She walked away that day. Wheein heart clenched tightly in fear as she watch Byul lying on their bed helplessly, receiving another IV drips. Seulgi said Byul hates hospital so Byul been receiving treatment at her penthouse. She didn’t really mention why.

Byul opened up about her past but she walked away. The older woman even on her knees when she explained herself.

She drew in a long breath, Wheein rest her head on Byul chest.

Byul . . . I am sorry. Please forgive me this time. Gripping Byul shirt tightly. Her eyes flooded with tears.

She break her own promised to Byul, saying she willing to wait and won't leave the woman. Her words just a bull now. Wheein continuously cursed herself. She can’t even forgive herself.

Regret. She hates herself more than anything else right now.

Thanks goodness Hye Jin secretary found Byul after she left. If not…

Wheein realize it now which it is way too late already, time that Byul need is not about Byul opened up about her past. But it's for Wheein to accept Byul past, present and future. It's for her to prepare her heart to loves the older woman at her best and at her worst. Cursing herself for her stupidity, now Byul facing the consequences.

She lived with Byul and she didn’t even know about Byul condition. She never really pay attention toward Byul. It's always Byul who turned to face her. It’s always her and it's never Wheein.

There’s a knock on the door stopping Wheein thoughts and Wheein sat up straight, it's Seulgi. She been helping Wheein a lot today. Wheein just found out that Seulgi is Byul psychiatrist.

‘She going to wake up soon … and it's going to be worst because her body and mind still at that time. Six years ago.’

Seulgi words feel like a knife stabbing her heart continuously. She felt a gentle squeeze on shoulder. Seulgi already standing beside her.

‘I thinks it's better if you wait out ...’

‘No!’ Wheein cut off Seulgi words. ‘I won't leave her again. Not anymore…’ gripping tightly on Byul right hand. She stared at Byul smooth face, it's so tranquil. Another things that she didn’t realize it before.

Do I really deserve to be with you, Moon Byul Yi?

That question keep popped up on Wheein mind today, did she really deserve the woman who willing to open her dark past? Did she deserve the woman love? Is she really the one for Byul?

…

 Eyes shot open, Byul sat up straight, both Wheein and Seulgi startled.

‘Byul..’ Wheein try to reach Byul but what happened next is shocking to Wheein. She never saw this side of Byul.

Byul break into cold sweat as she bring both her hand covering her ears. She keep her knees close to her chest. Shutting down her world. ‘Don’t touch me!’ she screamed, eyes closed tightly. Byul’s body trembling and its scared Wheein to death. She froze, afraid if she touch Byul it will worsen her condition.

Seulgi quickly opened her medical beg and start to take out a syringe. Wheein saw it and she knows, Seulgi will put Byul into sleep again. It's the only way.

‘I .. I’m sor .. sorry. Don’t, please. Don’t lea .. leave .. me.. don’t…’ her voice stuttered in fear.

Shaking her head immediately, ‘No Byul. I’m sorry, Byul please stop, I’m sorry. I won't leave you again Byul … I’m sorry’ Tears streaming down as she cover not to cry out load, there is nothing she can do, too scare to reach out for Byul. Scared if her action worsen Byul condition. She want to pull Byul into her arms. She want to heal those inner pain of Byul’s. Wish she could take Byul somewhere far, somewhere safe. She want to protect her.

She lower her gaze, couldn’t bear seeing Byul struggling anymore. It’s too hurt to see Byul like this.

It's entirely her fault. If only she didn’t walk away, and if only she willing to stay for couple of second. If …

‘Hold her down’ follow Seulgi command, Wheein use all her energy to pinned Byul down, ‘No! don’t! don’t!’ Byul screamed struggling against Wheein who try to pin her down and Seulgi inject the syringe with difficulty.

‘Don’t… don’t’ Byul slowly becoming calm again under medication and after that she fall asleep right away.

Wheein eyes burst into tears. ‘It’s my fault’ she bring her hands to her face pressing her eyes to prevent her from crying. She don’t deserve to cry at all. Byul been fighting a battle against herself that Wheein know nothing about and all of that because of her.

Seulgi sighed and hug Wheein. She patted Wheein back ‘Wheein, it's not your fault. You need to stay strong here. That is the only support we can give to her.’

 

Its night already, Wheein and Seulgi now sitting at living room.

‘Can I know?’ Wheein asked, she wanted to know everything about Byul right now. She can’t forgive herself if she makes another mistake after what just happened.

Seulgi opened a can of beer, it's a strong one. They need it for this kind of conversation. ‘About that I can’t really tell you about it. I hope you understand because Byul still my patient. I thinks it's better if she told you by herself. All I can say is human mind is very interesting Wheein. It’s all because of this thing. Trust. She been betray and ..’ Seulgi didn’t finish it and Wheein understand it anyway, this time it's Wheein herself that betray Byul.

‘Her condition getting worst after she became a neuro surgeon.’

Wheein lift her head, staring at Seulgi who open to continue.

‘After she experience her first OT accident. It was an accident, staff nurse failed to detect patient took aspirin before plus her parents didn’t mention it to Byul and it's already too late when Byul start the surgery. Byul blame it on herself.’ Seulgi sighed taking another sipped of beer. ‘That kid, she’s only fifteen years old… by weeks after that Byul getting worst. She start to have severe symptoms so she came to me. She can’t even look at medical equipment, by days she became more paranoid. So I suggested she take some rest. And she did. Forever. I kind of regret suggesting it. Surgeon is her dreams because she want to save someone life. That when she felt she is somebody but ... now I don’t know, she is happy with her company ... that’s all I know. About her past, ask her when she look more stable.’

Wheein gulped down her beer after Seulgi finished the story, swallowed hard the bitter liquid along with her sorrow and there’s nothing she can do about it. It’s her fault.

Both just stay silent like that drinking away the pain.

‘I hope you keep your promise this time’ Seulgi said firmly.

Wheein shrugged at Seulgi words. Guilty. She picked at her nails.

Seeing Wheein stay silent Seulgi continues ‘the necklace you wearing right now, Byul never took it off. Not even once. But she did it when she met you ...’ she pause smiling weakly at Wheein. ‘I never saw her like that before. Personally reserve a restaurant without asking her secretary, getting nervous in front of woman over a simple thing for the first time.’ Seulgi chuckled lightly as she recalled those cute memory of Byul.

‘I know it's hard for you too but please stay with her.’

Seulgi took a sharp breath ‘Go take vacation or something both of you. That CEO have private villa she build somewhere on earth.’

Another can of beer been open. Enjoying the silent as times passed by. Both lost in their own thoughts. 

‘Please kill me if I made another mistake.’

‘Then Byulie unnie would kill me after that.’ Seulgi place her hand on Wheein shoulder, the woman turned facing her. ‘You can do this Wheein, I think I better go now. It's getting late.’ Seulgi get up follow by Wheein.

‘Thanks Seulgi ... I owed you a lot today.’ She hugged Seulgi tightly.

‘I didn’t do much. She will be okay a bit once she awake after this. Before, she just still in shocked.’

Wheein nodded her head. Understand.

….

Slowly opening her eyes, it's heavy. Byul get up from the bed and have a glanced at wall clock. 7 am. The bedroom empty. Recent memory invaded her mind and her face hardened. They stop the drip so her left hand is free now.

Wheein, did she left?

Her head still hurts as hell, throbbing. Not to mention her right cheek, inside . It's still sting a bit.

She dragged her feet out of bedroom and she saw from upstairs, Wheein sleeping on the couch at their living room. She hesitate at first but she walk downstairs, making her way toward her fiancée.

There’s a couple of empty can of beer and one of them still in Wheein hand. She barely hold it.

It must be hard for her too.

Byul carefully remove the can from Wheein hand and slipped her hand under Wheein neck and behind her knees to lift her up in bridal style. It's hard because Byul body still weak but she still manage to do it. The puppy completely passed out.

Gently laid Wheein on their bed and cover her with comforter then she just sit there, staring at Wheein face.

You stay this time.

She clasped her hand, eyes on the floor. Don’t really sure what’s she been feeling right now, the young woman stay, she is happy of course but it's just complicated. Things change now.

She stay out of guilt or out of love?

…

Head throbbing like hell. dry. Shouldn’t have drink that much!

Realizing that she’s inside their room, Byul must lifted her up. Wait Byul?! Shoving away the comforter, she get out from the bed and searching for Byul. Wanted to call Byul out loud but didn’t really have a courage to do it.

Then she notice a piece of paper at high end table beside bed.

I have emergency board meeting. I’ll be home after lunch.

Right, stock must hit rock bottom after yesterday news. Now Wheein really want to run away… Byul condition is not that good and she already back to work.

….

‘Unnie, I don’t think the medication would help you that much… you are a doctor before and you take psychology too. I know by this time you knew the reason why it's happens unnie?’

Byul flinched at Seulgi question, wrapped her arms around herself. Loss of words. The main problems is herself, she still stuck at that time. She didn’t move forward at all. Inside her head, she still kneeling hoping for a clear reason why the people she loved always leave her. Doesn’t sure if she want an explanation from her dead parents or from that woman, Krystal.

Now it's getting worse because her mental state triggered back due to recent shocked. She’s traumatized.

Seulgi snapped her finger in front Byul face and it's bring her back to world.

‘I guess I am the main problem here.’ Byul let out a bitter laugh.

‘You locked yourself unnie and it's not a good thing at all. Take a break from all of this, go get some fresh air with Wheein.’

Hearing those name make Byul heart clenched more, she doesn’t sure if Wheein be able to look at her in the same way.

‘I think its Krystal. You know, the one who release yesterday news. She’s behind it.’

Seulgi eyeballs almost came out from her eyes socket, ‘What do mean by that?’

‘She’s here I guess, dunno what she want but … I don’t know anymore.’

‘How do you that’s her?’

‘Our old picture, no one else have it except us.’ a heavy sighed came out from Byul lips. It's such a headache thinking about all of this. The company, her grandma, Wheein’s family and now Krystal came back to cause another trouble in her life.

….

Hye Jin shook her head in disbelief, eyes staring at her best friend Jung Wheein.

Knowing the reason Hye Jin been looking at her like that Wheein rolled her eyes. ‘I know . . . I made a BIG mistake. It's only her past and I react like kid.’

Tapping her fingers on table still shaking her head while staring at Wheein. ‘I kind of mad at her too but..’ she pause ‘it's not like she cheat on you to walk away like that. She almost die yesterday’

Wheein threw her hands in the air to give up ‘Alright! I am the stupid one here. I admit that. But that is not the reason why I call you today.’

Hye Jin raise her brows but didn’t say anything so Wheein continue ‘She got a condition.’

‘Condition?’ Hye Jin brows drew together. ‘So she want you to do something for her then? She just can’t forgive right away …’

Wheein raise her index finger with a frowned face asking Hye Jin to stop her nonsense. ‘Not that kind of condition my dear friend! I’m talking about a medical condition here!’

Hye Jin rolled her eyes this time, she didn’t study medical so it's normal for her to thinks in that way ‘What’s it about her condition?’

Wheein leans her back against chair ‘PTSD and it's severe. It's not my area of expertise but it's won't be easy and I … already make it worst for her… I betray her too’ Wheein sighed massaging her temples.

‘She will get better, you have to stay strong for both of you. Byul need you the most right now and . . .’ Hye Jin set her palms flat on table leaning forward to Wheein, she doesn’t really know about PTSD but she know her best friend do love Byul. ‘Both of you need to thinks about present and future not past! Don’t dig up her past, it's a nightmare to her.’

Wheein rub her face with her hands hoping it would clear off her minds. ‘I know, I shouldn’t be curious about it.’

Both of them loss of word for a while.

‘Do you really think I’m the one for her?’ Wheein break the silent.

Placing her hands on Wheein hands ‘Of course you are, and it’s you guys who didn’t realize it’

‘How can you be so sure?’ Wheein expression dulled. She doesn’t sure about her heart anymore, all she wants is for Byul happiness. That is all she wants after what she witness last night. She been wonder if she the right one. What if there someone else better than her, what if she break Byul heart again?

‘Wheein . . . Byul try hard to make it work between both of you. Don’t you want it too?’

Her eyes swan with tears ‘I don’t deserve someone like her . . . I’m just,’

Hye Jin squeeze Wheein hands ‘Please stop Wheein … Doing this, it's only hurts both of you. She went straight to you yesterday.’

‘I love her Hye Jin, but I don’t know how to’ Wheein finally let out her deepest feeling. Tears streaming down.

‘You don’t have to do anything Wheein, just stay beside her. Byul, she need you the most.’

… 

Get out from the cab, Wheein dragged her feet toward elevator. Her thoughts filled with Hye Jin words.

Hye Jin rights, all I need to do is stay. I shouldn’t left like that yesterday.

Feeling a sudden pull at her right arm, forcing Wheein to stop her track and facing the person who pull her. A woman, taller than her. Black hairs down to her shoulder, wearing a blouse and a tight pants with a black blazer.

‘Do I know you miss?’ one of Wheein brow raise when the woman eyes fall on her necklace, Byul’s necklace.

‘She gave it to you huh?’ asked the woman sternly, her tone is ready to pick a fight here.

Making what the face, Wheein open ‘Do we know each other?’ still try to be polite.

The woman snorted, her eyes level with Wheein now. ‘I don’t know what kind of trick both of your family been playing just to raise the company stock but …’ she linger ‘it fall yesterday, so I suggest you call it off … the wedding. The timing just perfect.’

Snapped! Wheein clenched her jaw, ‘Excuse me?!’ she felt a flashed of irritation here.

‘You are a doctor here, a surgeon. A smart one. I’m sure you know who I am by now.’

Wheein grimaced, almost slap the woman but she choose to ignore the crazy person in front of her and turned around walking toward elevator.

‘You don’t know huh what really happened between us?’ Krystal question make Wheein stopped her track.

Krystal take a step closer ‘Look beauty, She. Moon Byul Yi. Cannot. Love. Without. Me.’ The woman pressed all her words at the end mocking Wheein while her right hand reach out to snatch Wheein’s necklace.

Shock with the woman attempt, Wheein quickly took a step back then there is Byul coming out of nowhere, stopping the woman hand, harshly grip and shove it away, Krystal winced in pain, her hand and her heart.

Wheein gulped. She don’t really want to witness or get involved in any fight today especially when Byul still unwell.

Rage overtook Byul. Gritting her teeth ‘If you ever! Approach her again after this! I swear to god Krys, I might do something I never had!’ her voice echoing the entire lobby as she shouted. He body tensed as anger ripped through her. Wheein quickly grab Byul right arm, scared if Byul start to get physical, the older woman already clenched her fist.

‘Byul, I’m fine … let’s go please…’ Wheein whispered behind Byul, trying to pull the older woman toward elevator. She can feel Byul stiffened her body, doesn’t want to move. ‘Byul please.’ Wheein begged, the look in Byul eyes toward the black hair woman who Byul call her krys make Wheein body shiver in fear, can’t really imagine how she gonna feel if Byul look at her in that way.

The gaze exchange between Byul and Krystal is so intense, both have different meaning behind it. Byul filled with rage while Krystal mix with tons of emotion, seeing Byul so protective toward someone for the first time, she felt dejected. Her pride shattered into pieces. Byul use to obey her, Byul kneel when she asked her to. Only to her.

Lightly tugged Byul jacket, ‘Byul please … just ignore her…’

Byul turn her body sideway, her eyes soften when she look at Wheein, ‘Wait upstairs.’ Lightly push Wheein.

‘No, please Byul. Just ignore her.’ Wheein tighten her grip on Byul arms. There is no way she going to leave Byul alone with this psycho woman.

Krystal heart twisted when she noticed Byul eyes, that woman never look at her that way before. It’s different. ‘Let’s go.’ Seeing Byul naturally intertwined their fingers, turned around and walk away ignoring Krystal who still staring at them.

‘I’m won't give up Byul! You going to crawling back at me, begging for me!!’

….

Both didn’t really say anything inside elevator, Wheein hold Byul hand tightly. She doesn’t want to let it go this time. Krystal last words still linger inside her head, saying Byul will crawling back at her.

‘Sit, I have something to tell you.’ Byul motion Wheein to sit beside her. Both of them need to clear this issue right now. Byul don’t want it to cause another harm to them. She wanted to end it.

Nervously playing with her necklace, eyes on Byul who pull the small drawer at coffee table. She taking out a couple of medicine bottle.

Wheein recognize it immediately, she knows what that medicine is for, PTSD. Depression. Anxiety.

 

Both stay silent for almost two minutes straight. Wheein eyes still on those medicine, she closed her eyes for a moment and open it again, ‘when?’

‘at my 20, six years ago … but the symptoms, its appear during my teenage days. At that time, my nightmare was the scene of my parent’s funeral.’ Hands clasped tightly. The past memories flashed inside her head.

Timidly squeezing Byul hand, Wheein wants to take the pain away from Byul, it's must be hard for Byul to suffer PTSD symptoms at such a young age without knowing that’s a disease. A mental illness. ‘Byul, you don’t have to tell me. I know I … I left you. I made a mistake and I’m really sorry about that,’ … ‘But I won't do the same mistake, I’ll sta’

‘Wheein …’ gently caress Wheein cheek with her thumbs. ‘You need to know, hear me out first. Okay?’

Hesitate, what if Byul having another attack. ‘I can ask Seulgi if you allow me to. I don’t want you to remember your past just to tell me about it.’

‘No love, I want to tell you by myself, trust me I’ll be fine. Okay?’

Wheein sighed, there’s nothing she can do, ‘Okay….’

Byul shift her position facing Wheein. ‘Hmm let’s start during my college life … I’m just a normal student during my first year at Harvard. Just 18 at that time, the problem came next year, my second year. I went to club and started to drink at age of 19, house party and else. Fool around, sleep around and I met her. Krystal’ …. ‘Somehow I end up with her, we’re not like together actually at first. I became her slave or whatever it is she called. She asked me to stop sleeping around and just be hers and I did.’ Byul let out a bitter laugh. ‘We been like that for more than a year, at first I thought she want me just to be with her because of love so I told her I want stopped all of that, saying that both of us could make it if we start fresh. A healthy relationship. I started to believe in love at that time.’

‘She hates it?’ Wheein take a guess.

‘No, she agreed. At first. Few months past, she started to pick a fight. Started to point out my mistake heavily and blame everything on me. Saying I still sleep around when I don’t. We fight almost every day but I dunno I don’t want to give up. She make me open my heart to someone for the first time. Then she’s grad and she asked me to let her go. She want to end our relationship..’ tighten the gripped on Wheein hand. ‘That’s when it's happened. I begged for her love that day, on my knees. But she left, she didn’t even consider me as human I think, saying I cannot love at the end. That traumatized my mind I guess.’ trying hard to hold her tears.

Wheein pull Byul into her arms, her tears fall on her cheek. Shaking her head, ‘No Byul, everyone deserve to love including you and I’m going to make it happen Byul. Trust me.’ She kiss Byul forehead and stay there for a moment.

Pulling away, holding both Wheein forearms. ‘Wheein it's impossible for us.’

Furiously shaking her head, ‘No! Byul! I said no!’ half screaming, don’t know when but her hands already grabbing Byul’s collar shirt pulling the older woman closer for a frustrated kiss. Lips crush brutally against each other.

Byul gasped, shocked with Wheein bold action. The kiss was desperate, it took Byul a second before she return the kiss in more sweet manners. She’s leading the kiss now. Hands snaking around Wheein waist pulling the young woman into her arms.

Wheein hands tremble as she reach out for Byul belt, desperately undone it and pull it out before move her hand to pull out Byul shirt and slipped her hand underneath to feel Byul warmth. She missed those feeling. Warmth. Byul’s warmth.

Byul body started to tremble, those nightmare flashed inside her mind again the moment Wheein warm hand make a contact with her skin. Breathing hard trying to control her mind, trying hard to push it away but she lost. Eyes shot opened.

Pushing Wheein harshly that the young woman fall on couch on her back. Byul start to back away, with one hand raise up to the air motion Wheein not to come close, shut her eyes tightly. Right hand press against her left chest.

‘Byul. I’m sorry I forgot.’ Cursing herself for forgetting Byul condition, she froze at her spot. Can’t really do anything knowing that if she go further it will worsen Byul condition.

She can’t hear so see anything at the moment, Byul lost in her own nightmare. She’s scared, ‘Wheein..’ calling for help desperately, fall on her knees. She is inside her own world, the world that only Byul and her nightmare exist. The world that her own mind created as a defence system toward her, that’s system now eating her alive.

Wheein carefully approach Byul but she stop her track when Byul sudden screaming her name asking her not to leave.

What is it? She’s right in front of Byul. An episode??

‘Wheein!! Please don’t leave me…’ her voice crack as she cry. Those voice invade her mind again. Mocking her. Mouth continuously mutter Wheein name.

Shocked, Wheein quickly hugs Byul trying to calm the older woman, whispering she won't go anywhere but it's seem like Byul can’t hear it at all.

Both crying, cupping Byul cheeks, Wheein look deep into Byul eyes praying that Byul will be okay ‘Byul I’m sorry ... please stop ... please … Byul.’

---

Another chapter up. i want to end it with 10 chapter only so i'm going to rush things up a bit after this.

ps : thanks for the comments, subcribes and upvote guys. feel free to point out if you notice a mistake, it help me to improve my writitng.

Love and Peace out!!! ^.^