In a lot of people’s mind, there is this specific stigma of how a guy’s room should look like and it was usually portrayed as a huge mess of clothes and anything else scattered in every nook and cranny of the room. Soojung knew for sure that his best friend wouldn’t allow such mess into his room as he prefers to be clean and organized so, it was a huge puzzle as Soojung stepped her foot in a room she is so familiar with.

“Sir?” Soojung heard unease latched on the maid’s voice that stood behind her, peeking over her shoulder to the gap of the door that she pushed to open. The room was cold and gloomy as he let his curtains drawn.

“He has done it again.” Soojung sighed, lightly slapping her forehead as she scrutinized that heap on the bed cocooned under the thick blanket amidst the ocean of mess of papers.  The room was slightly unrecognizable, from the time she dropped by, and his room is cluttered with books, papers and journals on the floor— the mess speaks volume for Soojung.

“It’s best not to touch anything. He prefers to place it that way to organize his thoughts.” Soojung chastised their new maid lightly as she saw from her peripheral that she’s about to pick up some of his stacks of journals by the floor. She rolled her eyes, “Sehun prefers to camp in his room whenever he’s busy. He probably didn’t consider that he’s allowed to say no to his professors whenever they seek his help. When will he ever learn?” She ranted.

“Is he okay?”

“He is.” Without looking at her, she nodded. “You may take your leave. I’ll take care of him.”

She walked further to his bed and her heart dropped at the sight— a strong wave of concern washed over her like a mother for a sick son as she looked at the giant heap on his bed, with a few strands of his hair sticking out from the blanket, snoozing rather hardly from his clogged nose probably due to the coldness of his room and the occasional rise and fall of his chest from breathing reminds her that he’s still alive. For sure based from the maid’s perspective, she may act and look like she’s used to this but she can never deal with him how he’d easily vanish and cut off communication and succumb to do whatever he needs to do, abandoning his promise to see her three days prior.

His side of bed dipped as she sits beside him, hovered near him to peek on his cocoon of a blanket that hogs all of him. She could see a small arc forming on his forehead showing his discomfort and she could even feel the heat emanating from his lean body despite the thickness of his duvet. She reached her hand on his forehead noticing that he’s warmer than he used to before she gently pushed the blanket down from his collar and check his weak pulse.

“From the way you’re acting, are you sure that you’re an aspiring doctor or aspiring patient?” Soojung hissed, clicking her tongue as she took his remote to turn the airconditioning off. “Why don’t you take care of yourself more? I won’t always be here forever to take care of you.”

Soojung doesn’t understand why Sehun does the things he do. He’s used to working himself out from studying too much, juggling between being a research assistant and academic duties; she knew how hard and challenging it was to take such course and she cannot blame him for choosing the same path as his family as he found it familiar. All his life, he was exposed to medical field as both his parents are infamous doctors that are known in their own fields. At the back of her mind, maybe he was simply burdened by the thought that he has to follow the way they have paved for him or probably the thought of subtle expectations for him to be the best, to be the top and to always be perfect and wouldn’t just want to cause disappointments to his parents. He’d just been that person who’s used to keeping things to himself and bear everything to suffer alone just because he doesn’t want to inconvenience other people. She found him as a perfectionist yet as everything he does deem perfect… he still feels that he needed to exert more. He would always blame himself for any small glitch that have happened even it was certainly not his fault.

She hated how he’d always care less of himself and just choose to suffer for other people’s sake.

Does he have a choice in choosing decisions he makes? Or was his decisions already been set for him? Does he just settle to what he thinks his family thinks is right for him?

“You’re just so difficult sometimes.” Soojung whispered softly, careful not to let him hear it as she brushed his fringe to the side before cupping his cheek. “You’ve always seen your mishaps, your wrongs...but I’ll always see the things that make you right. I’ll see it all in your behalf.”

Soojung is the only constant in Sehun’s life and there’s really no way or anything that could make her love him less— she’d always be there for him to embrace all his complexity and hold his hand as he walks in a path he chose. She’d always be the light at the end of the tunnel or simply that very person to always have faith in him— she swore her heart to it.

Sehun stirred on his sleep, alluded by another presence in the room with him. He could smell that faint perfume through his clogged nose and despite the crashing head ache endowed on his head, his mind worked out who it may be. He could feel her hand running over the top of his head like what his mother does when he’s young and he could feel how his hair slips through the spaces in between her fingers, curling a few strands of it at her fingertips. He succumbs to the comfort of such gesture brought him— he just knew it was Soojung because partly he was expecting her. He leaned his cheek on the warm hand pressed on his cheeks and leans closer to her warmth.

“You’re finally awake.” Soojung whispered, letting her finger run through his furrowed eyebrows. “You have me worried for you, Sehun. Does your head hurt?”

Sehun fluttered his eyes open, blinking slowly at the sight of her— her forehead in an arc of annoyance and achingly worried for him as her hair cascades over her shoulders. He rubbed the exhaustion from his eyes, clearing his throat as he speaks, “Hey.”

“I don’t want you to speak. Don’t just ‘hey’ me, Oh Sehun.” Soojung snarled, yet he could see warmth, sympathy and concern on her eyes. She continues to caress his cheek, “What made you busy these days?”

“Chanyeol and I have to present at a symposium next month. There are still many sides of this research that we have to check. There’s just more to do.”

“I’m not smart and not really familiar with what you study but I could have helped you in some ways. Look at you, you’re such a mess! Your room is a mess. You’re burn out! You’re sick from over fatigue! Do you think that’s right and healthy? You’ve always been reprimanding me on how I should manage my time and work but I think you need to heed your pieces of advice before you spurt it to me.”

“This is why I don’t want to tell you. I don’t want you to worry about me because I don’t deserve it.” Sehun responded weakly, prying her hand away from him yet craves for her warm touch once again. “Don’t you have classes today? You shouldn’t be here.” He snapped.

Soojung grimaced, a spark of resentment flashed in her eyes, the one he’s oh so familiar with and hissed at him. “You’re sick, Sehun. Where else should I be? I’ll take care of you.”

“I’m fine, Soojung.” Sehun tells her in a short of a whisper before he ended up in a series of dry cough, overlapping the toughness he’d wanted to portray. Of course he’s not fine. He’s far from it and he could see that she will never buy all his excuses and lies just to make her leave. Could she read through his antics? He doesn’t want her to leave him. Could she stay for him to take care of him? Wouldn’t it be a nuisance for her?

“I don’t really mind to stay until you get better. I won’t leave.” Soojung added; quite uncanny that she knows him too well that she could immediately sense impending questions he has on his head without trying to ask it verbally. “I know how you hate making other people worry about you because of your stupid reason of not wanting to be a burden. It’s okay to ask for help and need people, Sehun.”

“I know that.” Sehun inhaled sharply, trying to breathe with a clogged nose.

“You have always been the strong one, someone who gives comfort and takes care of other people. This time, let others do it for you. Let me take care of you, okay?” Soojung flashed him a smile before she bent and kiss his forehead. Once Soojung is determined to do something, she’ll do whatever it takes to get it done and right now, her top priority is to just make him better.

And it’s very clear that there are no room for any arguments with that… and he’d let her. Of all people, he’d let her do whatever she wants to him and she will never hear any remarks from him because as much as he’d hate it, he’ll want it because it’s her. She walked into his life as if she actually knew where she was going and carved out her own place in his heart, the part that only belongs to her. She was there and will always be there. He’d be empty, ing empty, without her. He could feel his heart racing against his chest, choking him with vast emotions he’s certain would bring him to shame if he let it out. He could feel his lips tugging upwards for a small smile and as much as he doesn’t want to smile, he cannot help it because she makes him happy. She was the only one who can make him smile like that.

How could he ever love her less? How could he even try to stop loving her? When she is the only thing that makes him happy?

Over time, Sehun could feel his heart almost bursting with all these impending emotions and affection for her. A strong wave of love and admiration toppled over him and despite trying to push it back on his head, at the pits of his stomach or even at the darkest parts of his heart, it would always resurface and would grow more and more and more. But, sometimes he cannot help but to dream especially when they have their moments together and he would look in her eyes, he could sense that there is a small spark of something more… like, maybe with a small push, it may happen. He needed to ignore it. He needed to avoid it. As much as he wanted to express it and admit it, they’re better off as friends. They are bound to be best friends for life and never meant to be lovers— there are countless occasions that she phrased that they will never be more than that and he could feel it through her actions that she will never dare to ruin what they have.

Sehun could feel pressure to his closed eyes, fearing that tears would slip off and embarrass himself. He’s technically a mess— a sickly mess. He reached his hand out of the blanket, wanting to hold her but she caught his and wrapped her fingers around his wrist and gently leaning it closer to her lips, kissing each and every of his fingers with delicate touch of her soft lips. God, he could feel like he’d combust right then and there. A soft tug of her lips curling into a smile, she looked at him and meet his teary eyes. She’s perfect and looks perfect but what also make him fall even harder for her was her beautiful eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that he’d love nothing else but to look at every day.

“We’ll work on your research paper once you feel better. For the mean time, get some sleep while I cook for you. A soup will do, no?”

“Soojung, you know… I have known you since forever… and I just can’t imagine my life without you.” Sehun spoke softly, gently as his cold hold laced with her warm hand, squeezing it firmly. It may be a single touch but it meant everything. “You showed me important things that no one has bothered to show me before…. I think the guy who wins your heart will be so damn lucky.”

“Your fever makes your mind mush into haywire.” Chuckling, Soojung released his hand before she curled up a few strands behind her ears. “I’ll make you chicken noodle soup!”