Sehun knows a lot of people have their own lists in their head of what their ideal type was— like having salon-beauty hair, sweet endearing voice or even that good sense of humor that makes one laugh so hard. So regal. Serene. All this and that. And he knows that there will always be that person who will make you realize that these lists are just bull you try to come up with to make you feel good not knowing that you will come across that person you will eventually fall deeply in love with and figure out that they are completely nothing like the person in your head. Because who knows what they actually want, right? Nobody really knows that they actually want if it isn’t standing right in front of them…

Or for Sehun’s case… his person has her back slumped back against his mattress with her hands up in the air, gripping tightly on blue folder and mumbling in quiet voice trying to memorize her lines. His lips quirked into a small smile at the thought of trying to dream that perfect woman everyone was so obsessed about, it wouldn’t even come close to Jung Soojung. This woman just invaded his home on his precious weekend for them to rehearse on the role she was trying to audition for. And Sehun, of all people, would never have the heart to actually say no to his precious little love.

“I’m feeling sleepy.” Soojung announced, tossing her script on her side and turned to actually face him— where he’s just seated on the cold floor with his elbows resting on top of his knees and admiring her lying on his bed— taking in a sitting position with her legs tucked under her weight. “I often wonder what’s going on inside your head when you are this quiet, Sehun. You are quite the observant and I always wonder how ridiculous your thoughts could be if you weren’t thinking of anatomy, of blood or anything disgusting at all.” She teased.

He released a soft chuckle, “You’re silly…”

“Hmm, were you actually thinking of anyone’s weakness and judge them for it?” She kids.

Ah, if they are just going to talk about weaknesses, he’s brave enough to admit that his weakness isn’t that grave like the others. She, alone, is his sole weakness. How her eyes would simply steal her thoughts away. How her smile takes his breath away. How her sole presence warmed and crumbled the wall guarding his heart….and he is weak enough to actually let her do anything to him or even let her ruin him. She may not know this but he handed his heart on her hands long ago without her knowledge and he’s not thinking of trying to take it back.

“It’s Saturday… I’m not supposed to do anything at all, you know...” And he waved his hand across him for emphasis, earning a chuckle from her. “And I’m sure you don’t want to know what I’m thinking right now. My head just hurts.”

Sehun doesn’t want to tell her that his mind is just full of sinful thoughts slowly consuming him. He often wonders what will happen if the leash he placed on him snapped into two and actually kissed her. Right here. Right now. Despite trying to make himself busy, he’d always be haunted how badly he wanted to taste her lips or this thought if she’d even allow him if he dared.

Her smile turned into a smug smirk and he drew in a breath to take in whatever statement she’d say then. “You know, I noticed you’d always shift topics whenever it concerns you. What are you hiding?”

“Nothing!” He snapped.

“Really? Then, what do you think of her?”

Soojung was never discreet about that silly encounter they had on one coffee run he and his friends had last week. It was just coincidence to find her chilling in that coffee shop and his friends were so quick to build a chaotic environment to embarrass him— that afternoon was filled with irritating questions such as invading Soojung’s love life, her interests and even accused him of trying to hide her from them. It’s not a secret that she has a lot of admirers and sure, there are some guys who dared to ask her for a date. And as much as he tries to be the shadow, Soojung tried to act like a stupid cupid for him and her friend.

He feigned innocence, trying to make her seem like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “And who are we talking about now?”

Soojung hissed in annoyance as she slid and slumped on the side of his bed to face him. She was staring so intently at him that it somehow causes him to be conscious on himself. Should he sit properly? Should he back away and sit on his computer chair due to their close proximity? He was just at an arm’s length that it wouldn’t be so hard for her to slap him or hit him, or whatever she decides to do.

“Are you going to hurt me? I promise I try to remember her name but I am too busy to care—“

She clucked her tongue, “Her name is Ahn Junkyung! The one with the shoulder-length black hair that I’m with last week! I was expecting you to ask about her, you know— what her major is, if she’s single or what color she likes or just any sign of interest at all.”

“And why would I dare do any of that at all?” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m thinking since she’s single, maybe you’d try to take her on a date next weekend?” She winked playfully.

He tried to control his face, prevents her from seeing the disdain and pain on his face; he tried to relax his jaw, trying to make it look that it doesn’t bother him at all but his stomach turned in discomfort. He could see her gripping his heart tightly into her hands and it’s making it hard for him to breathe. His heart ached because this… right now… how simply it was for her to give him away to just anyone… is a huge red flag that he will never have a chance on her.

“Aren’t you here to practice your lines, Jung?” And he didn’t mean to make it sound so controlled and serious.

He could feel it. He saw it. As she tilted her head to the side to check up on him and saw her expression shifted from enthusiastic to that of worry with the way her lips curved into a happy smile to a firm line of concern. He lowered his gaze to his black slippers, the one she gifted him on that random Friday night because she was searching for a new watch and happen to see this sale for men’s slippers (but that’s aside the point, okay.) A thick blanket of silence hovered between them and he could feel his heart lodged at his throat and lungs burning, unwilling him to speak.

“Are you mad?” She whispered softly.

“No.” He supplied. How easy was it for her to try hooking him up with other women as if he doesn’t have any feelings at all. Has she ever considered asking him who he likes or is there someone he’s taking interest on?

“You just called me by my name. My last name to be specific...” Soojung mumbled, “And truth be told, you never use my name unless you’re mad at me or something.”

Oh.

Does he?

Sehun doesn’t realize that he does that.

“I’m not mad at you, Soojung. I’m only calling your name, silly.” Sehun reached out to get her folder from his bed and handed it to her. … as much as his heart aches, he cannot easily let go of her; it was like he was trying to see how red can this flag can ever get. It was stupid but it was real. He’d just swallow the pain and deal with it in silence. “We need to rehearse your piece and perfect it. I heard the audition is this Friday.”

“Sehun…”

“I’m fine. I’m not mad at you.” He reached out to curl the stray hair behind her ears. “We’ll make sure to snatch this lead role!”

“But where’s your script?”

“Ah, I no longer needed this script to rehearse. I’ve memorized it already.” He said. To be honest, he was excited for her when she announced that she will try to audition because finally, she is trying to pursue her dream to act on stage. And he knew she will nail this role. The plot was about a strong, independent woman who wanted to pursue her dreams and try to let people know that she can do it and needed no man to tell her otherwise. It was purely all about women supremacy. And such project is as timely as it is the time where people should accept the fact that women can do better than men and that whatever a man can do, women can do twice better of it with confidence and grace.

Her eyes widen in surprise, “Sehun, you told me you’ll help me! How can you no longer need this script?”

“Well, that’s because your partner only have a few lines to say. I can only manage to say 3 or 4 lines out of this script compared to yours. And that’s totally fine by me since I’m not even in the drama.” Sehun consoled, “I want you to concentrate on your lines instead.”

“Are you serious right now?” She scowled, “You’ve memorized all your lines on this script? That’s not just 4 lines! You have the same lines as my partner—“

“I’m not—“

“—And I’ve been working on this for two full hours memorizing and practicing with feelings and looking for all these ing emotions I don’t even know if I possess!“ She resigned, “I’m so sure that I’m just going to make myself look like a ing fool in that stage.”

“Soojung, you know your part. We had our runs earlier, right? And you nailed almost every takes! Everything will be okay. You are just anxious and nervous which is definitely normal for someone who will have her first audition!“

“I don’t think it is ever going to be okay.” She sighed exasperatedly, “Sehun, what if I was just pushing myself to do this? What if I’m not really that good? What if I won’t make it to the final roll calls because I am never meant to be on stage? What if I am pursuing a wrong dream after all this time? It was so hard to keep up with everyone else and I sometimes feel that I’m still a failure despite me trying to do everything.”

“Come here…” Sehun lifted a hand and reached for her hand as he pulled her against his arms. Instantly, she wound her arms around his torso and rested her neck against the side of neck. He rocked them both from side to side as she relaxed against him. “Their success is not your failure. You have always been so talented, intelligent, confident and very extraordinary and I’m not saying this because we’re best friends. I’ve seen how far you have become from the longest time that we have known each other. You should not take a blind eye on your skills, on how you are or even on what you do because of the fear of what others will think about you. Haven’t you think that maybe there are people out there who loves seeing your smile? Brightens up their day when they see you?”

And Sehun closed his eyes, pushing the thought away of hearing her soft sniffle against his chest and he just tightened his hold on her, making her feel that she is never alone. Comparing yourself with others is a killer, a deadly disease that most people inhabit because we always long for happiness, for convenience, for anything that will lighten our load. Who even wants hardships? All these stress and pain, right?

“There will always be enough room for all of us to be successful in our way. If you continue to compare yourself with other people, it doesn’t only rob your chance to be happy but also robbing your motivation and your ambitious drive of pursuing your dreams because you wanted to be like them. You don’t have to do what everyone is doing. Forcing yourself to be like them only makes you lose your way and your purpose if you do so. No one has ever experience not having any difficulties in life. No one and those people must have been good at hiding it. Love, we all have our own baggage to carry and it is up to us how we deal with it.”

Soojung pursed her lips, pulling herself away from his hold and tilted her head up; his lips quirked into an endearing grin, meeting her gaze and he only hoped that this could help her clear her mind. He could note the blush blooming on her cheeks and he playfully poked her cheeks.

“It wouldn’t hurt to skip a day of practice, right?” He winked, helping her wipe that stray tear that slid on her cheek, “Let’s get some ice cream.”

She blinked before she nodded, holding on to his promise. His heart swelled in bliss, seeing that happiness winded its way to her face and earned a delighted laughter from her. She smiled. She brightened up. She’s happy once again.

“Thank you, Sehun.”