After an incredibly long hiatus that rivals even Blackpink’s notoriously long breaks between musical releases, AFF fanfiction writer, jennieshark, has returned from doing time in the YGE dungeon (she got lost looking for the cafeteria), and then serving in the South Korean military (she got on the wrong bus), and then getting caught in a storm while paragliding and ending up in the DMZ, and eventually in North Korea, where she fell in love with a handsome but emotionally stunted soldier, and she helped him learn how to love and how to love capitalism.

In this exclusive interview with Jennie Kim and Roseanne Park of the K-pop supergroup, Blackpink, the duo clear the air after they come out, not only as openly gay idols, but also that they are dating.

Shark: Thank you so much for giving me this unprecedented opportunity.

Jennie: Thank you as well for giving us a chance to set the record straight.

Rosé: Hohoho, there’s nothing straight about the record. We’re here to set the record gay.

Jennie: Excuse her, she basically talks in memes. Jisoo talks in dad jokes, Lisa talks in hiphop, and yeah, this one, memes. I’m the only one in the group you can have a sober conversation with.

Shark: (nods out of fear of Jennie’s eyes) So you guys could have gone on any talk show or any magazine, publication or platform. Why me? Why AFF?

Jennie: I suppose we wanted our shippers to be the first to know about us. I mean, I guess they already know about us, but it might be nice to give confirmation that they’re not just clowns. 

Rosé: What else are they? Jugglers? Bearded ladies? Ooh, contortionists? 

Jennie: (ignores Rosé) We thought they’d be the happiest for us.

Rosé: The happiest girls. 

Jennie: We like to root for the little guy.

Rosé: It’s very relatable to her.

Jennie: (glares at Rosé) You done? 

Rosé: (kisses Jennie’s cheek and smiles innocently) Yes, ma’am.

Shark: (tries not to ogle the openly affectionate display) Okay, it sounds like you’re familiar with shipping. How do you feel about the irony of Chaennie being one of the least popular Blackpink ships? 

Rosé: I think it’s funny, but Jennie hates it. 

Jennie: (threateningly) You’re saying you don’t get jealous of Jenlisa? 

Rosé: Well…

Jennie: We love Lisa, obviously. She’s family to both of us, but some people (stares pointedly at Rosé) can get carried away with fan service.

Rosé: Hey, I’m not the one who’s always grinding on Lisa!

Jennie: I mean, I’m just saying Chaelisa is basically always making out, and that gives shippers a lot of material to work with. (casually trying to change the subject) But why don’t people ship Chaennie more? I know Rosie and I try to be discreet, but c’mon! We’re super cute! 

Shark: (nods seriously) You guys are extremely cute. Anyway, it’s also quite interesting to me that fan activity and support for Blackpink ships in general seem disproportionately low compared to other k-pop groups. I base this off the very scientific research method I used of comparing tag search results on AFF.

Chaennie: (nods seriously in unison like little chibi bobbleheads) Very scientific.

Shark: Um… but fans do say Chaennie is the softest ship.

Rosé: (in a fake whisper) Some parts of Jennie are very soft if you know what I mean (winks).

Shark: (flustered) I actually don’t even want to know what you mean, but back to the interview, it sounds like you guys get affected by public perception and opinion like with ships. Rosé, do you also get jealous and possessive with things like the more um… mature career moves Jennie has done lately, like her stint on The Idol or the Calvin Klein spreads?

Rosé: Heh, spreads. 

Jennie: Are you five?

Rosé: (smirks) You c