"You know, I read this article the other day that talked about the theory that for every choice you've made or circumstance you've been in, there’s an opposite universe where things play out differently?”

Chaeyoung hummed lightly in acknowledgement, continuing to swipe through instagram and continuing to act like she wasn’t super affected by Jennie’s leg pressing against her.

It has been a calm day, not coughing fits, not petals she managed to go to dance practice and vocal practice with the girls without problems. And now here they were laying around in their living room listen to Jisoo talk about parallel universes.

But Chaeyoung wasn't paying too much attention to her, in fact she’s found her attention has been non existent lately. Every idea and every thought eventually circling back to the fact that she was sick.

“I remember, unnie." Lisa said. 

"It makes sense though.” Jennie says. “What if there were things we had done differently in this universe. What if there were doors we didn’t walk through that put us in a different place. And what if...” 

Jennie pauses and looks at Chaeyoung briefly before anyone could notice she did, biting her lip she looks down where her hands are playing with a loose thread on her jeans. 

“What if...? You still with us Jendukie?” Asks Jisoo when the girl didn’t talk for a few seconds. This made the blonde look up from her phone towards the other girl seeing her hands fidgeting she took a hold of one of the older hands showing her support.

“Yeah.. I just got distracted for a second, my point is what if the other us in those other universes are happier or sadder than us, I don’t know...just made think. Like for example what If the other me had chosen to go to florida instead of following her dreams?” 

“Pretty sure you’d have been successful in whatever career you chose, Nini.” 

“No, I mean…” She shook her head and looked at Chaeyoung meeting her eyes. “What if I had never met you?” She looked away to look at the other girls. “How do you guys think that would be not knowing each other?”

Chaeyoung frowned the itch on coming back.

“Different for sure.” Said Lisa while playing with Leo.

“I don’t think it’d be fun.” Jennie says pouting. “I don’t think the other me would like it.”

“Technically you wouldn’t know we exist right?” Said Jisoo, and Chaeyoung has a hard time pretending to not be affected by that possibility. “You wouldn’t have anything to dislike.”

Chaeyoung in the meantime is engulfed in her own thoughts, she had thought about that before, living a life without Jennie, at to be honest it would be a crime not to. Jennie has been a constant in her life since she first came to Korea so the thought of there being a life without her, was just heartbreaking.

Later when Chaeyoung and Jennie were once again left alone in the living room, the blonde girl could tell her love’s mind was somewhere else.

“Are you still with me, Jen?” She ask softly as to not disturb the calmness of the night.

“Yeah.” She said smiling. “Just thinking about what Jisoo said you know?”

“What to talk about it?”

“It’s just…” The older girl sighed. “It’s stupid but...I’m happy you know, right now, with you...and the girls, I’m happier than I ever was and I don’t know got me thinking what if we lose it all in an instant.” 

“It’s not stupid, we all worked hard for this, the four of us gave up countless of things to be where we are and things went better than expected...I mean coachella, Jennie. We performed at Coachella.” She said excited and the older girl can help but smile in return.  “It’s hard to believe at times, but we need to believe the fact that we have earned this, Jen. You have earned this.”

She got a hold of both of Jennie’s hands to look at her straight in her eyes, “You deserve all of this, Jen. You worked hard for all that you have and it’s yours to keep.”

“Thanks, Rosie.” She whispered pulling the younger girl into a hug, her head resting on her shoulder and her arms around her waist. 

“I’ve got you, Jen. Always.” 

“Sometimes I think you are the best thing I could’ve gotten out of this whole thing.” Jennie admitted.

And once again the itch reappeared, making Chae swallow harshly a leafy taste appearing on . And it that moment the blonde though that maybe, just maybe she should tell her the truth.

That Jennie deserved to know, she won’t be able to keep her promise because Chaeyoung has her days counted, and if she was lying to herself she could swore in that moment that Jennie’s words and Jennie’s touch had to mean something more, and so maybe telling her wouldn’t be a bad idea.

But just as she was about to talk the older girl took a glance a the clock and hurried to get ready, Kai was waiting for her. After all there was a reason she was growing flowers in her lungs.

----------------

Chaeyoung is making her way to the elevator after practice when she feels the familiar tingle coming up . Somehow it feels like it’s coming ten times stronger so she runs to the bathroom and doesn’t stop until she’s finally in the bathroom filling the sink with petals and blood.

It’s been a month a half and it’s getting worse. It’s not just happening when she’s close to Jennie or when she is thinking about her, but even at random times like when she is minding her own business thinking about what to have for lunch. And she hates it, she hates the fact that Jennie has been dating Kai for more that a year and just now her body decides to give up on her even if her heart hasn’t.

She’s having trouble sleeping now and she doesn’t remember when was the last time she had a full night of sleep. The symptoms where getting harder to control and harder to bare. She knew she needed to go to the doctor, but being who she is how can she make an appointment without either the girls or their manager finding out?

Was dealing with this on her own smart? No.

Was she doing it anyways? Yes.

This was her burden to bare, no one else’s. For everybody else all that was wrong her was a simple cold and that’s it.

Chaeyoung’s in the middle of cleaning the flowers from the sink when the door creaks open and the young girl turns to see a worried Jennie stepping through. The blonde subtly wraps the paper towel in her hand, already used to the way her stomach fills with butterflies when their eyes make contact.

And God Jennie was so beautiful she had multiple sketching books filled with her portrait.

“I saw you run here, are you okay?” Jennie asks, worriedly.

In that moment watching the amount of care the brunette had in her eyes she found herself getting increasingly closer to saying it...

I love you.

She wanted to say whether it was softly or screaming it didn’t matter how, she just wanted to say them.

I love you.

But she couldn’t say them, she didn’t say them.

Once again, Chaeyoung clears and chokes back her cough. “I’m fine, just the cold acting up.” She said with a small smile.

“Are you sure?” Jennie asked not fully believing her. “You know you can tell me anything right?”

She can practically taste the petals on her tongue. And God did she wanted to say the words out loud, she wanted that freedom, wanted to be done with her situation, from the weight of loving someone like her. But by now she was used to not getting what she wanted. So she swallowed them down and instead she said…

“It’s nothing, unnie. I promise. I’ll just freshen up a bit and catch up with you at the van.”

“If you are sure.” Jennie says, sending her one last look before turning around and leaving. Chaeyoung watches her go. And as soon as the door is closed, she is back to coughing up yellow petals the sink.

--------------

Another two weeks pass when Chaeyoung gets the worst news of her life. 

She swallows down a petal that lingers annoyingly in the back of throat and thinks about her activities the day before; it mostly consisted of coughing and almost passing out. Which is the reason why the blonde is now laying on her bed while the rest of the girls are out having dinner with Kai. She could’ve gone if she wanted to, but she knew the coughing fits where bad enough that she wouldn’t be able to control them if she saw Kai and Jennie together.

She had just finished talked to Alice via facetime, so she got up to brush her teeth and get ready for bed when a message from Jisoo made her stop in her tracks.

Jisoo [10:05 p.m] Jennie is about to call you.

She knew something must be wrong, otherwise why would Jisoo warn her about Jennie calling or better yet why would Jennie be calling her if they are still having dinner. What was so important she couldn’t wait to tell her tomorrow morning?

Jisoo [10:05 p.m] Please just text me if you need to ok? Chae promise you will call me if you need me.

She coughs lightly and a shaky breath slipped quietly past her lips when she feels her phone vibrating before she could respond to Jisoo.

Wifey <3 Calling

“Hello?”

“Rosie, hi!” She hears Jennie breathy voice and her heart starts going crazy.

“Hey Jen, everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. Perfect even.” She confirms. “I wanted to wait ‘til we were home but I really needed to share the news with you asap.” 

There was a long pause and after hearing a bit of shuffling Jen finally shares the news that end up breaking her heart irreparably. 

“He proposed.”

Chaeyoung clears and chokes back her cough as that feeling tickles . Her body frozen.

“And I said yes.”

“I...wow…” She shook her head in disbelief.

“Jen” she breathed out, looking up at the ceiling. “That’s…” Heartbreaking. “Amazing. I’m… I’m happy for you.”

“I just didn’t expect it you know.”

“Yeah...um… listen Jennie I um… a bit sleepy so uh..I’ll make sure to give you a hug tomorrow morning okay and…” She paused clearing as the petals made their way up. “You can tell me everything alright?”

“Of course, Rosie. I’ll see you. Love you!”

“Love you too.” Was the last thing she managed to say before hanging up and making a run for the bathroom her knuckles turning white as she wraps her fingers around the porcelain and fills the sink with petals and blood.