t worry. Your mother visits me,” he lied “It’s all fine”

“Really? Then, will you come home after this?” The father tried to place a fake smile for his daughter who still thinks that their family are as happy as they were before. 

“I will.. And I’ll visit you the moment I get out,” he smiled.

“You promise?”

“I promise” he smiled 

Chaeyoung’s eyes watered as she watches the clouds pass by “Why didn’t you tell me, I could have stayed. I should have stayed” she covered her eyes with her arm trying to stop the tears from falling. As her vision faded to black, another memory had played in her head.

Chaeyoung’s younger self was sitting by the park with her legs dangling on that small tree stub with a coin in her hand. She placed a smile as she fidgets with it. “Just two more days and I get to see you again dad” she bit her lip with a grin, excitingly moving her leg up and down

“Chaengie” a small voice familiar to her called out behind her

“Sana-chan” she exclaimed, and the latter giggled

“What you got there?”

“My dad gave it to me, it’s that collection we do you know?”

“Oh right, with the coins. I think I got some at home too,” she giggled.

“Are they 2002?”

“I am not sure, but I think they are?” she laughed as she sat beside the cub

“If they are, then you don’t mind giving them to me?” she chuckled

“Sure, I’ll see if my mother still has them though”

“Okay” she smiled as she kept the coin back in her pocket. The two girls looked above the night sky, and Chaeyoung having a smile on her face again.

“Looks like something good happened?” Sana laughed

“Yeah, cause in 2 days.. My mother and I are going to visit my dad in Chungnam again. She finally said yes to accompany me”

“That’s great to hear” she smiled and chuckled as she linked her arms around the cub “I hope you have fun” Chaeyoung’s face blushed as she can feel Sana’s presence closer to her again. She gulped as her hand trembled and her heart pounded.

“S-say.. Sana” She stuttered

“Yeah?” she pulled away as she stared into the eyes of the cub

“N-nothing” she averted her eyes

“Yah! Chaeyoungie?”

“N-Nothing” she hopped off the stub with a smile on her face. Sana was pouting and her arms were crossed. “Are..are you mad?”

“What do you think? You’re hiding something”

“No. I am not”

“Yes. Why are you always hiding things from me”

“I am not.”

“You are” Chaeyoung sighed as she scratched the back of her neck with her face flustered red

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yeah. I do. So tell me”

“You’re always persistent aren’t you?” she sighed and hung her head

“Well?” Chaeyoung took a deep breath as she mustered the courage to utter something

“Meet me tomorrow night, I have something to give you,” she smiled

“Tomorrow? Why can’t I know it now?”

“Because it’s late.”

“It’s just eight”

“And that is late.” she laughed as she walked away with the latter shouting for her name, cutely whining for her attention “Tomorrow! Okay?” she laughed and waved as she left the latter.

Chaeyoung’s eyes widened as she returned from the memories she remembered

‘So, That was the night.’ she chuckled from her thought “I was stupid” she mumbled as the thought of her again. She pulled herself back up from the position as she sat in front of her father’s tomb again. She breathed in the cold air. 

“Dad?” she paused “What was that feeling when you and mom met? Was it painful?” she hung her head with a sigh “Was she worth the wait? How did you say you loved her?” She silently breathed as if she was anticipating for a reply from her deceased father.

“Did you know that night when I knew?” Her heart pounded, it beated loudly as it seemed to be heavy “That was the night I was going to tell her?” 

Another memory had placed in her head, a dark memory that she couldn’t seem to have the strength to remember.

Chaeyoung’s younger self was found to be walking to the park to meet Sana. She saw the young girl across her. A smiled had placed on her face as she took a few steps forward, with a small teddy bear plushie she had, ready to gift to the latter. She was now across the street, watching the small girl in front of her playing on the swing as she waits for her to arrive. She smiled excitingly as soon as she took her next step. Her phone rang.

“Hi Mom” Her smiled disappeared the moment her mom spoke, her eyes widened and dropped the plushie she held for the latter on the side of the streets. “W-What” 

Chaeyoung sighed as she touches the stone with her father’s name on it.