A/N Guys there's a poll at the end! I need your help deciding what to write next. 

So we've reached the end of the line, last chapter people, thank you to all of those who read this and those who took the time to comment, hope you enjoy this last chapter.

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Can you feel it with every breath

Just how much I want you near

Even When I look at you babe

I'm missing you

Two weeks, that’s how long Chaeyoung has been in the hospital. Two weeks without hearing her voice, without seeing her smile, two weeks of Jennie sitting by her side watching her sleep Jennie doesn’t sleep anymore, at least not a full night since that night. 

She doesn’t want to, because everytime she does all she can see is the way Chaeyoung’s face looked like that night, how tight she was pressing on her chest, how much petals kept coming out. She sees the look in Chaeyoung’s eyes when she whispered that last ‘I’m sorry.’ As she was saying goodbye. 

She doesn’t want to, because she’s afraid Chaeyoung will be gone when she wakes up.

Jennie doesn’t remember much of that night, all she remembers is Chaeyoung. She has flashed of Jisoo and Lisa running in the room, of them in the car, of Jisoo having to physically pull her away from Chaeyoung once they got to the hospital, of her standing there in between Jisoo and Lisa’s arm watching the blonde disappear behind a set of double doors.

This is what her nightmare was about, except this time she’s not waking and Chaeyoung had been there, and Jennie was holding her.  And just like in her dream, Chaeyoung was calling her, asking her for help but she was late, she didn’t make it on time. Chaeyoung needed her and she wasn’t there.

It was recurring nightmare, that’s what she didn’t tell Chaeyoung, it kept happening over and over again. And each night she had to sit by Chaeyoung on her room to make sure she was still breathing, and once Jennie’s heart had calmed down she’d return to her own bed. And by morning all would be okay, because Chaeyoung would be there greeting her with a soft. ‘Hey, Jen’.

And that’s what made it worse because she had that warning every night but she didn’t listen. Because she was too late. she was too slow on the uptake, too careless with what she cared for. She was there physically. She had been holding onto Chaeyoung, but she hadn’t been holding tight enough, she hadn’t been holding in the right way. And Chaeyoung had slipped through her fingers. 

It was two weeks after that night and everything was just a routine, wake up, brush your teeth, get dressed and got to the hospital, come back home try to sleep and repeat.

She was hanging by a thread but so was Chaeyoung, so what did it matter?

---------------------

She hated hospitals, they always smelled the same and they had these very dark energy surrounding death and sadness.  The lights were always to bright and this one had a very ugly shade of light blue on the walls.

"Jennie." Jisoo said standing up for her place, where she was reading on her phone. “You were supposed stay home for at least eight hours. You need to sleep, Jendukie."

"I couldn’t sleep, Chu." She said quietly. “I sleep better knowing she’s near.”  

Jisoo sighed, and Jennie pretended not to see the way Jisoo would look at her everytime she was near Chaeyoung, everytime she would hold her hand, like she knew, she knew Jennie had the cure all along and yet she realized it too late.

"I'll stay. You can go get some rest, Jisoo. You’ve been here since last night."

Chaeyoung looked terribly small in the hospital bed, surrounded by machines, she looked paler than usual, the tube in the most prominent of all. Jennie hated it, but loved it at the same time, at the end of the day it was the reason Chaeyoung was still here.

Lisa was there too, on the left side of the bed, her hand on Chaeyoung’s while she leaned her head on the bed, sleeping. It was the same position all three of them had been in for the past two weeks. She swallowed the guilt that sat heavy on her chest. Lisa was struggling too she was there for the last ‘I’m sorry’. 

"You are lucky you got here when you did, the bleeding would’ve worsened in minutes." the doctor had told them, after hours of waiting and pacing and feeling inconsolable.

Jisoo had sat down and Lisa had went over to be next to her, but she looked too numb to really have thought the action through. Jennie herself had to hold onto her restraint to keep from shouting and screaming in frustration.

Because they should’ve gone to the hospital as soon as Chaeyoung couldn’t stop coughing, but the blonde had looked at her and said she was fine that it will pass. And when Chaeyoung promised, it held true. And Chaeyoung promised to keep fighting, that she was not going anywhere and she knows she meant it. So Jennie will wait for her, doesn’t matter how long she will wait by her side. Because Chaeyoung always followed on her promises, not like Jennie who promised to be there for her, to always catch her, but she didn’t, she hadn’t caught Chaeyoung and now it was too late.

She just needed the second chance, she might not deserve it, she lost patience once, or rather she gave up and that alone was enough reason to not get a second chance but she was still asking for one because Chaeyoung deserved everything good in the world, because she deserved a happy ending, because she deserve to know that love can feel like something else other than burning, and flowers, and drowning. 

And if Chaeyoung had chosen her, then it didn’t matter if Jennie didn’t deserve that happiness, because Chaeyoung did. And Jennie would never dare be the cause to take it away again.

"Hey," she said quietly. "Lisa."

The brunette stirred like she hadn't even been unconscious. she sat up quickly, blinking the blurriness from her eyes like she was hoping the room would shift and be something else.

"I told Jisoo that you guys can go home and get some rest. I've got her."

Lisa looked back again, in the same way all of the had done at some point, hoping that maybe Chaeyoung had woken up in the brief time they were asleep, always to end up disappointed. Jennie reached out and placed her hand on the woman’s shoulder. 

"You were supposed to be sleeping." Lisa whispered

"Couldn't sleep."

Lisa nodded in understanding, it was one of the things she loved about her, she never push, she was just there ready to listen when you were ready. As the girl got up, Jennie pulled her into a hug, her head resting on her shoulder, both of them holding tight.

"There hasn’t been any changes, which they say is good," Lisa muttered.

Good in the way that nothing bad was happening, but bad in the context of what stagnancy meant in their situation. Basically one of the machines was monitoring Chaeyoung’s lungs, it show the progression of the garden growing within her. If there wasn’t any changes it means it hasn’t gotten worse, but it was bad because it meant she wasn’t getting better.

Between the breathing tube and the monitor, Jennie didn’t know what she hated the most.

"Are you sure you don't need one of us to stay?. I don't want you to be alone." Lisa said as she pulled away. 

"I'm sure," she nodded. "Technically I’m not alone, she's here.” Lisa’s eyes soften at this. “She’ll keep me company. You guys go home."

"Okay." She said softly pulling the older girl for a quick hug. “I’ll tell Jisoo to say goodbye while I get the car.” 

Jennie sat down on the chair next to Chaeyoung’s bed, just as she did during the nights back at home, and wrapped both of her hands around Chaeyoung’s one, rubbing her thumb back and forth over it.

"Hey, Rosie.” She greeted softly.  You must be sick of people holding your hand," she began with a mumble. "I'm sorry i can't bring myself not to, though. I feel like maybe I can be your anchor you know? Wherever you are, if you need to something to hold to, I’m here. "

She quickly felt her eyes watering, hot tears making their way down one after the other. But her hold remained the same.

"I've been talking to you every day, and I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I don’t know makes sense to me to keep talking to you. WHo knows maybe you are bored." She chuckled lightly. "I didn't know it was possible to miss someone's voice so much, but I suppose that's because I’ve never had to be without you before. We’ve been together since we were 15, not once have I ever been without you, not one day were I didn’t hear your voice. I don’t know… I just wish you could answer back."

This was honestly unbearable. It was driving her mad and she just wanted Chaeyoung to wake up. She needed her to wake up so she could give her, her heart fully, wholeheartedly, instead of stashing it away, hiding it.

It was funny how things worked, because here Chaeyoung was dying because she thought that she wasn’t meant to be loved back. And there was once a time where Jennie used to look for every clue possible that maybe just maybe her feelings where returned. Jennie had been captivated and captured by Chaeyoung since the very first moment they'd met. Since the very first time she saw her in a stuffy elevator. 

As she got to know her and her feelings grew it wasn’t so much that Jennie thought she wouldn’t love her back but rather that she couldn’t love her back, because how is a angel like her meant to love someone like Jennie? It just wasn’t possible.

She had spent days, weeks, months, years by Chaeyoung’s side and showed her that she was there and not going anywhere, every touch, every word, every action was meant to show her love in the subtlest of ways. And one day she notices, how the blonde’s eyes would linger on her longer than normal, she would notice how she would hold her a little tighter on her hugs and pulled away a little later, but everytime Jennie tried to tell her that yes, she noticed and yes it was more than welcomed she backed down because how can someone as pure as Chaeyoung be with someone like Jennie.

But it was unfair, she knew that, Jennie kept pulling her in but just partially, never a 100 %, never there to fully catch her but never letting go either. ‘People give and give and give love to you and what do we get in return?’ Guess he wasn’t that far off.

----Flashback---

They were out for a couple of drinks, it was the first time Chaeyoung had tried it, Jennie was there making sure she was okay, not once leaving her side. Both inebriated, though maybe one more than the other. She had her hand around her waist eyeing a dude from the other side of the her that had been looking at Chaeyoung a little too long for her taste. Not too mention he was standing a little too close. So Jennie pulled her closer by the waist and asked her. “You wanna leave?”

“Mhmm..” She nodded letting the older girl guide her outside, the got a cab back home and Jennie helped the girl up the stairs, and into the dorm which proved to be a challenge on its own.  She then sat down and helped the younger girl get her shoes off which was a lot harder when you were somewhat drunk.

Chaeyoung let out a giggle when her eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"Oh, is my struggle entertaining you?"

"Yeah." She said laughing again, lightl.

She chuckled too. "Well,I’m a little drunk but I'll get it, eventually."

“Done!" She looked up to see Chaeyoung’s stare far off and focused on the wall behind her, completely zoned out. She instantly softened. "Alright, Rosie. time for bed."

"You can get changed on your own, yeah?" She asked tapping her lightly on the leg.

"Yeah,"She mumbled.

"Alright. Goodnight.”

“Wait.” She said holding on to her wrist. “Come here.” And Jennie followed, sat down besides her on the bed, where the girl grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers.

“What’s up, Rosie?” She asked brushing away a loose strand of hair behind the blonde’s ear.

“My brain’s telling me to do something, I shouldn’t” She said quietly.

"Things like what?" Was her answer, barely audible for her own ears.

“Promise you won’t freak out?”

“I promise.” She said without hesitation.

The shock that shuddered through her as their lips met was paralyzing than the way that her breath had snagged against the inside of her ribcage was a sensation unlike any she'd ever known.

The kiss was over even quicker than it had begun, Jennie hadn't even come close to reciprocating or returning it in her surprise.

"Are you freaking out?" she'd asked, in a voice almost too hushed to be heard.

Jennie’s response of "No," was automatic and only partially believable "What…” She cleared , what was that for?"

"I’ve always wanted you to be my first." She said honestly. “

At this point, their faces were only centimeters apart. Chaeyoung hadn't pulled back and, at Chaeyoung's words, Jennie had felt like holding her breath. She pretty much did. 

“Can we do it again?” Chaeyoung asked.

Jennie swallowed. And she spent another split second hesitating. But then she leant forward and crossed those few centimeters between them. Her eyes closed as soon as their lips met once more, tentatively and tender in movement at first. This time she kissed back, and as cheesy as it sound she felt like she was on fire, in the good way, like her warmth was spreading out all over her body.

When they both had to pull back, to regain air in their lungs, they still kept their foreheads together.  

“Will you remind me?” Asked Chaeyoung quietly. “If I forget in the morning, will you remind me?”

Their gazes met when Jennie pulled away and the brunette nodded faintly.  

"Yeah. I will."

"Promise?"

"Always."

----End Flashback----

And that was the first promise she ever broke. Because Chaeyoung didn’t remember, and that was a blow Jennie wasn’t aware would hurt this bad.

So she lied against her better judgement, she lied. Maybe that’s when she subconsciously and wrongly she started to let go. She started to let go when the other girl needed her to hold on and that’s a mistake she will have to live with and will make up for, for the rest of her life. 

That same day she went again and that’s when she met him,  she wasn’t Chaeyoung, didn’t kiss like Chaeyoung. But he was nice, didn’t push her to talk or do anything she didn’t want to. So when he called the next date to ask her out, she said yes. No matter how hard her heart was screaming the opposite, no matter how wrong it felt.

She did everything she could to cover that part of her heart and only focused on him, but then Chaeyoung got sick and she still remembers the devastation she felt that day…

"Jennie," was the careful murmur of her name that caught her attention, and she'd looked up to see her manager in front of her, with an air about her that made things feel heavy and ready to drop.

"Chaeyoung?" she'd whispered. And her eyes had already begun to burn with tears before the answer came.

"Lisa led her awa..."

Jennie was moving too quickly to listen to the rest of the statement. she knew it wouldn't give her the answer she needed.

Finding out Chaeyoung was sick was the absolute worst thing that had ever happened to her, and it had caught her off guard so fully that her brain felt like it was vibrating against her skull trying to comprehend it. Because just the mere thought of existing in a world where Chaeyoung wasn’t made her insides churn and her heat crumble into pieces. 

So she had tried to cling onto her again, she'd wanted to be all that Chaeyoung needed, but she'd thought she couldn't be, and that was the worst part. She was wondering about who Chaeyoung could be in love with, about who wouldn't love her back. They must be a fool… a coward.

She should’ve asked. Should’ve tried harder to get her to talk. Should’ve never given up on her. Should’ve never tried to move on with someone else.

If she'd just reminded Chaeyoung like she'd promised they wouldn’t have ended up in their current situation, with Jennie begging her to stay. She shouldn't have waited. She never seemed to make the right choice, and she took everything she had for granted.

She had broken her promise, to remind her, to not let go, and she didn't think she would be able to live with herself if she wasn't given the chance to make up for it.

“You are not allowed to go yet." Her tightened around the blonde's but not enough to hurt. “You have to come back to me, do you understand?” her voice broke. “I need you, Rosie.”

“I know you're tired, and you've been fighting for so long, but I can’t do this without you. and if you wake up, you won't ever have to do anything without me again. You won't ever have to go another day feeling unloved, I promise.”

Jennie's tears were fully falling, freely and with no regard for where they landed. “I wanted to be your first too, Chaeyoung. I still want to be. So just please wake up. So I can tell you I love you every single day, let me show you how it feels to be loved back.”

No response as per usual, but Jennie wouldn’t give up, she would keep coming and holding her hand. Talking to her until she woke up, and you will tell her everything she has been saying for the past two weeks.

She would keep fighting.

She promised.

---------------

Clock is ticking, and I can't wait

So come back, I want you here with me

Baby you mean the world 

And I'm missing you

So tonight won't you set me free

“Lisa?” She answered the phone with caution, she had been forced back home, by her friends. It had been four days with no changes until now, “What is it?”

If Lisa was calling her that meant something changed and Jennie was already getting her putting her shoes on as soon as she saw the caller ID.

“She’s awake.”

Jennie nearly collapsed in relief right there. Her movements becoming quicker almost desperate wishing she could just teleport to the hospital.

“They took the tube out. She’s been asking for you.”

“Tell her I’ll be there. I’m coming.” She was at the door then, grabbing for her keys from the bowl, grabbing the jacket she'd been wearing off the rack. 

She probably had several speed tickets with how fast she was driving, but she didn’t care, and she probably broke the elevator button by how hard and fast she was pressing it. She had to shove her hands in the pockets of the jacket because of how badly they'd started to tremble. 

Jisoo and Lisa were standing outside of the door when she made it to the hall. They were tears in their eyes but they were happy tears. Jisoo gave her an encouraging smile and she grabbed her by the biceps firmly. "Please go get your girl."

Jennie nodded and she turned towards the door.  It took six steps until she was in the room fully, and when she looked up she saw Chaeyoung sitting upright, propped up by her pillows and looking right at her. And a sob of relief came out of .

She could see Chaeyoung reaching out for her with one weak hand, beckoning her closer, and she moved forward on instinct, holding her hand. 

"Jennie."

Jennie's jaw trembled as she pressed against Chaeyoung's knuckles  "Rosie" Jennie breathed out. 

“Jennie I…” 

“I love you.” 

Chaeyoung suddenly froze, shell-shocked at what she just heard. “What?”

“I love you.” Jennie repeated as if that was the only thing she was sure of.

Chaeyoung’s furrowed eyebrows lifted then, not completely, still as close together as possible. she was still confused. She hadn't been expecting such an declaration. Jennie carefully sat down on the edge of the mattress. She brought their linked fingers to rest on top of her heart.

“I’m in love with you Roseanne Park.”  Jennie held her breath as she watched the woman work through the walk towards her answer. “Do you hear me?” she asked next. 

Chaeyoung’s gaze flickered back and forth across the space separating Jennie’s eyes.  She nodded. “Yes.” When she spoke next, her voice came out incredibly hushed, but Jennie heard her, she always did. “Say it again.”

So Jennie leaned forward resting her foreheard against Chaeyoung’s as she wiped away the tear that were falling from the blonde’s eyes.

“Chaeyoung” she whispered. “I love you.”

Chaeyoung brought her hands up to latch onto Jennie’s shirt, her fingers curled in tight and tugged just barely. “I love you,” she said back. “I love you.” Chaeyoung then crossed the centimeters between them without any and her eyes slid closed as soon as their lips met, not tentative any longer but still tender in movement at first.

This time Jennie kissed back with no hesitation,without any doubt without fear. She needed Chaeyoung to know that she’d never gone anywhere.

“I’m sorry,” she said, pulling away slightly. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” She kept repeating like a mantra. “I didn’t know and I was scared and a coward and instead of keeping my promise I broke it and I tried to move on with him and I’m so stupid. I’m so sorry.”

“What promise?” Chaeyoung asked confused, her lips still tingling from the kiss. 

Jennie sighed and looked down in shame. "The night when you first wanted to try alcohol, we kissed and you made me promise that I'd remind you in the morning but I was too scared."

Chaeyoung was quiet for a few seconds after the confession. Her fingers went to her lips, looking down she mumbled. “I thought it felt familiar.” She said looking up at Jennie. “Kissing you, I mean. It felt familiar.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Chaeyoung said, her hand went to touch Jennie’s cheek and the latter leaned into the touch. “I forgive you, you are here now, right?” She asked somewhat still unsure.

“Yes I am, and I’ll always will be.” Jennie swallowed. “You’ve got me, love. I am completely yours.” She promised . “Til the end of the line, you’ve got me.”

“Promise?”

“Always.”

The stayed in relative silence for a little bit, Jennie had adjusted so she was sitting next to Chaeyoung on the bed, cuddling her, with the blonde’s head resting on her shoulder. The monitor that Jennie hated so much had finally changed, the lines going down meaning the garden in Chaeyoung’s lung had reduce some, and that was the best news they could get today.

“I could hear you. Sometimes." Chaeyoung said quietly. As if afraid of disrupting the silence. "Your voice was super faint, and it didn't really seem real, but I could hear you asking me to stay." She smiled. "So I did."

Jennie nodded smiling as well. "You did."

“You’ve got me too. You know?” Chaeyoung said looking up at her. “I’m yours.”

“Okay” Jennie nodded, with a smile settling in. “It’s me and you, you and me.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

And if Jennie promised then it must be true.

If I leave myself to you

Will you catch me when I fall

Let the whole world know they can never try to bring us down