Siwon stands in front of the door of Yesung’s hospital room and tries to find the strength to enter. He is holding many bags with gifts for Yesung and suddenly it feels stupid because what gift can mitigate his crimes? He can’t bring Yesung’s father or brother back to life. He can’t erase the pain he caused to Yesung. He can only grit his teeth and fight with it. And if he fights hard enough, then he can fix everything he did.

Siwon twisted the door knob and silently opened the door. Yesung is half asleep, there isn’t much he can do during the day. He usually spends some time with Heechul, eats and sleeps. Sleep isn’t pleasurable for him, he has nightmares almost every time he closes his eyes so a nurse or a doctor always gives him something to help him with falling into a dreamless slumber. Siwon takes few hesitant steps toward the bed and Yesung realized that someone is in the room with him. He quickly turns his head toward the door and his eyes widened. 

“Hi, Yesung.”

Siwon put the bags down and weakly smiles at his husband whose eyes are filling with tears. Siwon opens one of the bags and pulls out a stuffed white bunny. He sat it down on the bed next to Yesung and wants to take Yesung’s hand in his. However, Yesung flinched and quickly pulled his hand away from him. How can he trust Siwon?

Siwon sat down and nervously plays with his hands while Yesung stares at him.

“What about my brother and father, are you going to save them too?”

Siwon can see the hope in Yesung’s eyes and can’t withstand crushing it, but he can’t hide the truth.

“I am sorry Yesung … but no. They are .…they are dead.”

Tears filled Yesung’s eyes and he starts to sob. His bony body trembles and Siwon wants to soothe him, but Yesung flinched away again.

“How could you do that? You lied to me for so many years!”

Yesung is getting dangerously mad and grips the collar of Siwon’s shirt. He is crying and weakly shakes his husband. Siwon feels like the worst person in the entire long history. He wants to die and can’t believe that he thought everything will be okay, that they will continue in their happy life. Siwon tries to calm him down, but he isn’t lucky and after a while a nurse comes and gives sedatives to the hysteric man. Siwon left in hurry and broke down in his car. He is crying like a baby, snots and tears are running down his red face. It takes him a long time to calm down enough to drive. He drives home and then goes straight into the kitchen where he opened the fridge and grabs a bottle of vodka. He tossed the cap away and drained half of the bottle. His throat burns, his stomach protests, but his mind is becoming cloudy and that is good. The alcohol washed his guilt away, at least for a while. But how long can this work before it ruins Siwon?