A live show was meant to happen that same weekend. All four girls where backstage ready to come out and Chaeyoung keeps feeling like she’s going to collapse at any moment. Her health was deteriorating rapidly it was as if what she was trying to avoid was catching up her.

She'd spent the following days after visiting the doctor thinking about what she should do. Logic or love? What’s better? What’s worse? But she still had no answer. She even tried to create distance between her and Jennie but it didn’t work the brunette had a way to pull her in even if she didn’t want to.

But she needed to figure it out fast. Her time was running out, she didn’t feel good, she was not even feeling at 10 percent, it was getting harder to breathe, she need to figure things out.

Today it felt like the universe was giving her nudge towards the best decision, too bad Chaeyoung was bad at listening...

They were about to go out and Chaeyoung kept asking for water, making Jisoo concerned and the same could be said about Jennie, she wasn’t blind she could see there was something going on with the blonde, she wasn’t her usual happy self, she wasn’t eating as much and that was a huge warning sign when it came to Chaeyoung, and then she kept seeing how Jisoo seemed to be almost over protective of her. So she was worried.

Maybe Chaeyoung had become good at hiding her illness to the everyone, but nothing lasts forever especially when petals and flowers come up by their own accord. She was almost at the stage when the burning made itself known, the MC had her microphone on ready to call them out, and Chaeyoung tried her best to keep it together she tried but it wasn’t working, she was panicking.

Without knowing what else to do, the blonde girl started to walk backwards towards towards the curtain. Jennie noticed, of course she did. She turned to her and met her eyes, silently asking her if she was fine.

Chaeyoung shook her head just slightly, knowing it was too late and she needed to leave, Jennie took a step towards her but Chaeyoung kept walking back still trying to keep everything down and quickly running out of air.

She managed to get behind the curtain but that was it, as soon as she was away from cameras her body took control, she bend at the waist as the petals scraped at the insides of her lungs and throat as they came out.

And God how she was ing angry at whoever decided that puking ing petals was a good way of being told that the love of your life doesn’t love you back.

By the time she was finished, she was almost gasping; she felt lightheaded. there were tears clouding her vision, she could only feel how strange arms pulled her up and lead her away. She was still in the midst of panicking but one of the arms felt oddly familiar so she went along with it. Not like she was in any state to fight it though.

"Here, Chae." She felt herself be seated somewhere, she didn’t know where, but it was quiet. "Breathe, honey. Catch your breath."

Chaeyoung hadn't realized she was fully crying until a sob slipped out of her lips and fell to the floor just like the petals.

"Breathe, it's okay."

A wet towel was smoothed over her warm skin. She looks down and sees the white petals on the floors, she immediately knows what they mean Truth. Honesty. ing universe.

Finally she looks up to see Lisa looking at her almost desperately, as if she trying to figure out what to do that could help her.

"Surprise." She said weakly and Lisa's bottom lip wobbled. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” she mumbled.

“Don’t apologize, chipmunk” 

“Jisoo’s been helping," She admitted. “I’m sorry I made her lie to you.”

“Stop apologizing.” She said softly but seriously. “Are you going to tell her?” Again Lisa might be the youngest but she wasn’t oblivious, she wasn’t blind, at this point she was sure everybody but Jennie knew Chaeyoung was in love with her.

Chaeyoung closed her eyes, still trying to catch her breathe as she seemed to do these days “No. I can’t.”

Instead of questioning her further Lisa pulled her in her cheek was against her chest, over the steady beating of a healthy heart, so different than hers. She realized Lisa’s hugs where one of her favorite, she fully embraces you, no hesitation, might not be as good as Jennie’s but definitely a close second.

They stayed there together until someone came knocking on the door. The blonde pulled away and nodded at Lisa who was making sure she was ready to see people. Besides she was pretty sure of who it was. Time to face the music.

Chaeyoung's breath hitched slightly as soon as she felt Jennie’s hands on her face. She was soft and careful like she always was when it came to Chaeyoung.

“What do you need?” She whispered.

 You.

“Water?” She said instead.

“I got it.” Lisa said looking at Jennie who still wouldn’t take her eyes off of the blonde. She left them in the room closing the door quietly after she got out. Jennie kept looking at Chaeyoung she seemed to be able to pick up on how Chaeyoung look paler than usual, how sunken her eyes were, how she look thinner, exhausted. Here she comes the blonde thought, here comes the question. Instead the brunette asks...

"Can I hold you?"

Chaeyoung thought about saying no, she really did but she was tired so she nodded, the warmth of Jennie’s body and arms engulfing her like a security blanket.

“How long?” Jennie asks after a while.

"Like two and a half months."

“And you didn’t want to tell me?” She asks almost hurt.

“No...Jen...it’s not…” She sighs. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Jisoo knows.” She says simply. All the lingering touches, whispers, hugs, the overprotectiveness making sense now.

“Because she saw me run towards the bathroom...last week. ”

“Before Inkigayo?”

“Yes.”

"Rosie" Jennie whispered, her voice cracking. "You should’ve told me I… I had no idea. And I could lose you.” Tears now falling freely. “I told you not to go where I couldn’t follow. Where you just going to let me wake up one day without you?"

"I'm sorry," She said reaching up to wipe Jennie's tears away.

"Are you going to tell them?"

Remember how she said she was bad at listening...

"I can't tell them."

“Chaeyoung… please…” She pleaded, but they were interrupted by the door opening with the medics coming and all Jennie could do was hold her tighter like she didn’t want to let her go but she had too maybe she was already slipping through her fingers before that moment.

After it was over Jennie was already waiting for her by the van in sweats and a hoodie. With arms wide open that Chaeyoung took no time in walking right in.

When they get on the dorms Lisa and Jisoo are there waiting for her, the girls carefully give her a hug and gently guide her to her room, Jennie not far behind always staying close in case she needed her. 

"Will you stay?" She asked Jennie, maybe she was a masochist, maybe she just wanted to enjoy her remaining time with the person she loved. Or maybe she just wanted to pretend for one night that she was fine. Either way she just wanted the older girl close to her. And without hesitation Jennie slipped under the covers and pulled Chaeyoung’s head towards her chest.

She fell asleep soon with the sound of Jennie’s beating heart against her ear like a lullaby. 

“Please don’t stop fighting.” The brunette whispered after a while, not knowing the blonde wasn’t fully asleep yet. "I know it must be tiring, but please..." Her voice cracked. "I don't know what I’m supposed to do without you." She then feels strong arms slipped around her waist, and Jennie’s nose pressed lightly into the back of her neck. 

And Chaeyoung kept quiet, because what was there to say? There was nothing she could do, nor Jisoo, nor Lisa, there was nothing more to do that wait. She think about how she’s named after after a flower, and how she loved flowers used to thinks they were beautiful. She remembers giving one to Jennie on her birthday. The smile she had gotten in return was beautiful.

But Jennie isn’t hers. She belongs to someone else and there's nothing beautiful about that. There’s nothing beautiful about coughing up flowers every single day, nothing beautiful about feeling like the air is being stolen from your lungs, and there is definitely nothing beautiful about knowing that the person you love doesn't love you back.

So she keeps quiet. Because it wasn’t Jennie’s fault and she was tired of making promises she couldn’t keep.