A/N. I'm sorry for making you all cry, but we are almost at the end, maybe one more chapter and this is story is done. Stay strong people the happy ending is coming!

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When Chaeyoung woke up the next morning she notices the pain she usually woke up to was significantly less than usual, she also noticed she managed to sleep for most of night, that is as long as you didn’t count the nightmare she had. Either way it meant the treatment had somewhat worked as painful as it was. So feeling good she got out of bed and she used the restroom where she brushed her teeth, washed her face, brushed her hair and dressed in some comfy sweats and a hoodie.

She then made her way to the kitchen where the sight she was greeted was couldn’t have been better, stopping by the door she leaned into it and crossed her arms, enjoying her view. Jennie's back was to her, and she was singing along to the radio while doing a little dance, an apron around her waist and a spatula on the other, puring what seemed to be pancake batter onto a pan.

"Smells good." she mumbled, before smirking at the way Jennie jumped at the sound of her voice. "Chocolate?"

"Yes with chocolate chips."

"Yay! My favorite."

"Yes, I know.” She said chuckling. “How did you sleep?"

"Better, woke up with less pain that usual."

"That’s good. Means treatment is working.” She answered while taking out the juice from the fridge and serving it into a couple of glasses.

“Thank you for coming with me yesterday. For taking care of me.”

"You don't need to thank me. I basically force you to let me go with you plus you would've done the same for me." She said, while flipping the pancakes.

"Mhmm, you certainly can be a lot when you drink too much."

"I know how to hold my alcohol, thank you very much." Jennie scuffed.

"Never said you couldn’t but if the shoe fits..." Chaeyoung laughed.

“That’s my second favorite smile of yours, you know? Genuine and gently amused.” She told her softly.

"You've got a first favorite?" Chaeyoung asked. 

"Yep” She had responded.  “I've got a list in my head and I've got them ranked by how happy you are when you make them. I’ll show it to you one day."

At that point Chaeyoung was focused, but she was so stunned that she couldn't move or make any more words. 

"What’s uh...what’s your favorite one then?"

"Is the one you make when you're smiling real big and not caring about who’s looking, like when you finally get a bite of food after a long day, or when Lisa tickles you during our movie marathons, or when you hear the blinks sing our songs back to us, that one. Always that one."

And if Chaeyoung hadn't been gone before, she definitely was in that moment, she let out a quietly shaking breath, still surprised, her heart beating faster than the speed of light. And oh how unfair it is that this girl is not hers to keep.

------

They spend the days not doing anything well Chaeyoung for the most part remained either in bed or on the couch. Jennie staying with her, spending the day together, calm and unhurried, and it was a nice change of pace from the constantly moving type of time they were used to. Even if they were trying to ignore the reason for the calmness. 

They sat on the couch, discussing movies, or Chaeyoung would be laying with her head on Jennie’s lap while the older girl would read on her phone until the blonde fell asleep. Other times they had face time with Lisa and Jisoo both out of the city due to work commitments. It was fine, Chaeyoung understood life keeps moving, they still had a life to live.

And that’s the thing though isn’t it, they can pretend to live in this bubble of denial all they want, but at the end of the day there was a reason they were spending all of this time together, why Jennie refused to leave Chaeyoung’s side, why Chaeyoung revel in every touch, every hug Jennie gave her. That reason coming up moments after Chaeyoung started coughing. Chaeyoung could see how this was affecting Jennie, even if the older girl wasn’t accepting it. So in those moments she prefered not to talk, to give the other girl time to recover. Time to feel. So she lets her go, Jennie always came back any ways.

Chaeyoung was sitting in her bed until the older girl walked in and turn it off, settling on the chair besides her bed where she always sat at night after the 22 year old had an episode, where she stayed while the blonde fell asleep, the chair had pretty much become a permanent fixture in her room.

“What’s happening?”  She asked, confused. The older girl looking at a notebook on her hands.

“Here…” She said ripping the page and giving it to her.

Looking down Chaeyoung couldn’t help but look at in shock.

1. The full one. When you don't care who's looking
2. The soft one, when you are trying to calm me down.
3. The one when you're making fun of me
4. The one when you are laughing with me.
5. The small shy one you make when someone compliments you.
6. The tiny one when you try a food you like.

"Is this a list of...?"

"Your smiles? Yes. ranked, as promised. I mean it, Rosie. You have a very pretty smile."

Chaeyoung glanced back down to the paper in her hands and then up at Jennie, back to the page as she flipped it over on the back and saw more writing. "You really wrote all of these out?"

"I did. I told you I had one right?"

And that was right. She did say that. And every thing Jennie’s says it’s the truth right? just like her promises.

So she found herself falling even further, she was always falling, and there was no one there to truly catch her. Because the making of the list was the type of action that had led her down the path of believing before.

“Someone’s getting sentimental in their old age.” She said trying to think too deeply into the implications of it. Later when she folds the list and places on her shirt pocket right above her heart, she pretends it doesn’t make her feel like she’s on fire.

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Day five of her being home was the worst, it was a bad day, from the moment she woke up she hadn’t been able to go an hour without coughing. Couldn’t even get out of bed, let alone eat.  What made it worse was the worry on Jennie’s eyes. The look on her eyes that made it seem like she would take all of her suffering in a heartbeat. It was too much for the blonde to handle, she was tired of seeing those things and her mind trying to make sense of them.

Which is why she said no when Jennie said they should go to the hospital.

“No, I...” a cough “I don’t want to.” another cough. “I’ll be fine.”

And there it was again the look of devastation on the older girls face, the same one she saw on the first day Jennie found out. Jennie let out a sigh and said, “If you get any worse, we’re going to the hospital and you’re not allowed to fight me on it. understand?”

“I‘m tired.” She said unable to look at the brunette. And unable to agree with her conditions.

“I know, Rosie. Try to get some rest. I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Promise?”

“Always.”

And if Jennie promised then it must be true. Because she never breaks her promises.

-----------------

The following day was probably the worst cause he was here. He came in unannounced, and Jennie of course let him in, he was his fiance at the end of the day. The only good thing was that Jisoo and Lisa were coming back that same night. Some for the time being she stayed in her room, only coming out if she needed the bathroom.

“You don’t mind if he’s here?” The older girl had asked.

“It’s fine.” She said, because what else was she supposed to say. ‘No, it’s not okay, because I love you but he’s the one who gets to keep you.’

So she just stayed quiet and avoided them at all costs. Hence why she was laying on her bed while playing games on her phone, when Jennie walked in, opening and closing the door gently.

“How you feeling?” she asked.

“Like I could run 5k right now.” 

“Alright.” She chuckled. “So I gotta go for a quick meeting, management said it shouldn’t take long, Kai is staying here but don’t worry he won’t be bothering you, it’s just until I get back, what else?” She paused, looking a the ceiling. “Oh yeah, Jisoo and Lisa said they’re at the airport right now so maybe two or three hours until they get here. I’m picking up your prescription afterwards to bring it home.” She patted down her pockets for her keys and her phone, and then she looked up again. "You'll call if you need anything, right?"

"Yes, mom."

"Okay. I'll be back. Don't trash the place while I'm gone." 

"I solemnly swear."

"Alright, Harry Potter." Jennie quickly sat by her on the bed and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "See you in a bit."

Chaeyoung felt the pressure of her lips for longer than she wanted to. She coughed up a few petals afterwards. After some time she heard the bathroom door close so she quietly but quickly came out of her room to grab some water from the kitchen, but as she walked back the kitchen door opened. ‘’

“Chaeyoung.” He said.

‘What happened to not bothering me?’ She thought. But instead she turned around with a smile. “Hey, Kai.”

"Can we talk?"

“Right now?” She asked receiving a nod in response. For the sake of Jennie she agrees. And that’s how she found herself sitting in the sofa, legs crossed with a glass of water on her hands. It was quiet, neither of them where talking and Chaeyoung wonders what the silences feels like with him and Jennie, is it peaceful as it was with her? Or was it uncomfortable like right now?

“I know that it’s her."  He said interrupting the silence, making Chaeyoung choke on her drink.

“Are you going to tell her?” Huh? so this is what if feels to ask the question instead of receiving, feels differently than what she expected.

“No.” He said. “I’d be stupid to.”

“What do you mean?”  

“I mean that if you or I told her that she’s the one you’re in love with, the one you’re dying because of, I wouldn’t stand a chance.” he shook his head lightly, with a small, almost concealed scoff. 

Chaeyoung crossed her arms over her chest. Trying to keep calm.  “I’m her best friend. That’s all I am to her.” 

“She doesn’t do anything but talk about and take care of you." He responds, with a voice tone that’s said he was more than frustrated. "She deserves to have a life outside of you.”

Chaeyoung’s jaw tightened as she felt a rush of guilt run through her body, of this she was aware off and that’s is exactly what she didn’t want Jennie to feel. “I agree with you. But I’m not forcing her to stay here. I didn’t ask her to, she chose to be here.”

"You're taking up all of her time and energy and attention and you say you know this yet you are not doing anything to stop it. How selfish can you be?” 

"I'm dying." Chaeyoung snapped. "You're the one who’s going to spend the rest of his life with her, but you're acting like an immature because she’s taking care of me? Because all of a sudden she’s not at your beck and call? Don’t you think that’s a little selfish on your part?" Chaeyoung couldn’t stop herself. “God you really don’t deserve her.”

At this he laughed. “Yet I’m the one she’s marrying, isn’t she?” he said leaning forward just a little more. “So it doesn’t matter what you think or feel because I’m the one she chose to be with, deserve has nothing to do with it.”

And that took all the fight out of her. Because he was right Jennie had chosen him and not her. "Is that why you wanted to talk? To rub it in?"

"If you're so worried about not hurting her, then maybe let her have some room to breathe. Let her get used to the idea of you not being around."

Chaeyoung’s chest started to burn, she didn’t know if it was from flowers or from anger, but just as she opened to respond she was interrupted.

"Hey!" And just like that his whole demeanor changed, his voice back to a friendlier one as he greeted her.

“Hi." Jennie greeted, looking between them "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just talking with Chae about the wedding."

Chaeyoung was still feeling the burning on her chest and she didn't have the energy to pretend she was okay as she usually did. So without even looking at Jennie, she stood up and went back to her room. The older girl was busy with her fiance anyways. She pretended to sleep when Jennie came in. As much as the blonde wanted Jennie to stay with her, she couldn’t.

Because at the end of the day he was right it didn’t matter what she wanted, what she felt, what she thought. Jennie had chosen him not Chaeyoung.

-----------------

Chaeyoung never actually went to sleep. After that fiasco. She stayed in in bed, her eyes teary, tired, in pain both emotionally and physically. She really needed Jisoo and Lisa back. She needed her family with her.

"Rosie." 

"Hey" She sniffled "what's up?"

"Jisoo and Lisa are on their way back." Jennie said. “Flight was ahead of schedule. Are you okay?” She asked seeing the younger girl’s demeanor, she was looking down at the sheets and her eyes seemed red like she was crying. 

Chaeyoung wasn't thinking straight, all she could hear was his words, all she could feel was the guilt. So she made a choice she needed to get away from Jennie, he was right, Jennie needed to start living her life without her. "I was thinking that umm… maybe you could go back with Kai from now on, now that Lisa and Jisoo are coming back, I mean. I know you were staying with him most of the time before this."

Jennie's head snapped up "What? why?" she asked almost desperate. 

"I was just thinking that maybe you need some time to yourself.You are probably tired of hearing me cough all the time. You've been taking care of me, and I am so thankful for that but I just don't want you to only focus on me. You deserve to focus on other things. And he’s just came back from his trip and you just got engaged, and maybe you should be focusing on that instead."

“What? Rosie I...” Jennie looked awfully confused and completely caught off guard  “Why would you...? Did he say something to you?”

"No." She answered quickly, maybe too quickly.

"Don't lie to me, Rosé."

Chaeyoung sighed and looked down at her sheets. "He's worried about you stressing over me and forgetting to take care of yourself. That’s all."

"Is that really what he meant? or is that what you're worried about and you're covering for him?"  The older girl said, jaw shut tight.

Chaeyoung stayed quiet and just that was enough confirmation for the other girl.

"God, what the ? This is ed up."

"Jen..."

Jennie straightened her spine and breathed in deeply.  "I'm gonna go talk to him."

Chaeyoung trailed behind Jennie as fast as her energy and health allowed her too. Following Jennie as she always did. 

"Jen it was just a suggestion."

"It's not about that anymore, Rosé."

She walked over to where he was in the living room while all Rosé could do was lean against the wall for support, too tired to even stand up straight.

“How can you be so selfish?”

"What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play stupid Kai, I know what you said Chaeyoung, how could you say that to her?”

“I’m just looking out for you and telling her truth how is that selfish!”

"If you don't understand why that's selfish, then you need to do some serious thinking." Jennie looked back at him unflinchingly, unafraid. While he towered over her taking steps closer to her.

“I mean it, Kai you need to go think about what you said and honestly I really can’t stand looking at you right now, so please leave..”

“Oh my God!” He exclaimed chuckling. “I’m always going to be second in line to her, aren’t I? It doesn’t matter if I’m the one who gave you the ring, she will always come first, isn’t she?”  Jennie’s lack of response was deafening and it seemed to be all the response Kai needed. “I can’t believe this. this is so ridiculous."

“Please leave, Kai.”

“I guess I’ve known from the start,” he sighed out, sounding defeated but somehow defensive. “I knew, I didn’t stand a chance. I mean how could I compete against her dying in front of you?”

“Get the hell out of my house.” she said fierce and firm. “And take your ring too.”

“I hope you get your together. I really do.” He said walking closer to him. “But if you don’t, I can’t say you won’t deserve it. You’re selfish, Jennie. Not me. You let people give and give and give you love, but what do we get in return? A broken promise? A lungful of flow...”

“Hey!” He got interrupted by Jisoo who stood in between him and Jennie, while Lisa ran to Chaeyoung’s side holding her up. 

“Are you okay?” Whispered Lisa, Chaeyoung sniffled and nodded weakly, leaning into her for support.

“That’s enough, Kai. Get the out.”  Jisoo said coldly, it was rare when the older of the group cursed but when you messed with her family all bets were off.

Kai looked around the room seeing everybody’s defensive stand, in that moment he knew he had lost, with a defeated sigh he crossed eyes with Chaeyoung and shook his head, before turning away and leaving.

“, Chae, your nose.” Lisa exclaimed, the blonde raised her hand to her nose to feel a wet substance on her nose. “Let’s get you sitted.”

Jisoo and Jennie turned quickly at Chaeyoung after hearing Lisa, Jennie and Lisa quickly but gently leading Chaeyoung to her bed, sitting her down, Jennie then gently pushed her head up, while Jisoo brought a clean towel.

“Guys can we uh...have some space please?” Jennie asked quietly. “We kinda need to talk.”

“Call us if you need anything.” Jisoo said. “I’m really happy to see you, Pasta.”

Jennie gently took the towel to her face to taking care her of nose, making sure her face was clean and that no more blood was coming out she looked down at the dirty towel. “You are getting worse.” She said quietly. And Chaeyoung couldn't help but notice that there was a strain in the line of Jennie’s jaw and a far away look in her eyes, like she was lost in her own head.

“Are you okay?”

Jennie snapped her head up to look at Chaeyoung. “Seriously?”

“He said some rough stuff," she shrugged. 

“I can’t believe he did that.”

“Jen...

"No! I can’t believe he said that. I mean, what kind of person only thinks about themselves when someone is sick and… God I can’t believe him.”

Chaeyoung then got surprised by the older girl launching at her and wrapping her arms around her. She grasped at the back of her shoulders, tangled her fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck. And all Chaeyoung could do was return the embrace with as much love as she could muster. This is it she thinks, this is when reality finally sets in, So jennie was heartbroken because Chaeyoung was heading down a path where nobody could follow. And the edge of the cliff was getting closer, she could feel it in her bones. But Chaeyoung promised to hold on as much as she could so she did.

“I dreamt I was too late.” Jennie whimpered out her eyes squeezed shut still shedding tears as she pulled away.

"What?"

“Last night, you were calling for me and you needed help and I didn’t make it in time, and I lost you.” She said sobbing “You needed me, and I didn’t make it.”

The blonde girl then pulls her back in again “Hey you’re here with me and I'm here.”

“But for how long? How long are you going to be with me?" Her voice cracked. "It’s like we’re just waiting on the time to be up, like you don’t even care that there’s a time limit.”

“That’s not true.”

“God, Chaeyoung, I don’t get it, Why are you so resigned about it? Why aren’t you fighting, why does it feel like you just accept the fact that you are gonna die, that you are leaving us, that you are leaving me?”

“Jennie, I…”

“Why are you so convinced that this person won't love you back?” The older girl continued, everything she had been feeling just coming out just like the flowers do, suddenly and uncontrollable. "Chaeyoung" she said, with a wobble to her chin and a waver to her voice. "When I told you that you're the best thing I’ve got, I wasn’t lying.” 

“Jennie...”

“Do you not understand how important you are to me? Do you not understand that I can’t sleep at night, because I’m scared that if I do I’ll wake up and you won’t be here?”

"Jennie, please" Chaeyoung tried to whisper again, gentle and aching. Her resolve was weakening. Those words getting closer and closer to the edge. She could feel them in the back of . Three words, eight letters.

"The only way you can be cured is to have your love returned, and I thought there was nothing I could do about that but I…” She paused their eyes connected, held one another in place.

'You let people give and give and give you love and what do we get in return? a broken promise?’

She looked to Chaeyoung with a newfound purpose, and the blonde was pretty sure her knees would’ve buckled had she been standing up. 

'A lungful of flowers.' 

"Rosie." She whispered “Is it me?”

And just like that Chaeyoung felt her lungs contract, with no air flowing in, she tried to cough, but there was a stabbing pain on her chest, her hand went to her chest, mouth opening and closing as if searching for air looking around desperately.

"Chaeyoung?" Jennie sat besides her on the bed  "Chaeyoung, look at me. What’s wrong?"

Chaeyoung shook her head her free hand reaching out and placing it on Jennie's forearm. “Can’t…” she struggled to say. “Breathe.”

“. Lisa! Jisoo!” She yelled. “Start the car we need to go to the hospital now!” 

Chaeyoung’s head throbbed with each new cough and gag, gasp and grunt, it got worse. She started coughing and petals started coming, more than she’d ever seen. She looked at the flowers in her lap. ‘Goodbye’ That was their meaning.  But it wasn’t right, because Chaeyoung wasn’t ready for goodbye, didn’t want to say goodbye. She needed more time. “I’m sorry,” She managed to choke out it felt like all of the oxygen had evaporated. There was none left and she couldn’t fight any longer. “I’m sorry.”  And just like that her vision went black. 

“Rosie!”