For E.Bear, who makes the future beautiful again.

TL;DR (Too Limerick; Didn’t Read)

Our Chaennie is blissfully wed

With “I do’s” valid until they’re dead

Their kids gone for the weekend

But Jen’s gone off the deep end

Acting like she has never been fed

“Is unnie taking the kids tonight?” Jennie Kim asked her leggy, blonde wife, otherwise known as Blackpink’s main vocalist and chipmunk extraordinaire. The rapper loved their children to death, but sometimes they caused that death to feel way too imminent. It wasn’t easy raising a six year old Jennie Kim lookalike who had the same endless curiosity as and even more energy than Roseanne Park, and a four year old mini Chaeyoung who was as surly and savage as Blackpink’s main rapper.

“Yeap, she’s picking them up from school, and then we have the whole weekend to ourselves! We are our own people again! Civilization has been reclaimed from the savage beasts! ytimes shall commence so hard!” Rosé crowed happily.

“, I need ytimes. , it feels so good to be able to say ‘’,” Jennie said with a dramatic groan. “Ice cream for dinner?”

The blonde nodded, and went off to grab a spoon, prompting Jennie to pull out a pint from the freezer. “Aren’t you happy Aly lives a block away and can help with the kids?”

“Yeah, but please tell me they’re not going to turn into tiny versions of her? She scares the crap outta me.” Jennie said with a shudder.

“Sorry, babe. Jennie Jr. is already shrieking ‘objection, your honour’ when I make him eat carrots.”

“Can you not call him that?” Jennie glared. She'd had enough of the ridiculous Park sisters, who seemed like angels to the rest of the world, but gave her endless grief by acting goon-like and more like children than her actual children. 

“How can I not? He’s practically a clone of you," Rosé answered innocently, taking the ice cream from her wife, digging in the spoon and offering the first spoonful to the grumpy brunette. 

“You know he’s your biological son, right?” Jennie said dryly, endlessly annoyed at how impossible it was to truly be annoyed with the blonde.

“He glares the exact same way you do," Rosé replied with a twinkle in her eyes, almost like she could read Jennie's mind. 

“Probably ‘cause we’re glaring at the same exasperating fool," the brunette said, finally relenting with an endeared smile, grabbing her wife by the shirt to pull her close and kiss her briefly before playfully pushing her away again. "Doesn’t he get embarrassed that you call him a girl’s name in public? Won’t he get bullied?”

“Have you met your son?? Ain’t nobody bullying that boy. And he doesn’t conform to any restrictive, oppressive gender norms.”

“Oh, I’m sure he said that.”

“He said nobody’s more badass than his Mama Jennie.”

Jennie flicked her wife’s ear.

“Owwww.”

“That’s for teaching our four year old to say ‘badass’.”

“I’m not like other moms, I’m a cool mom.”

“How the heck did I manage to end up bad cop and you're ridiculous dork cop? I used to be the party animal before we got married. You were the church girl.”

“Oh, babe, you don’t even know what goes on in Bible camp. Like one time-“

“Omg, please don’t tell me. I don’t want to know the erted things you did with other people.”

“Why do you assume it’s a thing? I could’ve burned down a house or something.”

Jennie raised an eyebrow. “Did you burn down a house?”

“No, it was a thing.”

*

Chaennie had been married since Blackpink’s Grammy-decorated second album, when the Australian proposed unexpectedly just before the album dropped, nonchalantly declaring, “Jennie, I can’t wait anymore. Whatever comes our way, I want you on my team. Don’t say no.”
 

Rosé had originally planned to propose at midnight, on the rooftop of the YG building, under the stars and above the glow of Hongdae's neon streets, and still surrounded by even more twinkling lights that Lisoo had strung around humming HVAC units. The Aussie would have had Kai, Kuma and Hank dressed in little black bow ties, she would slow dance with Jennie while she'd whisper-sing "Forever Young" in the rapper's ear including the whatta bum bum part to make the peevish brunette laugh. But before Rosé could put the plan into motion, Jennie had distracted her with her gorgeously fiery eyes and turbulent mood swings, and before she realized what she was doing, Park Chaeyoung was popping the question prematurely to the love of her life, like an overexcited whose cup runneth over at the first hint of coital possibility.

“Don’t say no to what?” the rapper snapped irritably. She was always stressed out before album releases, and she was annoyed because Rosé knew this and was usually distracting her from everything and comforting her anxiety with small but sweet gestures. Why was Roseanne Park pestering her at the worst possible moment?

“Will you marry me?” Rosé asked her livid girlfriend.

“Wait, what?” Jennie did a double take as the blonde pulled out a small, robin egg blue box, and popped the lid to reveal a ring with a rock the size of a microcountry and was probably worth more than its GDP.

“Don’t say no,” Rosé repeated sheepishly before the tiny brunette leapt into her arms, muttering, “You ing idiot, of course I’ll marry you.”

They were married after promotions ended in a small ceremony with only their family and closest friends. Lisa and Jisoo had insisted on singing a spirited rendition of Boyz II Men’s "I’ll Make Love To You" much to the chagrin of the Chaennie couple, and to Jennie’s endless ire, Lisoo had also slipped a CD of their greasy version on repeat into Chaennie's luggage as they flew off to the Maldives for their honeymoon. Rosé had been amused and had insisted on playing it, while proceeding to dig into their five tiered wedding cake that the Aussie insisted