Their performance went great. The blonde was able to keep it together long enough to go through with it. Afterwards it was a different story. They all agreed to go out for dinner to celebrate so Chaeyoung was sitting on the back this time with Jisoo by her side instead of Lisa. Jisoo claiming she just wanted to try out the ride from the back seat instead ignoring the frown Jennie was giving them both.

Chaeyoung coughed up a few more petals while waiting on the van, Jisoo gave her a tissue in which she was able to hide them. From Lisa and their manager. What provoked the coughing this time, why Jennie of course. She went to look for him because yes, he was joining them for dinner, how fun.

She looked at the brunette through the window longing for her.  But she shook her head as soon as she saw him walk out and place his arm around her as they walked to the car. A few other petals came but she was then luckily distracted by Lisa.

If only she could’ve asked Jennie to stay with her.

---------------------

As they walked into the restaurant her step faltered a bit, noticing the space where she usually sat, next to Jennie was already filled by someone who wasn’t her. 

“Here, Pasta. Sit next to me.” Jisoo said, tapping the seat beside her. 

“But Lisa...:”

“Lisa won’t mind, just for tonight right babe?” She said looking at Lisa, the younger girl understanding what her girlfriend was telling her with just a look. After all Lisa might be the youngest but she’s not blind.

“Ya, Chimpunk, it’s fine. Sit between us.” She said pulling the girl to sit on the chair besides Jisoo then pulling one more chair to sit at Chaeyoung right, leaving the blonde in between their two bandmates. If Chaeyoung was being honest she felt a little better this way, she felt...supported.

Of course unbeknownst to them and ignored by the intruder at the table, Jennie had confusedly furrowed her eyebrows, because Chaeyoung always sat next her no matter what.  Just because she was engaged that didn’t mean that needed to change. The blonde knew she will always be her girl, didn’t she?

The blonde girl looked around the table, she notices how Kai’s arm was behind Jennie’s chair, with the girl leaning towards him. She notices how Jisoo’s ring reflected the light the same way Lisa’s ring did. The latter two where very subtle, they weren’t engagement rings, just simple silver bands with a J + L 4E engraved on the inside. A promise if you will.

The blonde then looks down to her hands where no special ring was placed, she notices then she has unfinished business. Like how she hasn’t been in a serious relationship, hasn’t experienced what it feels like to be loved back… she wonders if love is meant to feel like something else other than heartbreak and drowning. 

She then realizes there’s more things she wants to do, she wants to release another solo, maybe playing the piano this time. She wants to release a full album of songs she’s written. She wants to help Lisa and Jisoo with their future wedding, she wants to go back to Australia and meet her niece. 

She has so much she wants to do, and she realizes then she will not be able to. She’s interrupted by Jisoo asking her to try some of her food, which she accepts with a smile even if seems to be pushing it back. She was thankful for the older girl right then and there, the girl seemed focused on distracting her whenever Jennie even glanced her way, on whenever he talked. She managed to ignore him for the most part, except when he called her out directly.

No matter how much she disliked him, she wasn’t rude, she had manners so she looked up to meet her gaze distractedly.

 “I have a friend...” he started “A trainee from the same company.”  At this Chaeyoung internally rolled her eyes. “A real nice guy. A gentleman. He can show you the ropes and take it slow, if you know what I mean.” He said smirking. And Chaeyoung could only frown and look at Jennie in disbelief.

“Kai!” The older girl exclaimed, extending her arm to hold the blonde’s, except the younger girl took both of her hands and placed them on her lap.  

Jisoo placed her own hand on top of the blonde’s showing her support, 

Chaeyoung cleared and forced a smile at the guy. “I’m really not looking for...that right now.”

Kai put his hands up as a peace offering. “I’m just saying you know, everyone at this table has someone, wouldn’t wanted you to feel left out or anything.”  

She smiled at him, as she didn’t already felt left out, left behind as if she didn’t already felt alone. So she forced a smile, because by the way her chest and throat are burning she figures she won’t be able to talk without exposing herself.

“She’s not left out though.” Jisoo said forcefully.  “She’ll always have a place with us.”

“Yes, also she could always join me and Jisoo should she choose too.” Said Lisa with a smirk and a wink, placing her arm around the blonde. 

From her view the blonde could see Jennie was looking down at her plate frowning, as she felt the burning come stronger on her chest she looks away, chatting with Lisa about a random topic perfectly aware of the brunette’s worried looked directed at her. 

After that the dinner went by with mindless chatter, Jisoo and Lisa chirping in on Kai’s conversation everyone in a while, while the blonde kept to herself. 

By the time they were done, the girls where about to get on the van, but Chaeyoung insisted on walking home, Jisoo pulled the girl into a hug, holding her tight and whispering in her ear to take care and to call her if she needed anything. 

As the vallet brought Kai’s car, the boy opened the car door for his fiance.

“Actually, babe. You mind if I go with Rosie?” Asked Jennie, which made the younger girl raise her head in surprise. The boy band member only nodded and she turned her back as they hugged and kissed goodbye.

The walk home was quiet, only the sounds of the city and other passing cars could be heard, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was nice. Chaeyoung could say that she tried to stop herself for enjoying this moment, that ever present burning on her chest a reminder of how this ends. But right now she was tired of thinking about it. So she decided to ignore it, at least for that night and simply enjoy it.

The blonde had her hands on her coat pockets, the older girl had one of her arms intertwined with hers as they walked. Out of nowhere the younger girl looks up.

“Looking at the stars?” The brunette asked softly, with a small smile at watching Chaeyoung childlike behaviour.

“Mhmm… we don’t get to see the stars to often.” 

Jennie was looking at the blonde with a soft look, then as if making a last minute decision, she stirred them to the opposite of the street they were meant to walk to.

“What’s happening? Chaeyoung asked startled. “Where are we going?”

“Just trust me.” Said Jennie, and so the blonde followed as she always does when it comes to her girls, where they go she follows, specially Jennie.

It didn’t take long for them to reach the place, Jennie lead them through an alley and into a small restaurant, the brunette smiled and greeted the owner and simply pulled Chae to a set of stairs. The view was better from there, it was more secluded.

“You wanted to see the stars.” 

And Chaeyoung breath was whisked away. At the sight before her, Jennie in front with a backdrop illuminated by stars glowing and breathtakingly beautiful. God could stare at Jennie forever. If only she was allowed. Weirdly enough she found herself at peace. As fleeting as it was she felt it, so she appreciates it.

Something stirred in her chest, but it wasn't the flowers for once. And for the first time in awhile she allowed herself to feel.  She walked forward to stand besides the brunette by the railing, they stood there in silence for a few moments.

“Chae.” Jennie said hesitantly. “About what Kai said...” 

“It’s fine, unnie. Don’t worry about it.” 

“No. He shouldn’t have said it.” She sighed. “You know it...it doesn’t matter how much experience you have right? Like that’s not… unattractive...not to the people who are worth it at least. And...and I...I agree with what Jisoo said, you will never be left out. You always have a place with me.”

”I know, Jen." She said with a smile. "There’s no better place to be.”

“As long as you know that, we are cool.” 

Chaeyoung nodded, and then they fell back into the peaceful silence. It was nice to not feel the burdens for a bit. Everyone needed a break.

----------------

A week later Jisoo and Chaeyoung found themselves at the doctor’s office which turned out it was not help.

“Hanahaki disease.” He says, as if they didn’t know that already. “You're in love.”

“We already knew that,” Jisoo says grabbing a tissue and wiping the blood from Chaeyoung’s chin. The blonde girl having an episode the second they walked into his office.  “Can you give her anything for it?”

“I can give her something for the pain, something to slow it down, it might help a bit.” he tells them. “Have you tried talking to whoever it is?”

“No, not happening.” Chaeyoung coughs, at the mere thought of it.

 “You can have the surgery.”

“That’s not happening either.” She’s not going to have a surgery that’s going to take away all her feelings for Jennie. How could she forget that laugh? Those hugs? That smile? She loves her too much to do that. 

“I highly recommend telling this person what you feel more than half of the cases I receive can be avoided if they just tell the truth.”

“I already said no.”

“Pasta…”

 “That’s not happening. It’s my burden to bare, unnie.”

The doctor sighs “You know what will happen if...”

“We know,” Jisoo interjects, arms crossed and jaw set.

Once again the doctor sighs almost disappointed. “Come see me in a week to see if the treatment is working okay?”

---------

“You know I can’t do that.”

“You can and you should.” Said Jisoo, as they are parked outside their dorm, Jisoo at the drivers side. “I get that you don’t want to burden her or whatever, but Chae you forget I’ve been where you are, I thought there was no way that Lisa could love me back but I at least thought that she deserved to know why…”

“You forget you were lucky, Jisoo. Because she loves you back but Jennie, she’s engaged, you were there for that moment.”

“I was also there to see how she wanted to call you not a minute afterwards, not her mom, you. Hell even Lisa and I waited like three days before we told you because we wanted to enjoy it first. But she called you, she wanted to be with you, at the dinner she wanted you next to her, she kept looking at you, not him, not me, not Lisa. Why do you think that is?”

“Well she’s with him and not me, Jisoo isn’t she?” She snaps, angry. “So what does it matter?”

“It matters because you are going to die, Chaeyoung!” Jisoo shouts back, frustrated, her voice cracking. “Do you understand that? Cause I don’t think you ado. You’re so young. And you’ve got so many things left to give to this world. And you have so many people that love you.” Jisoo sniffed. “ Your family? Your other friends? I love you, Lisa loves you. You've made an impact on so many people's lives, and Goddamn it we made a promise! No woman left behind!”

“I know.” She says quietly. 

“Then why are you breaking it?! Why are you going where we can’t follow?”

Chaeyoung felt frozen. Jisoo's statement was an icy bucket of water thrown onto the hot bubble of denial Chaeyoung was living in. And Jisoo was looking at her with such anguished eyes.

She realizes that her situation is completely unfair. Unequivocally unfair. Because her only options are to die of the overflowing amount of love she had for Jennie or completely forget who she is, and neither option was a good one. 

So when she really thinks about it, she is scared, because she only 22 years old and she’s dying, her mom and her sister are in another country, she’s just a kid and she’s scared and she’s tired. And so she breaks down, the kind where you can’t breathe, the kind where you fall to the floor unable to support yourself.  Suddenly a pair of arms wrap around her and pulls her to her chest.  

"Ji...Jisoo" She tried to say.

“Shh...It’s okay. I’m sorry.” She says softly.

Chaeyoung tightens her grip on Jisoo’s shirt and buries herself deeper into her chest. “I’m scared.” she admits sobbing. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” She whispers into her hair.

And then she ends up throwing up flowers on Jisoo’s car and that’s when it really hits her. She’s running out of time.

---------------

A/N In this story Rosé already has a solo out, because we will be getting it soon, I'm writing it into existence! Anyways... How we feeling people? Still okay? Ran out of tears to cry? Hope not cause there still more angst coming your way. I'm sorry. But there's a happy ending guys I promise, we just gotta make it hurt a bit more. A few chapters more. Ooops.

Also I'm almost done with the next chapter so should have it out by tomorrow I hope.